Stupid Tsubasa-sempai. Stupid Koko. Stupid Kitsu. Stupid Ruka. Stupid Natsuke. Stupid Yuu. The girls too; stupid.
It's been almost two months since that day in the park with Natsuke. I was sitting along in the living room with Natsume, with no way of getting out. The others had locked us inside. I knew it was Natsuke and Ruka's idea. The others liked the idea and tagged along, those stupid people.
"Could you relax?" I felt his glare at me even if I didn't see it. It was uncomfortable. I turned around with light difficulties. I stumbled over and sat down on the other side of the couch. I still felt his stare at me.
"What?!" I snapped when I couldn't take it anymore. What Natsuke said never left my mind. Never. Natsume just looked away and picked up a book from the table before he started reading. I just sat there, trying to think of something else. I looked over at Natsume.
"Is there something on my face?" He suddenly looked up at me. His eye contact made me look down with a blush on my face. I felt nervous.
"Why do you ask?"
"You've been staring the last 8 minutes."
I looked over at my watch and felt my cheeks grow hotter. I muttered a sorry and looked anywhere but in his direction.
"You're not going to calm down, are you?" he suddenly asked after a few minutes of silence.
"I am calm."
"Then stop shaking."
"I'm not."
"You are."
"I'm not."
"You are."
…. This went on for a few more rounds.
"Well, it's your fault anyway!" I blurted out. I realized what I had said and covered my mouth with my hands.
"Why?"
I just shook my head. I shouldn't say anything else, but I had a feeling he would force it out of me.
"Nothing." I said.
"Tell me."
"No."
"Tell me."
"No."
"Tell me."
"No."
"Tell me."
"No."
"Tell me."
"No."
"Tell me."
"No."
"Tell me."
"I like you, okay?"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"Say something!"
"Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why do you like me?"
"I don't know."
"You don't know?"
"I said I don't know so I don't know!" I snapped. "First you hate me, then you're nice, then you hate me again, then we kiss, and then you hate me again and then nice and then hate me. What am I supposed to do?"
"So, why do you like me?"
I could only glare at him. "I. Said. I. Don't. KNOW!" I yelled at him. He started chuckling.
"What?" I snapped and glared at him.
"You're cute when you're angry."
That made me shut up. I blushed deep red and raised my feet so I sat in a ball-like position and stared at my feet as if they were the most interesting thing in the world. My cheeks were burning. I heard him chuckle once again.
"So you like me." He said.
"No." I denied.
"I… like that you're considerate. You're honest and you take the consequences. How should I say it... Like that time with the bracelet... You let me stay mad at you until you had fixed the problem. I was mad at you for days, why didn't you tell me what had happened and that you were going to fix it?"
"What's the point in that? You probably wouldn't believe me and you also wouldn't let me take it to repair. Instead, you would take it and cry about the broken."
That might be true, I thought and unconsciously shrugged my shoulders while nodding. I looked up at him, and he looked the other way. When he looked at me again, I quickly looked at my feet again. I felt his stare at me and my blush appearing on me cheeks.
"I already know what you feel about me, so you don't need to say anything. It's okay." I said, not looking at him. He didn't say anything, so I walked to the door. I wanted to tell them to open the door but I discovered that it was already open. I walked outside and I saw everyone in the stairs 1 meter away from the door. "Thanks a lot." I said it in a bit annoyed tone, just to make them feel guilty. I walked past them and up to my room and placed the chair in front of the door once again. It wasn't before I lied down in my bed I discovered I was crying. I thought back to what just happened and I put my music on full so the they could hear my music downstairs in order to cry without them knowing. I started crying for real while lying on my bed, burying my face in my pillow. When I woke up again, the music was still on, since I put it on repeat, and my stomach growled. I was hungry. I walked over to my stereo and turned the music off. I walked over to my mirror and got some make-up remover napkins and took off all of my make-up. I changed into my PJs and then I walked over to the door. I peeked outside and I saw no one. I tried to open the door more, but something stopped it. I looked down and saw a tray with food and a bottle of water. I also saw a note saying "Call me if you need to talk. Anna." I smiled and picked the tray up. I felt guilty when I noticed that the food was cold. I walked, no sneaked down to the kitchen. No one was home. I walked over to the microwave and started reheating the food Anna made. I noticed a note lying there, too. "We're going out for tonight. We'll be home late, so don't wait up. The girls wanted to sleep over, so I told them to ask you if you felt up for it. Call if you need anything. Ruka." I smiled and my food was finished after a few minutes. I ate and then called the girls to invite them over. They came within 30 minutes, and I was already dressed up. I needed to go out. We went out to a teenager club and we danced and laughed for a long time. Suddenly, a guy came up to me and asked me to dance. I agreed and after he danced he offered to buy me a drink. We flirted for a while, but in the end he asked for my number. I said I didn't remember, but it seemed that he didn't like that answer. He grabbed my arm and tried to force me to give it to him. I tried to get out of his grip but I was unable too. A few people was looking at us and I felt my eyes getting teary.
"She said 'let go'" I heard a voice behind me. A really familiar voice.
"Get lost, bastard." The guy holding me said.
I felt another hand placing itself on my waist and I closed my eyes. I heard a weird noise, felt my wrist being let go of and someone held me close to them; like a one-arm hug. I opened my eyes and saw the guy on the floor, bleeding a bit from his mouth. I gasped and looked up to see raven hair and crimson eyes. He dragged me outside the club and let me go.
"What are you doing here?" He asked me.
"I could say the same to you. Why did you rescue me? No one asked you too. You don't even like me, so why rescue me? "
He didn't answer and just stared at me. "I never said I don't like you." He said. I just stared at him.
"So you like me then?"
"You can't be with me."
"That's not what I asked."
"You don't like me. Really. You like my appearance. You don't know anything about my past or who that made me. It would just scare you away."
"I asked if you like me or not!"
"Yes, damn it! Of course I do, but you don't know anything, but you still go on about my feelings that you've misunderstood. I'm too much trouble, so it's better for you to stay away."
"Maybe I can-"
"No. My problem is my problem. You don't deserve to get dragged into it."
"Please…" I felt my eyes getting teary and my tears ran down my cheeks. "Tell me."
He sighed and grabbed my hand, dragged me away and we were soon at the house. We sat at the kitchen in silence for a while before he spoke.
"It was 3 years ago. My sister went to England with my parents. I never got on good terms with my father, but my relationship with Aoi is another thing. Aoi and I talked to each other every day. She told me about a guy she met in England. I've met him once, he's a nice guy. She told me that she liked him so I encouraged her. He's a year older that her and one day they had a date. During that day, Aoi was in an accident together with that guy. Aoi told me about their date. They watched a movie, went to a restaurant and they wanted to take a walk in the park. He went to buy some ice cream while she was waiting at a bench. Some older, drunk, guys came up to her and started flirting. They got mad since she didn't want to go with them, and her date ran over to her and protected her. The guy punched her date right in the face and he fell backwards, on Aoi. He started bleeding bad as he hit his head hard quite hard. The drunken men…" I could see the anger and regret in Natsume's face. "The drunken men… they pulled Aoi up by her hair and swung her around and she fell in the river. She didn't know how to swim and she almost drowned. The drunken men got scared by the police and they ran off. The police sent the both of them to the hospital. The guy was okay, but he had his nose broken and a concussion. Aoi, on the other hand, had swallowed so much water and she was unconscious for a week. My dad had an argument with Aoi about this guy after she woke up. Since I encouraged her, this was my entire fault. Aoi refused and tried to convince my dad, but he didn't listen. But he's right. It was my fault. If I hadn't encouraged her to go out with the guy, it would never have happened. Aoi almost died because of an advice I gave her. During the year after that, I got into so many fights. I got suspended from school many times and I hang out around in the city late at night. The police brought me home during the middle of the night too often for my father's liking. I started drinking and trashed the house once. I got into the biggest fight with my dad and moved out. I stopped all of those old habits when I moved here. I wanted to be there for Aoi if she ever needed me to." I could see his fist clench together. I went closer to him and hugged him.
"It's not your fault."
"Yes, it is."
No. You didn't know it would happen. How were you supposed to? You only want the best for Aoi. If it's anyone's fault, it's those drunken men."
I was a bit surprised when he hugged me back. He hid is face in my neck and his breath were a bit tickling. I continued to hug him and stroke his back for a while. He made me pull back and my eyes widened when he placed his lips on mine. His lips were warm. I felt my cheeks burn as hell, knowing I was redder that a tomato. He pulled back and whispered a small "thank you". I smiled at him and hugged him again comfortingly. We sat there for a long time until he pulled back again.
"I can't be with you." My heart fell when he said that, but I already knew. "because I'm like this. What if I go back to being that guy? There's a chance for that. It's easy to go back to being addictive. I'm unable to bring you happiness. I'll only bring sorrow and-"
I placed a finger on his lips and whispered a small 'Shhh'
"I don't believe that. You've already made me happy. I just want to be with you, you know?"
He looked at me for a really long time.
"You don't care if I make you unhappy, frustrated, and confused or make you feel horrible? You don't deserve to feel that just because you're with me. I don't want to put you through anything like that."
"So you're planning on being alone for the rest of your life?" I asked him with a stern tone. He kept quiet. "And yes. I believe that I can help you. I don't know how yet, but I want to do my best. Let me share your pain. That way it can be easier."
He just kept staring at me, but after a while I could see his lips turning into a small smile.
"Then… Will you go out with me?" he asked.
I smiled and nodded. "I thought you would never ask."
We started laughing and he pulled me into another hug.
"Prepare for hell." He joked.
I could only laugh.