And so the second day begins.
Warning, extreme use of innuendo implied.
Poor Kuwabara, he doesn't stand a chance!
4th period.
Kuwabara awoke with a yawn, switching off the alarm with a grimace, hoping he didn't wake his roommates. Rising out of bed, he eyed his surroundings warily, his sixth sense having made him tense ever since last night.
'Felt like I was in a Dracula Flick.' He muttered, making the bed sloppily as he made his way to the bathroom 'kept expecting a bat or something ta fly through the damn window all night.'
Grunting tiredly, the former tantei was just about to enter the bath when he heard, much to his horror, the sound of the door opening, realizing in his morning funk that he'd forgotten to lock it.
Therefore, it was much to his horror and shame that the door opened to admit a tall, green haired girl he dimly recalled from his class, her expressionless features looking him over, before bowing slightly. "Good morning sensei." She greeted, bowing politely "Will you be requiring any help washing up?"
"N-NO!" Kuwabara squawked, covering his manhood and reaching for a towel, his face redder than a tomato "T-HAT'S FINE! I MEAN…!" he cleared his throat, positioning the towel more decently before trying again, "I'm fine, sorry about this, I should've locked the door."
"It's quite alright," the girl offered quietly "Master usually leaves them unlocked anyway, seeing as it's been the two of us for so long." She bowed respectfully, "I shall be in the kitchen if you require any help."
And with that she left the mortified instructor to huddle in a corner and weep at how he'd gotten into this mess.
Outside...
"I heard what happened." Evangeline called out, startling her robotic servant as she leant against the wall, her arms crossed against her chest "Gotta remember to replace the keys, there's a man about after all."
"Hai," Chachamaru agreed, the green haired magical automaton bowing to her master respectfully from the waist, her hands clasped before her, her features expressionless "Will you be requiring anything master?"
"Earl Grey." Evangeline replied, nodding to her servant approvingly "Same as always, milk, no sugar." She waited for the robot to walk away, before grinning suddenly, deciding to have a little fun "See anything special?" she asked, pausing the robot in her tracks.
"Master?" Chachamaru wondered, the gynoid turning her head slightly to look at her vampiric master in confusion, only to blink at the look of unmistakeable mischief on the Shinso's childlike face.
"You know what I mean," the blonde smirked "your first time seeing one in person, how'd he measure up?"
Chachamaru blinked, her processor's trying to come up with a decent reply, finally deciding upon her evasive subroutines. "Rather impressive." She replied, making her way to the kitchen "If the manga Paru-san has on her site is any indication."
Evangeline blinked, wondering what on earth the gynoid was on about, before blinking at the mention of Saotome's manga. 'Didn't know she liked manga...' The undying magi muttered, pushing away from the wall with a sigh 'Bah, none of my business anyway.'
Though she couldn't shake the sudden desire to see just what the hell her servant was on about.
Breakfast...
After scalding and freezing himself in retribution for his carelessness, a rather stiff looking Kuwabara made his way down the steps, blinking blearily at the sheer amount of dolls he saw lying around the living room.
'Weird,' he shivered, trying to straighten his tie and failing miserably 'I didn't get a good look last night because I was so tired but…' he grimaced as the infernal piece of silk refused to tie properly 'Dammit! Shizuru made this look so damn easy!'
"Good morning Sensei." The calm voice called out, startling the man from his thoughts as he looked up to find himself at a breakfast table, the green haired girl from earlier laying a simple meal of toast and scrambled egg before him "Please, enjoy."
"Thanks." The man offered nervously, still embarrassed about being seen earlier, settling into a chair and buttering his toast. Looking up, he found the girl regarding him silently, causing him to shiver. "Something wrong?" he asked, to which she shook her head.
'Her names…Karakuri Chachamaru.' He recalled, watching as she turned to attend to the whistling kettle 'Weird…kinda reminds me of a robot, what with those ear things of hers.'
A set of footsteps drew his attention to the second roommate, who eyed him impassively, before sitting herself at the far end of the table, to the man's right.
'The creepy girl from before.' he muttered, eyeing her warily, as his sixth sense went off like a warning klaxon. He didn't know why, but he kept getting flashbacks of Rando every time he thought about her weird aura, like some sort of chained beast was leering at him through the bars of a rusted cage.
'Better safe than sorry.' He deduced, making sure his aura was suppressed 'if she is a threat, I can't very well just off her like before, I'd better let Koenma or someone know.'
"Sleep well sensei?" the blonde girl called out, setting her teacup on a saucer "I trust the room was to your liking?"
Kuwabara blinked, before nodding "It was, sorry again for the inconvenience," he chuckled weakly "I was as surprised as you are when the dean sent me here."
"Indeed." The girl replied, before finishing her tea and making her way up the steps.
Eva's POV...
'He's stronger than he looks,' Evangeline noted, the infamous Maga Nosferatu eyeing the man as he conversed with Chachamaru 'How strong I can't tell, but he's definitely reigning in some serious power.'
She grinned, wishing her fangs were back so she could at least appear more menacing. 'Perhaps this arrangement may prove useful after all.'
Back to Kuwa...
Kuwabara went through his things one more time, setting his briefcase on a desk as he once again tried to sort out his tie and failing dismally. "Having trouble sensei?" Chachamaru called out, already dressed in her school uniform as she noticed the man's dilemma.
"No I'm fine," Kuwabara replied, not looking away from the mirror "You two go on ahead, no sense in all three of us being late."
Evangeline snorted and made to do just that, only to blink as she discovered Chachamaru hadn't followed her as per the norm. Looking back, she blinked as the gynoid reached up to grasp a startled Kuwabara by the tie, correcting his collar while she was at it.
"This is a simple way if you practice," the gynoid instructed calmly, looping the tie carefully into a simple pattern, tightening it gently, "It wouldn't do for you to turn up looking scruffy on your second day."
Kuwabara blinked, before scratching the back of his head, embarrassed "Heh, arigato, Chachamaru-san," he offered, smiling with his eyes closed "You'll make someone a good wife someday."
Chachamaru felt her faceplate heat up slightly at this, before bowing to the man and moving to catch up with her master, uttering an apology for her actions. Evangeline eyed the gynoid carefully, before shooting the confused instructor a look and sighing. "Come on then," she called out, looking bored "We won't be late if you're with us."
Later...
Things progressed quietly that morning, the girls seemed a little less rambunctious, though he highly suspected this was because they'd already had a small riot during Negi's class, the exhausted look on the child sensei's face, and the fact that Asuna was looking livid, were clear giveaways. He did, however, have to contend with several booby traps, including an electrified door handle, funny chalk and tacks in his seat. Needless to say his sixth sense got him through unscathed, but this only seemed to encourage them to try harder.
'Seriously,' he muttered in amusement 'if they put a little more effort into their study habits as they do at this.' He tilted his head to the side to avoid a spitball, making it look as if he was scratching his neck, before eyeing an innocent looking Fuka with a smirk. "Spitting's a nasty habit Fuka-san." He chided the blinking girl, as he saw through her act with ease "You really shouldn't set such a bad example for your sister."
Whilst the elder twin blushed in embarrassment he smiled and held up his textbook, "Alright, now I'm sure you've all being paying close attention, so who can tell me how many bones there are in the human body?" he nodded as Konoka raised her hand, "Go ahead."
"206 sir." She called out, smiling the whole time, earning a nod from the professor as she retook her seat.
"Correct, and can anyone tell me the name of the largest muscle in the body?" he eyed the class carefully "Anyone? Or do I have to pick?"
The class all avoided looking him in the eye, except for two figures, one because she couldn't be bothered with the class, and the other as expressionless as always.
"Chachamaru-san." He called out, the tall girl blinking at her name, "Can you tell us what it is?"
"Gluteus Maximus." The green haired girl replied, standing as she spoke "It is the muscle that connect the back and leg muscles, otherwise known as the posterior or the-"
"Butt!" Sakurako cackled, the girls giggling as they began another small riot, "Man, never knew you were an expert on butts Chachamaru."
"I'm not really…" the girl replied, only to be nudged teasingly by the others, falling into silence.
"Aw c'mon," the cheerleader teased, "Everyone's got a preference, nothing strange about that!" She grinned, "I like 'em cute myself!"
"I like them nice and strong!" Haruna cackled, holding up a sketch of what looked suspiciously like a bodybuilding alien "gotta be stacked too!"
"That is quite enough!" Ayaka called out, slapping her hands on the desk as, to Kuwabara's confusion, flowers seemed to blossom behind her "I thought you'd know better than to clown around like you did with Negi-sensei! Bad enough Asuna strips down again, now you're disrupting the class to talk about your taste in men? Disgusting!"
"This coming from the cradle-robbing pedophile." Asuna muttered bitterly, the two launching into another catfight, only to blink as someone separated them by their jackets.
"Enough of that!" Kuwabara ordered, voice firm as he set both girls on their feet apart from one another "Asuna-san, that was uncalled for, and Ayaka-san, as class rep you should know better than to incite trouble." He eyed the two somber girls carefully, "Now I'm going to pretend this fight didn't happen, are we clear?"
"Hai." The girls agreed, returning to their respective seats, shooting each other passing looks.
"And as for the rest of you," he added, turning to eye the class "while I don't see the harm in gossiping amongst yourselves, I will not tolerate it during class." He blinked as Sakurako raised a hand in the air, already dreading what she was going to say.
"What's your preference Sensei?" she called out, the riot beginning again as the girls tried to ask him at once "You like 'em wild and energetic? Or calm and submissive?"
"The hell're you talking about?" Asuna spiked "What kind of thing is that to ask a teacher?"
"The best thing!" Misa replied, holding up a finger for emphasis "You can tell a lot about a guy just by knowing his preferences."
"You like 'em big and busty or petite and cute?" Asakura Kasumi asked, holding a microphone under the stunned sensei's nose "C'mon sensei! Spill!"
Kuwabara sputtered incoherently for a few seconds, before blinking as the bell sounded, never thinking he'd be so happy to hear it as he made a dash for the door.
As Kuwabara escapes...
"Aw-!" Makie whined, pouting as they watched the dust die down in the embarrassed sensei's wake "He always manages to get away."
"Just goes to show you!" Kasumi replied with a grin, "The man's obviously got SOMETHING embarrassing to hide."
"Maybe he's having an affair with someone!" Misa hypothesized "What if it's a member of the staff!"
"Yeah! Negi-kun's staying with Asuna and Konoka, maybe he's staying with Shizuna-sensei or Touko-sensei!"
"Actually," Chachamaru corrected, startling the group by speaking out "Sensei is boarding with me and Eva-sama."
Silence reigned for a few moments, before all chaos broke loose as everyone rounded on the gynoid faster than you could say 'grapevine'.
"REALLY?" Kasumi asked, pen and notepad at the ready, somehow balancing the microphone with her free hand "When did this happen?"
"Last night actually." Chachamaru supplied helpfully, wondering what the hubbub was about "The dean set it up, since there's little room to spare."
"That's so risqué Chachamaru!" Misa giggled, not noticing the look of blank confusion on her classmate's face "What if he takes advantage of you?"
"Yeah!" Asuna chipped in looking annoyed as hell "With a face like his I wouldn't be surprised if he pulls the old 'accidentally' walked in on the shower routine!"
"I am afraid that was my fault," Chachamaru assured her classmate, earning a blink "I assumed Eva-sama was in the bathroom and went in to assist her as the norm, I forgot Kuwabara-sensei wasn't aware the door keys were missing."
"Waitaminute…!" Kasumi stammered, face lighting up as she sensed a tremendous scoop rising before her like Moses parting the sea "You mean YOU walked in on HIM?"
"Affirmative." Chachamaru admitted, blinking as her classmates giggled and shrieked in shocked glee, wondering if she said something wrong.
"So the roles were reversed!" Misa cackled, holding her fingers to her lips to hide a wry smile "Spill it Chachamaru, what was he like?"
"He seemed quite distressed," the gynoid replied honestly "if anything he looked like a cornered cat."
"A wild one eh?" Sakurako giggled, whilst Madoka sighed depressingly at her friends' antics "You go girl!"
"Go where?" Chachamaru asked, blinking confusedly, only to be elbowed teasingly from the side.
"Details girl!" Kasumi egged, holding out her microphone, "Did you see anything? How big was he?"
"By estimated," the gynoid began, everyone leaning in to listen, "Kuwabara-sensei stands at around 6ft 3."
The group face faulted, Asuna and Konoka sweat dropping at their antics, before they rose again, spiking at her like a gang of alley cats. "Not that!" they yelled in tandem, "How BIG is he DOWN THERE?"
Chachamaru blinked again, wondering why on earth they were so interested in their sensei's physical status, wondering if it was acceptable or not to reveal what she'd deduced. The three laws made it clear that she was forced to obey the orders of humans, with Evangeline's orders ranking highest of all, however her logic systems deduced that revealing anything concrete could prove embarrassing for the orange haired professor. Deciding upon the same sub-routine selection as she'd done with her master, the gynoid opted for the cryptic route.
"It reminded me of page 37 of the fifteenth edition of Paru-san's private online manga." She revealed, causing a few to blink, knowing that Paru tended to be a little…creative when it came to her male cast "Perhaps a few errors however."
With that said she made her way back to her seat to prepare for the next class, leaving the group to their musings.
As Chachamaru leaves...
"Page 37? Of issue 15?" Makie wondered, blinking in confusion, "Paru's manga? What does she mean by that?"
"It's Haruna's nom de plume," Yue admitted, sipping on a carton of garlic juice, "She writes a few manga on the side, though their content is questionable."
"Hey!" Haruna countered "All the manga released to the public's strictly PG-13!" she turned her head away from her friend's opaque stare "Though I will admit there's a lot of tension in certain scenes."
"Tell me about it!" Konoka agreed, smiling innocently as she pointed at her muttering roommate "Asuna couldn't look Takahata-sensei in the eye after she read your 'Outlaw Shogun X' series!"
"KONOKA!"
Paru snickered, pushing her glasses up evilly, "Ho? You go for the rugged, older looking guys eh? That series was one of the best I've done yet."
"U-URUSEI!" Asuna spiked, "And anyway! What the hell did she mean by your 'private' manga?"
"Duh, the stuff I only sell at conventions." Paru replied, the bespectacled mangaka pulling out a laptop and setting it on her desk, "Lessee…issue fifteen…page 37…ah here it is!" she blinked, "Wait, WHAT?"
Everyone leaned in, the Narutaki twins trying to peep around the larger girls ineffectively, wondering why everyone was going so red in the face.
"Good GOD Haruna! What possessed you to draw that?" Yue stammered, eyes as wide as dinner plates as she tried to rouse a fainted Nodoka, who looked like she'd suffered level ten sunburn.
"They grow that big?" Makie eeped, her own eyes wide as she gaped at the image on the screen like a doe in the headlights.
"He having three legs Aru?" Ku Fei wondered confusedly, her eyes little white circles as she blinked at the screen. Beside her, Setsuna was trying not to die of mortification as she held her hand over Konoka's eyes, the girl blinking in confusion, wondering what the big deal was.
"Ara-ara," Chizuru exclaimed, a hand on her lips as she held a furiously blushing Natsumi in place "You really are the creative type, aren't you Haruna?"
"Creative?" Asuna spiked "She's mental! How the hell could anyone go around with something like THAT in his pants?"
"If what Chachamaru says is true," Kasumi noted, regaining her calm remarkably quick, her experience as a paparazzi-in training making her relatively quick to adapt "then Kuwabara-sensei doesn't seem to have any problem."
'Bakas.' Evangeline muttered, eyeing the shrieking girls with an annoyed frown from her desk, 'getting all worked up over something as trivial as that? How immature.'
She quashed the curious part of her mind that wondered just what it was that her ministra had implied, after all, it wasn't like the gynoid to be cryptic, especially with HER.
'Who cares,' she muttered at length, turning her head to the side to gaze out the window at the grounds 'He's just a blood bank, that's all.'
With Kuwabara...
'Sweet mother of Kami-sama on a bike what the hell is up with those girls?' Kuwabara wondered, gasping for breath as he leant against the wall next to a soda dispenser, placing the cool can against his forehead 'I mean, I've heard of being rowdy, but that was insane! I thought they were gonna lynch me!'
"Kuwabara-san?" a voice called out, the lanky professor turning to regard the confused form on Negi standing next to him concernedly, "Daijobu-deska?"
"I'm fine bozu," he assured the boy, grinning down tiredly "Just escaped from the zoo we all know as 2-A's all."
"They are rather rowdy," Negi admitted with a weak chuckle, scratching his head for emphasis. After sharing a chuckle, the two walked in amiable silence until they came to the fountain, sitting down on the steps, Kuwabara taking a long chug of soda.
"So how's things with Kagurazaka and the dean's granddaughter?" the taller professor asked "They giving you hell at the dorms?"
"Not really," Negi admitted, "Konoka-san makes a pretty good breakfast and Asuna-san usually leaves for her paper route pretty early anyways." He slumped in depression "The problems all seem to happen in class."
"Lemme guess, they started getting rowdy again?" Kuwabara asked, patting the boy's back in a comradely fashion.
"Worse," Negi moaned, tears streaming down his cheeks comically "I ended up humiliating Asuna-san in front of the class, I just know she's the type to hold a grudge."
'Most teenagers are.' Kuwabara thought with a wince, 'and then there's that temper of hers…'
"A-ano…"
The duo looked up, blinking at the library trio, Haruna and Yue standing just behind Nodoka, who was looking oddly flushed. Kuwabara sweatdropped as he noticed that Haruna was giving him a very intimidating grin, something Jaws would wear at a nudie beach. "Ano…sensei…" Nodoka stuttered, trying to avoid looking at Kuwabara, "C-could you…help me with something?"
"Sure!" Negi agreed, smiling up at her, "By the way, I like what you've done with your hair, it suits you."
"Sure does." Kuwabara opined, trying to avoid looking at Paru's leer "You really should keep it like that, it's cute."
Nodoka flushed at the compliments and fled, a concerned Yue trailing after her whilst the two senseis blinked in confusion. "Was it something I said?" Kuwabara muttered dumbly, shivering as a feeling of impending DOOM settled over him.
"Sensei." Haruna drawled, her face shadowed menacingly, her eyes seeming to glow eerily, "would you mind coming with me for a minute?"
Kuwabara didn't like the way she was holding her sketchpad; he'd never been so scared of a pen so much in his life either.
"You see," Haruna continued "there's an art competition coming up and I could really use a model to base my work on…" she blinked as the lanky professor made for the hills, before cackling madly and charging after him, tools of her trade held overhead menacingly.
Negi was left on his own, question marks circling his skull as he tried to figure out what the hell happened, the sound of glass rolling across the granite steps making him look down to espy a small vial of pills.
Cue the nadesico theme music!
Will Kuwabara escape from the demented Paru-san and retain his dignity?
Will Nodoka act oin her feelings for Negi?
And will Botan finally get her act together?
Hey, what's this? Is that a stampede?
Worse! Love is in the air! and it's champion is caught in the crossfire!
Run Kuwabara! un like your lifew depends on it! You virtue certainly does!
Next time, on Reikai sensei Kuwabara: madness with love!
Yue: the title needs work.
R&R! noi reiviews make chibi-nodoka cry!