Some of you voiced some concerns as to the sanity of involving Kuwabara, the pills, and 2A
Those concerns have been noted, and ignored for the pure crack value.
That said, let the orgy...I mean story, begin!
5th period.
Kuwabara Kazuma was never one to be called a coward. He'd been called idiot, moron and various versions of the word ugly, but never a coward. In his time he'd vaulted across a lake of lava, gone toe-to-toe with a veritable menagerie of freaks and even traveled all the way to hell and back in order to save the day.
So it may come as quite a surprise to see him running like his life depended on it from a bespectacled manga-ka determined to strip him down and pose for her manga.
Now most men would be flattered at this, some may even be a little interested. But Kuwabara was a sensei now, and he couldn't condone such actions from his students. That, and the look on Haruna's face reminded him WAY too much of something out of one of Yusuke's secret stash of Hentai movies.
Rounding a corner, the lanky sensei summoned his aura and leapt, grabbing a tree branch and hoisting himself up just as Haruna rounded the corner. "Where'd he go?" the manga-ka wondered, looking annoyed, before catching sight of an open window "AHA! Inside! You won't escape me Sensei!"
'I can sure as hell try!' the instructor muttered, exhaling slowly as he caught his breath in the safety of the tree "Jeez, whatever happened to schoolgirls being meek and demure?"
"The times they are a changing!" a bubbly voice opined, resulting in Kuwabara almost falling out of the tree "Sorry about that, but it looked like you were having a little trouble there."
Kuwabara pushed his head out of the leaves, blinking at the sight of the blue haired ferry girl he'd once harbored a crush on. "Are you crazy?" he hissed, looking around desperately, "What if someone sees you?"
"Relax will you?" Botan assured him, "In this form, only those with connections to the other side can see me, that should only be you unless Intel screwed up."
Kuwabara kept his thoughts about the quality of Reikai's Intelligence to himself as he looked up at the ferrywoman inquisitively, "So what're ya hear for?" he asked "You on the clock or just passin' through?"
"Actually I came to give you this." Botan admitted, holding up a parcel and videocassette, which he caught with a blink.
"Hasn't Koenma ever heard of DVDs?" he asked, eyeing the bulky cassette, to which Botan shrugged.
"Tell HIM that." She muttered sarcastically "He keeps going on about budgets and reliability and Blue-ray…"
"I get the picture." Kuwabara muttered, sweat dropping at the mental image "So what's in this?"
"No clue," Botan admitted "I only managed to bring it to you because I'm on a break at the minute." She smiled at the man, before lowering herself to the floor, oar vanishing as she did so. "I think I'll just see what the campus town has to offer before heading back."
"You do that." Kuwabara stated, pocketing the video for later, "I'll look at these when I've got a moment, right now I gotta get back to class."
Botan nodded and walked off, her kimono shifting into a pair of jeans and her green and yellow sweater, before jogging off with a smile. Kuwabara waited until the coast was clear, before climbing down and dusting himself off.
'Now to just sneak in without anyone noticing and-OOF?'
The lanky instructor was bowled over as a small projectile collided with his stomach, knocking the two to the floor. Looking up revealed a distressed looking Negi, eyes wide with shock as the beaker he was carrying spilled some of its contents into Kuwabara's mouth. "AH! Kuwabara-san!" the ten-year old gasped, getting to his feet, "Daijobu?"
Kuwabara coughed, having swallowed some of the liquid as it hit him, a good half if what remained in the beaker was any indication. 'BLEAGH! What is that stuff?' he shook himself and refrained from spitting 'Ugh. Tastes like hell warmed over.' He blinked as he noted the look of concern on the boy's face, "You okay bozu? You look a little flustered there."
Negi blinked, before shaking himself with a sigh, muttering something about 'not swallowing it' before helping the taller man to his feet, "Nothing really, just looking for Asuna-san."
"Planning to woo her off her feet with a peace offering?" Kuwabara teased, to which Negi blinked in confusion "Never mind, I think she's in the study hall right now, want me to come with?"
Negi nodded, walking alongside the man as they spoke amiably. They passed by Shizuna sensei, who blinked at Kuwabara, a flush coming to her cheeks as she smiled at him. Touko sensei, who was walking alongside her, flushed slightly and offered a weak greeting.
'They got colds or something?' Kuwabara wondered, noticing how the two seemed to be gazing after him longingly 'hope it isn't catching.' He blinked as he was snapped back to reality by Negi's frantic squawk, looking up to see they had not only entered the classroom, but that Asuna was forcing the youth to swallow the contents of the beaker. "Kagurazaka!" he snapped, the girl jumping as she hadn't noticed him come in with Negi, striding over and patting the spluttering teen on the back "Just what d'ya think you're doin? He could've choked!"
Asuna blinked and looked away, looking ashamed of herself for losing her temper. Negi had only been trying to help since he got here, wasn't his fault that the magic seemed to be on the fritz. She blinked as she noticed the dazed expression on her classmates' faces, sweat-dropping as they seemed to circle the two senseis like dazed cattle. It wasn't until Konoka started rubbing her cheek against Negi and the cheerleaders started purring around Kuwabara did the two men realize their danger.
"W-what the-!" Kuwabara yelped, slapping Misa's hand away from his buttock and rounding on them "What're you girls doing have you lost your-?" he trailed off as he took in the flushes and dazed expressions on their faces, "What th' hell?"
"Kuwabara-san!" Negi implored, the lanky professor turning to gape at the sight of his co-worker being stripped down to his undies "DASKETE!"
"NEGI-UMPH!" Kuwabara tried to yell, only for Sakurako to take the opportunity to stuff his mouth with cake. Choking the food down, the orange haired man shot to his feet, knocking the girls off with a gasp and dashing over, grabbing the traumatized Negi around the waist like a rugby ball and making a dash for the door, easily making it thanks to his build. Behind him, he heard the telltale signs of a love-struck stampede following close behind. "What th' hell's goin' on?" he yelled, "Did someone spike th' canteen juice or somethin?"
"SUMIMASEN!" Negi offered, pulling his pants back up with a grimace "I only wanted to help Asuna!"
"Negi-sensei! Kuwabara-sensei!" the horde called out, little hearts circling their heads as they chased their prey down the corridor "We love you Sensei!"
"This is wrong on sooo many levels!" Kuwabara yelled over the din, Negi shuddering in agreement under the man's arm.
"At least things can't get any worse right?" the Englishman asked, only for something to rear out before them whinnying wildly.
"OOOOOHOHOHOHO!" Ayaka cackled, rearing ahead of the stunned duo atop a white steed "Negi-sensei! Let us consummate our love!".
"Where in th' hell did she get a horse?" Kuwabara all but screamed, dashing away in the opposite direction, the deranged denizens of 2A on their heels.
"Matte! Kuwabara-sensei!" a voice called out, a flushed looking Touko-sensei charging towards him, sword in hand "I must have you!"
"You'll never take me alive!" Kuwabara yelled leaping out a window, glass shattering as Negi screamed in shock, the man landed on his feet, running as soon as he caught his bearings.
"You won't escape!" Touko sensei called out, leaping out the window and charging the duo, a maniacal look in her eyes as she shifted into the shinmeiryuu combat mode "I'll track you down to the ends of the earth!".
"The hell kinda weirdos does this school hire!" Kuwabara yelled, completely ignoring his escape through a third story window "And just what th' hell's goin' on?"
"It's the love potion!" Negi called out "The effects are supposed to wear off in an hour or so, we just need to avoid them till then!"
"Love potion?" Kuwabara repeated, ducking a flying student, who wound up in a trash bin, "The hell you talkin' about? You mean that beaker?"
"Hai!" Negi repeated, clapping his hands together in apology "I'm really sorry! I just wanted to help Asuna-san!"
"Talk later!" Kuwabara yelled, dodging a burst of air from Touko sensei "We gotta spilt up!" He set Negi on his feet and the two separated, half the Hentai horde following the diminutive Welshman, the other the lanky former reikai tantei as he made his way to the town square.
Meanwhile...
Botan smiled as she held up a cute looking 'T' with angel wings around a logo, only to blink as the sound of thunder filled the air. She looked round in confusion just as a bolt of lightning descended at the heels of a rather frantic Kuwabara, who was blasted forwards by the impact. "Kuwabara-kun!" she yelled, stepping forwards as the man picked himself up, "Are you alright?"
"Fine, fine," the former tantei muttered hurriedly, getting to his feet with the air of a man possessed "Gotta run, crazy, love-struck swordswoman on my tail!"
"Wha-? Love struck?" Botan repeated, watching the man vanish in confusion, only to shriek as a woman with long hair in a business skirt and suit jacket leapt past, nodachi in hand.
"Hold Kuwabara-sensei!" she yelled, launching a Zankuusen at the man, "You cannot escape my love!"
"I can damn well try!" Kuwabara shrieked back, ignoring the screams as the street was torn up behind him.
Botan blinked in confusion as the bizarre duo disappeared, only for a horde of flustered looking schoolgirls to appear in their wake. "Kuwabara-sensei!" they called out, looking about desperately, "We only want your babies!"
Botan blinked, before slowly raising her fingers to her cheek and giving herself a rather savage pinch. When the pain finally subsided, revealing that this WASN'T some twisted nightmare concocted from some bad sake, the blue haired ferrywoman promptly took to her oar and made to find her former pursuer.
On Campus...
'This is my fault.' Asuna moaned, leaping through the riot of female hormones as she tried to catch up to the errant senseis 'If only I hadn't lost my temper!'
"Negi-sensei!" Ayaka called out, a lasso in one hand as she rode her mount through the halls like a rustler "Come out and play!"
'Note to self, never ask where she got the horse.' Asuna muttered, steering right to avoid her rival as she kept an eye out for Negi.
With Kuawbara...
'Think I lost her.' Kuwabara breathed, eyeing around a corner as Touko-sensei charged past, panting heavily, though not due to exhaustion if the look in her eyes was any sign, 'man, how the hell do I get into these messes?'
When he was absolutely certain the woman was gone he peeked out, sighing in relief as he noticed the herd of schoolgirls wandering off in the wrong direction.
"You know," Botan opined, startling him as she appeared behind him, "A few years ago you'd have died for an opportunity like this."
"I'm not the same punk kid that used ta scrap with Urameshi for kicks." Kuwabara countered, sighing in relief, "Besides, I have Yukina-chan, and they're my students anyway."
"You go Kuwa-kun." Botan chirped, before budging up slightly and patting her oar with a smile, "Need a lift back to campus?"
"You're not gonna start hanging all over me too are ya?" the lanky professor muttered cautiously, earning a raised eyebrow from the ferrywoman, "Point taken."
He gripped the oar tightly as it took off, the two effectively disappearing from sight courtesy of the magic of reikai. Kuwabara winced as he espied Touko-sensei charging around like a bull elephant, her blouse partially undone and looking even more hot-and-bothered by the minute. 'That woman seriously needs to get laid.' He muttered, 'Even Shizuru never got this worked up.'
"So any idea what's going on?" Botan asked, as the two made their way back to the campus "I mean, no offence Kuwa-kun but you aren't the type to have women chasing after you in packs."
"None taken," Kuwabara muttered weakly, knowing he wasn't the prettiest tool in the shed "Negi mentioned something about a love potion, think I swallowed half of it when he bumped inta me, poor squirt got the other half when Kagurazaka forced it down his throat."
"Love potion?" Botan repeated, blinking in confusion, "Oh my, do they still make those ridiculous things?"
"Y'mean they're real?" Kuwabara blinked, earning a nod from Botan as she swerved to dodge a lamppost.
"Oh yeah, but they're considered illegal, messing with a person's emotions is considered a form of brainwashing." She sighed "There've been numerous cases where an innocent, misplaced crush ended up in something horrible happening down the line."
"Wow," Kuwabara muttered, looking a little green "And here I thought stuff like this only happened in shoujo manga."
"You'd be surprised." Botan admitted, "But then again, your own life could fit into a manga plot as well."
Kuwabara would have replied when a high pitched squeal cut through the air, causing him to snap his attention to the library window. "That sounded like Negi!"
Library...
For the umpteenth time that day Negi Springfield cursed ever having met Kagurazaka Asuna, opening his stupid trap, levitating the damned eraser and most of all, concocting the stupid love potion that was currently driving Miyazaki Nodoka to attempt to have her not-so-wicked way with him.
Just as he was resigned to the loss of his virginity, a pair of strong hands grabbed the girl by the shoulders and pulled her gently, yet firmly, off the ten-year old. She struggled briefly, only to sigh as a swift chop to the neck rendered her unconscious.
"You really are something else ya know?" Kuwabara muttered, shaking his head in exasperation whilst Botan lowered the unconscious librarian to the floor, "Haven't even hit puberty and you've already had more girl problems than most guys I know."
Negi sweatdropped, eyeing the blue haired woman his colleague had come in with, wondering how on earth they'd done so. The only way into the room was through the front door, and Nodoka had the key.
"Now you gonna tell me what's going on?" Kuwabara asked, squatting down so he was eye level with the boy, "Level with me, you're no ordinary ten-year-old are you?"
Negi stammered and tried to think of a way out of the situation when a high pitched yell tore through the air, followed by a deafening crash as Asuna's legendary flying jump kick shattered the door, sending splinters and chunks of wood flying in all directions.
"Negi! Are you okay?" the redhead called out, only to blink as she caught sight of the magician cowering behind a startled Kuwabara. She noticed the blue haired woman off to the side, supporting a slumbering Nodoka's head in her lap, before turning to look at the two sensei's in confusion. "Just what the hell is going on here?" she asked, which Kuwabara felt summed up everything rather nicely.
Later...
"A mage huh?" Kuwabara repeated, walking alongside Negi as the ten year-old nodded gloomily, "And if anyone finds out you'll be turned into a ferret?"
"An ermine actually," the Welshman corrected, sighing exhaustedly, as he could practically feel the weight of the grand council's stares as they towered over his transfigured form, "It's to ensure the magical world remains secret, otherwise we'd have widespread chaos and wouldn't be able to do our jobs."
"Makes sense to me." Kuwabara reasoned, hands in his pockets, with Asuna bringing up the rear with Botan, the two taking animatedly about something or other, "I mean, what with all the witch hunts and all." He winced as Negi shivered, before grinning at him, "Relax would ya? I ain't the type to spill anyone's secrets."
Negi sniffled a little, before beaming up at the man gratefully, before looking up as Asuna called for him to catch up. "Suman, Kuwabara-san!" the ten-year-old called out, waving back at his older colleague "I'll see you tomorrow."
"Pleasant little kid isn't he?" Botan noted, smiling after the pleasant little boy as he made to catch up with his hotheaded student/roommate.
"Sure is." Kuwabara agreed "hard to believe he's a sensei as well." He snorted at the dumbfounded look on the ferrywoman's face "Yeah, my reaction was the same, now what say we take a look at this?"
He held up the videotape and frowned, looking around carefully in case they were being watched. The courtyard was deserted, but the psychically gifted educator wasn't one to take chances. "My place doesn't even have a TV, Lets see if I can get Takamichi to lend me the A.V room.
Elsewhere...
Asakura Kasumi waved to the cheerleaders as they filed out, routing through her desk one last time, as she made sure she had everything. Sighing dejectedly, the Mahora paparazzi shouldered her book bag and made for the classroom door, muttering to herself as she did.
'So much for my big scoop.' She muttered, 'Not only did the rioters not have a clue but they all seemed too exhausted to even walk straight, let alone answer questions.'
Kasumi had been in the darkroom at the time, developing photos for the school website when she'd heard about the hormonal stampede that was hunting the campus for two male teachers. She'd dashed out hoping to get first dibs on the scandal, only to find that not only were said educators gone, but the rioters had no idea what they'd been doing for the past half hour.
'Still,' she chuckled, patting her camera 'It isn't every day you see Touko sensei half naked and panting like that.' The normally reserved teacher had nearly decapitated her when she took the photo, which made it all the more valueable.
She blinked as she noticed something, namely the new science teacher looking around furtively, before opening the door to the A.V room, a video cassette in one hand as he gestured for a blue-haired girl to follow.
'Hey now!' she noted, eyes widening as she hid behind the corner 'What was that? Could that be Kuwabara-sensei's girlfriend? She doesn't look any older than me!' She began to breath heavily as various scenarios ran through her skull 'And what was that video? He looked pretty nervous as he led them in…OMIGAWD! Could they be watching a Porno? In school?'
Saying a silent thank you to the gods of journalism, the paparazzi in the making made her way silently to the door of the A.V. Room, sliding it open easily and looking in to find the couple had their backs to her. "I still don't see why he doesn't just use DVD's." Kuwabara-sensei muttered, shaking his head as he hit the play button on the remote.
"He still has troubles with CD players as it is." The blue haired woman pointed out, "And don't get me started on computers and I-pods."
"A toddler's a toddler no matter how old he is huh?" Kuwabara snorted, the two chuckling at some inside joke that made Kasumi grin.
'Hoh? So there's a third party? Could he be Kuwabara-sensei's source?' she was rapidly making notes, turning to eye the screen as the other two turned towards it.
Koenma's video...
"Hello Kuwabara." Koenma greeted after the cheesy opening credits rolled on "I heard the good news, congratulations on your post."
"I still can't believe I worked for a toddler." Kuwabara muttered to Botan who hushed him with a guilty look in her eye.
"As it stand s though this isn't a personal call, as you know the Kekkai was permanently dropped following the end of the Makai tournament, and while things HAVE been running smoothly it isn't my nature to put all my trust in others, particularly those who've been trying to kill me for the last few millennia."
"No shit." Kuwabara muttered, only to receive an elbow to the head from Botan for not paying attention.
"As it stands," the toddler-god continued "with Yusuke permanently discharged from active service due to his half-blood lineage I find myself at a bit of a quandary, that's where YOU come in."
Clearing his throat the ruler of reikai eyed the camera, suddenly appearing in his adult form, pacifier and all, as he pointed at the camera, and by Proxy, Kuwabara.
"Henceforth, I, Koenma, acting ruler of Reikai, hereby appoint you, Kuwabara Kazuma, as the Yondaime Reikai Tantei." He smiled around the pacifier "I look forward to working with you again…oh, and Botan will be assisting you from now on, Have fun!"
Kuwabara was silent for a moment, a look of pure disbelief crossing his features at the toddler's words. Sure he'd always made cracks about taking the title from Urameshi in the past, hell he'd usually done it to get his rival's ass in gear, knowing the teen had the pride of a mule and a punch to match. But here Koenma had PERSONALLY recruited him, and the way he'd said it made it clear that refusal WASN'T an option.
"Kuwa-kun?" Botan asked, looking over at the newly, or rather officially instated Tantei in concern "You okay?"
Kuwabara blinked, eyeing the now static-filled screen for a moment, before nodding, a smile on his face. "Yeah…I'm fine."
At the back of the class, Asakura Kasumi tried to figure out just what the hell was going on. For the last few minutes the two had simply sat staring at a screen of white noise, which promptly cut off to static as the tape came to an end, making the odd comment now and again.
'Could it be some sort of hypnotic trance?' she wondered 'Or maybe some secret coded message you need special contacts and ear plugs for?' Either way the Mahora Paparazzi grinned in anticipation. It seemed she may have found something interesting after all.
Cue Nadesico music.
Stop the presses! there's a new scandal in town!
Goings on between student and teacher? Naughty Naughty Sensei!
And what's this? Seems trouble's afoot!
Ganbare Kuwabara kun! your students need you
Next time on reikai sensei Kuwabara: Innocence is fleeting!
Yue: The title still needs work