Chapter 5

Off in the distance flames rose into night toward the heavens above. It was a sweet and bitter farewell to a man many respected, few loved. Twenty-three years of John's life was spent hunting down the paranormal and supernatural. He didn't live the life of a hunter for the praise and the thanks. John choose to live the life of seclusion and death so others didn't have to. The number of lives he saved was in the hundreds. The number of lives he affected… countless. His existence in this world caused a ripple of change affecting so many, yet most of those lives would never know.

But how many loved him? Those lives could be counted on a single hand, and they were all there watching his body burn. The hunter's funeral. Each loved one crying their own tears for their own reasons. Each one feeling the emptiness swelling up inside. Each one burdened with truths from a dying man's last words of good-bye.

For Sam, it was the kindness his father showed. It was his father asking, almost begging for them to stop arguing. For Dean, it was the love his father showered him with just before being thrown the heavily weighted task of kill his only brother if something happened. For Lex, it was a mentor asking her to watch over his sons; to be there for them even if they didn't want it.

Yet, no one knew what the old man said to the other. So each one remained secluded within their own mind, unsure of what the future held, weighted down by a burden they weren't sure they could handle.

Lex licked a few drops of liquor from her lips in frustration swirling the almost empty bottle in her hand deep in buzzed thought. She was a mixed up emotional mess. This meant drinking was probably not the best idea, but it seemed to be the only one to make any sense, if sense could be found on a night like this. So, Lex took another long swig of her Irish whiskey while she watched the flames continue to die.

Sam and Dean would probably still be there and Bobby, from what she heard about him, was drowning his sorrows in a bottle of gin, or maybe rum. It wouldn't be whiskey; Lex took that option with her on her trek through Bobby's mile wide forest of cars. After many imbibes and several long minutes, Lex found the perfect location to watch the fire from afar. It was on top a heap of rust about six cars high, and towered over the rest. The real trick was the climb. She wasn't exactly inebriated but she wasn't sober either and though she never cared for drinking, tonight the bottle was her friend and she didn't want to lose it. Taking notice of the smashed out driver's side window, Lex took aim and threw the bottle into the cab of the top car. Lex dug her fingers into the opening between the first two cars and began to pull herself up. Lex found car climbing to be much like rock climbing except her foot holds were steal doors, busted review mirrors, flat tires, and bent metal. A couple of times Lex had to awkwardly maneuver to reach a new hand grip, but for the most part, it was easy. Once she pulled herself to the top of the heap she could see the perfect view of the fire off in the distance just outside Bobby's impressive collection of rust. She reached into the driver's seat, pulled out the bottle and placed it in the gap between the windshield and hood before pulling herself on to the hood. The metal groaned and popped under the new weight, but remained stable.

Much like a dog, Lex shifted around the hood looking to find the most comfortable spot while making sure to miss getting cut by the shattered windshield. Once comfort was reached, Lex raised to bottle to the sky. "This is to you John." She took a long unhealthy gulp and watched the silhouette of John Winchester's sons.

Two hours later…

Sam and Dean walked back to Bobby's in silence.

Sam really wanted to apologize to Dean for all the arguments he started with dad. He wanted to apologize for the fights Dean had to break up. But what he really wanted to apologize for was walking out on Dean two years ago and running off to college. At the time it seemed so needed and necessary, but now it was nothing more than a stupid trivial belated teenage angst moment.

Dean, on the other hand, was burdened by the thought of killing his own brother, his protectee. Since Dean was nothing more than four years old, he became Sam's guardian. It was always his job… 'watch out for Sammy' that's what his father would say. But now his father was telling him to kill Sam? And what about this feeling he couldn't get rid of. Dean had a black pit in his heart and soul, and it wouldn't go away, in fact it was getting bigger. He couldn't help but consider their father's death was a sacrifice to keep him alive. He had to stop thinking about it. Dean rubbed his face trying to displace any emotion he might be showing in front of Sam.

Off in the distance a pack of coyote scavenged for food. The last remainder of the burial fire crackled and popped as the ambers died down. The warm summer wind blew through the trees and brushed against their swollen tear-stricken faces. Metal creaked and unclosed doors shuttered. Usually, such noises caused the two hunters to be ready, but at Bobby's place the sounds were normal and welcomed. Besides the impala, Bobby's house was the only place they knew to call home.

At one time Bobby Singer's house was beautiful bright baby blue with navy shutters, and white trim. The yard was immaculately kept with wild flowers growing along the walking path and perfectly trimmed hedges. But that Bobby Singer's house was a distant memory. The house now was pale in comparison. The yard didn't exit except for the space between the mounds of vehicles. The blue was now graying with age. The shutters were closed and random unknown symbols were strewn across them in red paint. The porch creaked as the two men moved into the home.

Inside, it was obvious a woman hadn't live here in years. Dust was common place. Dishes were only done when the sink was full. Beer bottles littered the counters and mystic books of strange and unusual lore plagued the floors and tables. As the boys entered the living room, the only other man they ever loved like a father sat at his desk with a bottle of gin in hand. "I'm surprised you boys didn't stay out longer." Bobby wasn't really expecting an answer.

Sam shoved his hands deep into his pockets surveying the room. "Where's Lex?"

"Damned girl made off with my favorite bottle of whiskey."

"Do you know where she went?"

"Disappeared in the back somewhere about an hour or so ago."

Sam nodded, "I'm gonna go look for her."

"She's a big girl Sam; she's got the 'Fields' blood running through her veins. She'll be fine."

"I know Bobby, but…"

"Let's go find your girlfriend Sammy." Dean turned to Bobby. "We'll be back in a few so you better save me some of that," he said pointing to the bottle.

"She's not my girlfriend."

Dean directed Sam out the back door. "Ya you keep telling yourself that."

Truth be told, the Winchesters' knew Lex was fine. She probably needed to be alone, but it was a good escape from the current reality and both Winchesters welcomed distraction. Sam and Dean made their way out the back door staring down the mile graveyard.

Sam pointed to the left and Dean agreed to take the right. The lot whistled its creepy melody and the trees danced in the growing wind. Dean enjoyed the sounds of familiarity as he dodged sharp metal edges, and broken glass. His search for Lex was half-hearted at best. The girl was a seasoned hunter, and the last time he went looking for her it ended in a fist fight. But Dean did snatched up the opportunity to get a few moments to be alone, allowing him a chance to think about what to do next.

His first thought was to figure out what the hell his father meant. What did John know that he wasn't telling and now never could? How in the hell could he kill Sam… better yet, why would he? Sammy was all he had left. John couldn't really expect him to kill his own flesh and blood. Hell, did John really think the world meant more to Dean than Sam? Dean didn't want to live in a world without Sam…

"Freezing."

The sound of a familiar voice caused him to jump to attention. It took him a moment to register the voice and then began to look around. "Warmer… getting warmer…" Dean stopped walking and began to look side to side, listening to the voice and then looked up. "Now you're hot." He spotted her sitting on the busted hood of an old 1970 C10 pickup truck six cars high.

"I personally think I've always been hot."

Lex snorted, "And there's the egotism." She swung her legs up around to let them daggle over the side. "Congratulations, you found me."

Dean looked at her questioningly. "How'd you get up there?"

"I climbed."

Dean turned away realizing how stupid his question was. "How's your hand doing?" She glanced at it, and shrugged. "Sammy's looking for ya."

"So I hear." Lex pointed out as the faint voice of Sam calling her name echoed through the lot. She smiled and took another large swig of the whiskey. "I seriously thought you two would be down there for at least a few more hours. Heads up." Lex dropped the bottle to Dean who caught it one handed. To his surprise it was a hell of a lot lighter than he was expecting, it was basically empty. He took a moment to glance between the bottle and the woman climbing down the stack of autos then back to the bottle. As she touched down he couldn't help but nod a sign of respect. "What?"

"Just impressed. I've always liked a woman who could hold her liquor. Today they like their girly chocolate martinis and kamikazes…"

"Does the red hair mean absolutely nothing to you? I'm not much of a drinker but when I do, it better be the good shit. With that said…" Lex grabbed the whiskey from his hand and drank down the last of the bottle. "Bobby has good taste." Dean nodded in agreement, but his mind was elsewhere. Lex caught the look, it was the 'I want to ask you something...' look. She rested the bottle on the bottom car in the stack and leaned up against it. "Ask. Whatever is on your mind, just ask. But know this, make sure you want to know the answer."

"Sam said you figured out our dad was going to summon the demon." Lex nodded. "Did he tell you about the deal?"

"No." She crossed her arms. "I just assumed."

Dean nodded, his anger quickly building until the point of boiling over. "So you knew he was planning on making a deal with the demon and you just let him?"

"Dean!" Sam's voice rang out, as the six foot five Winchester raced to their side. "Dean, seriously just stop!"

"She knew dad was going to make the deal, Sam!"

"I heard…" Lex caught the disappointment in his voice.

Dean's anger began to lash out. "Did you say anything to him? Did you try to stop him? Or did you just let him walk down there while you watched." Dean hadn't originally been angry with her. Dean was really expecting to learn she didn't know anything but the pit in his stomach, the disgust he felt, the anger he was forcing down in gulps all rose to the surface and began to lash out at Lex. "The man loved you like his daughter and you just let him walk to his death without even trying to stop him!"

"Dean that's enough!" Sam could see the tears staring to fall down Lex's cheeks at Dean's hateful words.

Too late. It was Lex's turn to boil over, and she did with a single anger filled fully loaded right hook into Dean's face. The impact almost pushed him into Sam. "John was going to give up the Colt for you because you're more important than a stupid gun! He figured we would find another way to kill the demon if it meant bringing you back! So no, I didn't argue with him or talk him out of it." Tears now ran down her face like small rivers. "When I overheard Yellow Eyes asking for John to 'sweeten the pot' and the moment I realized what the demon wanted I was at John's side begging him, pleading with him not to take the deal. I even threw my soul down on the plate for him so you two wouldn't have to know what it was like to watch your family burn. Do you know what John said to me…his children should be burying him not the other way around…" Lex threw her hands up in the air in defeat. "How in the hell do you argue with that kind of love? You don't. You just don't. After that I got pulled out of the room so… hell… I have no idea what the actual deal was. But the worst part of it all, being forced to watch as the man I love like a father made a pact with the demon who killed his wife, my entire family because it was the only thing he could do to save his son and me unable to lift a god damned finger to stop it. "

Sam and Dean both stood there in silence sharing shame-filled glanced at each other. Sam felt her pain, fighting the urge to pull her into him and shield her from the affects of it. Dean just felt ashamed, and realizing too late how wrong he was about Lex. He didn't have to question if she was telling the truth, the tears, the look in her eye, both were enough for him to know.

"I thought by now I would have earned even just an ounce of respect, that you wouldn't think so low of me but apparently I was wrong. So now I am officially done trying." Lex walked passed both boys and quickly disappeared through the stacks.

Sam shook his head utterly disappointed in Dean. "If she hadn't punched you, I would have." Dean didn't say anything. "Damn it Dean. You said it yourself, dad loved her like his own kid, like she were one of us! That alone should be enough for you to at least give her a chance. Bobby knew her father and brother, both of them were well known and respected hunters. On top of that, she risked her life to stop The Hell Fire Club from coming after us and Dad; she was the first person 'you' contacted to help gank the vampires that got away after we stole the Colt back. Did you know she was fed on, hell they almost turned her too!" Dean didn't know. "She was the first person I thought of to call after the car accident. She's been here by our sides through all this as a shoulder for us to lean on and yet, it's still not good enough for you! So what's it gonna take Dean? Huh? What the hell's she gotta to do to get you to trust her?"

Dean couldn't answer him honestly because he didn't know. He did trust Lex and he respected Lex but there was just something about her he didn't trust, or maybe that was the problem. He did trust her and respected her and liked her. "Sam…"

"I get it Dean, you're pissed at dad for keeping his secrets. I've been at the head of that line for years, but taking your anger out on Lex because dad never told us about her isn't fair to her. If that's not the problem then figure your shit out and fix it or let it go. Lex is a valuable asset and a close friend, one in a dwindling number and we can't afford to lose her because of your issues Dean!"

Sam made his point. There was nothing else that needed to be said, so he turned on his heels and followed Lex's exit, leaving Dean to be alone.

A small stream of blood dripped down Dean's chin. The last time he was on the receiving end of Lex's punches was during a simple sparing match. Punches were held and strength was mitigated. Being on the receiving end of a no-holds bard attack was a much different story. The girl had strength. He whipped the blood away as his eyes drifted toward their wake.

It was a feeling. Dean never felt so close to anyone except for his father, Sam and Bobby. He never felt such a surge of need, except when he was around Lex. The moment he met Alexis Fields, he felt a very powerful urge to protect her, to keep her safe, something he'd never felt before. He didn't trust this feeling and in turn he didn't want to trust her, even though he wanted to. Dean was never one to just accept something he didn't understand or couldn't explain. More often than not, in his line of work, it meant things else was going on, something supernatural.

It was times like these when he would go to his father for help, for answers, and for advice. But how could he? His father was dead, and every burden he now carried was because of John.

Sam found Lex sitting on the porch stairs, her head hidden between her knees, a pool of tears at her feet. "Lexi…" he whispered. He understood exactly how she felt. He sat down next to her wrapping his arms about her body to comfort her. In turn, it comforted him. The feeling of being needed, and being able to be a shoulder for someone else was exactly what he needed right now. Immediately, she laid her head upon his shoulder allow the tears to continue. Tonight they both needed each other. "It was wrong of Dean…"

"No, he's right. I should have done…If I had…"

"We're talking about John Winchester. There's nothing you could've done."

Lex forced a laugh wiping the tears. "God this is ridiculous! You're father just passed away and you're comforting me. This really should be the other way around."

Sam gave a genuine smile, "He was like a dad to you too."

"It's not the same." Lex nodded, "I should probably get going." Lex said to change the subject to anything else but this. She was mentally tried and physically exhausted. Any break she should get she wanted. "Now that the demon has the colt we need to figure out a way to get it back especially after what you told me, about the demon having plans for the other kids like you. I don't know what the demon is planning but I'm willing to bet, it's nothing good."

Sam couldn't agree more, but he was afraid to admit it to himself. He just wanted to be normal, but that door disappeared into the flames of the past. "Agreed." Sam hesitated a moment. "Can you stay? At least for a couple of days?" Lex threw him a curious look, but she couldn't hide the excitement of being asked. "Things are still just so screwed up and I could really use you around to help keep me sane."

The thought of asking Lex to stay rocked back in forth in his head all night. He knew she would suggest leaving. Part of him was okay with her leaving. Part of him felt guilty for kissing her so soon after the loss of Jessica. Part of him almost didn't want to trust her. Yet the majority of him was happy she came into his life. Each day, little by little, Lex was helping him break passed Jessica and move on. If she could do that, then she could help him get passed this too.

Lex nodded, holding back the surge of happiness swelling up inside her. "Sure."

Much like the hospital, Sam reached out his hand and pulled Lexi into him. Their lips touched, but unlike the moment at the hospital which was over in a blink of an eye, this lasted. There was something behind this kiss. There was passion, love and something else, something neither could understand. For a single instant Sam considered letting himself go, and accepting the woman in his arms, but Sam pulled away. He still wasn't ready to let Jessica go, not just yet. "I'm sorry."

Lex touched his cheek, "You have nothing to be sorry for Sam." She gave him a reassuring smile, "I swear." Suddenly her watch beeped at her. "Holy shit, you know it's four a.m.?" Tiredness suddenly overwhelmed them both. "It seriously just hit me at how exhausted I am."

"I could use some sleep."

Together they walked into the house. Bobby had thrown a few blanks out on the couch for the lot of them, and left the fire burning to keep the place warm. He, of course, was already in bed. Sam nodded toward the couch. "It's yours. Dean and I'll take the floor."

"Sam…"

"Trust me, I rather have the floor." He kissed her on the forehead as she made herself comfortable on the couch. Sam grabbed himself a pillow and the largest blanket available, making a small bed for himself next to Lex.

It was almost instantaneous. The moment Lex's head hit the pillow she was out. It was not so easy for Sam. His dreams were still riddled with visions of Jessica's death, and just visions in general. Yet, despite everything he actually slept more soundly than he had in the last year.