Chapter 37
Regina was staring out the window watching the night sky as it passed overhead. The stars were the same, but they were different in her mind. She hadn't been out of Storybrooke in almost twenty years. She could remember the day like it was yesterday. It was the day she got Henry. She sighed and reached across the console to grab Emma's hand. Needing her silent strength as they continued towards an unknown destiny with a known destination.
"It'll be alright, Regina."
Regina turned to look at the blonde, who was clearly focused on the road before her. She didn't say anything in response, but simply nodded. She couldn't understand why she was so emotional about this trip. It wasn't like her. None of this was like her. She couldn't explain what was going on in her head, much less around her.
She was happy that she and Emma were going to get married, but there was something plaguing the back of her mind. It had since Rhiannon had resurrected in her in her own bedroom. She loved Henry and Emma. She really did and she felt like she had finally earned her right to a happy ending. She had found forgiveness from Snow and even gave it to her. She just couldn't understand why the darkness that she had kept at bay for so long was starting to bubble in her heart again. She didn't understand the anger that was just below the surface surging and begging to be released, but she didn't know at what. It was as if her body knew something that her mind did not. She didn't like it. No, she didn't like it one bit.
"How do you feel?" Emma asked, realizing that she was upset.
"I am fine, Emma," she lied.
"Why are you lying to me?"
"I am not," she lied, again.
"Regina, I always know when you are lying to me. Have you forgotten that? Tell me what is bothering you. We still have a long way to go. And, the car is our only companion. I promise I won't tell anyone what you tell if you don't want me to. Just talk to me," Emma pleaded.
"I am angry."
"Why?"
"I don't know."
"Is it because your magic works differently outside of Storybrooke?"
"I really don't know. I feel like there is a burning in my blood begging to be released, but I can't figure out why. I lived without magic for twenty-eight years before you broke the curse. I gave it up willing for Henry, and lived another eight. I don't know why this is affecting me so much."
"It'll be okay, Regina. I promise. I am here for you."
"We should stop," Regina replied, trying to end the conversation.
"I have a few more good hours in me. I figured I'd pull over later and let you drive for a while. I'll sleep while you drive. We'll make it there faster. We could…"
"Stop."
"What?"
"Stop in the next town," Regina stated.
"You're sure?"
"Yes."
Emma quickly stole a glance at Regina before returning her eyes to the road. She could feel the uneasiness flowing off of the former queen. She knew that Regina didn't make the request lightly and she didn't take it lightly, either. She would stop as soon as she found a town that didn't look like it was in the middle of nowhere. She hadn't really been watching the signs as they passed in the night, but now she found herself looking for the nearest town. She tilted her neck stretching it out as she saw a sign announcing that Richmond was less than five miles away. Then glanced at the clock. She was making awesome time.
They had finally left Storybrooke around two that afternoon. It was just nearing two AM. Emma knew that she was speeding down I-95, but she didn't care. She was in a marked police vehicle. Sure it got her a lot of looks, but no one bothered to stop her, even though it was clear she was from Maine. She began to think that they should cloak the car and make it look more like a civilian's as they neared Columbia. She didn't want to spook the girl before they got there. Maybe stopping would be a good thing. She could get some sleep and she could talk to Regina about what was bothering her about this.
She pulled into a Holiday Inn just off the interstate. She walked in the little lobby and pulled out a credit card. The clerk looked at her strangely, but didn't say anything. He passed a sign in card through a slot behind the protective glass. Emma took it and grabbed a pen off the counter and began to fill it out. She had no reason to lie. She handed him her Massachusetts driver's license and the card. He looked at the information, smiled a slight but friendly smiled and began typing in the computer. Emma stood there waiting. He handed her back her credit card, license, and a key card with the number 108 on top of it.
"Check out is before noon. Room is around the side there. Have a good night," he told her.
She smiled and walked out the door. She got in the car with little fanfare and drove around the building until they were in front of the room. She got out of the car, popped the trunk, grabbed their bag and headed for the door. Regina still sat in the car, glaring forward, no emotion on her face. Emma cocked her head in question and it managed to get her attention. Emma waved a hand at the door in invitation. Regina got out of the car.
Once they were in the room, Regina sat on one king size bed. Emma grabbed the remote and turned on the TV just to have background noise. She hadn't realized that she needed to pee until they got in the room. She headed to the bathroom, while Regina still sat on the edge of the bed, ramrod straight and still.
When she came out of the bathroom, drying her hands with one of the hotel towels, she finally saw the full extent of worry on Regina's face. She hadn't seen her like this in years. She couldn't remember her being so stoic except for that night seven years ago after Regina had come back from Gold's, just before he and Belle had gone back to the Enchanted Forest to try to build their life together. She told Emma that night that Rumple had promised to leave them alone. He missed Neal, but understood that Henry was in good hands. He would come if he was needed to defend them. He owed the boy his life. He was just a mirror "call" away.
"What is it?"
"I don't know."
"Describe the feeling to me," Emma stated.
"I can't."
"Why not?"
"I don't know how."
"Just try."
Regina sighed. She felt the old anger bubbling inside. She wasn't angry at Emma. She wasn't angry at Snow, anymore. Why was she still angry? What was it that she couldn't remember?
"I'm angry…full of anger and hate and I don't know why. I have let everything go with your mother, just as she has with me. She named me her sister, for fuck's sake. I just don't understand why I am so…hateful inside. The darkness is growing in my heart. I can feel it."
Emma looked at her worriedly. She hadn't heard such venom in her voice in years. It was like the closer they were getting to Shannon the angrier Regina was getting. The Evil Queen was trying to come out of her body, but Regina was fighting her. It was hard to fight yourself.
"Are you sure?" Emma asked, hoping it wasn't true.
Regina looked at her with soft, hurting, chestnut eyes. Her plump red mouth was agape as she plunged her own hand into her chest. Emma's eyes almost fell out of her own head when Regina lifted her heart out for Emma to see. It was pulsing and red. The dark spot that had gotten so small after her resurrection was "beating" and getting ever so slightly bigger. Emma shock was apparent on her face.
"See."
"Put it back."
"Why? I'm turning evil again. Maybe I shouldn't have come. Maybe I only get my happy ending in Storybrooke. I'll look up a flight and fly home. You continue on with me. I'll get Henry to pick me up from the airport," Regina stated without an ounce of emotion.
Emma looked at her, shocked and perplexed at the same time. Her fiancée was regressing for no apparent reason and she was scared. She was scared shitless and Emma could see it on her face. The cold calculation that Regina normally possessed was present but it was covered by the fear of the unknown. Emma wanted to comfort her lover, but she didn't know what to say.
"I'll call Snow."
"Don't."
"Don't what?"
"Don't bother with her. Just call Henry. I can't see them like this."
"Like what, Regina? You aren't making any sense. What the hell is going on?"
"I don't know."
"Gah…you know, fuck it. I'm calling Rhiannon. We'll sleep here tonight. I'll drive us back tomorrow. I'll bring Henry or Ruby back with me."
"No."
"What do you mean, 'No'?"
"Exactly what I just said, Miss Swan. NO. It would be a waste of gas, time and resources. You will just have to continue the journey on your own. I can't go any further."
"I will not leave you here."
"Yes, you will."
"Why?" Emma questioned, dropping to the floor in front of her taking one of Regina's hands in her own. She noted the heat that was radiating from it, but she didn't say anything. Instead she looked up into Regina's eyes, hoping to find some answer to the questions neither of them wanted to ask aloud.
"Because I command you to do it."
"You command me?" Emma mused as she stood up in recoil from the depth in Regina's voice.
"Yes."
"I am not, nor have I ever been your subject. I will not bend my knee to you like some peasant. I am your lover, partner, and equal. I will not leave you here to deal with whatever this is by yourself. For fuck's sake, Regina, look me in the eye and tell me something."
"Language."
"Dammit."
Emma was across the room and pacing. She couldn't believe the sudden change in her behavior. Was there something in Richmond that was causing this? She didn't know. She couldn't tell. She had worked on her magic, but it wasn't going to help them now. She didn't know if she could even do anything outside of Storybrooke. Neither of them did.
She turned back to see Regina staring at her hands in her lap. She pondered them curiously and it caught Emma's full attention. There was something wrong with her. It was like Regina was possessed. She didn't mind the snarkiness or sass that Regina generally gave her, but this was a different all together personality.
"I'm calling Rhiannon. Something isn't right. We can both agree on that much."
"She won't be able to help."
"We don't know that."
"We don't, no. I do. There is nothing to be done but sending me back. I can't stay here."
"You wanted to get off the road. So, we did. You wanted to come with me because you figured the girl might possess magic. She probably does. I can't face her alone. I can't do this without your help. Now, let me help you with this so we can go on."
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because you can't ever leave me alone, can you?"
"What are you talking about?" Emma asked, clearly clueless as to why Regina's rage was focused on her now.
"You took my son from me. You broke my curse. You destroyed my second chance at happiness. Every time you help someone, I lose much. It was the same with your mother. I can't believe that I didn't see this before. What will you take from me this time, Miss Swan?"
"I am not taking anything from you. I share Henry with you. We are both his mothers. Yes, I broke the curse, but had I not, think of what your life would be like now. I may have helped in bringing Marian and Robin back together, but I didn't destroy your chance at happiness. I fell for you. I love you, Regina. I want to be with you. I have done everything that I have for you and Henry. I love you both. You are my family. You are my life. You are my chance at happiness and I thought that I was yours, and a poetic way to end your feud with Snow."
"It is ironic. I should care, but I don't. I don't want Henry to be the reason you've stayed with me. I don't want you to be with me out of some random sense of honor. I deserve better."
"How? AM? I? NOT? WORTHY? OF? YOU? NOW?" Emma shouted in question.
"You … you…"
"I'm what?"
"Ahh!" Regina yelled as her hands caught fire.
Emma saw the flames as they burst forth from Regina's delicate hands. She couldn't believe her eyes. She didn't know what to do. If Regina was going to kill her for loving her, then so be it. It would be a fitting end to everything. She had tried to save the queen's heart and failed. It would a miserable failure, like all the rest of her life, but it would be fitting, she thought.
"AHHH!"
The second shout was more in pain that Emma registered the first time. She rushed to Regina and scooped her up. She ran her into the bathroom, depositing her into the tub and turning the shower on. The water immediately cooled Regina's dangerously warming body and helped dampen the flames, but not completely extinguishing them.
"I'm calling Rhiannon."
"Sounds good," Regina replied, sitting in the tub, under the shower's spray.