Chapter Ten:
Two and a half years later.
January
"Come on, it's your birthday, we should go out and do something!" Cassie suggested, shaking Mackenzie's form.
Groaning, the blonde peeked through her messy hair, glaring up at the bright and cheerful red head. "Go away."
"You're eighteen, that causes for celebration!" Cassie grinned widely. "We could go to the city again. I know a guy who could get us into a sweet club."
"I'd rather just stay in bed." Mackenzie dove her head back into her pillow.
"You've been in bed all morning." Cassie rolled her eyes, attempting to pull the covers off the birthday girl. "Come on! You need to liven up! We're nearly out of this hellhole, thank god, and it's your birthday. We need to party! You need to party."
"I just need to sleep." Mackenzie grabbed her sheets back, throwing them right over her head.
Cassie pouted, planting her hands firmly on her hips. "You're absolutely no fun, you know that right?"
"I feel like crap, Cas. I just want to lie in bed all day and try not to die."
Snorting, Cassie shook her head. "And you call me the drama queen."
"You are the drama queen."
"True, but you're definitely my lady in waiting." Cassie mocked a curtsey before cracking up, throwing her head back and laughing loudly.
Cringing at the loud sound ringing in her ears, Mackenzie squeezed her eyes shut in an attempt to block out the rest of the world.
For what felt like the hundredth day in a row, she had woken up feeling like complete and utter shit. She had hardly gotten sick as a child, likely due to the fact that she grew up around vampires and didn't have many of her own human friends that she could catch a cold or bugs from. She never really had to endure the pounding headaches, the tearing apart of her stomach as she threw up what little she was able to force down. But for months now, she had been battling a virus. Or what she first thought to be a virus. Now McKenzie wasn't sure at all what was wrong with her. She just hoped it would go away eventually. She needed it to go away.
"Fine." Cassie sighed loudly. "I suppose we can stay in, just this once."
Pulling down the sheets just enough, Mackenzie shot her friend and roommate a grateful smile. "Thanks Cas."
"That doesn't mean we're not going to have fun though." She wagged her fingers at the sick girl. "I'm going to go raid the kitchens and get as much junk food as possible."
"You know we're not technically allowed to raid the kitchens, right?" Mackenzie raised an eyebrow.
"Rebel child, remember?" Cassie grinned smugly, reminding her too much of a vampire she'd rather not think about. "You hold tight. I'm sure we can find you soup or some shit like that."
"Preferably not shit." Mackenzie mumbled, shifting until she found a comfortable position on her side, trying her best to steal the warmth from the mounds of blankets covering her.
"Well you might be sick, but at least you still have your sense of humour." Cassie snickered before slipping on her pair of leather flats and grabbing her room key. "Be back in a flash, babe."
"Yeah yeah." Mackenzie waved her out of the room, her eyes fluttering shut as she slipped back into her dream world; one where she was healthy as can be.
March
"I have to study." Mackenzie glared stubbornly at her friend. "I don't need this right now."
"Yes you do need this right now." Cassie glared right back at her, concern littering her eyes. "You've been sick for months now, Mack. We can't just ignore that."
"It's probably just stress." Mackenzie shrugged. She didn't want to believe it was anything more than that. It couldn't be more than that. Just because she had been sick off and on consistently for the past few months, it didn't mean anything. It was the North; after all, it was winter and flu season. She probably just caught a bug. It wouldn't be unheard of, considering the germ factory they called a school.
"Then explain the bruises." Cassie crossed her arms over her chest. She could be just as stubborn as Mackenzie was, if not more.
"I'm clumsy."
"You're not that clumsy. We're practically attached at the hip." Cassie shook her head with a frown. "There's something wrong and you're in denial."
"I'm not in denial, I just don't want to flunk out in our last year. Midterms are about to start." Mackenzie sighed, running a hand through her hair, only to stop when she noticed yet another bruise peeking out as the sleeve of her sweater moved. She quickly covered the dark purple blotch of skin and looked away, trying to distract herself from everything Cassie was saying.
Cassie watched her friend closely. She too thought at first that it was just the flu, or maybe even stress. But someone just wasn't supposed to be sick for this long. And bruises didn't just appear out of thin air and not mean something. She had talked long and hard about this with her mom, who had set up these doctor appointments at the best practice in New York, if not the entire east coast. Mackenzie had begrudgingly agreed to see Dr. Holmes three weeks ago, but had drawn out the follow up appointment to talk about her blood test results. She didn't exactly blame Mackenzie. Cassie could see the frightened looks on the blonde's face when she thought no one was looking. Mackenzie wasn't an idiot. She had caught her friend looking up her possible symptoms on the Internet, and while some were outlandish, most were petrifying.
"Look, we'll finally get an answer today." Cassie tried to reason with her. "And when the Doctor tells us nothing's wrong, then you can say 'I told you so' all you want."
"I will, you know." Mackenzie commented. "Because I am right. It's nothing. You and your mom are just worrying over nothing."
Cassie wasn't so sure though. "I hope you're right."
"Say something."
"I don't know what you want me to say."
"I don't know. Scream or cry or freak out or something. Just say something." It was hard enough to keep herself from falling apart, Cassie didn't know how Mackenzie could just sit there as if she hadn't just been told the most devastating news of her life.
Mackenzie just shrugged, staring out the window of Cassie's car as she drove them back to campus. She couldn't give Cassie what she wanted. Because she could barely even believe a word the doctor had spoken. None of it could be true. She just didn't believe it. This was just all stress, just some stupid bug she couldn't get rid of.
She certainly didn't have cancer.
And she certainly didn't have Leukemia.
It was just impossible.
"You have to be feeling something." Cassie pressed. "You can talk to me, you know."
"I know." Mackenzie replied robotically.
"So then tell me what you're thinking." The usually fiery red head was gripping the steering wheel so tightly, her knuckles had begun to turn white. "Because I'm freaking out over here. I know I shouldn't be, because it's you who should be freaking out and I should be supporting you. But I'm freaking the fuck out, Mack."
Mackenzie didn't respond, still gazing out the window at the passing cars. She didn't want to talk about it. She didn't even want to think about it. Not that it was true, but even if it were, she just wanted to pretend it didn't exist.
Because it couldn't.
Not to her.
This couldn't be happening to her.
"Mack?" Cassie shot her a worried glance, trying her best to blink away the tears. "Please just…"
"I can't!' Mackenzie snapped suddenly, her hands curling into fists in her lap. "I just can't, Cassie."
Deflating, Cassie silently nodded and turned her focus on driving them back to school. The ride was silent as the two girls thought, as they tried to understand what had just happened in the Doctor's office. Neither expected to hear what the Doctor had to say. Neither expected to hear the word cancer come out of his mouth. Maybe they had it wrong. Maybe they got the tests mixed up. But as Cassie eyed Mackenzie out the corner of her eye, noting the white pasty skin, the weight she had lost in such a short amount of time, she knew remorsefully in her heart that the Doctor hadn't been lying.
Her best friend had Leukemia.
"Is there anyone you want to call?"
Mackenzie sighed as her eyes opened. She had taken to her bed the moment they got back to their dorm. She hadn't spoken, she hadn't eaten anything Cassie had offered her, she hadn't even cracked open a single textbook. She had just curled up in bed, turning her back on her roommate, and tried to evict herself from the rest of the world.
Not that she would have much trouble doing so soon enough.
"What about your family?" Cassie suggested. "Do you want to call them? I could always…"
"Stop." Mackenzie croaked out. "Just stop, Cas."
"I'm just trying to help. I…I don't know what to do, Mack." Cassie admitted, gulping back the sob that was threatening to escape. Years now, they had known one another. Years they had been the best of friends, despite how polar opposites they were. They were practically sisters. They spent every single Christmas together, they travelled every single summer. There was not a thing the other didn't know. And now Mackenzie was sick, and Cassie just felt at a loss.
"I know." Mackenzie slowly rolled onto her back, staring blankly up at the ceiling. "But I honestly don't need you to do anything."
"But I want to. Whatever you need."
"I don't need anything." Mackenzie shrugged.
"But what about your family?" Cassie questioned. "Shouldn't you tell them?"
Mackenzie snorted. "What family, Cas?"
"Well your adopted family."
"I haven't seen Eric in years. He made it perfectly clear he didn't give a damn about me. So why should I give a damn about him? Why should he know?" Mackenzie grit her teeth. She wouldn't cry. She wouldn't cry over them. Not now, not when there were a million other reasons to cry right now. "You're all the family I have, Cas."
"But what if…what if something happens?" Cassie asked in a soft whisper, almost afraid to say the words.
"What if I die?" Mackenzie boldly asked. "Well I guess they'll figure it out, now wouldn't they."
Cassie didn't believe for a minute the front Mackenzie put up. She could see in her friend's eyes that all she wanted right now was to be home, with her family, despite all the differences they all may have had. Hell, her and her mom didn't get along all the time, but even when she wanted to pull her hair out, Cassie still loved her. It didn't matter whether they cared about her or not, Mackenzie would always love her family, no matter what.
"What about that other guy? The one you drunk dialed that time the swimming team spiked the homecoming punch."
Mackenzie's entire body stiffened at mention of Godric. "He hasn't been a part of my life for a long time now."
"But you still care about him." Cassie pointed out. "You wouldn't have drunk dialed him if you didn't."
"Just let it drop, please?"
"You need to tell someone, Mack. They're your family." Cassie insisted.
Mackenzie could feel the anger boiling inside of her. They weren't her family. Eric had made it clear long ago that this had never been a family.
"They would want to know."
"No." Mackenzie, swallowing back the mixture of rising emotion, and vile threatening to escape via her mouth, pushed herself up into a sitting position and leaned against the mounds of pillows behind her. "They wouldn't give a crap even if I did tell them."
"I doubt that's true."
"I haven't seen them in years, Cas. I try every Christmas, every birthday, every goddamn summer break to go home. But every time I get some cryptic no. Actually, I barely even get that. And it's always Pam who dishes out the bad news. I think I've talked to Eric a grand total of two minutes in the past three years."
"But Mack…"
"They obviously don't give a shit." Mackenzie wrapped her arms around herself "And Godric stopped caring a long time ago."
"But…"
"I don't have a family." Mackenzie shot Cassie a pointed glare. "I don't have anyone."
Cassie frowned, shaking her head as she climbed off her bed and joined Mackenzie on hers. "That's so not even close to being true. You have me. And you know you have my mom. I'm pretty sure she loves you more than me."
"I doubt it." Mackenzie let her gaze fall to her lap.
"Oh you're her dream child." Cassie rolled her eyes, trying to lighten the mood. "I'm just the one she was stuck with."
"Well I am more well behaved." Mackenzie sniffed, rubbing her eyes raw as she attempted to ward off any tears.
"Though I do have better taste in men. And better hair." Cassie smiled, though it was forced.
Mackenzie couldn't offer a smile in return. She couldn't even look her fiend in the eye. Everything was just happening to fast. Her entire world felt like it was crumbling down around her. It felt like every few years, everything always kept shifting. Only this time, it wasn't just the loss of her closest friend, or a change in zip code. This was a whole lot more permanent than that.
This was her death.
May
"On the bright side, you still have your hair." Cassie sat on the floor just outside of the bathroom stall Mackenzie was currently heaving in.
"Chemo is a bitch." Mackenzie wiped at her mouth with the back of her hand, her nose scrunching up in disgust. "There goes breakfast."
"I thought today was going to be a good day." Cassie mused.
"You and me both." Mackenzie sighed, flushing the toilet but remained in the stall. "I hate Chemo."
"I thought it's supposed to help, not make you even sicker."
"It is working. I think." Mackenzie shrugged, leaning her head against the wall of the stall. "I hope."
"What did the Doctor say at your last visit." Cassie wondered. She had been stuck in a calculus test that she couldn't get out of. Apparently not even having your best friend fighting for her life was a good enough excuse to miss it. So she had miss the most recent Doctors appointment after going to almost every single one she possible could. Mackenzie may not have any real family that cared about her, but she was going to be there every step of the way.
And hopefully that would lead to a long remission.
"You know, the same old stuff." Mackenzie fidgeted with a frown.
She was lying.
She was lying through her teeth to her own best friend.
She was just glad there was a door between them so Cassie couldn't spot the lie in a second. The appointment, which had looked so promising, had gone down the drain quickly. The minute the Doctor stepped into the room with the grim look on his face, Mackenzie knew she was finished. After months of Chemotherapy and a few rounds of radiation, Mackenzie could feel it in her bones that she wasn't getting any better. The bruises on her arms only seemed to darken in colour, and don't even get her started on the ones littering her abdomen. She was spending more time in the bathroom then she was in class, and could usually be found in bed sleeping than socializing or even studying. It was a miracle she hadn't flunked out yet!
Not that passing was her top priority at the moment.
Trying to increase her chances of survival, that was at the top of her list.
Unfortunately, her body just didn't seem to be cooperating with her. She had tried to fight so damn hard. She didn't want to die. Who would? She was only eighteen. There was so much more she wanted out of life. She was supposed to graduate. She was supposed to go to Columbia and study literature. She was supposed to travel the world. She wasn't supposed to die a teenage girl who had barely experienced life. That just wasn't supposed to happen.
But that just seemed to be the way her life was going these days.
"Think you can make it back to class? Or should we skip the rest and head back to the room?" Cassie asked.
"Room." Mackenzie mumbled. "Definitely the…"
Before he could finish however, another round of vile rose up her throat, depositing quickly into the toilet bowl. After a few moments, and ragged breathes later, Mackenzie wiped her mouth for a third time before leaning back against the wall.
"I'm really getting tired of this shit."
June
"I think I want to go home."
Cassie glanced up from her calculus textbook, blowing the wild curls out of her eyes. "Huh?"
Mackenzie tugged on the long locks she had been grateful not to lose with chemotherapy. She was one of the lucky ones. "I think I want to go home."
"Like New York home, or…"
"Home home." Mackenzie surprised her by saying.
Frowning, Cassie closed the textbook and focused entirely on her best friend. "Where did this come from? Wasn't it just few months ago that you were insisting that you didn't have a family?"
"I know." Mackenzie sighed, gazing down at all the work spread out between them in their cozy little corner at the back of the library. Studying for their end of year exams was the only thing keeping Mackenzie sane at the moment, especially since she had just come from her less than promising doctors appointment. "I just…I don't know. I just want to go home. I want to sleep in my own bed, you know?"
Cassie nodded. She could understand, and she wasn't in the least bit shocked. She could see how this disease was taking a toll on Mackenzie, both physically and emotionally. While she tried to keep hope that eventually, Mackenzie was going to turn around, that the cancer would just suddenly disappear, she knew in her heart that it was going the opposite. And who did you always want when you're at your lowest point? Your family.
"Have you talked to them lately?" Cassie wondered.
Mackenzie shook her head. "Not a word to any of them since I tried to go home at Christmas."
"So they still don't know about the big C?"
"Nope."
"Are you sure that's what you want?" While Cassie understood that Mackenzie just wanted to go home to that familiar childhood home and enjoy what she had left of her young life, she couldn't help but feel concerned for her friend. She didn't want her to go all the way home, just to be disappointed and heartbroken when she was sent away by her own family.
"I just want to be home right now." Mackenzie's eyes watered before she quickly blinked them away. Cassie admired Mackenzie's strength. She had hardly seen the girl cry during any of this. She had heard her at night when Mackenzie thought she was asleep, but never once when she was around others, did she openly cry. She was a lot stronger than Cassie knew she would be if this had been happening to her instead of Mackenzie.
"Well then, you should go home." Cassie nodded. "And fuck them if they're asses."
Mackenzie just nodded. All she wanted was to go home. She thought she wouldn't want to face Eric and Pam, especially not after being thrown to the curb time and time again. But she wasn't going home to them. She was going home to the house that had always been her sanctuary as a child. She was going home to the bedroom that given her so many wonderful hopes and dreams. She was going home to the library she had spent hours reading in, jumping into her next adventure with her favorite characters. That was all she wanted as her life winded down, as this disease attacked the rest of her body and ate away at her.
"Promise me that you'll keep fighting." Cassie felt herself getting choked up. "Promise me that no matter what happens, you'll always fight this stupid disease."
Mackenzie forced on a smile. "Always."
She just hoped she could keep that promise.
She just hoped she had enough time left to even keep trying.
A/N: So this has got to be the hardest thing I've ever written, for multiple reasons. I've always known this chapter was going to happen, ever since this idea first came to me like a year ago. I just never expected the emotions I would go through writing it. My Aunt unfortunately had cancer, and it just brought up a whole lot of emotions. But there you have it. Mackenzie has the big C.
on a side note, I'm not sure how updates will be from now on. I move to school tomorrow (yay, another school adventure) so I don't know how much time I'll have to write. Knowing me, I'll likely write when I shouldn't be, but it's always been a good stress reliever. No promises though. it could be months, maybe even Christmas when I get around to updating. and that goes for all my fics. Not abandoning, just going to put them on hold I guess (or until my inspiration refuses to leave me alone lol)