Chapter Forty:
Mackenzie felt exhausted when she woke. She had slept most of the day, she realized, turning over in Eric's arms and glancing at the time. It was late afternoon, not long before both vampires would be waking. She was still so exhausted as she peeled herself from Eric's side and trudged across the room to the bathroom. She hissed when the light burned her eyes, grumbling under her breath. She felt like shit and opted for a nice relaxing shower to hopefully clear her thoughts.
But she knew it would be near impossible. She could never just forget what Eric had told her last night. She had wanted so badly to know what happened, to understand how she came into Eric's care. But she had never once expected the explanation to be that. She couldn't even comprehend everything he had told her, and she tried desperately not to. She didn't want to think about it. Because she knew she would break down again, and she was so tired of crying. She was crying over everything and she was over it. When the hell was she going to be smiling and laughing again? She felt like she hadn't been happy for more than an hour in years.
Hell, had she ever really been happy?
Yes, she thought. She had been happy. Her entire life had been one full of happiness. As dysfunctional as her family was and even when Godric abandoned her, she still had lived a pretty content life. Eric had always given her everything she always desired, even more than she could possibly imagine. He may not have showered her with love all the time, but there had always been moments when she knew. Like when she was scared, or when she hurt herself. He had sent her away too many times to count, but she understood why now, and she couldn't fault him for that anymore. In fact, he had tried to protect her. Maybe he had gone about it the wrong way, but he had still done everything he could for her.
How could she not have been happy?
But now, now everything seemed so complicated. She just wanted to get back to how things used to be. At least then, she had understood who everyone was and where they all stood. These damn dreams hadn't helped anything. She was so confused as to how she felt about Godric. He would always be her rock, her shoulder to cry on. But her dreams were starting to change how she saw him. And she hated that. Because she wasn't supposed to think of Godric as anything but a brother or maybe an uncle. But there she was, thinking back to how his tongue had…
"No no no, do not go down that road," Mackenzie scolded herself as she stepped under the warm spray of the water. She quickly changed the temperature, needing the freezing cold water to cool off her thoughts. It didn't help, however, only reminding her of Godric's cool touches. She groaned as she quickly cleaned herself and climbed back out. Not even the shower was offering her an escape.
Grabbing a pair of shorts and a top from the many clothes Godric had provided her, Mackenzie changed before slipping back out into the bedroom. She gazed over at Eric's sleeping form and immediately felt herself drawn back to the bed. She slid in beside the Viking and placed her cheek against his chest. She just felt safe in his arms, like nothing in the world could possibly harm her. He had always made her feel safe, even when their relationship had been strained.
As if sensing her, Eric's arms tightened around her, holding her to him. She wanted to smile at his action but she couldn't. It felt difficult to smile after everything. Just when she thought everything was going to be okay, it wasn't. And this time, it had been her own fault. Eric had warned her, he had tried to shield her from the pain. But she had been determined to know. She wished she could go back in time to last night and just let it go.
"I'm sorry," he murmured in her ear. She was surprised that he was up, though she could hear just how tired he still was.
"Go back to sleep," she urged, trying to pull away.
He only shook his head, his eyes slowly opening as his arms kept her firmly in place. There was already blood building under his nose but he ignored it. All that mattered in that moment was Mackenzie.
"I didn't want to cause you this pain," he swept her wet locks behind an ear. "I never wanted you to know what they did to you."
She swallowed hard as she looked away. She didn't want to talk about it. She didn't want to think about it. She wanted to do her best to think of anything but that.
"You can hate me, Mackenzie, if it makes it easier," he offered.
Mackenzie frowned as she gazed up at him. "Why would I hate you?"
"It would be easier if you hated me," he insisted with a frown of his own. His arms began pulling away but she stopped him, curling even closer to him.
"Why would I hate you, Eric? How would it make anything easier?" what was her guardian on about?
"I killed your parents. I took you away from everything you knew. I lied to you. I was a terrible parent to you your entire life. I sent you away time and time again. I let the fellowship kidnap you. I should have protected you better, but I didn't. I've failed you, Mackenzie; you should hate me."
She was gob smacked. Was he being serious? "Are you kidding me, Eric? Are you actually joking right now?"
When he didn't respond, Mackenzie sighed and pushed herself up into a sitting position to get a better look at him. He looked as sad as she felt, like he had just lost his favourite puppy. It caused her heart to tighten. She was beginning to realize that telling her about the past hurt him just as much as it hurt her. But how could he possibly think she could ever hate him?
"I don't hate you, Eric," she shook her head, unable to fathom ever truly hating him. Maybe she would have her moments, but it was never real hatred. He just frustrated her from time to time. "I could never possibly hate you."
"You should," he began to shift, pulling himself sluggishly off the bed. He was awake too early, he could feel it. But it would just be easier to pull this band aid off quickly than to drag it out. "Perhaps you should stay in Dallas with Godric."
"What the hell!" she jumped off the bed, throwing herself in front of the door before he could reach it. "Why are you saying this?"
"It would be better for you. You would be loved."
"But I feel loved just fine in Louisiana."
Eric shook his head, reaching to move her out of the way. She stood her ground, however, glaring up at him with determination.
"I'm not staying here in Dallas. I'm going home, which better damn well be soon because honest to god I never want to see Dallas again after all this," she was not about to let Eric send her away again. No, they were a family damn it. She was not leaving. He couldn't make her. "I don't hate you, Eric. I don't blame you for anything. Why would you even think that? You've given me everything."
"I've only caused you pain."
"No, that was them," she refused to call them her parents. She refused to call her supposed aunt her family. Because they weren't. The only family she had was Eric, Pam and Godric. And maybe even Sookie now. Those people, however, were not her family and they never would be. "You've only tried to make me happy. And you have made me happy."
He raised an eyebrow at her. "Perhaps you've hit your head."
"I think I know how I've felt my entire life," she shot back. "And I've been happy. Maybe not all the time, and maybe there have been some hard times. I would say this is an extremely hard time. But seriously, Eric, you've done everything to make me happy, to make me feel loved. You're my family, Eric. You, Pam and Godric. You're my family and you're all I want or need. So stop trying to take that away from me and send me away again. Because I'm damn well not going anywhere."
He stared at her for the longest time, a mask hiding his emotions. And that frustrated Mackenzie. She just wanted to know what he was damn well feeling.
"You certainly are a Northman, aren't you?" he let out a shaky chuckle, his expression softening. "I don't want you to be unhappy any longer, Mackenzie. You do not deserve that."
"I'm pretty content right now," she offered a small smile. "Well maybe not content exactly, but I don't want to go anywhere. I just want to go home with you and Pam and hopefully Godric. I want to hopefully not be sick again so I can just live. That's all I want. So if you want to make me happy then that's it. And maybe cool it on the whole hating on Godric thing right now. Because he really can't help that I'm having these dreams."
Eric's eyes narrowed at the mention of the dreams and she cursed herself for bringing them up. Maybe now hadn't been a good time. "I cannot promise you that."
"Fine, just don't kill him," Mackenzie rolled her eyes. "Pretty please?"
"I suppose," her nodded slowly before glancing at the bed. "I need to rest for a little while longer."
"Then go, you big goof," she motioned to the bed. "I'm going to order something to eat and then maybe later we could just hang out? Just the two of us? I sort of miss that."
A smile began spreading across his lips. "As do I."
"Well then good then, that's decided. Now go," she shooed him towards the bed like a scolding mother. "Seriously, I hate it when you guys bleed. It's really creepy and gross."
He snorted and retuned to the bed, wiping at the blood with the back of his hand. "I apologize for being creepy and gross."
She couldn't hold a laugh back as she waved and slipped out of the room, glad to have just escape that possible disaster. The thought of losing Eric, it frightened her. She needed him like any girl needed her father. Because he was her father. And that would never change.
He could feel the sun beginning to set when he rose. He glanced at the time and found that it was only a handful of minutes before sunset. He imagined Eric would be up, as would Mackenzie. He hadn't at all expected her to be asleep, or dreaming.
It swept through him unexpectedly and Godric had to gasp for breath as his eyes grew wide. His hand rose to his chest as the pleasure began, as the sensation began to run wild through his entire being. He tried to remember if this was normal, if multiple dreams so close to the last was the norm. But he had never given his blood to anyone other than his child. No human had ever tasted his blood. He had never felt these effects before. He thought about asking Eric, but he knew that would only anger his child further.
Perhaps he should have a conversation with Pam. But no, he had a feeling she would go straight to Eric to tease him, and that was the last thing Godric needed.
Sighing, he tried to contain the excited beast from within. His lower half twitched and he had to suppress a moan. What were these dreams doing to him? What were they doing to her? These were her moans, her excitement that flowed through him. However, slowly but sure, his own pleasure was beginning to mount, and he felt ashamed of himself. This was Eric's daughter. This was the little girl that he would have done anything for – he still would. He was not supposed to be thinking about her twitching body in ecstasy. He was not supposed to be imagining his name being screamed by those voluptuous lips.
He was not supposed to think of her this way.
And yet he could not help it. With every dream, he was able to feel her emotions stronger, feel her desire and pleasure heighten. It was driving him mad. The beast from within wanted to forget about his child, forget that he had helped raise this girl, and just take her right then and there.
It was the beast that had forced him from the bed, that had caused him to cross the room and slip into the living room. The door to Mackenzie's room was still closed, and as he searched his bond for Eric, he found the Viking to still be in his days rest. Mackenzie, however, was sprawled across the couch, her legs spread ever so slightly. A low growl sounded from the back of his throat as he smelled the sweat mixing with her arousal. He could not stop his own arousal from spreading through him. It was her moan that sent him across the room and to kneel beside her form.
"Godric…" her moan was soft as her head moved from side to side. She bit down on her bottom lip and he wondered to what lengths the dream version of him was pushing her. Another ripple of sheer pleasure swept through him and he had to clutch onto the couch arm to remain upright.
"This isn't right," he muttered to himself under his shaky breaths. It was as if the beast bad taken over, however, the monster he had tried so hard to battle against clawing his way to the forefront. His orbs raked along her form, resting on her shorts. He inched closer to her lower half, his hand rising to rest on her calf as he inhaled her scent. His arousal twitched and hardened and it was taking every ounce of strength he could muster not to rip her clothes from her body.
He wanted her. He wanted something he shouldn't, but he could not help himself. She was like forbidden fruit, and he wanted to taste all of her.
The last string of his conscious was begging him to stop this as his hand slowly rose up her leg. This was utterly wrong. She was more than just Eric's daughter; she was his closest friend, a girl that he had helped raise and protect for the better part of her life. He was not supposed to have these feelings, to be thinking of her in this way. He was not supposed to be touching her, to need the feel of her skin beneath his hands. It was wrong.
And yet in that moment, nothing felt more right.
As if knowing the inner battle raging inside of the ancient vampire, Mackenzie's orbs suddenly opened, her mouth forming an 'O' as she realized how close he was. Godric's gaze never left her lower half however, despite the fact that she was awake. He could still smell her arousal and it was intoxicating.
"Oh god!" she scrambled against the arm of the couch, drawing her knees to her chest as if to hide herself. Her heard was pounding as she just stared at Godric, almost frightened of the look on his face. He looked like a hungry animal. Only he wasn't looking at her like she was food; not that sort of food anyways. "Godric?"
Her voice drew his attention up to her face and the trance he had been in suddenly snapped. His eyes grew wide in horror as he realized how close had been to taking her and quickly shot to his feet, placing himself on the other side of the coffee table.
"Mackenzie, I'm…"
She just shook her head, pushing herself further against the couch. There was fright on her face, but he could still feel the satisfaction, the pleasure that was coursing through her. She may have been confused in that moment, but she was still feeling the after effects of the dreams.
He could have sworn she may have even enjoyed it.
"Why am I having them so much?" she asked in a small voice. Should they be happening continuously? This was her fourth in such a short amount of time, and it was starting to affect her in ways that she was just not ready to accept. "I-is this normal?"
"I don't know," he admitted. He really didn't. He wanted to soothe her, to comfort her obvious confusion and concern. But at the same time, a part of him wanted her to fall back asleep in case she may have another.
"Are they ever going to go away?"
"I'm not sure," he frowned. "I have never given my blood to a human before. I know of the effects, but I'm unsure of how long these certain ones last."
"Oh."
His face fell as she hid her face in her hands, a groan of mortification sounding. She was already dealing with so much pain, now realizing what had happened fourteen years ago that caused Eric to become her guardian, and Godric was not aiding her by actively enjoying each and every one of her dreams. What was wrong with him? He was supposed to protect and comfort her. He wasn't supposed to prey on her innocence. He wasn't supposed to allow the beast to consume him.
"Why is this happening to me?"
"Oh Mackenzie," he was beside her in an instant, reaching out to comfort her. She flinched at first, trying to pull away. But soon she was melting into his embrace. "I'm so sorry, Mackenzie. I wish I could take this away, I truly do."
She felt instantly better being in his arms, having his fingers brush through her hair. It soothed her and it just felt right. But as the memory of the dream she had only woken up from returned, she quickly felt terrible. She struggled out of Godric's arms, a sigh sounding from the vampire as his arms dropped away and allowed her to shoot off the couch and to the other side. Not even having the couch settled between them made her feel better, however.
"It's going to be okay, Mackenzie," he assured her.
"No, it's really not going to be okay, Godric!" there were tears in her eyes. "It's not okay that I just found out that my parents sold my blood to vampires. It's not okay that my aunt is still out there somewhere. And it's really not okay that I'm having these god damn dreams about you!"
He wasn't surprised at her outburst. She had endured so much in the last few days, more than anyone ever should.
"I'm sorry," he inched around the couch. "I wish I could take away your pain. I wish I could make everything okay."
"Well unless you can take these stupid dreams away, then you can't just make everything be okay," she shook her head, taking a step back. "Stop it."
But he continued towards her, even as she backed away from him. Eventually her back met the wall, her breath catching in her throat as he closed the gap. This was reminding her too much of her dream, of when Godric had taken her by surprise, pushing her against the wall and having his way with her. The mere thought caught her lower region to clench and she had to bit the inside of her cheek to keep her composure.
Godric realized immediately when Mackenzie's arousal peaked once again. His eyes darkened as his gaze lowered. He could feel it spreading through him, but worst of all, he could smell it in the air.
He was losing control again.
"G-Godric?" her voice wavered as she pressed herself against the wall. She glanced to the hotel room door, wondering if she would be able to make it in time. But she knew that she wouldn't. And did she even want to? She was confused by Godric, confused by the dreams, confused by everything. But that didn't change the fact that a small, tiny part of her – that she tried desperately to ignore – was enjoying every step Godric took towards her.
He didn't utter a word as he raised his gaze to meet hers. A small whimper escaped her lips and it caused his own to twitch upwards. She was shaking from head to toe, and as he raised a hand to neck, his thumb tracing the length of her pulsing vein, her entire body shuddered in response.
"W-what are you…" was this another dream? Had she wakened into a second dream? This couldn't be real, could it?
"I shouldn't think these things about you," he murmured. "I shouldn't enjoy the dreams you have, wondering what in the world I could possibly be doing to you."
Her eyes widened at his words. "Godric, what are you…"
"You're not the only one who has found themselves confused," he admitted, his fingers trailing up to her jaw, his thumb caressing her cheek before falling to her lips. The pad of his thumb ghosted over her bottom lip, causing another shudder. "I'm not supposed to enjoy feeling you. You're Eric's daughter. You're his everything. This is wrong."
Her heart was pounding in her chest as she stared between his thumb and his face. She should have called out to Eric. She should have struggled against him. But there was something stopping her. The feel of his touches, the way he was looking at her like he wanted to devour her, it sent an excited jolt through her body. It was wrong. It was absolutely, positively wrong. But she didn't exactly hate it.
"I'm not supposed to want you," he stared at only her lips. "I'm not supposed to want to…god, every time you have a dream you don't even realize what you do to me."
She stopped breathing, as he grew unbearably close. "Godric…"
"I need you to tell me to stop," he urged her. "Because I don't believe I can control myself any longer."
She had her out. She could tell him no and he would step away and she would be able to breathe again. So why did that thought upset her?
"I…" she swallowed her. "I don't think that I can,"
His hand wrapped around the back of her neck in an instant, his arm tightly encasing her waist possessively as he captured her lips.