Emmett plays Flappy Bird

Disclaimer: I do not own twilight.

I'm so sorry for the four people who had to wait for this story's next chapter, I'll try not make it happen again. It's the holidays now, so I hope to update a bit more frequently.

Don't forget to review! (Even negative reviews almost make me feel good! :D :D :D)

"He told the world?" Bella hedged, sounding desperate.

"No." Alice affirmed, sounding like Jane, the stupid dead pain-inflictor who used to be part of the Volturi.

But now the Volturi were dead.

I remembered Alice's vision she had willingly shared with us. The flames, the acrid purple smoke, Aro's head on a plate.

Not literally on a plate, of course. But the bullying prick was wanted dead for over 3000 years, and if all those zealous little human-eaters had known, I'm sure all their petty little thoughts would be bent on world domination.

"Then, who did he tell?" Bella whined.

"Oh, no one." Alice trilled, looking immensely pleased with herself. "Just the whole of Forks."

Bella growled, crouching into the 'pounce' position. "THAT was out of character!" She grumbled, pointing to Alice with her index finger. "I thought you'd be hysterical!"

"I did too," Alice remarked cheerfully. "But, I decided it's probably a good thing. Now the reservation doesn't have to keep anymore stupid secrets." Alice frowned. "But, Charlie made them promise that they wouldn't tell ANYONE that vampires actually existed, ESPECIALLY if they lived in Seattle. He said he didn't want another crisis, similar to nine years ago," Alice explained. " I think it will be alright. Honestly."

"You think?" Bella cried, anguished. "What if, everyone at school tomorrow brings along garlic and wooden stakes, just because Dad leaked the news? Jasper doesn't need another terror overload," Bella protested.

Alice only shook her head. "I can see barely anything with Nessie practicing her instruments just next door," She sighed. "But we can hope."

I scoffed, returning to the living room from my place in the kitchen doorway, plonking myself on one of our many la z boys, trying to fight my laziness and turn my Minecraft on. I lost the battle, and instead lay my head on my chair, moaning.

I felt about as exhausted as a vampire could get.

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"That's unlike you, Emmett! You're usually so energetic! What's happened?" A teasing voice came from the other side of the room, interrupting my blocky daydreams, snapping me 'awake' again. His bronze hair was tangled and matted, and his shirt crumpled, although free of any blood, a definite sign that he'd been hunting.

"So, you still haven't killed anybody for twenty years? Have you kept that streak, Eddie?" I shot back.

Edward frowned, ignoring his least favourite nickname. "I killed Bella," He said gravely.

"Still worried about that, are ya, Eddie?" I said jokingly, rolling my eyes. "You selfless monster."

Edward growled, but I knew he knew better than to throw me across the room. I used this opportunity to charge at him, at vampire speed, and send him crashing through the wall.

"You could of told me you wanted to fight!" Edward grinned sardonically. "But, we can take it outside, can't we?"

"I bet I'll win this time," I said maliciously, cracking my knuckles.

Edward rose and eyebrow. "You think you'll actually beat me?" He asked sceptically.

"This time, I will!" I hollered, charging at Edward for the second time. "Let's get this par-tay started!" Unfortunately, Edward stepped out of the way, and pushed me to the ground before I could react, following through with a couple of powerful punches that would have instantly killed a human.

"I win," Edward said simply, placing his foot on the small of my back.

"Fu-"

"No bad cussing, remember? That was part of your grounding." Edward said firmly, stepping on my head so my cursing was muffled. "Told you I'd win. Never underestimate da Edward."

"You're such a piece of sh-… I mean, crap." I moaned.

"Oops! No video games for another to weeks, Emmett. Crap is a nasty word." Edward was doing this only to irritate me now. Even he said it occasionally.

"But…" I protested.

"No buts," Edward's shell just wouldn't crack. And he thought Bella was stubborn.

"Aw, nuts!" I whined. "Please?"

"I'll think about it." Edward stated, but judging from the evil grin on his face, he was probably going to make me play something awful, like Solitaire.

"You better," I cautioned, putting on my most intimidating voice.

"Guys! Time for school! I only just found out that the bell rings forty-seven seconds early today…" Alice glanced around the room, her voice faltering when she saw our mess, her expression changing from shock to anger in milliseconds.

"CLEAN IT UP!" She screeched, sounding like Miley Cyrus. "THAT ORIGINAL COST FORTY MILLION! FORTY!"

"Doesn't sound that expensive," I remarked lazily.

"Can you at least try to manage your impulsivity and think about it before you smash into the wall?" Alice squawked, bending down to pick up pieces of painting. "That one was Esme's favourite…" Alice sobbed tearlessly, rocking back and forth. "Unless anyone can paint like that…"

"Of course we can paint like that!" I yelled, not thinking. "We are bloody vampires, for god's sake!"

Edward narrowed his eyes, shooting me withering stares. Alice stood there with a blank face, trying her best not to laugh.

"Wait… we aren't newborns!" Alice finally broke the awkward silence. "Aren't we very clean vampires?"

No one laughed, me included. In fact, Edward appeared to be even angrier. "Alice…" He grumbled. "Emmett needs to learn not to cuss!"

"Oh. Sorry." Alice sounded a bit miffed, and stared intently at the floor.

"I think we'll make it a month, Emmett." Edward said sternly.

"You aren't my mom!" I bellowed, crossing my arms. "Humph."

"Well, you two better clean up," Alice threatened. "You don't want to get in to trouble with Esme, and yes, I will tell her, Emmett!" Alice looked immensely pleased with herself, and danced away to get her bag packed for school.

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"Conditioning?" I stared at my schedule in disbelief. "I didn't even bring my P.E kit!" I complained, picking at my prop food. "Why do I always have to act slow in front of all these humans?" I whinged to Rosalie. "How did Bella get out of all this?"

"I've already told you." Rosalie said coldly. She had been in a particularly foul mood since she came back from Denali.

"Aw, come on, baby. Surely my Emmett strength is an exposure risk, too!" I nagged her for the umpteenth time.

"You'll be careful, Emmett."

I did my best impression of puppy-dog-eyes, earning a smack from Rosalie.

"Geez, Rosalie! Why are you so… hostile today?" I asked, irritated.

"The succubus sisters aren't exactly making me happy at the moment." Rosalie clarified icily.

"But not gym conditioning! That is beyond ridiculous! We all should be-"

"You are doing gym conditioning." Rosalie said flatly.

I sighed in defeat. Why did Rose have to make me do gym with all the humans, and let everyone else off? Even the Dog didn't have to do gym after Bella's little incident.

"Why am I the only one?" I grumbled. "Why does everyone else get let off?"

"I don't get let off," Rosalie pointed.

"Then-"

"Alright." Rosalie put her palm in the air. "Bella is let off because of the incident. Edward won't do gym if Bella doesn't. With me so far?"

I nodded.

"Jasper can't do gym because of his bad self-control, and just like Edward, Alice won't go without Jasper. Jacob can't go because if he accidentally phrases, we will have to move. Renesmee would go, except that she's got extension Maltese during her gym session, and there's no other free spaces."

"Fine." I pouted. "I'll go. I'm sick of being so slow, though."

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"Not the psycho, please!" A weedy student in my gym class was begging, medieval style, to Mrs Antony, the poor boy's English teacher.

"I'm sorry, Nate. He's the only person we have." Mrs Antony said boredly.

"But he's mad," Nate protested, his head in his hands. "You should see what he wears!" Nate said spitefully. "He looks like a clown, polka dot socks and all-"

"Enough." Said the teacher firmly. "You will not talk about substitute teachers in that way, ever."

Nate groaned and shuffled out of the classroom, moving slower than a sloth.

"Cullen." Mrs Antony moved studiously around the classroom, arranging and rearranging textbooks and maps. "How can I help you?"

I smiled to myself as my wagging-gym plan slipped into action. Thanks to the genius Alice, I was off Gym conditioning for the whole term. I rubbed my hands together in anticipation, trying to look nervous.

"I am so sorry, Mrs Antony, but I can't seem to find my 'comedy of errors' booklet, and I won't be able to hand it in tomorrow, or, ever." I said nervously, talking faster than I needed to.

Mrs Antony narrowed her eyes. "And why is that?" She asked suspiciously.

"Alice fed it to the dog," I said matter-of-factly.

"What actually happened, Mr Cullen?" Mrs Antony hadn't fallen for the pathetic lie.

Perfect.

"I burnt all her Versace, so she fed it to the dog. End of story." I said cheekily, smiling, just a touch.

"If I ask Alice, what would she say?" Antony questioned.

"Nothing. She'd be screaming at me!" I said, miming an angry Alice.

"We should call her here. I need her for some extra validation."

"Aw, come on. She's gonna scream!"

Antony looked really annoyed now. "ALICE CULLEN!" She boomed into the intercom. "COME TO P24, NOW!"

"Why did you have to do that?" I whined. "She's already angry enough as it is. If you rub it in, my life is gonna suck!"

Mrs Antony's face twisted into a thin smile. "Maybe you need to learn from-"

"EMMETT CULLEN!" Alice stormed into the room, face red as a- wait, no, pale as a ghost. "YOU BURNED THIRTY THOUSAND DOLLARS! DO YOU REALISE HOW MUCH MONEY THAT IS? HOW LUCKY WE WERE TO HAVE THOSE CLOTHES?" Alice paused to 'catch her breath', sparing me a small wink. "AND YOU BURNED THEM! YOU BURNED MY VERSACE! AND I SWEAR-"

"Alice," Mrs Antony growled. "I believe you interrupted a teacher,"

Alice crossed her arms, pouting. "My clothes are more important than you," She harrumphed.

The elderly English teacher's contorted face shifted to a scowl, and she flushed a deep beetrooty colour. "Excuse me, Cullen?"

"Everyone despises you," Alice scoffed. "Maybe my Versace are actually important."

I let a small smile escape my lips. This was working, and well.

Antony screwed her face up, a vein popping out on her forehead. "How dare you speak to a teacher like that!" She roared, looking like she was about to jump out of our seat at us. "Such language is not tolerated at this school!"

"That's not language," I replied cheekily. "This is language-"

"I do not need examples, Mr Cullen," Mrs Antony said through clenched teeth. "Alice, you will be receiving detention for the rest of the year , for extremely rudely answering back to the teacher, interrupting the teacher in a rage, and obvious ignorance to the teacher." She handed Alice a thick wad of detention slips, which Alice stuffed carelessly into her school bag.

"Fine!" Alice spat, infuriated, wheeling out of the classroom. "It's all Emmett's fault!"

I could swear smoke was coming out of Mrs Antony's ears as she turned her hardened gaze in my direction. I heard a hiss, and after seeing Antony's papery greyish lips sealed shut, I realised it was my own. Antony's eyes then widened in fear, and as my eyes dropped to the floor, I saw that I had instinctively got into the crouch position, and was now snarling at the teacher.

"Get up, Emmett." Mrs Antony said in a frightened, hushed tone. "You are in big trouble."

"Am I in big trouble with the little girl?" I grinned from ear to ear.

Antony ignored my smart remark, even if she turned a horrible shade of crimson, I knew from Alice's vision that this would not be the source of my punishment.

"So, Emmett, do you have something to tell me? Like, a secret you've been keeping from me? A multiple personality disorder, perhaps? You were always such a perfect child, until…"

"Nope, this has always been me. A big, goofy, troublemaker of a vam- um… person." I looked at her sheepishly, half expecting my cheeks to turn a rosy red.

"A vam?" Antony asked sceptically. "What's a vam?"

"A mythical, bloodsucking creature in some stupid RPG that I'm addicted to." I lied quickly. "I like to parade around the house, pretending I'm a vampire. It gets on Jasper's nerves, believe me!" I smirked. "It involves snarling and pouncing, too."

"Child shouldn't let computer games influence his life," Mrs Antony muttered in a quiet voice probably not intended for my ears. "Anyway!" She cleared her throat, straightening her back and placing her hands in her lap. "Punishments for the goofy troublemaker."

"I thought we would get to this part." I groaned.

"Now, are you the type to enjoy gym class?" Antony asked, almost rhetorically.

I started to recite the incessant babble Alice insisted 'would guarantee my ban'. I blabbered about my sporting achievements, life on the track, football trophies, weightlifting ribbons and touring the world for my various competitions. All of these motivated Antony to ban my gym conditioning sessions even more, and when the punishing words finally escaped my lips, I was so excited, I almost forgot to put up a fight.

"The whole year? Come on, I can't live with that!" I complained, trying to act incredulous. "Gym is my life! Please…"

"Then maybe you will learn your lesson," Antony looked incredibly proud of herself for enforcing the ban. I was supposed to act sulky, but I was finding it hard to hide my excitement, too. "A note will go home to your parents today, informing them of your misbehaviour." She said icily. "Your sports uniform will no longer be required, and you will not be attending any sport-related field trips for the rest of the year. Do you understand, Emmett? You have shown the school a fine example of your bad behaviour."

"Yes, Mrs Antony." I replied solemnly, staring at my feet. "I'll try not to do it again," I added cheekily.

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"It worked?" Alice's face lit up, and she smiled mischievously. "Excellent. I'm still surprised you didn't want to participate."

"Me? Act slow and weak in front of humans?" I scoffed, cracking my knuckles. "Never. I can't wait to do some real sport."

Alice raised an eyebrow. "Really? "Edward would never let you, with your punishment and all." Alice flashed a small, malicious smile. "You may have to divert your attention from wrestling in order to play a certain electronic game,"

I groaned. "Is he going to make me play solitaires, after all?"

"You'll be wishing for solitaires, after a dose of this game." Alice chimed.

"What's worse than solitaires?" I asked, curious to see what Edward thought was worse than the dreadful computerised card game.

"It involves a bird, a 4- digit number, some gaps, and lots of head-whacking," Alice explained.

"Sounds fun!" I holler, probably louder than necessary. "Do I get to eat the bird?"

Alice rolled her eyes. "If eating and IPhone is compatible with your body, tell Carlisle, because I'm sure he'll want to know. And, besides, it might be fun for a human, but for a vampire with very good fine motor, it can be very repetitive."

"Can't be worse than school."

"Might be about the same."

"Well, we'll see, wont we?" I said, licking my lips unnecessarily. "Can't you tell me?"

"That would ruin the surprise aspect of the game."

"If you don't tell me, I might just burn your Versace." I threatened.

"Don't!" Alice said out of impulsivity, slamming down the accelerator pedal of her Porsche, lurching the car forward and almost into a red light.

"So, will you tell me?" I probed.

"Alright." Alice sighed. "The game… is called Flappy Bird."