AN ~ this chapter is quite fluffy...awww...but it's at the higher end of the T rating. Reviews are very much loved and welcome! The Wedding is coming up v soon!

Disclaimer: Breaking Dawn is not mine...although, I spent the whole book narrowing down who was going to die (or almost die) at the end. It was totally setting up a death! Did anyone else get that? I mean with lines like "I tried to visualise the Cullen family without their creator, their center and their guide - their father, Carlisle. I couldn't see it." and characters like Stephan and Vladimir...anyone?

Chapter Forty Eight: Birds, Bees and Butterflies

Carlisle:

I was reading in my office late one night when Edward quietly knocked on my door and walked in, looking nervous and quite embarrassed.

What is it, Edward? I inquired.

"It's hard to explain…" he started. "Well, actually, it's not really, but it just feels kind of strange to be coming…to you…about…this." He forced himself to take deep, soothing breaths.

"Start at the beginning, Edward."

"The beginning? Um…okay…well, when I made that deal with Bella – about marriage and transformation - she agreed but, uh, she put a…condition on it."

"Oh." I managed a slow nod, realising why Edward looked so frightened. "While she's human?" I asked.

He nodded.

"Well…you shouldn't hurt her, so long as you're careful."

"Hurt her?" Edward repeated bleakly.

"Physical love is not something to be taken lightly, Edward. For one thing, for me at least, it is eternally sacred, and for another – in your case – Bella will be the weaker party. You have the control level to be safe about it, I have faith in that, but you need to be…prepared."

A dimly lit room, smelling of candles and roses and so much more...Esme quivered as I ran a finger along the neckline of her delicate shift, making the flimsy material dance around her curves. Her fingers tightened their grip on the blankets either side of us. And to think I had thought we wouldn't need a bed...

"Carlisle…Bella's not indestructible," Edward reminded me.

"Neither was Esme, really…physically, sure, but Charles left mental scars on her that were only beginning to heal. I wasn't worried for myself, though Esme was still quite new so neither of us knew how she'd react," I explained, forcing myself to look straight at Edward. "I was worried I would hurt her. She put a lot of trust in me that night…more than I deserved. She trembled the first time I touched her like that, but she didn't ask me to stop. So I didn't."

A low growl rumbled in my throat as I tore Esme's torturously thin nightgown away with one swift tug. She jumped as the rush of air stung her desirous senses. Still she opened her mouth to mine when I pressed my lips to hers.

For a moment, Edward looked shocked: I always treated Esme with upmost respect. It was so bizarrely out of character for me to act on my own impulsive desires, especially when doing so could potentially have torn her healing heart to pieces.

I smiled ruefully, almost hearing these thoughts in his head.

"Physical desire is an overwhelming thing," I explained. "People say love is the most powerful emotion, but they're wrong: it is the strongest, certainly, and in my opinion the most valuable, but lust is infinitely more powerful. Lust can drive a person to madness, to murder, in a much shorter time span than real love. In all my years I have never felt anything like it. If you let it, it can change you in permanent ways…but you don't need to worry about that part; Bella has already brought you profound change."

I smiled happily now, the seriousness of the topic seeming to wash away when the crease of concern disappeared from between Edward's eyes, replaced with the quiet joy that Bella gives him.

"That. That sparkle in your eye when you think about her; that is your change, Edward. Every time you look at her, for the rest of your life, this is how you'll feel. Esme and I have been waiting for this, ever since we discovered each other. You deserve it, son."

"But what if I get carried away?" Edward asked, the crease returning.

With a surge of desire or bravery, maybe both - I was in no state to tell - Esme pried her fingers loose from the blankets at last. She knotted the fingers of one hand into my hair and, with the other, tore my shirt away from my body. All this without once removing her lips from mine. She made short work of the rest of my clothing too, and it was safe to say that control of the situation was back in balance.

"You won't, if you listen to Bella. That's my advice: listen to her, stop when she asks. Esme told me that it was easier for her because I let her keep up with me. I listened, I worked around her. She says what Charles did to her and what I did with her were completely different acts…entirely separate entities. Because I didn't just want her, I desired her and I loved her, and that, she says, makes all the difference. That is the most important thing: focus on how much you love Bella, and the physicalities will work themselves out. Trust me."

"If you want me to stop-" I tried to offer as Esme pulled me over her.

"Shh." It was somewhere between a murmur and a snarl. "Love me, Carlisle..."

"God, do you mind?" Edward shut his eyes. I began to sing La Marseillaise very loudly in my head, hopefully blocking him from the rest of that memory. Just in case, I started counting backwards from a thousand in Arabic as well.

Edward looked very confused, unsure of what to make of my advice.

"Thanks," he said after a moment's hesitation. He still didn't seem entirely reassured as he stalked out of my office, muttering to himself, trying to work something out. Apparently, I had not helped very much.

"No, no," he objected. "You've helped a lot. I just need to work some things out for myself."

And though I had known it for many years, the realisation hit me all over again: Edward; my son, my first real companion…he was, as paradoxical as it sounds, growing up.

Esme:

"Have a good night," Renee farewelled. "Tell Alice I can't wait to see that dress! Why couldn't she come today, if you don't mind me asking? It's unusual for her to miss a session, especially this close to the big day - tomorrow, can you believe it?"

She and I both sighed dreamily, losing the track of conversation for a moment before my sense returned.

"She was out shopping with Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper," I explained. Rose and Alice were actually hunting, and had dragged the boys along - presumably to interrogate them about their supposedly 'innocent' bachelor party, which Carlisle had wisely opted out of - but I didn't doubt Alice would have found the need to tack an emergency shopping trip onto the end. "I'll let her know though. Now, get a good sleep. You need to be up bright and early tomorrow!"

Renee laughed and trudged back up the stairs, waving to me one last time before disappearing inside her room. After her first night in Forks, at our place, Renee had taken a room in a hotel deeper into town. I wouldn't doubt certain members of the family helped her make that decision, but we were all grateful, because we didn't have to pretend to be asleep at night now that there were no humans in the house who didn't know about us.

Alice, Rosalie, Bella and I had seen Renee frequently since she had arrived, mostly at our place, but I had invited myself to her hotel room this time to leave Edward and Carlisle alone in the house. Edward had wanted to talk to Carlisle earlier, but only in absolute privacy. Needless to say, I was curious, but it was none of my business so I was determined to let it be. Or at least try.

When I arrived at home, the lights were on but every room was quite deserted. Carlisle had left a book lying face-down on his desk. He hardly ever left them like that, and never for long periods of time: it damaged the spine. He must be home.

"Carlisle?" I wondered. No answer. Perhaps he had been called to the hospital for an emergency…but he hadn't left me a note. Perhaps he and Edward had gone to join the others.

I walked out the back of the house and found that Edward and Carlisle's scent trails split. I followed Carlisle's and it led me down to a very familiar spot on the river bank. Tufts of rough grass and clover and different coloured flowers grew in the clearing, like something out of a fairy tale. We often joked that, if I started singing here, deer and chipmunks would come to listen. There was a large boulder embedded in the bank, overhanging the river: the water bubbled quietly around it, finishing the fairytale image with the perfect bubbling brook.

Carlisle was sitting on the rock, his knees drawn up to his chest, absently dropping pebbles into the river. With each one, I could hear the plunk of it entering the water, and then the clink as it hit the rocks in the river. There would be a moment of silence, then another plunk.

"Carlisle?" I wondered softly, creeping up to him. "What happened? Are you okay?"

"I'm just getting nostalgic, I guess," he replied, so softly I could scarcely hear.

Plunk.

Clink.

"Was it something Edward said?" I inquired.

Plunk.

"Sort of…not really…" Carlisle shook his head. I put a hand on his shoulder, and tried to look into his eyes.

Clink.

"Carlisle, talk to me. What's wrong?" I asked.

"Edward," Carlisle replied. "He's getting married, Esme! Tomorrow. My son is getting married tomorrow!"

"That's a good thing," I insisted. "Edward deserves it."

"I know. That's the problem," Carlisle said. He brushed the remaining pebbles off his hand, and they plunked into the river like raindrops. "I don't want him to leave, Esme." His voice was hoarse. He shifted sideways so that I could sit beside him. I took the invitation, and wrapped my arms around his shoulders.

"He won't leave," I assured Carlisle, wrapping my arms around him and locking my fingers. I leant forward and put my chin on his shoulder.

"He won't have anything holding him back," Carlisle replied. "And since Bella will be with him, he has no reason to stay here…"

"Except us. He loves us, Carlisle. He might spend a few years away here and there, but he'll always come back. The others always have."

"It's hard to explain." Carlisle shook his head. "Edward was the first person who really made me feel good about myself. He was my first son, the first one I changed, my first real companion. Without him, I wouldn't have taken the risk of changing you. Without him, I probably never would have realised I was insanely in love with you. All these years I've been there to catch him when he falls, and now he doesn't need me to. Now he has Bella. And he totally deserves her, which makes me feel all the worse for having a part of me wish he didn't."

The pain in his eyes made me want to cry.

"Oh, Carlisle," I crooned, pulling him backwards. We both fell into a patch of clover. I rolled over and kissed him fleetingly, and he smiled up at me, but there was still sadness in his eyes. "You'll always be a father to him. He'll always love you."

"I know…but it doesn't make it any easier," Carlisle admitted. At that moment, both our eyes were drawn to a single butterfly, fluttering lazily through the cool air. It landed on Carlisle's hand, and he smiled.

"Late for migration," he murmured, as a hundred butterflies made their marks against the sky, a shimmering rainbow in the moonlight.

"Transformation, hope and the soul," I murmured, admiring the one which had alighted on Carlisle's palm. "It's trying to tell you something."

Carlisle laughed, but examined the butterfly carefully; not like a scientist, but like an artist. Like a child, even. When it flew off to catch up with its companions, he sighed in content. He shut his eyes, feigning sleep as he contemplated the butterfly and anything else that happened to cross his mind.

"Don't be late," I whispered. He smiled but didn't open his eyes.

"Never."

I kissed his forehead gently and left him to his meditation.