As I was feeling a bit of leftover Valentine's day fever, I decided to update this lovely story I have here. I'll admit, this chapter gave me a bit of mix of emotions. First, happy, then kinda sad, then happy again, then really sad, then happy, then pretty much really depressed. But you can tell me what you felt in a review when you're done.
I'll do review replies just for shits and giggles this time:
Tye-Dye Lizard: Len needs to tone it the fuck down tbh. Throwing things and shit. Agree %100. Thanks for the review!
xXMissyKix: Thank you for reviewing! I hope you enjoyed!
KagamineArimonori: Ah, yes, the legendary Negi Slap. It has been said to have been passed down the Hatsune line for generations. Yes yes, very important. Len is an idiot and I am at fault. Alas, it is for the plot. Thank you so much for the review!
Arrow-chan3: Don't worry, no more hiatus. I've got an attachment to this story now, and hopefully I don't lose inspiration for it too soon. Thanks for the review!
TrueTerror: *blushing* w-w-well I'm sure its not the best you've ever read… Thank you so much for saying that, though! Thank you for your sweet review ;w;
Guest88: I'm glad, too! Here is the update! Hopefully it's not too late… Thank you for the review!
Guest: I'm not sure what you mean, but thanks for the review!
MizuneMinamiki: MIZUNE MY MAN (well wo-man but whatever). HOW YA BEEN. It's nice to see you still read my stories . Rin and Len are being complete dorks and I hate them and love them at the same time. No need to worry, just seeing that you took the time to review is enough for me ./. Thanks for the review!
Thank you all for the reviews! They mean a lot .-.
Enough of my blabbering! On with the show- well story- I should really stop talking.
DISCLAIMER: I'm sitting at a computer that only a little bit bigger than my head and on a wooden chair that creaks every time I breathe. Get the hint.
"Morning, Rin. You sure are looking quite lively today," Miku cooed playfully as I walked into the classroom.
"Oh shut up, you," I hissed and combed my fingers through messy bed hair.
I haven't slept right since the incident with my lovely brother the other night. Every time I closed my eyes to try to get to sleep, I could see Len's face just centimeters from mine, looking at me with those strange eyes again.
"Still having issues with that darling brother of yours?" Miku asked, swinging her legs around her chair so she was facing my desk, which was behind hers.
"I just don't understand what's up with him... He hardly will even look at me, let alone tell me what's wrong," I sighed and leaned forward in my desk so my chin was resting on the cool wood.
"You look like you've been hit by a truck," she murmured and fixed my hair.
"It feels like I've been hit by a truck. I've barely slept about ten hours in the past week..." I mumbled and rubbed my eyes.
My gaze drifted over to the far corner of the classroom, where the cause of my problems was leaning on a desk and talking with Kaito and Gakupo. I caught his eyes for a moment, before he quickly turned his head away from me. I glared. "Jerk," I whispered.
Before I could go on a long and hardly understandable rant about him again, I heard the classroom door slam against the wall, presumably from someone swinging it open. Several guys groaned as they saw the intruder, before going back to their business.
"Oh dear God," Miku hissed rubbing her face with her hands, "Something wicked this way comes..."
"Eh? What do you mean- oh," I sighed as a familiar feeling of dread came upon me.
"OH, RINNY~!" a dramatic voice bellowed.
A boy with teal hair that resembled Miku's closely appeared next to our two desks suddenly, though not really coming as a shock, since this happens about every school morning. He was smiling widely at me, giving Miku a grumpy glare when she kicked his heels indiscreetly.
"Lord give me patience," Miku pleaded and gave up, burying herself into a magazine.
I forced a smile. "Hi Mikuo. Shouldn't you be in the class down the hall? I'm pretty sure that the bell's about to ring soon," I said politely as possible.
"Ah, but I came to see you, my darling Rin. And please, just call me 'Kuo."
Funny, I felt a headache coming on.
"Alright... Kuo... You just came to see me?" I asked, cringing at the nickname as soon as it left my mouth.
His cheeks were flushed, and though I probably should have felt flattered, I didn't. "Well, there's something that I've always wanted to ask you... Would you-"
"For the BILLIONTH time, Mikuo, Rin will not go on a date with you. Now go back to your classroom and play with your friends," cried Miku, pointing at the door.
The two Hatsunes growled back and forth. "Rin-chan, please, give me one night. I promise, you won't regret it," Mikuo pleaded with big teal eyes.
I opened my mouth to politely deny him like I have so many times before, but in that moment, I stared at Len from across the room. Unlike Len, Mikuo never shut me out. He won't slam doors in my face, and he won't distance himself from me just when things were starting to look up.
"Sure. Where do you wanna go?" I asked.
"Even if you say that- wait, what?" Mikuo asked, blinking like an idiot with his chin on the ground.
Miku grabbed my shoulders and shook me. "Wake up! Are you crazy?! That's my annoying little brother! You can't say yes!" she exclaimed frantically.
"I may as well give him a chance. Pick me up at seven, Mikuo," I told him.
He nodded slowly, floating out of the room in disbelief. Miku was still staring at me with a mixture of shock and disgust. "Why, on any circumstances, would you say yes to a loser like him?"
Turning forward in my seat, I smiled slightly. "Why not?"
Secret Sins
Chapter 4
Corrupted Girl
After getting over her initial disgust, Miku continued to give me unwanted pointers on how to scare Mikuo away during the date. "He has an irrational fear of guys in large costumes, so you should take him to meet Barney somewhere along the lines. Oh, or even better, you could tell him that you cosplay Jiggly-Puff on weekends at conventions," she suggested as we walked out of the school building into the afternoon air.
"Like I said, I'm not gonna scare him off. Let's just see how it goes, okay?" I told her as we went to lean on the large tree where we usually waited for Len and Mikuo to walk home with.
Miku shook her head. "Yeah, yeah, whatever. Ah! I almost forgot to give you this!"
She fished around in her bag, until she pulled out a CD in a small case. She handed it to me and smiled. I looked at the label. 'The Vocaloid 8: Album 1.'
I gasped. "This isn't-"
"It is! We finally got around to making several copies of the CD. Brings back good memories, yeah?"
That could have been the understatement of the year. The Vocaloid 8 was a band that Miku, Len, a couple of our other friends and I had formed back when Len and I were fourteen and created a couple songs together. It was pretty amatuer, but when Miku entered a singing contest one year and won, the prize was a free recording deal for one album. She invited us to help her create a couple other songs to add to the ones she already put on. It was one of the fondest memories I have from back then. It was the same year that Len had suddenly decided to shut me out from him and not tell the reason why.
"This is amazing! I'm sure Len will love to hear it as much I will! Thank you so much!" I hugged her tightly, and she laughed and pat my back several times.
"Hey, Rin! You coming or not?" Len called from the steps of the school. He already was heading in the other direction.
I said a very unladylike word under my breath and said goodbye to Miku. I had to run to catch up to him. Seriously, he could at least try to pretend he didn't hate my guts.
After five minutes of silence, Len asked what I was carrying. I jumped a little, not expecting him to say anything to me at all. He hadn't spoken to me in the past several days unless he absolutely had to. So I couldn't help the heat in my cheeks from rising as I told him about Miku and the CD.
His eyes widened and a smile creeped up onto his face. It seems like it's been a century since I've seen that smile, even though it's hardly been a week. "Man, I miss those days. They were the best."
"Remember when Miku wanted to write a song about vegetable juice? And then the company encouraged it?" I asked, laughing as I remembered the dismayed looks that our group had when Miku had announced that they would be writing a song called Po-Pi-Po.
"Or when almost have the group made parodies of your Meltdown song?" he smirked, and I felt myself flush even more.
"Or when the producer was worried that there would be an unbalance of male and female voices because he thought you were a girl?" I laughed, my stomach starting to hurt from cracking up.
"Oh, shut up…" he pushed my shoulder lightly, but he was still smiling.
"I wish we could go back…" I sighed, not realizing that there was a strong amount of sadness radiating from the statement.
Our laughter died down. I purposely stepped on leaves to create the satisfying crunching noise so it wouldn't be completely silent. I was surprised yet again when Len spoke up and asked, "What are you going to be up to tonight?"
"Nothing much- No, wait! I've got a date!" I remembered.
Len stopped dead in his tracks. "You've got a what?" he asked incredulously.
I felt a little pissed off. It wasn't that uncommon, was it?
Then again, you haven't gone on a date since you met that one cute boy in Freshman Year… Not to mention, I found out that he had a disease in his eyes that made his sight near blindness…
"Yes, I do, as a matter of fact. It's not that unbelievable…" I grumbled, crossing my arms over my chest in defense.
Len took a moment to stop laughing like a doofus to ask, "Oh yeah? Who's it with?"
I shifted uncomfortably. "Uh, well… Mikuo Hatsune… God, Len, would it kill you to stop laughing and take me seriously for a minute?!"
"M-Mi-Mik-uo Ha-Hat-sune?! You're kidding, r-r-right?!" he choked out between his fits of laughing.
I punched his arm. "Jerk! I'm going on a date, and I'll go with who I want? Geez, why do I ever want to talk to you anyway?!"
I stomped ahead, probably with steam coming out of my ears. For the love of Christ, why is it the first time I talk to him in days that he's laughing and making fun of me?
By the time we had reached the house, Len had calmed down his laughter. "Hey, Rin, you're not serious about going out with him, right?"
Fed up, I whipped around to face him. "Yes, I am, and no matter how much crap you give me for it, I'm going to go! Now go away!"
"I could have sworn that you had told me to go away about an hour ago," Len murmured over from my bed, covered in blouses and skirts.
"That was before, and this is now. Gosh, stop living in the past," I huffed, whisking hangers aside and looking for something to wear.
"Still, why do you want me to help decide what you wear? Mikuo would still bend over backwards for you if you came wearing a trash bag," he said, tossing a skirt with bright blue sequins to the side.
"It's because I want to look nice, dummy. I'm dressing for myself, not him," I explained and dropped another graphic tee onto the floor.
"Still wondering why I'm here."
I turned to face him. He looked at me with bored blue eyes. "Because, I like to have your input. Now shut up and close your eyes so I can change."
"Yeah, yeah," he grunted and covered his head with a sweatshirt.
I slipped into a black miniskirt with gold fringe, and a gold tank top with a short-sleeved black cardigan. I looked in the mirror. I thought it looked pretty cute, though the skirt was pretty short. There wasn't a lot of time to shave my legs, either. Then again, my hair is blonde, so unless the hair catches the light, it shouldn't be a problem. I just hope we go somewhere dark.
I never did tell him a specific place, huh…
Nonetheless, I turned in Len's direction. "What do you think?" I asked and tugged the sweatshirt off his head.
He opened his eyes and sat up. He stood and circled me, with his hand rubbing his chin. I felt really flustered all the sudden. The way he was looking at me was unsettling, and I was mentally hitting myself over the head for even asking him to help me with this. I let out a tiny yelp when I felt a tug on the back of my skirt. I whipped around to see him with is arms crossed, shaking his head. "Nope. Much too short."
My cheeks were stained red. "No it's not! It's perfectly long!" I protested and put my hands on my hips.
"It's too short and it barely covers your ass. Not to mention that it's tight," he persisted.
"You obviously don't get the meaning of the word 'miniskirt,' then!" I stood on the tips of my toes to make myself seem taller.
"I know that the purpose of clothes is to cover your body, and sis, it's not doing it's job very well!" he snapped back, "That top is also way too low cut."
"Len!"
"What?"
"Seriously?!"
"You asked for my opinion, and I'm giving it!"
"Ugh!" I groaned and kicked his shin.
"Ow! What was that?"
"Close your eyes, I'm changing!" I grumbled and already started stripping my cardigan.
He did as told, and I didn't fail to catch that satisfied grin he was wearing. Smug little bastard. I dug through my closet once again, fishing out a casual tee, ruffled blue skirt, and a black long sleeved sweater. I grabbed stockings from their drawer, just so Len couldn't bug me about the whole 'covering skin' bull, and pulled my short hair into two tiny pigtails.
"You decent?" Len asked with a hand over his eyes, which would have been a nice gesture if he hadn't been peeking through his fingers.
"Yeah," I muttered.
He looked me over silently. He didn't say anything this time, just stared. "What?" I asked, my face hot.
"Nothing."
"You're looking at me funny."
"Am not."
"Yeah, you are."
And then suddenly he was by my side, clasping my hand and pulling me after him. "Len?" I asked.
"Just c'mon."
My heart is beating rapidly against my will, and the warmth of his hand envelopes my own in a way that makes me want to get even closer to him. I gazed down at our connected hands with a bit of melancholy. Not even our fingers are at the same length anymore…
When he let go and the warmth disappeared, I felt myself grow sickeningly disappointed.
You're sick. Disgusting. What are you thinking? What's so great about holding hands with your brother?
My mind snapped back to earth when I heard the sound of a CD spinning in the stereo that we kept in the kitchen. Len had our Vocaloid CD case in his hands, with a smile on his face. It was so contagious, I couldn't help myself from smiling too when Miku's voice sang the first two lines of 'World is Mine.'
Len stepped closer to me and brought the back of the case to my view. It had the names of all the songs in numerical order. "What was the song that we wrote together? I can't remember the name of it."
"Gemini," I said without even having to think, " number two."
He interrupted Miku's voice by skipping the track, and the entire room was suddenly filled with a melody that almost resembled a merry-go-ride song. Len laced his left hand with my right as my fourteen year old voice began to sing, placing a hand on my waist and spinning us smoothly to the rhythm. I was laughing, my insides feeling like they had evaporated to bubbles. He laughed too, and I felt such a happiness that I hadn't felt in what seems to be an eternity
"We sound so young…" I said breathlessly as he twirled me around.
"Screw what that producer thought. I so sound like a boy," he said proudly.
"In this song…" I said sneakily.
He nodded contently for a second and then widened his eyes in realization. "Hey!"
When you lose your way and feel insecure
Just close your eyes and feel my heartbeats
Be it a numbing cold morning or a lethargic afternoon
We are still connected by this sound
I want to stay this way forever, I thought dreamily as the surroundings of the kitchen around us disappeared. I could see Len, and only him.
What goes up must go down, sneered a voice in the back of my mind. It was right, of course. Every time Len and I shared a moment, acting like we used to, something would happen that made him push me out of his life again.
Even so… I want to enjoy it while it lasts.
"Say… Rin… Can I ask you something?" Len asked quietly, not quite looking me in the eye.
Fourteen year old Len started his solo in the background.
That lost bird
Held in its heart a burning unrequited love
Its meager amount of strength just to live through the uncertain tomorrow
Seems like it's going to fade away at any moment
"Duh," I smiled, "You can ask me anything. Unless you're asking me to change clothes again."
He couldn't resist another grin. "No, it's not that. I was just wondering… Mikuo's asked you out a hundred times. So what made you say yes this time?" he asked.
My mouth felt dry. "I dunno… A change of pace, maybe?"
Len shook his head, not believing me. "C'mon. As reckless as you may be, you usually have a reason behind most of your actions."
I wanted to tell him. I really, really did. I wanted to spill out all of the emotions I'd felt since that night, hell, all of the emotions I'd felt since we were fourteen, tell him that I wanted him near me and that I hated this distance that he put between us. I wanted to hold him close and never let him go, so he could never ignore me again.
But it was fear, deep, strong fear that held me back. It lodged itself in my heart and coursed through my veins. Something told me that if I told him everything that it would be the final straw. It would be the thing that would drive him to cut me off once and for all, to pack up his bags and never show his face to me again. It would sever the thin string that barely held our relationship together.
I was terrified.
We stopped spinning. The track had changed, to a song Kaito and Miku had written together, filled with violins. Len finally looked me in the eye, waiting for an answer. His hand never left my waist. My mouth opened to sputter out some lame excuse when I was saved by the doorbell ringing.
"A-Ah! That's probably him. I'll get it!" I stammered, slipping my fingers out of his and stumbling toward the door.
When I opened it, I was greeted with a bouquet of flowers thrusted into my face. I dodged the thorns of roses and looked over the bouquet to see Mikuo, dressed up and with his hair everywhere. He caught me looking and tried to smooth it down, blushing. He set the flowers in my hands. "For you, Rin," he smiled.
I forced a smile and set the flowers on the table nearby. "Thank you. I'll take care of them. So, where are we going?"
"Ah, well, I thought you'd like to see a movie? I mean, if you don't want to, that's okay. But maybe we could see that one movie, uh, I forgot the name, uh, oh, Flower of Corruption, I think? B-But we can see anything else if you want!" he sputtered.
The corner of my mouth twitched.
He keeps switching from some suave romancing boy to a stammering idiot. I can't seem to get a good read on him…
"That sounds about perfect. Just let me grab my jacket and we'll go, okay?" I said and ran up to my room.
When I returned with my jacket I arrived to see Mikuo chatting Len up at the doorway. His eyes were practically stars, the way they were shining. Len looked less than impressed. He was practically glaring at the kid. When he saw that I was back, he raised both eyebrows and mouthed, 'Are you serious about this dork?'
I glared at him and took Mikuo's hand. The boy's complexion took on a unnaturally red hue in the matter of a second. "Bye, Len. I'll be back sometime later," I said, sounding a bit spiteful and leading Mikuo out the door and outside.
Len opened his mouth to say something, but obviously thought better of it and closed it. The last thing I saw him do was shut the door behind us.
"Do you like sitting closer to the screen or farther away?" Mikuo asked between slurps of his slushie.
"Either way's fine. It's too crowded to be picky, anyway. I think I see two open spots over there," I suggested and pointed to the area I was talking about.
We maneuvered around the legs of seated people to get to our spots. One lady who was a bit overweight spat at me when I spilled her cup of soda and called me a name I would rather not repeat. I mentally marked her as Target #1 on my list of people I planned to flick popcorn at when the movie started.
We settled into our spots, and we put our feets on the backs seats of the people in front of us. The theater was so packed that it would be stupid for an employee to call us out on doing so when so many other people were probably texting, talking, or doing whatever else. I turned in my seat to face Mikuo.
"So what made you want to see this movie? It seems like a pretty big event."
"Oh, well, I read the original book and really liked it. I kinda forgot that it was premiere night, though. Did you read the book?"
"Nah," I said, and a girl behind us with dark green hair threw a piece of licorice at me and booed.
"That's okay. It's not like you have to read it to see the movie. It's about this army general who meets a beautiful dancer and falls in love with her at first sight. It's not as lame as it sounds, though. What's exciting is what happens after that."
I nodded in understanding. Mikuo kept filling me in on the plot, though I wasn't really paying attention. I was more focused on someone who had just walked in to the theater, a girl with pretty hair that shone like gold pulled into a side braid and bright amber eyes. I recognized her as Akita Neru, the girl who'd been pining for my brother for years.
She pulled a boy after him with blonde hair in a much lighter color pulled into a ponytail. His eyes were oceans, hard to tell if they were a sea green or a deep water blue. He wasn't quite listening to what the girl was saying, rather he seemed to be searching the theater seats for someone. His eyes caught mine, and I bit my tongue to keep myself from standing up and cussing him out in front of everyone right then and there.
"That smug little bastard," I whispered under my breath and Mikuo stopped his detailed telling of the climax of the book.
Len and Neru passed right by us in the aisle, and Len gave me the most infuriating wink in the world. They sat just four rows behind us. When I turned around and pretended that he wasn't there, I could feel his eyes on the back of my head. I was thankful the lights dimmed and the movie trailers started, so I could take out my rage on the rude fat woman from early through the throwing of popcorn.
Mikuo must have seen my pissed expression, because he put his hand over my own and asked what was wrong. I lied and said that I was fine. He left his hand there, and I made no move to suggest he take it back.
I felt like such an ass, since he was such a nice guy and I was leading him on like this. He was sincere and genuinely enjoyed my company, while I was just there to make myself feel better because I had brother issues.
I decided to just let it all go and try to enjoy the date. I tried to not look uncomfortable when he put his arm around me, and I made an effort to lean into him and look natural. When there was an intense sword fighting scene, I gripped his hand whenever it looked like the main character might slip up and get killed. I allowed myself one glance back at Len and Neru, and had to keep myself from bursting into laughter. Neru clung to his arm for dear life, digging her french tipped manicured fingernails into his skin. He was gripping the armrest until his knuckles turned white, with a look on his face like, I didn't sign up for this.
For a brief while, I felt myself having a good time. For once, I was doing something a normal teenage girl does. I was on a date with a cute boy who really liked me, not obsessing over why my twin suddenly decided to hate me.
That didn't last nearly long enough, however.
The two main characters had just met again after a long separation, and they were practically eating each other's faces off. As things got more and more heated, I felt the temperature of Mikuo's arm around me rise. My hands sat clasped together in my lap, becoming sweatier as time went on. I wiped them on my skirt. The munching of popcorn coming from Mikuo stopped after they stumbled across the room and fell onto a bed. I knew what was coming next, both in the movie and in reality, and frankly, I was excited about neither.
Mikuo had turned to me in his seat, blushing. My cheeks were probably red too, but I was too awkward already to notice. Unspeakable sounds were coming from the screen, and he was leaning closer and closer until our noses were touching. It wasn't like I was going to push him away. I didn't have anything against kissing him. But it still felt wrong somehow, like every centimeter his lips got closer to mine was a mistake. When he kissed me, I closed my eyes and tried to push the feeling away.
The kiss could only be described as awkward. There was no sensation that filled me and made me want to go further with him, no sparked realization that I was in love with him or some cheesy crap like that. I was wondering when he was going to pull away, because I would feel rude if I did so myself.
I made the mistake of opening my eyes.
It wasn't Mikuo sitting there anymore; it was a boy with soft blonde hair and a face that resembled mine. It was loving and familiar. It was the face of a boy that I knew better than anyone else, the first face I had ever known. I knew almost everything there was to know about him, his love of architecture and the arts, that bananas would always be his favorite food, the way his face got red whenever someone called him girly, and the way he would do almost anything for me, everything except what I had wanted most. I loved that boy with every ounce of my being.
And the horrifying thing was, that boy was my twin brother, Len.
My eyes widened and I ripped myself away from the kiss. Len was Mikuo again, and he looked embarrassed and surprised. "I'm sorry- Wait, Rin, are you… crying…?"
My fingers found my cheek, which was wet with tears. My mouth hung open in shock. "I- I can't- I'm- I'm so- I have to go," I stuttered.
My legs were faster than my mind was, and I was already running out the theater and through the lobby before I could say anything more. Tears wouldn't stop gathering in my eyes. I burst out the doors of the building, and fell to my knees on the concrete. My body was heaving with sobs.
I felt so disgusted with myself. How could I let myself fall into something so wrong, so fucking repulsive? I ripped my ponytails out and let my hair hang down around my face. Feeling this way is illegal, for Christ's sake. If anyone ever found out, I'd be arrested, and shunned by everyone for the rest of my life. My heart just about tore in half when I imagined Len looking at me with a horrified look on his face, turning his back on me in disgust.
That couldn't stop me from being in love with him, though, I thought mournfully, feeling sick.
Maybe that's why he hates me so much. He realized that I was falling for him long before I did, and decided that distance would help save me from this. I don't blame him. I hate myself for this, in all honesty.
I slumped against the brick wall. I was in mid-sniffle when a shadow loomed over me. I looked up to find the last person I wanted to see.
"What the hell happened back there?" my brother asked.
"Go away," I hissed, putting my face in my hands.
"No. Not until you tell me what happened," he said, and I could tell by the closeness of his voice that he had knelt down to my level.
"Just shut up. I don't want to see anyone right now, especially you," I spat.
I heard something like a growl come from him, then winced when I felt him grab my wrists and rip my hands from my face. "Look, I am not happy that you're on this date. Not in the slightest. But Mikuo is. He treats you like a queen, Rin. He thinks you're the coolest thing since leeks, and for someone coming from the Hatsune family, that's pretty big deal. He's in that theater right now, worried sick and wondering what he did to upset you. So stop being such a brat and get back in there and tell him you're sorry. You're being rude, sis."
It was like a stab to the heart when he called me 'sis,' but I knew that he was right. I can't imagine how I would feel if I had just kissed someone I had really like and they ran away, crying. I felt like crying again, but I wiped my eyes and sighed. I looked up at Len. "You're right. Thanks, Len," I said.
He gave me a small smile. "Just doing my job. Now get back in there," he said and held out a hand.
I took it gratefully and he helped me up. I nodded at him and ran back into the theater.
I laid in my bed, staring at the ceiling. The only light in the room is the red of my alarm clock. I had kicked off the comforter, and lay underneath the white sheets. I couldn't sleep, but it also was no longer an option to ask to sleep with Len. I couldn't imagine what I would do if I saw his sleeping face within only inches of mine. It wasn't safe. Even thinking about it wasn't safe.
Mikuo accepted my apology a second after I said it. He was just glad I was okay, and that I wasn't mad at him. He was so sweet about the entire thing, I told him that we should do it again sometime. His eyes lit up like a Christmas tree and he nodded so violently he bit his tongue.
I could hardly look at Len on the way home. He didn't say much, but when we got home and I was getting ready to go to bed, he said he was sorry for coming to spy on me. He said he was just worried about me, which made me flush so much that I had to close the bathroom door so he wouldn't suspect anything.
The entire situation is cruel. There is no possible way he would ever see me as more than a sister. I doubt he would even want to see me if he knew how I felt about him. He would grow up, he'd get older and even more handsome than he already is, find a girl, fall in love with her, start a family, and forget all about his tiny little twin sister. I already paled in comparison to his date, Neru. I'd be left behind.
There was only one option for a sick girl like me. I would have to move on. I'd have to push these feelings away, dismiss it as an immature crush that I'd formed because of his coldness against me. I'd find a nice boy, make myself believe I loved him, and live a normal life. Who knows, maybe this is just a strange phase. I could get over it someday. That's what I want to believe. Even though I know in my heart it won't work out like that.
Tears had already soaked my pillow. There was nothing left for me to cry, so I hiccuped and wiped my nose. I felt so empty inside. There was nothing I could do, no possible outcome that could be called 'happy' as long as I held these feelings inside of me.
I don't remember falling asleep, but I definitely remember the first of many nightmares of Len rejecting me and disowning me as a sister.
… I feel like a super big asshole for being this mean to Rin and making her hate herself. Don't worry Rin, you'll get some love sometime soon 3.
Len is reminding me of Elsa from Frozen with all this pushing Rin away stuff and the image of him with her dress on is making me almost pee my pants. He should man up and face Rin.
Sometimes I forget that I'm the one making all this happen. Oops.
Please, please, PLEASE review! I know its easy to just read, maybe follow and favorite and go, but you have no idea how much reviews mean to me. I sound like a big fat hypocrite for saying this, but they make updates come faster. The more you review, the faster Rin will stop hating herself ;-;
See you next chapter! :)