For days, I try to talk to Lavellan, but I can't. I'm hurting her, but her shadows scare me, shake me, shame me. I try to make sense of it, but there's no sense to be made. I try to do what Varric said - keep it to yourself, but I worry. I see her, and I feel it again: the burning, the wanting. Everyone feels it - a part of them, an itching underneath. But it frightens me. I don't want her to know, but don't know why.
I go to Dorian; he said I could ask questions. When I find him, I ask what I should do.
"Cole, if you're looking for advice, you've come to the right place," he purrs, books slapping shut. "I happen to be a master of seduction. So, who is it that's caught your eye, hm? One of the servants? A chaste, kind-hearted village girl with the voice of an angel? Go ahead, you have my full attention."
"Inquisitor Lavellan," I say.
Dorians laughs, then frowns, then laughs again. "Well, Cole, you certainly are... ambitious. I don't think there's a man in Skyhold who hasn't at least taken a look. If I didn't know any better, I would say she even likes the attention." I tell him about the men in her bedroom. Dorian looks… proud. "Really? Here, I thought she didn't have it in her. Good for her. Now, what were we talking about again…? Ah, yes, the Lady Inquisitor. Look, Cole, you have to think about what she sees. She finds you endearing, of course, but she doesn't see you as a man. To capture her heart, you have to make her realize that you are a man that can excite and captivate her."
"I… don't understand," I say, and Dorian sighs.
"You never do, do you? If you want to impress Lavellan, you need to be an exceptional suitor. Charm her, flatter her! Tell her she's beautiful or something equally sappy. She'll like that."
"But Varric said I should keep it to myself."
Dorian scoffs. "Varric sees you as a child, Cole. You're like a son to him; the conversations I've heard you having with Bull would make his ears blush. Varric is just trying to protect you, but you have to make your own decisions. You have to take your fate into your own hands!"
Varric calms, but Dorian incites, excites, fanning fevered embers into flames, bright and blinding. His light reflects, mirrored, infectious. It makes me laugh.
"I should take my fate into my own hands! Thank you, Dorian!" I stand up, but sit back down. "How do I do that, exactly?"
Dorians laughs, too. "Good to know my inspirational speech worked! Generally, they doesn't work out that well… regardless, you have to do what I do. Puff up some. Don't be afraid to draw attention to yourself, as long as it's good attention. Show the Inquisitor that you have matured into a man and she will be throwing herself at your feet."
"But... I don't want her to throw herself at my feet."
"You're not good with figures of speech, are you, Cole? Nevermind. The point is that you have to woo her. Clean yourself up and give her a flower. Dalish girls love flowers… probably, anyway."
"I'll do that," I say. Bright and bashful, stomach sick, but breathless. Brave. Thoughts twist together, turning and tearing, tugging. Varric or Dorian? Dorian or Varric? I try to think, but I can't. If it's wrong…
I have to get it right, the first time.
"I should wear green," I say. Dorian smiles.
"I think that would look quite dashing on you, Cole. Just try not to be too forward. Women love an air of mystery."
I nod. "Thank you, Dorian. I will try."