Devil Takes the Hindmost, chapter 23

A/N: Hey! So, I cannot believe Spring Break is almost upon us! I can't wait for tomorrow. Anyway, I decided to give you guys a chapter, but some apologies are owed due the characterization of some certain characters. I promise I will try my best to watch out for it next time. Also, a super secret project is being done after the Spring Break, and I can't wait to share it with you as soon as it's up!

TRIS' POV:
My body never seems to stop quivering, as I stare up at the darkened ceiling. Tobias' arms are wrapped around me, and though I feel safe, I can't help but ignore the aching feeling in my chest. Pounding away in my chest. It is the only sound in the silence, the such defeaning silence. Our actions last night were indeed surprising, but I can't help but wonder if it was right and the consequences for today. I found that out as I stare at the clock on his desk beside us. 4:59 am. Nearly 5:00.

My parents have never known I was here. They knew I had dashed out of the house as soon as Peris had called our house, revealing that Tobias was being released. Do my parents know I was out? Do they know that I was here, doing the unspeakable? Do they know what has happened to their little girl? I'm no longer the innocent Beatrice that had been born in Maryland, the innocent blue eyed girl who had no clue swear words existed. The adorable girl who has eaten vanilla ice creams because she was afraid of trying new flavors. The naive child who always wore shades of grey and blue because that was the only color she was expected to wear . Am I still that Beatrice? Beatrice Prior was an innocent, shy, kind and sweet girl who wore grey sweaters and tied her hair in ponytails because letting it down seemed to risky. Who am I now? The girl who grew up too quickly for the sake of revenge; the teenager who has forgotten all means of purity; Beatrice is no longer. I've chosen to be brave here, when I arrived in Chicago. I had arrived in Chicago expecting to stay the same, and change the world, the exact opposite happened. The world changed me, and the world stayed the same. He had taken me and molded me into something different, to fit his standards? Or did I change myself to fit the world's standards? I had chosen to be brave, to break away from my old traditions and let myself become who I had wanted. I am no longer Daunt, and I am brave...and selfish at the same time. The names that my friends had given me finally made sense...Christina, she knew it from the beginning. That I wasn't going to be the same. I am no longer Beatrice. I am Tris.

I think slowly about all of this, as I stare up at Tobias' sleeping face. When he sleeps, the shadows that jail has inflicted on him are a bit lighter. His magnificent deep blue eyes are covered by heavy eyelids, exhausted beyond belief. I can't imagine how much rest he lost in jail, how much anxiety he suffered. But now, with me in his arms, can he finally feel at peace with Al's death? I pull away slightly, trying to release myself from his arms, but as I do, I hear a slight whimper. His arms wrap themselves tighter around me, not wanting me to go.
Of course not. Even if we both know he didn't do it, he won't forgive himself, not really. He'll continuously blame himself for his death, even though I was the trigger. He couldn't need me any more then he needs me now.

I slowly manage to undo his arms around my body, and he curls into a ball, the blanket wrapped around his torso in a messy bunch. I smile slightly in the darkness, but how will he feel when he wakes up expecting to be holding me, but is holding empty air. I sit on the cool bed for a moment, the air wrapping around my body. I take a deep breath, like new air entering my lungs. I am not selfless, but I am selfish. I am not brave, but I am full of dauntless qualities. I am both and none at the same time. Pulling on the wrinkled clothes that lay upon his wooded floor, I quietly begin to slide them on my body, relieved when my skin is covered. In the dim morning light, I can see the marks Tobias had created on my neck. Hickeys. I'll have a bit of trouble covering them, but I can wear scarves. It's still cold enough to wear them. My hair is mussed up in knots, my eyes bloodshot eyes. This is not Beatrice. This is Tris.

Looking at the window, I walk over to the glass, slowly lifting the latch that allowed the window to open. Cold wind embraces my arms, reminding me of the wonders of nature and what shame the God above would have in me. I look over at his sleeping body for a moment, murmuring three words softly. I pull myself onto the ledge of the window, staring down at the ground below. I could survive the jump, I'd probably have a broken ankle or a leg. It'd be worth it, rather then my parents finding me there. I stare at the blooming sun, exploding with color as the shades of purple, orange and red begin to spread across the canvas called the sky. Reminded of the Lord in the sky, and the guilt he would feel, I can feel hints of Beatrice crawling back into my mind, before sliding off and falling.

TOBIAS' POV:

My lip is bleeding heavily, as I stare down at the two caskets. Marlene's unmoving face, no longer alive with laughter and sass breaks my heart. As does Lynn's cold, stone corpse. Thank God they let them be buried together in the ground, but even now, I regret never being able to see them together, even for a few days. Both of them dressed in elegant white dresses, I feel a tear slip down my face. As annoying as Marlene had been, I had cared for her like sister, an annoying little sister I could never ignore. I never knew Lynn that well, but if she had made Marlene happy, my sorrow was distributed evenly.

At school, Tris had disappeared from my sight, no matter how hard I looked for her. Every corner, she would duck behind to avoid me, and if I called her name, it caused her to keep running, evading me constantly. Christina manages to evade every one of my questions, pretending she couldn't hear me. Even Uriah, who I had seen was talking to Tris, refused to tell me anything. It hurts, to know that barely ten hours ago I had her in my arms, and now she refuses to be near me. Was she afraid of seeing me again after that night of passion, or was it something deeper? Did she know something that would ruin our relationship? Was this even a relationship? I do love her. I can never stop loving her. But for now, it seems we can't speak without something barrelling in and disturbing us both.

I am consumed in these terrifying thoughts for a moment, before realizing she was right beside me. Her. She stares down at the two bodies with as much regret as before, and I fight the urge to wrap my arms around her for good, and never let her go. But I won't without her letting me. How must she feel, to know they were found in her kitchen and she never knew who it was...

As for now, the murderer is unknown. The group at the time had been tried, but so far, none of them are linked to the murderer. Though, I remember hearing the interviewer rumbling that the murderer was most likely the same person who murdered Al. A killer was amongst us, and who knew who was next? To know I was friends with somebody...or was it really one of us? Was there one more friend at that party that nobody knew about?

"Who else was at the party?" I ask aloud, whispering to myself softly. It didn't make sense, that any of my friends would murder the pair, and even though Zeke and Uriah were already being held in the jail, it couldn't have been them.

"Christina, Will, and Shauna."

I turn my head, to see her watching the immobile body. Her eyes are flooded with tears, staring at the dead bodies of our friends who had just found love. She bites her lip, and I can't help but let a smile form on my cheek. Even distressed, she would always be beautiful to me. Even if she was trying to avoid me. I have even noticed her limp, realizing what extend she had gone to escape my arms.

"What about Caleb?"

Shock is evident on her face, as she slowly turns to me, turmoil haunting her from the inside. It was enough I had done that to her, but now, accusing her brother of being a murderer, I wish I could take back the accusation I had made. As she opens her mouth to speak, I quickly apologize, letting the words flow freely. I barely recognize what I say, but now, I see my hands are clasped in front of me, begging for her forgiveness. Words were spewing from my mouth, that I can't seem to understand, but she stops me for a moment with her hand, before nodding gravely. It seems she's taken my off hand comment seriously, and as I now stare at her with wide eyes, it seems we're both thinking the same thing. That it was not Uriah, but Caleb, who could've been this murderer. The murderer of love and of innocence.

"I'm going to need to speak to Caleb."