I'm not sure what's worse, the constant howls or the nagging sensation of failure. I told these people I was going to save them but that was days ago... Maybe a week, I've almost completely lost track. Fifty of us started but half that number have fallen to the Rakghouls.

We're hungry, tired and on the edge of total collapse. What weapons we had are useless after the constant fighting; even my lightsaber is running out of power and my comm unit is a broken pile of circuitry more than ten kilometers away.

The familiar howl picks up again; they are coming.

"Everyone on your feet."

Twenty-three people get up. One doesn't; a woman in her early thirties just stays there. Through the force I know she's alive, but she's reached breaking point and she's surrendered to what she sees as the inevitable. Maybe she's right, but I will face it on my feet.. Like a true Jedi.

"Go, I'll hold them off."

I might not be a fighter like some Jedi, but I can hold off the Rakghouls at least long enough to make a difference. The people run and I ignite my blade for what feels like the last time. The green blade erupts into life, flickers once and dies; the handle becomes too hot to hold and I drop it onto the rubble strewn floor. I've got nothing left, I'm too mentally exhausted to draw on the force and my only weapon is truly useless, and even if I had the time I'm not even sure I could fix it.

"Get down!"

The command burns through the force, the power, the confidence behind it means I'm already on the floor.

Lightsabers fly overhead and I hear the screams as Rakghouls are cut down.

"Here, take this."

I take the offered lightsaber without hesitation, the handle is a strange design as if someone not used to making things for hands constructed it from a picture. A voice comes from the second person, I barely recognise the accent through the mask, but I think he's from Alderaan.

"A kilometer back there is a Defender class ship. Tell them we sent you."

"Who are you?"

"Aleckos Whitewolf, and this is Kirain Dulius. We're here to help."

***

There is no emotion, there is peace... There is no emotion there is peace... There is no emotion there is peace...

"You know; my father explained that line to me like this;

'It's ok to feel emotion, that shows you are alive. But you should not let those emotions drive what you do.' "

I've been trying to meditate for hours and nothing is coming to me. Every time I close my eyes I'm reliving the horror of Kaon; the fear, anger, the feeling of thousands of lives being snuffed out or twisted every minute.

I can't understand Kirain's reaction to it either. Him and Aleckos cut down hundreds of Rackghouls, maybe a thousand. The last surge had almost pushed them back, but they held them off; four blades burning through the long night, the Green and Black of Kirain and the Orange and Black of Aleckos, weaving arcs of destruction. The co-ordination between the two of them was almost unbelievable; I'd watched it first, but then later through a vid-cam after a woman by the name of Shirleý had dragged me back to where they had landed.

There he was a machine, when we got back to the ship he cleaned every single piece of his gear meticulously and only then did the man I'd met over a year ago reappear.

"I should..."

I can't even finish the second word. Before I know it Kirain has me in his arms in a close embrace. For the second time in my life I'm crying uncontrollably. It feels so safe and warm and I don't want to move.

***

"... Understand your concerns Master Dulius. However returning Vel'eemma to Tython..."

"... Will only give Lorrick time to prepare his defences or go to ground. The information from my contact has to be acted on now!"

The argument wakes me up. Kiran put me in his bed once I cried myself out; I'm still shaken but sleep has helped at least.

He's arguing with Master Shan of all people! Though it does beg the question as to why Kir has a direct connection with the Jedi Council on Tython; he still staunchly holds onto the ideals of the Corellian Order if his armour is anything to go by.

"The risks to one of my Jedi.."

"... Are substantially reduced if she's under my protection, and by extension that of the Spectres.

Most people aren't even aware of our existence and that is just the Republic."

I watch from outside the room; Kirain staring down the Grand Master of the Jedi Order who, thanks to the holoprojector, actually towers over him.

"Fine; but once you're done you and Adil Me'ahr will come to Courscant; I'm starting to have serious doubts about this little experiment."

The holoprojector switches off, I've never seen anyone get a rise like that out of Master Shan before.

"You were at the Eternity Vault weren't you?"

He looks over from the holoprojector and he's exhausted, almost as badly as when I saw him the first time on the medical ship after Corellia. He's paying a price for the fighting on Kaon, and there is only so much the force can sustain you before you need to sleep; it's a primal thing, hardwired into us long before we knew how to control this mysterious power.

"I was, and Hutta, and at Illum... And I flew cover for the assault on the Red Reaper and a few other battles. I was at the Maelstrom Prison as well, but that was before we met on Courscant."

He doesn't even question how I knew about the Eternity Vault. Has he been getting similar flashes into my life? Does he know how much I thought about what he said after he left Courscant?