Reikai Sensei Kuwabara Chapter 34, a Yu Yu Hakusho + Negima! Magister Negi Magi/魔法先生ネギま！ Crossover fanfic

I'm certain everyone has some idea of what I'm planning here, right?

Well don't spoil it for those who don't and read on!

Heaven or Hell?

LET'S RAWK!

34th period

"Would you cheer up Bozu?" Kuwabara asked, looking down at the slumping form of Negi as they walked alongside one another, a concerned Makoto looking over the clearly distressed Child-sensei.

At first, it had thrown the brunette for a loop that a ten-year old could be her superior as an educator, especially considering how long she'd been looking for work, but after being introduced, albeit not under the best circumstances, she accepted Negi as quickly as everyone else.

It didn't hurt that Asuna had just mauled him for inadvertently flashing her in front of Takamichi, so the ten-year-old's pitiable face appealed to the budding maternal instincts of the brunette almost instantly.

"But…I just made things worse…" Negi sniffed, looking absolutely stricken by the events of the night before. He'd been so distressed he hadn't dared return to the dorm and had spent the night on the couch at Evangeline's. Well, he'd started on the couch, but had somehow found his way into Makoto's bed, the brunette waking up to find the Welshman snuggled up to her bosom, and probably would've reacted strongly had Negi not looked so adorable, mumbling 'nee-san' in his sleep.

The scene probably would have ended there, but her shocked gasp from finding someone in bed with her, and a child at that, had not only roused Negi somewhat, it also brought Kuwabara racing in from the bathroom, shirt off and shaving foam covering half his face, the lanky professor passing out from a nosebleed at the sight of Makoto in a vest, panties and not much else, Negi cuddling her bosom suggestively.

'If it'd been Rei-chan he'd have been barbecued, cute or not.' The brunette noted with a slight wince, recalling how her friend valued her personal space, though after growing up with a pervert for a grandfather could you blame her?

"Yeah your timing was a little off." Kuwabara muttered, sweat dropping at the boy's incredible sense of timing, and how he always somehow managed to wind up in questionable circumstances "but you gotta let it go, you'll go bald if you keep fretting away like that."

"That's terrible!" A voice cried out from the side, the group looking up to see a distraught Yukihiro Ayaka rushing towards them at full speed, a carriage with several servants parked not too far away "Negi-sensei! You must cast aside those negative thoughts immediately!" she insisted, hugging Negi's head to her bosom and stroking his hair "You cannot afford to lose your hair so early in your life!"

'I was just kiddin'…' Kuwabara muttered, a sweatdrop sliding down the side of his head at the Class-rep's overbearing attitude as Makoto fought to hide her giggles 'And just what kinda ears has she got?!'

"This won't do at all…" Ayaka muttered, hugging the confused Negi close to her bosom as she stroked his hair in a manner that was more questionable than soothing "I simply cannot abide leaving you in such a stressful state! Come Sensei! My carriage awaits!"

"Whoa there, Yukihiro." Kuwabara called out, snapping the overzealous blonde out of her Negi-induced daze to notice him and Makoto standing there for the first time "Negi and I were talking a second ago…"

"Kuwabara-sensei! Perfect timing!" Ayaka called out, snapping her fingers, several maids popping out of thin air behind her "I really must thank you for all the help you've given Negi-sensei! Please feel free to join us!"

"Wait, WHAT?!" Kuwabara stammered, only to yelp as he was lifted off the ground by several maids, thrashing about like an anaconda in their grip as they dragged him and an equally startled Motoko back to the carriage "What the hell?! Hanase-!"

That was as far as he got before a deft sleeper hold to the neck sent him into the land of dreams, his last memory being that of a mustachioed butler saying something about his pants.

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"Oh my head…" Kuwabara muttered, sitting up with a grunt, one hand covering his eyes as the unrelenting sun beat down on him "What happened…and why do I smell sea salt?"

Sitting up, the tantei blinked as he caught sight of a seagull flying overhead, looking round to find himself reclining on a poolside chair, one of many, on some exotic looking beach that gave one the impression of ukulele's and Pina Coladas.

"…Th' hell…?" the tantei stammered, looking about the island paradise in disbelief, only to realize that his location wasn't the only thing that had changed "What th' hell?!" He yelled, gaping down at the flowery Hawaiian shirt and highly revealing swimsuit he'd been dressed in "Where are my clothes?!"

"Kuwabara?" Makoto's voice called out, the tantei looking round, only to gape at the sight of his fellow educator in a highly revealing bikini, the strange, loincloth like towel wrapped around her waist, one leg exposed, doing little to hide her figure "What on…where are we?"

"The Yukihiro Corporation's Private Island Retreat." Came a cultured voice, the two looking round to find a butler, dressed in a full suit despite the heat, standing with a tray of drinks in one hand "Good day to you, I'm Nakamura, the butler. I do apologize for the rough treatment but protocol requires we keep the location of the retreat on a 'need to know' basis."

"Are you the one that dressed us in these things?" Kuwabara demanded, an equally annoyed Makoto sidling up next to him, both of them ready to flatten the old pervert if necessary. Hellthey were likely to flatten him either way.

"Good Heaven's no!" Nakamura assured them, stroking his moustache as he spoke "The madam instructed the maids to have you outfitted in the latest fashions for the duration of your stay."

"Maids?" Kuwabara repeated, a flush coming over him as he recalled Ayaka's servants manhandling him with a sense of growing horror, looking round to find three or four standing nearby, their smiles amiable if you ignored the hungry glint they were sending their way "Forget that," the professor muttered after with a slight shudder "Where's Ayaka?"

"The young Miss is entertaining her homeroom sensei on the beach." Nakamura explained, nodding towards the vast expanse of sand to his left, where a figure in a designer swimsuit and a young boy in shorts were walking along "She has expressed a desire to remain undisturbed for a while, so if you would care for a drink?"

"To hell with that!" Makoto muttered, marching towards the duo with a frown on her face, her assets giggling temptingly because of the suit "I'm going to give that girl a piece of my mind for this little-!"

She stopped in her tracks as two redheaded maids stepped in her path, identical save for the manner in which they carried themselves and their clothes. One, dressed as a more conservative Japanese maid, beamed at the woman whilst holding a broom like a pole-arm. The other, in a more western maid outfit, simply stood there with what looked like a pair of jute.

"I'm afraid I must insist." Nakamura sighed, Kuwabara cursing as several ki signatures became apparent around them, noticing as a small army of maids appeared on the fringe of sight, standing between them and the beach.

"Feh…" the tantei muttered, backing up until he and Makoto were standing back to back, glaring into the giggling horde of maids with trepidation, and a hint of excitement "How do I get into these messes?"

"Maybe it's a talent." Makoto quipped, smirking back at him as she kept an eye on the two up front, noting they were pretty strong despite their appearance "Too bad Minako-chan isn't here," she commented offhandedly, smirking up at the tantei coyly "She'd kill for the sight of you in a thong."

"THONG?!" Kuwabara roared, face lighting up with mortified indignation, as he clapped a hand to his rump, the giggling of the horde intensifying "No wonder my ass chafes!"

"He's so cute, Hisui-chan." One of the twins up front noted, the one in the traditional japanese outfit, a cute smile on her face as she titled her head at the two "He looked so adorable asleep too…"

"I fail to see it, Kohaku-chan." The one dubbed Hisui replied with a dismissive expression "but the brunette was most responsive in her sleep…perhaps she's been without too long?"

The educators' faces darkened, shadows falling over them as they stood in silence, watching the advancing horde with impassive faces, before smirking in unison. "Feh, their confident…" Kuwabara snorted, looking out at the advancing maids with a vein bulging on his brow.

"Their dead." Makoto countered, a vein bulging on her own forehead as she locked gazes with Kohaku and Hisui, the duo continuing to smirk even as the group lunged at them en masse, blurring into motion with a yell.

"LET'S PUT 'EM IN THE GROUND!"

"Ayaka-san? Did you hear something a second ago?" Negi asked, looking round in confusion as a small explosion was heard far off in the distance "It sounded pretty close."

"Nothing to worry about, Negi-sensei!" the doting Ayaka assured her beloved child-sensei, in full shotacon mode as she led him along her family's private beach, confident in her staff's ability to ensure they were undisturbed "This is the Yukihiro-foundation's private resort, my family's security wouldn't let a fly in here without clearance-!"

"YAHOOO!!!" screamed a horde of familiar girls as the majority of 3A raced past the duo towards the crystalline waters of the beach, a veritable smorgasbord of swimsuits and bust lines of various sizes blocking their gazes, Negi's face turning magenta at some of the more daring girl's choices in swimwear. Naba Chizuru's outfit alone would've killed every pervert in Japan from the bloodloss it could encourage.

"Wha-wha-wha?!" Ayaka stammered, pointing at the rejoicing girls in barely restrained shock and fury, before whipping out her cell phone and dialing up the resort's head of Security "Nakamura! I thought I said we were to be left alone!"

"My apologies ma'am!" Nakamura offered over the sound of machine-gun fire and random explosions apparent in the background "But it seems your other professors did not take too kindly to being dressed without their approval."

"Forget about that!" Ayaka snapped, briefly wondering if perhaps she should have overseen the selection of swimwear personally, rather than leaving it in the hands of the help "Why is it that half my class are on the beach?!"

"Again, my apologies ma'am." The butler offered over the muted sound of a minor explosion "But it seems they smuggled aboard the jet we chartered to bring you here using one of your pass-cards, and most of the staff were too wrapped up attending to your other sensei to notice in time.

Ayaka groaned, snapping the phone shut in time to see a plume of smoke rising up near the main compound, idly wondering if there was a barbecue scheduled for later, before turning round to berate Chizuru and Natsumi for tagging along with the rest of the clowns, only breaking away to 'rescue' Negi from the attentions of Yuna and Makie.

At the very least she was getting training in multi-tasking, something that would benefit her as the future head of the Yukihiro Corporation if she didn't die from a conniption first.

"Where in the hell did they hire these freaks?!" Kuwabara demanded, relieving a maid of her modified Ak-47 and delivering a backhand that rendered her unconscious, firing into the crowd to ward them off.

"Probably the same wanted ads the dean picked us from." Makoto quipped back, delivering a sharp kick to the side of another maid's head, sending her to the ground before following it up with an elbow strike to another's mid-riff "Damn! They just keep coming!"

"We live to serve!" Kohaku chirped, coming in from the side, twirling her broom like the world's oddest Bo staff, Kuwabara defecting the blows from the head with reiki-enhanced fists. Behind him, Hisui, who was proving more than adept with those jute of hers, similarly pressed Makoto.

"Dammit! When we get out of here Yukihiro's gonna be in so much trouble detention won't begin ta cover it!" Kuwabara swore, fending of the giggling Kohaku with his fists, not wanting to resort to his reiken with Makoto looking on. The brunette was similarly resisting the urge to whip out her transformation pen, which she'd found stashed between her breasts, much to her annoyance, as the last thing she needed was knowledge of her identity getting out to a group that hired such weird help.

"It's getting pretty rowdy over that way." Kazumi noted with interest, her journalist senses telling her that she was missing out on a pretty interesting scoop, but was unwilling to tear her eyes away from the sideshow that was 3A fawning over a clueless Negi-kun "Still, I wonder where Kuwabara-sensei got off to?" she noted offhandedly "I remember seeing his name on the guest-list, along with that new phys-ed teacher…" her eyes widened slightly "Could it be?! Are they in the middle of a torrid affair?! Or could she be his lover, come to join him at campus?!"

"Asakura's at it again…" Yue noted blandly, watching as Kazumi continued to list off the possibilities, coming up with the seedy details without any actual proof of them taking place, just like a professional paparazzi "Still, we need to do something about Negi-sensei." She noted, watching the boy stumble past, having just escaped from what he'd dubbed 'Marshmallow Hell', namely drowning to death in the middle of a boob sandwich, "This problem with Asuna aside, I need to speak with him about something personal."

"Is this about what we discussed earlier?" Nodoka asked, looking over at her friend with interest. Yue had enquired as to the benefits of possessing a pactio and had expressed an interest in gaining one herself. Nodoka, ignorant of the requirements for initiating a pactio, only that it involved Negi-sensei somehow, had suggested the bluenette ask the child-sensei directly. After all, it wouldn't do to have something her best friend didn't, and Yue already knew Negi-sensei was a mage, it seemed only right she receive a pactio for her silence, not that they were blackmailing him or anything...

The duo looked up just as a small explosion caused ripples on the beach, sweat dropping as a tower of smoke was visible from what, if Yue recalled right, was the airstrip Ayaka's oversized private jet had landed on.

"There goes our ride outta here." Kuwabara muttered, using a purloined set of Jian swords to ward off the kukri blades of one of the maids with relatively sound effort. The woman's fighting style was unusual true, but she was nowhere near as fast as Tsuruko had been.

"There's plenty more on the other side of the strip!" Motoko yelled back, delivering a flurry of kicks whilst twirling a purloined Quan Dao, the two of them in considerably better state than their foes, who had apparently stopped using heavy artillery and switched to close quarters combat. It was that or raze the resort to the ground.

"Nyohoho…you two are truly something else, as expected of Oujou-sama's instructors." Nakamura chortled, dodging strikes and delivering shots with a pair of handguns, an assault knife flying from his hands to separate them "However, the Yukihiro family does not look kindly on failure! Prepare yourselves!"

"Negi-sensei, I want to apologize for the earlier mishap." Ayaka offered, her tone sincere as she walked up to the haggard looking preteen "It was undignified to put you in such a situation."

"It's alright, Iincho-san." Negi offered with a kind smile, still slightly traumatized from his cleavage induced water torture, wondering if he'd ever be able to hug his cousin Nekane again after that "It's not your fault at all."

"But…then why are you so upset?" Ayaka asked, looking over the youth in confusion "I mean I know you were troubled before coming here, but what could trouble you so much that you can't relax?"

"I…got into a big fight with Asuna-san." The Welshman admitted sadly, his chin on his knees as he looked out to sea "We said some bad things to one another and now she won't speak to me…"

"That's terrible!" Ayaka exclaimed, earning surprised looks from the eavesdroppers, who'd pegged her for seizing the opportunity to badmouth her rival "Rest assured Sensei, I'll do everything I can to patch things up between you before you leave!"

"Iincho-san…" the young mage uttered, completely stunned by her attitude, only to blink as several other girls rushed forwards, some patting Ayaka proudly on the shoulder, whilst Naba Chizuru offered an idea of her own.

Negi didn't understand what him swimming out to the bay had to do with getting back into Asuna's good graces. Yes it was relaxing, but that only meant he had more time to think about the trouble he was in.

Still, there was nothing like a hand suddenly grabbing his leg and dragging him under to interrupt his train of thought.

"Asuna-san!" Ayaka called out, racing towards the redhead with a panicked expression that would make her drama couch proud "Negi-sensei's in trouble!"

Asuna, acting on instinct, raced after the blonde, her argument with the little twerp instantly shoved to the side as various scenarios raced through her mind. Finding out he'd gone up against a DRAGON, of all things, hadn't been good for her heart or beauty sleep, as she kept waking up from nightmares involving Godzilla rejects and Negima skewers with Negi's terrified face on the meat.

An explosion of sand stunned the group in their tracks, blinking in disbelief as a figure in a tattered Hawaiian shirt and trunks stepped out of the dust, dragging what looked to be a woman in combat fatigues and a revealing black vest.

"K-Kuwabara-sensei!?" Asuna stammered, gaping at the annoyed visage of the science teacher, noting, with a flush, that he was pretty beefed up without his suit covering the muscle. A sentiment shared by quite a few members of the class, the cheerleaders whipping out the phone cameras and snapping off shots as he walked up to them.

"Yukihiro…" he called out, depositing the groaning, and not entirely from pain, servant on the sand, his look one of annoyance as he glared at the on-the-spot class rep "We need to talk about your invitation skills."

"Not now Sensei!" Asuna called out, snapping out of her daze and pushing past the irate science teacher, noting with approval how buff he looked, before racing towards the water like greased lightning "Negi's in trouble!"

"Again?" Kuwabara asked exasperatedly, looking honestly jaded to the subject, following the girl's retreating form in time to see Negi struggling in the water, his eyes bulging at the sight of the sharks "SHIT!" he yelped, spinning on his heel and racing down the beach, drawing a few appreciative whistles and blushes as the girls realized he was wearing a thong.

Asuna, who by now was halfway to the water, stumbled as something rushed past her like a freight train, falling to her knees and gaping at the sight of Kuwabara charging straight at the water like a man possessed, her face turning magenta as she saw exactly what he was wearing. 'Like granite!' a seedy part of her brain she'd been fighting off for years noted, causing her to slam her skull into a coconut to silence it, Negi's dilemma completely forgotten.

"Ara-ara…your maids have good taste, Ayaka-chan." Chizuru noted offhandedly, the girls rounding on a stunned Ayaka, who promptly denied any knowledge of such tastes, only to freeze as a hand dropped on her shoulder, looking back at the shadowy from looming over her.

"Much as I enjoyed the suit," Makoto admitted, after all it WAS a Paris original, "I think we need to have a little talk about how you treat your guests, Yukihiro-san."

"Since when do sharks know Kempo?!" Negi wailed, swimming like his life dependent on it as the great white lunged at him, to distraught to realize the thing was cackling in a decidedly familiar manner to one of his students, though Chamo's terrified blubbering wasn't helping much either.

Ku Fei, for indeed it was her inside the Jaws suit, was wondering just how much longer she was going to have to torment her sensei/disciple before Asuna showed up, only to blink as she felt a literal explosion of ki from the shoreline. Looking round with surprise, the baka-yellow's eyes, and those of a shocked Murakami Natsumi, widened at the sight of Kuwabara-sensei, in a highly fetching Hawaiian shirt and thong, racing towards them, actually RUNNING on top of the water, his face akin to some vengeful war deity as he charged them with murder in his eyes.

"Nyo-ho! I get fight at last aru!" the kempo practitioner cheered, switching targets and trying to move into a ready stance, a terrified Natsumi swimming towards an equally terrified Negi, hugging the child sensei in terror, despite the panic-attack this brought out of the boy. "I no hold back Aru!"

"GET THE HELL OUTTA MY FREAKIN' WAY!" Kuwabara roared, delivering a savage punch to the gills of the larger shark, sending it crashing to the side, Ku Fei's startled 'AIYAH!' muffled by the thick padding of the suit, not stopping in the slightest as he advanced towards Negi and Natsumi, seeing only his little buddy about to become snack food for Jaws' little brother "Kono-!"

Natsumi squealed as Kuwabara tackled her off Negi, dragging them both under the water as he promptly wrestled with her like something out of an Indy film, earning awed expressions from the onlookers on shore.

"Did you see him send that shark flying?!" Misa exclaimed, leaning close to her fellow cheerleaders in shock "What kind of strength does he have?!"

"Screw that, did you see him racing on the water?" Madoka asked, honestly stunned senseless from the sight, a healthy blush on her face as she saved the picture of her Sensei in a thong on her phone "What is he, a ninja?"

"Ninja's aren't real de gozaru." Kaede countered with a small smile, the Kyoto beauty chuckling as she watched Kuwabara surface, looking down at the half-drowned form of Natsumi in confusion, as Ku Fei, her costume having washed up on shore, lay half out of the fake shark's mouth in a daze, her eyes little swirls.

Needless to say, Ayaka wasn't the only one that got a telling off for her actions.

"Mataku…" Kuwabara muttered, walking along the beach with his hands on his hips, having just finished reading the girls the riot act for their stunt, practically FORCING Asuna and Negi to kiss and make up, as they were indirectly responsible for the days events "One thing after another with this class…Maybe I should look into lion taming…or crocodile wrestling."

"But that wouldn't be as fun would it?" Makoto chuckled, walking along with her hands entwined behind her back, looking out at the sunset with an approving smile "It's a shame, with everything that's happened the day's almost over…I was kinda hoping to get a tan."

"Well I got a swim in at least." Kuwabara muttered, snorting as he recalled wrestling with Natsumi under the water, only to gape as she popped out of the shark suit like a cork. A good thing too, as he'd inadvertently crushed her oxygen tank.

"I saw that." Makoto admitted with a chuckle, shooting an appreciative look at the suddenly nervous tantei "You're pretty energetic Kuwabara…" she grinned at him teasingly "and you really do pull off that suit nicely."

"You're one to talk." Kuwabara shot back, only to blush and look away as she smiled at the compliment "I mean…well you fill it out well and…I'm shutting up now."

Makoto chuckled, amused at her college-friend's shy attitude, before walking up and taking his arm in hers "C'mon, let's go catch some starfish for souvenirs!" she suggested, dragging the startled, flushing tantei towards the water with a laugh, the two of them promptly getting engaged in a heated water fight, laughing like teenagers, heedless of the onlookers watching them from the beach with flushed faces and suppressed giggles.

Cue the Nadesico Music!

Narrator: Ah! Summer Romance!

Kazumi: Extra-Extra! Read all about it!

Narrator: But time holds no barrs on a man's passion!

Makie: Sensei! I wish you both hapiness!

Narrator: But what's this? A cladestine encounter?

Evangeline: Wine Sensei?

Narrator: No Kuwabara! Do not ive in to the dark side!

Next time on Reikai Sensei Kuwabara: Evangel! Thine frozen Heart shall thaw!

Evangeline:...End of the world...

R&R or make Hisui-chan will get you.