Author/Underhill's Note: Oh dear god it's chapter 22. This took forever, and part of that is it's a little longer, the other is that I keep falling asleep. But I promised myself I would post this before work, so here it is! It's... not edited. Oh god. DISCLAIMERS. I seriously loooove you reviewers! And OMG I HAVE TEN MINUTES TO GET READY OH MAN so, please review and whatnot, and I hope this doesn't suck too much NOW PANIC OMG WHERE ARE MY SHOES?!

March 4, Axis Mundi, Heaven

Sam "wakes up" lying on wet asphalt. Bright light lies almost tangibly on top of him, and he rolls over to find the bright lights of the Impala's headlights resting on him. What the hell?

He pushes his feet under him and looks around. He's on a road, forest on either side, everything around him pitch black except for the moon shining almost psychedelic like in the sky. To the side of him is a house, looking strangely familiar, and he takes a step towards it until he hears a crackling on the radio.

"Sam?" It's faint, but that voice definitely belongs to Cas, and it's definitely coming from inside the car. He approaches, leans through the window. The radio has come to life.

"Cas?"

"Yeah, it's me."

Sam knows he's supposed to say something smart here, some witticism like Dean would, but frankly he's still reeling from the fact that he was SHOT, and shit, was he really shot? It comes to him almost too fast.

"I'm dead."

"Yes. Condolences."

"Where am I?" He opens the door and climbs in; it's cold out there.

"Heaven."

"…How did I get to Heaven?" Cas sighs but Sam thinks it's a totally legitimate question.

"Please, listen. This spell, this connection, it's difficult to maintain. Tell me what you see."

"Uh, the dash. I'm in the Impala. There's a road, and this house that I swear I've seen before."

"Alright. A road. For you it's a road. Follow it."

"What about the house?" Sam asks, looking longingly over at the two-story.

"Sam, ignore it. They're just memories, you need to follow the road - - "

The radio dies.

"Well," Sam says. He stares through the windshield at the road, all blackness, then he stares out the side window at the house, which is bright, inviting…

He opens the door and heads for the house. He just wants to check it out, he tells himself. He'll follow the road once he figures out where he knows this place from, because it is bugging the crap out of him.

He opens the door without knocking, then stops dead.

"So, Sam. I hear you're new to McKinley."

Oh fuck, Sam thinks. Because he knows this. This is Thanksgiving dinner at Stephanie Something's house, when he was what, eleven? Why is he here?

"Memories," he breathes. That's what Cas said. Memories. You always heard about how when you bit the dust your life flashes before your eyes, but he didn't Heaven would simply be reliving your greatest hits. The idea of an eternity of this is a relaxing, stressless thought, but so, so disappointing.

He wants to sit down - - God, he wants to sit down - - but it doesn't feel right, somehow. Cas says he needs to follow the road. And God, why is this his first memory in Heaven? Why not something more meaningful?

There's a loud rumbling outside, and Sam goes to the window. A picture breaks, but Stephanie's family doesn't notice, just keep eating like they're in some sort of loop. Then there's a bright light, and Sam drops.

"Fuck." Alright, enough screwing around. When it passes, he goes to the radio. He hits it a few times. "Cas?"

The TV flickers and Cas's face appears.

"I can hear you."

Sam approaches, and the picture rolls. It's more static than not.

"Cas, so, hey! I was y'know, going to follow the road, but, uh… Anyways, there's this light..."

"Don't go into the light."

Sam doesn't laugh, but it's a close call.

"It's Zachariah. He's searching for you."

"And if he finds me?"

Cas explains, and Sam doesn't understand why it's a bad thing. He gets the feeling Cas wants to punch him through the television.

" - - You need to find an angel. His name is Joshua. He's impartial in this war. He may be able to help you escape."

"Why can't you just zap me back?"

Cas appears to struggle with himself, anger and annoyance turning to resignation. "I can't. I don't have the power to pull you from Heaven." Sam gapes. Bobby's right; Cas is Falling fast.

"What's so special about this road?" he asks, changing the subject. He has a feeling time is of the essence here.

"It's called the Axis Mundi." Sounds vaguely familiar. "It's a path that runs through Heaven. Different persons see it as different things. For you, it's two-lane asphalt."

"Why?"

Cas looks pained. "Because this isn't just your Heaven. You share it with Dean, even if he isn't here with you. You're going to see some things, memories that don't belong to you." Does Cas look… envious? "Just ignore them. Follow the road to the Garden. You'll find Joshua there."

The TV image rolls again, and Cas's face is replaced by static. "The Garden. Hurry." The television goes black.

The first memory of Dean's is eye-opening. Seeing Dean with his mother, and seeing how Dean, even as a child, took care of his family, is just… Sam doesn't know.

He goes through several more of his own memories next, Flagstaff, meeting Jess, getting and subsequently hiding his acceptance letter to Stanford, and finally realizes: none of his 'greatest hits' include Dean. Not a one. Where Dean's memory has included family (Dean and Sam on the 4th of July, Dean proudly watching Sam's high school graduation), Sam's memories are of himself. When he lands in the memory of that night, the night he left, Sam leans over and is sick. What would Dean think of him if he were here now?

It's this pause that allows Zach to find him.

March 4, 11 AM, California

Dean feels as if he's spent his life in nothing but greasy diners and cheap motel rooms. So this, sitting across a nice table in a decent restaurant (but only one set of utensils, because Dean draws a line) from prospective "clients" is a nice change of pace. It's hard to remember sometimes that this is his life now, sitting next to Bela with their pinkies locked under the table.

"Reid, was it?" Bela asks the boy. He's leaning forward with his hands clasped, the picture of earnestness while his sister absentmindedly tears up sugar packets and looks out the window. They're nervous, both of them, but the kid seems to be handling it better. And yes, kid, because damn, Dean thinks, he can't be more than seventeen years old.

"Yes, and this is my sister Raina."

"Nice to officially meet you, Reid," she says, reaching across the table to shake his hand. Seeing that Raina is in no shape to interact, Bela passes over her. "Now, you told my associate here that you had a Hunter on your trail?"

"Yeah. Look, I know I'm… not normal. I get that. But I don't think I should have to die for it, right?"

"What are you, anyway?" Dean asks.

"Tact, Dean," Bela tsks, but doesn't retract the question.

"Uh, I guess you'd call us Shapeshifters?"

"…Allergic to silver, shed your skin all creepy-like?"

"Dean!" Bela admonishes.

Reid makes a face. "Oh man, you have no idea. It is the grossest feeling thing ever. And the clean-up, man!"

Bela looks between them. "Hopeless," she mutters. "The both of you."

"So how'd he locate you? If you're not shifting." Dean continues the conversation now.

"He's been tracking us for a while. Like, since our mom died. She, uh… wasn't one of the good guys."

"But we aren't defined by our parents," Dean tells him, because looking at the kid's face, Reid needs to hear it.

He looks relieved. "Yeah. It was like two years ago. Raina came and got me, and we moved. Like, REALLY far away. And it was okay for a while, but apparently the guy tracked us here."

"I don't know what to do," Raina says quietly, her first words since they've sat down.

"You didn't try changing your names? Fake I.D.s?"

Raina scoffs. "How would we know how to make those? We're not CRIMINALS." And it's true. They'd looked into their history, their financials, everything, and aside from their mom (string of robberies, two suspected homicides), they came up clean.

Dean is loving the fact that out of Bela, him, and the shape shifters? The shape shifters are the more law-abiding ones.

Bela opens up her pocket book. She pulls out what looks like five grand and one of their business cards. She takes out a pen and starts writing on the back of the card.

"I'm going to give you an e-mail address for a friend of mine, and she's going to set you up with new identities. New names, new SSNs, and I suggest you change your appearances and keep them that way, at least for a few years. She'll also get you a house, a place in a good school, and an interview for Raina here." When she's done, she slides the card across the table towards Reid. She slides the five grand to Raina, and watches her expectantly. It has the desired effect - - Raina 'wakes up.'

"Seriously?" she asks. "Why would you do this?"

Bela shrugs, a foreign gesture on her. "Because we can. And because you need it."

Raina doesn't question any farther than that. She takes Reid by the shoulder and hauls him up. Reid stutters an apology/thank you as his sister drags him out. At the door, Raina pauses. She meets Bela's eyes and nods. Then they're gone.

Bela breathes a sigh of relief. "I hope they let us help."

"Did you give him Liselle's e-mail address?" Bela nods. "Whatever happened to her, by the way? Wasn't she supposed to track down the Voice's vessel?"

"She says it's turning out a bit trickier than anticipated. It's possible the vessel dropped out in the middle of nowhere, and no one's noticed yet. Have you heard from it again?"

"Nah, he's mysteriously quiet for once." Dean doesn't mention that his nightmares have gotten worse in the interim, because Bela always knows when he's dreaming.

They fall into silence - - Dean trying not to think about what he sees when he's sleeping, and Bela trying to think of something to say to make it better. She settles on lifting his hand to the table and gripping it tight. She flips the menu in front of her open.

"Well. Let's see what kind of pie this place has, shall we?"

Ash can travel between people's heavens, can rescue Sam, but all Ash can tell him is that there's been a lot of loud chatter lately - - Heaven is in disorder.

"What KIND of disorder, Ash?" he'd asked, but Ash hadn't had an answer. Instead, he'd sent him through a door, the 'All Access Pass to the Magic Kingdom.' He's a little shocked and more than a little disoriented by where he ends up.

It's Bobby's house, the night before Carthage. Sam is shocked, because for the life of him he can't think of a single good thing about this night. It was a prelude to the worst day of his life, because it was the last day of Dean's.

He's watching himself sitting across from his brother, who's checking Jo out as she walks to the next room.

"Boy, talk about stupid ideas," Sam whisper-shadows memory-him.

Dean takes a swig of beer. "Good God. True, that." Sam watches as memory-Dean walks out and decides to follow him. He should leave the memory, keep following the road, but it's DEAN.

He watches Jo shoot Dean down and smiles. Good for her. Sometimes Dean needs to be knocked down a peg or two. Or needed to be. He grimaces.

Memory-Dean walks outside into Bobby's junkyard and leans against the trunk of the Impala. Real Sam leans next to him and tries to pretend that this is real, that he is part of this memory. It's for this reason that memory-Cas's sudden appearance makes him jump.

"Dean."

Dean's still looking at the stars, but he does acknowledge the angel with a soft, "Cas." Sam didn't know about this. He thought Cas was in the house the entire time. "What is it, Cas?" Dean snaps.

Memory-Cas has a confused look on his face. Like he's trying to decide something.

"I am wondering why you are out here away from the others?" the angel settles on.

Memory-Dean huffs. "Kind of depressing in there, don't you think? Last night on earth and all."

"But…"

"Yeah, Cas?"

"You just propositioned Ms. Harvelle with that same line," memory-Cas says, and at memory-Dean's dumbfounded expression Sam bursts out laughing. Neither notice. "Isn't the act of sexual intercourse supposed to be a joyous one?"

Sam is still laughing, doubled over now.

"Uh, yeah, sometimes. Sometimes… Sometimes it's just for fun, and sometimes, it's… Sometimes it's for saying goodbye."

…Now where is this going?

There's a snap of fingers.

"I think that's enough of that, don't you?" Zachariah says. Sam freezes. Well, fuck, he thinks. Trying to focus on a way out of a decidedly shitty situation, Sam forgets all about Dean's memory.

March 4, 3 PM, Montana

Adam's Uncle Mike, the one who taught him how to shoot, has an old cabin in Montana. He rarely uses it now, but when Adam was young he'd taken his family there for a week every summer, and sometimes Adam and his mother would tag along. Adam figures this is the perfect place to get his bearings, figure out just what the hell to do. It doesn't hurt that he knows where the spare key is hidden.

He knows he can't stay for long (Is two days pushing it? Exactly how long did L mean?), but at the moment he's just trying to get his head together. Since he landed in John's storage, he hasn't heard from L - - not once.

He drops his head in his hands. Not long ago he was dead, and now he's alive. He knows he should be grateful, he really does. But he can't stop thinking about his fifth birthday, chocolate cake, and his mother smiling.

Time: Irrelevant, Heaven, The Garden

…This place, Sam thinks, looks exactly like where he took that one field trip as a kid. "This is Heaven's Garden?" he mutters. Man, for such a buildup, it sure is a letdown.

"You see what you want to here." Sam jumps at the sudden appearance of a man. "For some it's God's throne room, for others it's Eden. For you, I believe it's the Cleveland Botanical Gardens. You came here on a field trip."

Sam nods. Cleveland. Okay, yeah, he does remember this. Several grades went, and Dean told Sam he only went to keep an eye on him. Sam, however, suspects it had more to do with the flowers. Anyway, Dean ended up lighting a small fire; they left town not long after.

"You're Joshua," he observes, because who else could this guy be?

He nods. "I'm Joshua, the Gardener."

"So, uh, a friend told me you could get me home."

"A friend, eh? It wouldn't happen to be Castiel, would it?" At Sam's lack of response, he nods. "I thought so. Good to see one so generous as him forming relationships; making friends as you would say. Now, don't look so wary, Sam. I'm not going to hurt you; I just trim the hedges. You should trust 'Cas'. 'Cas'. I like that by the way."

"Yeah, well, no offense, but I have bad experiences with angels."

"Ah, Zachariah. Of course. But I am not him. In fact, I used to walk among you, once," he says.

"When?" Sam asks, because he definitely doesn't recognize this guy.

Joshua smiles. "A long time ago, to be sure. I'm surprised though that your friend didn't ask me to speak on your behalf."

"Speak to who?"

Joshua looks a little surprised. "He didn't tell you? I speak to God. Well, mostly, he talks to me."

Sam's mind spins. Joshua is an angel that (talks to God), and Castiel didn't think that was worth MENTIONING?

"That's… that's great! Can you get him a message for - - "

"Actually," Joshua interrupts. "He has a message for you. Back off."

"What?"

"He knows already. Everything you want to tell him."

"But…"

"He knows what the angels are doing. He knows that the Apocalypse has begun. He just doesn't think it's his problem."

Sam is stunned. "Not his problem?"

"God saved you already," the angel explains. "He put you on that plane. He brought back Castiel. He granted you salvation in heaven. And after everything you've done too. It's more than he's intervened in a long time. He's finished."

"But he can stop it! He can stop all of it!"

"I suppose he could, but he won't."

"Why not?!"

Joshua shrugs. "Why does he allow evil in the first place? You could drive yourself nuts asking questions like that."

"He's just going to sit back and watch the world burn," Sam says. It's not even a question, because after everything, after having lost Dean, after maybe losing Bobby now even if he's still technically there, there's no question. God's just another dead-beat dad.

"I'm sorry, Sam."

Sam doesn't respond. He looks up at through the conservatory skylights and blinks because he is so not crying because if he were crying Dean would call him Samantha and never let him forget it.

"If it's any consolation - - " Sam snorts, because whatever it is won't be. " - - I'm rooting for you. I wish I could help you more, but… I just trim the hedges." Pause. "You may not want to give up hope yet, though, Sam."

"Why's that?" Sam chokes, still not crying goddamnit.

He can HEAR the coy smile on Joshua's face even if he's not looking. "The hedges, Sam. Just the hedges." And Sam is gone.

Sam sits bolt upright with a sharp intake of breath into his lungs. ALIVE.

He's gotta… he's gotta call someone. Bobby. Cas. Rufus…No, wait, not Rufus, Rufus'll shoot him if he calls for anything less than an immediate emergency (like zombies, or killer cupids).

He hits speed dial. Cas it is.

March 4, 8 PM, Sioux Falls, South Dakota

Cas is passed out, sitting up on the couch with his head leaned back. Bobby snorts.

"Damn idjit," he mutters, because that's what the boy is, he thinks. Pushed himself too hard talking to Sam up in Heaven with too little strength, and now he's out cold and looking like death. Logically, he knows it was the only option they had, but the illogical, still-pissed-off-at-Sam part of him is annoyed that the younger Hunter has made the angel that much weaker. Cas is like another son to him. He has no idea when that happened, but it has.

He hears Cas's phone ring and grabs it off the coffee table. It's Sam. He flips the phone open, growls, "He's fine," and then hangs up. If Sam has other questions, well, he can wait till tomorrow.

March 6, 9 PM, Sioux Falls, South Dakota

Sam and Cas meet at a diner in town. The angel lets Bobby know where's he's going, and Bobby knows who with. Sam doesn't ask why they don't meet at the older Hunter's house because he knows; he still makes the puppy dog eyes which used to work so well on Dean, like he can convince Cas to take him anyway. It doesn't work.

Sam is giving him the rundown of events when Cas interrupts him.

"…What memories of his did you see?" Cas's voice is careful, measured, like he's almost afraid of something.

"Huh?" He puts his coffee down. "Oh. Uh, him and my mom as a kid. My graduation, which is weird because I had no idea he was even there. Us lighting this field on fire on the Fourth of July. And then Bobby's place; the night before Carthage, weirdly."

Cas twitches. "What - - what happened?"

"He tried to hook up with Jo, but she shot him down. The two of you started talking outside, then Zachariah interrupted."

Cas's mouth opens and closes, his hands shake. "Did you hear all of it?"

Sam is puzzled. He wants to place a steadying hand on Cas's shoulder (the angel looks like he's about to pass out), but gets the feeling it's a bad idea. "Just you asking Dean awkward sex questions. Zach showed up before it got very far, thank God. I really did not want to listen to Dean give you his version of 'the talk'."

Cas lets out a broken breath. "Oh. Yes. That. He was very… informative."

"Yeah, with all the experience he has, I bet he was," Sam laughs. He loved his brother, but he was a bit of a man-whore.

Cas frowns, as if he hears exactly what Sam is thinking (which Sam finds unnerving). "You should not be so judgmental, Sam. People love in different ways."

Sam rolls his eyes. "That's not love, Cas, that's sleeping around."

"It's forming human connections," Cas corrects. "It's important. Just because he interacted differently than you, doesn't make his way wrong."

Sam decides to give up. It's not worth arguing with him, like it wasn't worth arguing the point with Dean. He might as well get back to the story.

When he starts back in, Cas is glaring at him.