At Skyhold, people see me, painted, and laugh. It makes Lavellan mad, but I hide anyway. Lavellan tells Varric, and he finds me. I give him his shirt back. He sighs.
"You're still covered in paint, kid," he says, and he is right. Green skin, but red face. Varric hits my back. "Alright, tell me what happened. What did you say to the Inquisitor?"
"Nothing," I say and sigh. "I was wrong, Varric."
"About what, kid?"
"I'm not very good at being human."
"Come on, this is what being human is all about! Awkward misunderstandings, rejection, it's all a part of getting older. Trust me, I haven't always been as smooth as I am today."
It makes me feel better, but I don't know why. "I shouldn't take it personally; I haven't been human for very long?" I try, and Varric nods.
"Exactly! You need to give yourself a chance to figure things out, kid. Just don't sell yourself short. Think of this as a learning experience."
I feel sad, but better. "I'm sorry for painting your shirt," I say. Think. "I thought it would help."
"How did you get it into your head to do that? Did someone tell you to do that?" Varric says - narrows his eyes. He's… angry, but it's… shaded, shallow, cinders leaving embers. I understand, now; he wants to be angry, to find the rock that that rippled the river.
"It's not the rock's fault," I explain. "Sometimes, rivers just ripple - how else will the current carry?"
"English, kid," Varric says, but I was speaking English. "Now tell me, yes or no: did someone tell you to do that to the Inquisitor? I can't imagine you coming up with that on your own."
Lying hurts people, but telling the truth hurts my friend. I try to think, but it's hard. Lavellan said it was bad to lie, but I want to help Dorian. It wasn't his fault, but Varric would make it his fault. Varric would hurt Dorian, but Dorian was helping! But... lying hurts people!
No - if I lied, it wouldn't hurt. It would help Dorian, and Varric doesn't have to know. It won't hurt him.
"No one told me to do that," I say, but I do it wrong. Shaking, scared, unsure - sounds shuddering in and through. It doesn't sound right.
"Did… you just lie?" Varric asks. I say yes. "I guess you really are getting a hang of this human thing." He is proud - no more anger, no more fear. I helped.
Varric was worried, but he didn't have to be! I was learning, seeing more, feeling more, roots of a tree growing outward, upward, restless, ready for rain.
Energy, in and out and through; star sounds, static skies - Lavellan said it was a party, like the one where everyone changed their faces and tried to hurt each other. That scared me, but she said I didn't have to worry.
"This is a happy occasion, Cole. There won't be any assassination attempts tonight," she said. "I can't believe it's already been a year since the Inquisition defeated Corypheus. Is celebrating something like that very strange to you?"
"Should it be?"
Lavellan laughed. "You just don't always have the best grasp on things. I thought you might need me to explain it to you."
"A party - a funeral for fears," I said. "It makes sense."
"A funeral for fears? Well, that's one way to put it." She smiled, but sometimes smiles aren't sincere. They hide the shaking parts, and everyone pretends not to see.
Note: a couple of people asked me for tips on how to write in Cole's perspective, so here we go. It's easiest to write Cole if you study the mannerisms / speech patterns of young adults on the autism spectrum. Also, try to describe things without actually saying the word - Cole isn't very in touch with his more complex feelings. Things like "sad" or "happy" are easy to understand, but feelings with nuance fall into more of a grey area. Pretend you could see a feeling, and then describe it like that. Also, shorter sentences when he's anxious / tense. Drop off a lot of pronouns. Keep the same sentence structure in bursts. And alliteration, alliteration, alliteration! That's about it. Thanks for the support, everyone!