The first thing Shepard noticed was that she wasn't on the floor anymore, the second was that her head felt a bit like someone had been using it for concussive-round practice. She slitted one eye open, letting out an involuntary groan as a spear of light penetrated through her cornea with the disturbing accuracy usually reserved for ryncol induced hangovers.
"A moment Shepard, I will dim the lights," Liara's voice made Shepard jump a little, but she tentatively opened one eyelid, blinking owlishly in the half-light.
"Urgh" Shepard managed eloquently, grimacing at the foul taste in the back of her throat. It tasted like a husk had decomposed on her tongue. "Wha' happen'd?" Managing to focus her protesting eyes she realized she was stretched out on the bed in Garrus' room, in fact his face was tucked into her neck, brow-plates pressed uncomfortably against her chin. Shepard's hand was still cupped against Garrus' jaw, and she extricated it slowly, knowing her face was burning, and trying to ignore the slightly smug, knowing smile on Liara's face.
"Apparently," Liara made her way over to Shepard, balancing a plate and mug in her hands, "you experienced some manner of...sharing, with Garrus, then you both passed out rather spectacularly." Liara managed to look both amused and worried, "here," she held out the mug for Shepard, "Matriarch Lanastia said you should drink this."
Shepard went to sit up, her motion disturbing Garrus, who shot upright so fast his forehead cracked Shepard on the chin, setting of a fireworks burst of pain in her head. Garrus made an odd surprised noise, like a cross between a hiss and a yelp, hand raising to his forehead plates at the same time as Shepard clasped a hand over her chin. "Ow!" they mumbled in unison.
An unladylike snort of amusement burst from Shepard, as she rubbed her abused chin, smiling when Garrus gave her an amused mandible twitch, mouth gaping slightly in the almost-smile she had come to treasure. The moment was a fleeting one however, as Garrus fully woke up, the haunted look came back into his eyes. The haze of sleep replaced by that horribly inward, hurt gaze that Shepard loathed.
"Were you...in my head?" Garrus asked softly, eyes fixed firmly on the bedding he was now twisting nervously in his hands.
Accepting the proffered mug from Liara, Shepard shot the asari a slightly pleading gaze, relaxing as Liara took the hint and padded for the door. "I'll go see if they have anything for you both in the kitchens," she added tactfully, closing the door gently behind her as she exited.
The thick,cool liquid in the mug gave Shepard an excuse to not answer Garrus for a moment. The juice was an odd mix of citrus, and a wonderfully cooling peppery aftertaste that rejuvenated the parched tissues in her mouth.
"It was necessary," she said finally, "I needed to wake you up..."Shepard could see Garrus' gaze flicker, his face pensive as he tried to recall the memories they had shared. After a moment, realization sparked in his eyes, and his mandibles flattened to his jaw as he physically cringed, turning his face abruptly away from her, shame stamped on his features.
"No," Shepard gulped the rest of her juice, turning to plonk the mug down on the floor. "No, don't you dare be ashamed of this, don't you fucking dare!" Reaching forward she cupped her hands under his chin, lifting his head, so he was looking her in the eyes. "Look at me, this is not your fault!" Giving Garrus an emphatic shake, Shepard continued, "you survived where most people would have given up, you fought, and there is no shame in that! So you keep fighting, and one day, you and I are going to take a trip to Omega and get some serious payback!"
Garrus blinked at her,eyes wide in shock, and Shepard could feel the surprised flicker of mandibles against her palms, then he leaned forward to lightly press his forehead against hers, an odd gesture that Shepard wasn't entirely sure how to react to. After a few seconds Garrus pulled back, an unreadable expression on his face; and Shepard got an uncomfortable feeling that she had somehow missed something important.
She was saved from awkwardness by a light tap on the door, and the reappearance of Liara, bearing a cluttered tray.
"Wow Liara, did you clean the place out?" Shepard had to laugh as Liara started handing out bowls, cups and plates from her overladen tray.
"Well, I had no idea what either of you would like," Liara said a bit severely, "Garrus, you are supposed to have this, if you like it or not."
Garrus accepted the glass Liara handed him with a dubious look at the somewhat viscous, greenish contents. "What is it?" he sniffed at it, splaying his mandibles in disgust, "it smells terrible."
"Some kind of concentrated electrolyte and vitamin supplement concoction, and no," Liara hefted a bowl tauntingly in one hand, "you can't have this until you drink it."
Shepard sputtered out a laugh, almost choking on a mouthful of the sandwich she had been handed, as Garrus stared at the glass with a look of slightly sullen petulance. "Fine," he grated, gulping down the thick liquid, handing the glass back to Liara with a pinched expression, mandibles flattened to his jaw.
"Disgusting?" Liara couldn't keep the slight smile as Garrus nodded, his low rumble of discontent turning to a happy hum as he retrieved his bowl from Liara. Shepard caught a glimpse of something pale as as Garrus started carefully scooping up food with splinted fingers and biting down on it with a sharp snap.
"Ok, what is that?" Shepard wasn't entirely certain she wanted to know, as she watched Garrus tilt his head back, throat working as he swallowed whatever he had bitten off. Picking up something translucent between thumb and forefinger, Garrus offered it carefully to Shepard; for a second, Shepard assumed it was some kind of fruit, until it uncurled its legs, twitching slightly in the turian's grip. "Oh fuck me!" lurching away from the weakly struggling creature, Shepard felt her face burning as Liara dissolved into laughter.
"Commander Shepard, hero of the citadel... terrified of cyrel!" Liara giggled, pressing a hand to her mouth.
"Really, Shepard?" The humour in Garrus' flanged tone was so reminiscent of an earlier, happier time, that it brought an unexpected flood of tears to Shepard's eyes. She could see the unwanted sympathy on Liara's face she ducked her head, blinking rapidly as she gulped a mouthful of sandwich to cover up her emotional reaction.
"I can't help it," Shepard mumbled thickly around a mouthful of bread, cringing as Garrus killed the wiggling shrimp-like creature with his thumb talon and neatly swallowed it whole. "It looks like some kind of...irradiated mini-sovereign!"
"Well then, at least I'm contributing something to your fight against the reapers." The bitterness and self recrimination in Garrus' voice was sobering, and a kind of awkward silence settled over the room.
"Shepard doesn't have any right to complain," Liara chipped in, with a desperate kind of forced cheerfulness, "you should see some of the things humans eat!" Tapping at her omnitool, she leaned over to show Garrus the display. "That's a squid, they eat those... Oh, don't you even dare!" Liara added severely, as Garrus flicked a mandible, gaze sliding from the squid to the graceful curves of the asari's scalp.
By the time Matriarch Lanastia tapped on the door, the room had fallen into a passive silence. Shepard wasn't entirely sure what to say to Garrus anymore.
Back on the SR1, Shepard had often found herself down in the hangar bay, chatting with the enthusiastic young C-Sec officer about anything from their shared interest in weaponry and military tactics, to favourite music and vids. Their tastes clashed hugely, but they never tired of hashing through each others choices over some manner of terrible drink, the harsh burn of cheap alcohol counterpoint to their amused rivalry over the faults of human and turian cultures. Somehow Shepard couldn't even imagine those conversations with Garrus now; it wasn't like she could just cheerfully ask if he had seen any good vids lately, while the horrors he had experienced still flickered through her mind in a sickening montage. Shepard had briefly contemplated dragging out schematics for the new weapon mods she had bought on the Citadel, but the sensory memory of the shots Garrus had been forced to take, made her question if that was appropriate, and even if Garrus would ever pick up a gun again. The circuitous questioning ended in her saying nothing, fidgeting awkwardly with her half eaten sandwich, reducing the bread to a pile of unpalatable crumbs.
Shepard couldn't disguise her surprise at the change in Lanastia's face; her eyes seemed sunken, and the slight lines on her face seemed to have deepened. "Looking particularly hag-like am I?" the matriarch chuckled, eyes crinkling at Shepard's flushed denial, "It's quite alright, I'm well aware that my old mind doesn't bounce back from that kind of strain as easily as yours will."
Garrus levered himself shakily to his feet as Lanastia approached, shifting his weight from foot to foot nervously, "I...I'm sorry, I..."
"Stop apologizing!" craning her neck to look up at the turian, Lanastia shook her head, "goddess, are there no short turians? Its just as well I'm not handling your physio, I'd need to stand on a stool."
"Physio?" Garrus looked confused, undamaged mandible twitching in agitation.
"Absolutely," Lanastia gave him a genuine smile, "you've been injured, and spent too much time immobile, its going to take some work to get your strength and full range of motion back." Without giving Garrus time to put too much thought into that, the diminutive matriarch continued, "I would actually like to start that tonight,as well as speak to you privately. I'm sure Shepard could use some proper rest..."
That was such a blatant dismissal that Shepard couldn't help but smile, behind her, Liara managed to turn a giggle into a slightly more diplomatic sounding cough. Still healing muscles protested as Shepard hauled herself to her feet and stretched, between the nagging aches and the still fresh memories burning tracks through her brain, she was exhausted. As Shepard arched her back, hands easing the kinks from the muscles along her spine, Liara moved forward to give Garrus a timid hug, standing on her tiptoes to whisper something into his ear, that made him twitch a mandible at her, almost smiling as he nodded.
"I'll be back in a day or two," Shepard almost repeated Liara's gesture, but then opted for a neutral clap to the shoulder instead, resting her hand against the prominent ridge of his cowl for a moment. "You'll be alright," she forced a cheerfulness into her voice, that she didn't entirely feel; trying to ignore the way Garrus stared at her with sad eyes, confused by her brusqueness.
That somber gaze followed her to the door, burning into her back, and flooding her with regret and guilt. Shame that Liara could offer the casual comfort that Shepard was struggling with. The shared memories told her exactly what violations Garrus had faced, and she had no desire to force her own affections on him, even if it meant pulling further away.