And so Kuwabara finally gets round to getting some proper training...but will Eva's plans cut into his strawberry time?

HEAVEN OR HELL?

LET'S RAWK!

14th period.

Evangeline blinked as she watched Kuwabara skip down the stairs, humming a song off key and reeking of cologne. She envied Chachamaru for her lack of any functional sense of smell because the man had put on enough to blind a tramp. "Big date today sensei?" she asked coyly, hoping to fluster the man as was the norm, only to gape at the cheerful smile she was rewarded with.

"How'd you guess Eva-chan?" Kuwabara replied, missing the spasm the blonde suffered from being reffered to so affectionately "Oh it is such a beautiful day! I feel like singing!"

"Please don't." Evangeline muttered, the beginnings of a headache forming, if his humming was bad she didn't want to know what his singing could do to her vampiric hearing. Kuwabara ignored her and virtually skipped out the front door, singing and laughing the whole way.

"Master," Chachamaru called out, startling the undying magi from her thoughts "Are you perhaps…upset by this current development?"

"Have you gone mad?" Eva spluttered, looking aghast at the idea "What is there to see in that oaf other than a brainless Neanderthal with a lot of power?"

With Kuwabara...

Kuwabara hummed as he made his way down the street in the tram, leaping off and making his way to a flower stand, purchasing an impressive bouquet of roses for his beloved. Skipping up the steps to their room, he knelt forward as the door opened, eyes shut and flowers held before him "For you my beloved!"

"Cute." Genkai noted dryly, smirking as Kuwabara's eyes snapped open in embarrassment "But trust me, you aren't my type, baka."

Kuwabara choked as he was led inside, trying to offer an apology only for the love of his life to step into the room, wearing a jacket and a pink dress, her hair tied back in a braid. "Kazuma-kun!" She greeted with a bright smile that always reduced the man to putty, as it did now "You're okay!"

"But of course!" Kuwabara insisted, getting to his feet and posing before her like a bodybuilder "Your warrior of love won't be taken down that easy!"

"Funny, according to Botan those students of yours manage to get the better of you almost every time." Genkai snorted, earning a flush from the man.

"That's only when they get out of control!" Kuwabara countered, planning to get even with a certain blue-haired shinnigami in the near future "And besides, what else could I do when they attack me?"

"I dunno, fight back?" Genkai replied sarcastically sighing at the mule-headed look in the Tantei's eyes "Kuwabara I'm not saying you take your hand to women who can't fight back but you have to get over this outdated chivalry thing of yours before you get yourself killed."

"Real men don't hit women." Kuwabara insisted, clenching his fists as she shook her head at him "And what's this got to do with me coming to see you anyways?"

Genkai sighed, walking over to a seat and sinking into it, Kuwabara sitting across from her while Yukina went to make snacks "Kuwabara, now that you've been made Reikai Tantei things are only going to get harder for you." She began "Not all the demons agreed with the outcome of the tournament, in fact were it not for their fear of Yusuke and Mukuro they'd be swarming us en masse since the barrier dropped."

Kuwabara swallowed, the dropping of the barrier had always been a sore topic for him and Yusuke and Kurama's assurances still didn't put his mind at rest. The fact that HIEI, of all people, who for as long as the man remembered hated the human world with a passion, was acting as a patrolman to keep it safe didn't make things any better.

"As such if you hope to survive as tantei," Genkai continued "you're going to have to let go of those childish ideals of yours that have been keeping you from reaching your full potential."

"I don't hit girls and there's nothing childish about that!" Kuwabara shot back, only to be silenced by her look, which had been knwon to make war veterans cry for mommy in her prime.

"I understand that," Genkai assured the young man before her "and several generations ago that may have counted for something, but the fact is that not all demons that come through the barrier are testosterone powered muscle heads like Toguro, quite a few of them are female, need I remind you that Mukuro herself is a woman?"

Kuwabara was silent, but the aged psychic could see stubbornness in those eyes of his. "Had Mukuro not changed as much as she has she'd have marched through and begun blasting everything in sight," she reminded him "what would you have done then?"

"Stop her of course!" Kuwabara shot back, slapping his knee for emphasis "I mean there's not much I can do about it if the world's at stake!"

"Then the fact is that when push comes to shove you shove," Genkai noted "but the problem is that in order for you to shove something bad has to happen, bad enough that you toss aside those ideals that bind you down." She sighed "While that may have suited in the past it's not so good now, if you hesitate to fight merely because the opponent is female you run the risk of putting yourself, and everyone you care about, at risk."

They were silent, Kuwabara staring at his hands whilst the clock ticked in the background. He looked up eventually, regarding his rival's master carefully "So did you just come here to tell me off or what?"

"In all honesty I wanted to see if you were alright." Genkai admitted, nodding as Yukina entered with some green tea and biscuits "But I'll admit that kicking your ass into shape was another pressing concern." She smirked at his surprised expression "Don't get all fussed, I'm just making sure you don't waste that potential of yours."

Dean's office...

"This is interesting." Konoe Eishun noted, reading the letter that had been sent to him via shikigami from Sakurazaki Setsuna, his student in the Shinmeiryuu and Onmyo-do. "For someone with such a level of power to appear on campus…and unless I miss my guess a rather famous one too."

Konoe Eishun had an impressive spy network, and as the leader of the Kansai Magic association he knew all to well the existence of demons in the world. Normally the Shinmeiryuu kept the unholy legions under control in the Kansai district, but they didn't account for the foreign ones.

The only mass global demonic event that they knew of was the infamous Ankoku Bujutsukai, the Dark Martial Arts Association, or as it was more commonly know: The Dark Tournament. A gathering of demons and corrupt humans from all over the world, teams of fighters would battle in an attempt for the ultimate prize, whatever the victors' desired.

The last winners of the tournament had been that years 'guest' team, composed of three humans and two demons that had been getting in the way of the criminal underworld. And unless Eishun missed his guess, Kuwabara Kazuma had been one of the names of the three humans that turned the tournament on its head.

"Perhaps I should meet with him." He pondered "At the very least it would help to ward off any future attempts at storming Mahora if they knew one of the tournament winners was employed there."

With Kuwabara...

"Urameshi actually went through THIS?" Kuwabara yelped, balancing on one finger atop a needle, channeling his reiki to the digit. He was stripped to a vest and boxers, wearing several weights on his limbs and torso.

"Not really," Genkai admitted "the only reason the weights are there is because you're a lot stronger than Yusuke was when he first attempted this method." she nodded at the small burst of reiki the man was emitting to stay atop "Your control is a lot better than the baka's at least."

While normally Kuwabara would be crowing at such praise it didn't mean much because if he did his concentration would break and he'd collapse on the needle, finger first. "Now hold that pose for twelve hours." Genkai instructed, balancing on her own needle with the tip of her shoe. "After that we'll move on to meditation, and advanced reiki refinement techniques."

"IS all of this really necessary?" Kuwabara snapped out, teeth grit to the point of cracking "I mean I've done pretty well for myself haven't I?"

"Indeed." Genkai noted, "For someone with no proper training to have lasted as long as you have is amazing, thanks in no small part to natural talent and the devils own luck." She regarded him solemnly "However, as the new Reikai tantei, in a time when the barrier between worlds has dropped, your previous skills mean little."

She flipped off the needle and landed in front of the straining man, looking down into his grimacing eyes neutrally, before walking over to a nearby boulder to watch him. The two had set up in the woods of Mahora Gakuen, in a special area roped off by the Tatsumiya shrine, only the dean could grant access to that area, not even the walking club went near it.

Nevertheless, someone WAS watching them, chuckling quietly to herself as she regarded the scene before her from the shadows of a tree.

'Interesting training regimen sensei.' Nagase Kaede noted, a nervous smile gracing her features 'I don't think even Ku's dumb enough to try something like that, de gozaru.' She sweatdropped 'Still, maybe I shouldn't tell her to be safe.'

Later...

It was an unusual week for the denizens of class 3A. It all started when the ever-adorable Negi-kun stumbled into class looking frantic, before spending the entire lesson slumped against his desk, looking drained and troubled, asking a flustered Ako a highly suggestive question, that had lead to the debacle of a cheer-up party.

Then Kuwabara-sensei turned up the following day looking like he'd just run a triathlon in full samurai armor; the bags under his eyes were unnerving the more excitable students. It wasn't until the man dozed off mid-lecture that the girls began to get worried.

"Kuwabara-sensei." Ayaka instructed gently, lifting the textbook from the dazed instructors hands "Maybe you should go lie down."

"But…gotta finish...duh...lesson…" Kuwabara protested dozily, before actually managing to fall asleep whilst standing up, a snot bubble exiting his nostril.

"Never a dull moment in this class huh?" Yue noted, as the Narutakis clambered over the comatose instructor like chimpanzees on a jungle gym. Quite a few of the more excitable girls were trying to sketch on his face with marker, only for Ayaka to ward them off, enlisting Mana and Kaede to carry the instructor to the nurse's office whilst she informed the dean.

"You think maybe something's going on?" Yuna wondered "I mean, first Makie and Honya-chan are attacked, then Negi-kun starts acting all weird, and now Kuwabara-sensei's acting strange!"

"More like dead on his feet than 'strange'." Kazumi replied, watching the man get carried off "Seriously, I've seen movie zombies with more life to them."

"Hey!" Sakurako asked excitedly, "You know how they said it was a vampire that attacked Honya-chan? What if Kuwabara-sensei's the vampire!"

"No way!" Haruna countered with a dismissive snort "Besides, he's been standing by the window all day, and last I checked it was pretty bright out!"

"I heard powerful vampires can survive direct sunlight." Yue noted offhandedly, as if commenting on the weather "High daylight walkers they're called."

"Yeah!" Sakurako insisted, not noticing Evangeline's sudden twitch "He didn't get to eat anything last night! So he's fading away because Honya-chan got away!"

Nodoka tried to disrepute the girl's claim, she was fairly certain it had been a FEMALE assailant the other night, even if it had been a good voice change there was simply no way outside of manga logic that Kuwabara-sensei could change his shape into that of a little girl.

But of course her efforts were to be in vain, for the riot that was 3A was already in full swing.

With Kuwabara...

"Now I see why Urameshi hated talking about his training." Kuwabara muttered, wincing at his stiff muscles. Genkai would train him until he'd exhausted his reiki, and then move onto physical fitness drills. Normally a good night's sleep would bring the teen at least partially back to full strength, but he found it hard getting to sleep, and the old bat had him up at dawn either way. Even after the nap he'd unwittingly taken at the campus, the Tantei felt as if his muscles were stretched taut.

'Maybe some ramen will make me feel better.' He opined, only to blink as he espied his green haired roommate walking alongside two youths towards a bridge. "Chachamaru?" he called out, the girl turning to him "What are you doing out here?"

"Master dismissed me for the evening," the girl replied "I was merely making a brief stop before going home."

Kuwabara nodded, blinking as he espied an old woman trying to get up the steps. Before Chachamaru could offer assistance, the tantei had handed her his attaché case and slung the woman onto his back, carrying her up despite his protesting muscles. "You're a very kind young man." The woman offered him thankfully "These old bones of mine truly needed a rest."

"Not a problem ma'am." Kuwabara replied, wondering why his sixth sense seemed to be reacting. Surely such a pleasant old lady couldn't be any harm?

"I have a daughter about your age." She noted, smiling at him in that manner reserved for pleasant old women no one could think ill of "A little rough around the edges but I think you two could get on fine."

Before Kuwabara could offer a word of protest his sixth sense took a proverbial leap, drawing his attention to a young slip of a girl with black hair and gothic Lolita dress standing at the foot of the steps before him. In her arms was a long eared cat with a bell, and at her feet two traveling cases. "Obaa-sama." She greeted, nodding to the woman on Kuwabara's back, "We should go if we hope to catch our plane."

"But of course Kanako-chan." The old woman agreed, dropping gently off Kuwabara's back and smiling up at him "Take care of yourself, Kuwabara-kun, and if you ever need work, just look me up." She paused "Oh, and tell Konoe-baka next time you see him that I'm calling in on our bargain."

"Huh? Wha-?" Kuwabara stammered, gaping at the woman like a stranded guppy as she waved down a cab "Waitaminute! How'd you know my name?"

His questions went unanswered, for the cab sped off towards the airport, leaving a thoroughly confused tantei in the dust.

Elsewhere...

"So that's Kuwabara Kazuma-kun." Urashima Hinata noted offhandedly, that loveable smile still etched across her weathered features "Quite a nice rump on that one."

"He's ugly." Kanako countered as she hugged her long-eared cat, Kuro, close to her chest "You could do better than that for Haruka."

"Perhaps." the infamous Granny Hina noted, one eye opening a crack to reveal a shrewd gaze that could steal the Devil's own horns "But then again, it isn't so much the looks as stamina when it comes to finding a good catch." She chuckled at Kanko's flush "Why do you think I didn't care for that Noriasu chap? The idiot could be poster boy for erectile dysfunction."

"I'd take Onii-san any day." Kanako muttered, almost to herself, were it not for Hina's sharp hearing, refuted to have been honed through years of warding off assasins.

"And while I may have doted on that in times past." Hina assured her, though there was steel in that tone somewhere "I must ask for you not to interfere, Kanako-chan."

"Hai-Obaa-sama." Kanko conceded, lowering her head in apparent submission, though Hina could tell she'd raise hell anyways.

'Ah, young love.' The Urashima clan matriarch sighed, placing a hand to her wrinkled cheek 'Kei-chan, just you leave it to Baa-chan, I'll make sure your life is a happy one…even if you don't know it.'

In Hinata-city, a young man with his leg in a cast shivered as something ran down his spine, only to be punched into the stratosphere because the violent object of his misguided affections interpreted the action as his thinking perverted thoughts.

With Kuwabara...

"Are you alright Sensei?" Chachamaru asked concernedly, walking up behind the muttering tantei "I noted that you seem to have injured yourself, should I escort you back home?"

"Nah I'm good." Kuwabara assured the girl, popping his back into place "You said you had to make a stop right? Don't let me keep you, I have to be somewhere anyways."

Chachamaru regarded him carefully, before nodding and handing back the attaché case as she picked up her shopping bags bowed, walking off sedately towards an older part of the school.

'Can't sense anything ominous.' Kuwabara noted, shrugging off his concerns 'I guess she's probably going ta hang out.' He winced as his muscles stung, grumbling under his breath at his newfound hatred for mysterious old women that lived to torture upstanding individuals like himself with their odd ways.

Reikai...

"Botan! Where in the nine hells have you been?" Koenma called out from behind a stack of paperwork. Botan idly noted that it didn't look much smaller than when she left a while ago, if anything it looked bigger than ever.

"I've been trying to look into something that concerns Kuwabara." She noted, dressed in her traditional pink kimono "Its one of his students, I fear she may be more than she's letting on."

"You dropped off the radar for that?" Koenma snapped, looking none to pleased "Why didn't you simply report it to me? We could have done a background check in no-time!"

"Well I simply wanted to avoid all the red tape and paperwork that would have meant sir." Botan replied, patting herself on the back as Koenma winced at the dreaded 'P' word.

"Point noted." He allotted, putting his fingers together and resting his chin on them "Very well, give me a name and I'll look into it personally."

"The subjects name is Evangeline A.K McDowell sir." Botan replied, blinking as her boss stared at her, before chuckling and shaking his head.

"Ha! Good one Botan!" the pacifier sucking deity chuckled, shaking his head good naturedly "For a minute there I thought you were serious."

"But I am sir!" Botan insisted, riffling through the front of her kimono in a way that would have garnered a look from Yusuke had he been there, pulling out a picture and holding it out to her boss "See, here's the girl in question!"

Koenma snorted and took the picture, looking it over with his eyes half shut in bemusement. They bulged wide open as his pacifier fell from numb lips, all the color draining from his face as he held the photo in trembling hands. "No way…" he stammered "Its not possible…I thought she'd been…! AYAME! OGRE!"

The black robed ferrywoman appeared next to Botan with a bow as George, Koenma's personal assistant/nanny stumbled into the room a few seconds later. "Is something the matter, Koenma-sama?" they asked in tandem, looking at the ruler of reikai in concern, George struggling to catch his breath.

"Ogre! Get me the record rooms!" Koenma snapped, knocking over several files in his distress "Tell them I want to see the soul passing records for the past ten years! Ayame!" he turned to the ferrywoman "Get me all the information you have on this subject," he handed her the photo "from vault M, and I mean YESTERDAY!"

"Sir?" Botan asked, looking at him in confusion as the two departed to carry out their orders, Ayame as calm as ever, and George ever nervous "What's going on?"

"Another blunder with intelligence that's what!" Koenma snapped, pacing the desk and stuffing his pacifier between grit teeth as he cursed the Reikai intelligence agency for the umpteenth time "It may not be as bad as Sensui's tunnel but for someone like THAT to be loose in the human world…!"

"Who is she?" Botan asked, starting to feel concerned for the safety of her onetime pursuer and good friend as Koenma continued to pace his desk.

"Only one of the most evil, underhanded, manipulative wizards this world has had the misfortune to encounter!" Koenma replied, "I thought she'd been destroyed ten years ago, but back then I was handling the loss of Sensui and so didn't have time to focus."

"Is Kuwabara-kun in danger?" Botan asked, shivering at the look in her employer's eyes as he regarded her solemnly, face shadowed for dramatic effect.

"Danger doesn't even BEGIN to describe the trouble he's in." Koenma replied in a somber tone "Kuwabara may possibly be the strongest living human in regards to sheer power, but he's untrained and has never encountered wizardry and all its secrets." He swallowed "And Dark Evangel, the undying Magi, has centuries of experience to back up her own considerable might!"

With Evangeline...

"Are you alright master?" Chachamaru asked, regarding Evangeline in concern. The gynoid had just returned from a botched ambush courtesy of Negi Springfield and Kagurazaka Asuna. She had yet to inform her master that the Springfield heir had engaged in a probationary pact with their redheaded classmate, for reasons her logic circuits could not comprehend.

"I'm fine." Evangeline assured her, rubbing her nose after a particularly sudden, not to mention violent, sneeze. "I hate this curse," she muttered "Without my powers I'm susceptible to every asinine virus that targets infantile brats."

"Perhaps you should go to bed." Chachamaru suggested, getting to her feet with a couteous bow, hands clasped "I'll warm the bath for you."

"Please do." Eva nodded, looking out the window offhandedly, a bored expression on her face "I wonder where that Neanderthal disappeared off to?"

"Are you concerned master?" Chachamaru asked, only for Eva to hurl a fork at her.

With Kuwabara...

"Keep going, slacker!" Genkai taunted, standing atop a cliff-face, gazing down at a struggling Kuwabara, who was attempting to climb it blindfolded, without equipment, and with weights hanging from chains at his wrists and ankles. "Use your sixth sense to feel out the best route! And don't even think of removing that cloth! If you do I'll kick you right off and you can start from the beginning!"

"When I get up there I'll beat the stuffing outta ya, ya old bat!" Kuwabara yelled up the cliff, only for the woman to chuckle.

"Oh? The great 'Kuwabara-sama' says he'll hit me does he?" she called out "Looks like I'm getting through to that thick head of yours." She kicked a pebble over the edge, watching in satisfaction as it dropped onto Kuwabara's forehead, dizzying him and causing him to slide down to the bottom again "That said, that doesn't mean I have to listen to your crap."

"AAAARRRGGGHHH!"

Cue Nadesico music.

Training in the woods! A trademark of shounen manga!

Yue: this isn't a shonen manga...not really.

Alone in the woods, our hero must ward off natures fiercest foes!

Narutakis: AH! BEARS!

But what's this? Assasins in the trees? Fear not! Kuwabara shall overcome them!

Next time on Reikai Kuwabara: enlightenment in the foliage!

Kuwabara: Oh god...WHERE'S THE F-!-ING TOILET PAPER!

R&R, and Kurama shall pose for you.