A/N: SPOILER WARNING. Spoilers for Episode 2.08 are located in an author's note at the end of the chapter. If you have not seen the mid-season finale, please skip that note. There are no spoilers within the chapter material itself but I'd hate to spoil anyone with the note at the end. Consider yourselves warned. Thank you.

Luca

"Up in Flames"

Lucawindmover

Chapter Fourteen

"What Piece I've Lost"

"So are you and Clarke like together now or something?"

Bellamy startled, looking up from the book he'd been reading. He was propped up in the bed across from their usual bunk, curbing his boredom with a dusty, old paperback sporting a catchy title and vaguely interesting synopsis. He frowned at Finn who was standing at the foot of the bed with his arms crossed over his chest.

"What does it matter to you, Spacewalker?" he said by way of answer. He tucked his thumb into the book to mark his place and let the cover fall shut.

"It matters because I care about Clarke," Finn answered. "And I don't want to see her get hurt."

Bellamy raised an eyebrow. "Oh. Like you hurt her?"

Finn's eyes narrowed a little but he otherwise seemed to ignore the jibe. "We both know how you usually treat girls. I'm just saying."

"Oh, you mean how I usually sleep with girls who know it's only about sex," Bellamy responded. "Rather than letting them believe it's true love or some shit?"

Finn opened his mouth to respond and then stopped. He frowned, his eyebrows knit closely together. "You guys are sleeping together?"

Bellamy rolled his eyes. "She's pregnant, isn't she? How'd you think that happened, immaculate conception?"

"I mean now," Finn said with a shake of his head. "Since the white room."

"Like I said before," Bellamy replied slowly. "What does it matter to you?"

"Because I love her, okay?" Finn said, throwing his arms out wide. "Yeah, I made mistakes. But it doesn't undo the fact that I love her. Can you say that? Huh? Do you love her?"

Bellamy could feel his jaw tense and he turned his eyes away from his interrogator for a moment. Did he love Clarke? He knew the short answer was yes. But it was complicated. He had no idea if he loved her the way Finn was implying. Knowing the answer to that partly involved whether or not Clarke felt the same way and currently she was far too vulnerable a state to make any kind of decisions along those lines. He wasn't about to put any more on her right now than was absolutely necessary. But when he thought of his partner, saw her dimpled smile in his mind's eye, her expression of annoyance aimed in his direction, her ability to steel herself against any foe, the compassion she held for both those who deserved it and those who didn't, he knew the answer was yes. He loved her.

Finn caught his moment of indecision and read it for what it was. His eyes widened and he blew out a deep breath, taking a second to run his hands through his hair before propping them on his hips. "You do, don't you?"

Bellamy groaned and closed his eyes, leaning his head back against the wall. He didn't answer but his silence was probably confirmation enough.

He felt the bed dip as Finn took a seat on the end of it. When Bellamy opened his eyes it was to see the boy leaning forward with his head in his hands.

Bellamy had never thought much of Finn. They'd been on opposing sides of almost every single decision the group had made to this point. He'd broken Clarke's heart and nearly run Raven off into the forest. But he'd done good things too. Bellamy didn't want to admit it but Finn was likely the reason he was even still alive. If Finn hadn't jumped into the fray during the battle at the drop ship…Bellamy might not have lived long enough to be in this impossible situation with Clarke. Just like anyone else, Finn was a sum of all his parts and it wasn't fair to judge him by any one behavior. But Bellamy wanted to. He wanted to beat Finn senseless for how he'd hurt Clarke, for betraying her trust the way he had. But it wasn't his place. He wasn't Clarke's keeper. If anyone was going to knock him out it would be Clarke. Or maybe Raven. And since neither of them had done so, Bellamy assumed it wasn't necessary despite how tempting it was.

"I just want her to be happy," Finn said softly from behind his hands. "I wish that it could be with me…but if it can't…I don't know. I just want her to be happy."

Bellamy huffed. "Well that's not fucking likely in here."

Finn turned and looked at him, a resigned expression on his features. "That's not entirely true," he said with a sigh. "You…" he trailed off, shaking his head. "She…smiles. When she looks at you, she smiles."

Bellamy was dumbfounded. It wasn't that he hadn't noticed that same phenomenon because he had. He just hadn't connected it to anything. Somehow it hadn't connected with him, this idea that he could make her smile.

"You'll take care of her, won't you?" Finn asked, genuine emotion in his voice.

And it pissed Bellamy off. "You know what? Fuck that. Clarke's a big girl. She can take care of herself," he said, throwing the book down next to him and crossing his arms. "And she's not some damn possession to be handed off."

"That's not what I—"

"I know what you're doing here," Bellamy said, narrowing his eyes. "I get it. Trust me, I get it. But I don't make decisions for Clarke. And I sure as hell am not gonna fight her battles. If she wants or needs anything from me, she'll tell me. And she'll get it. But as far as this bullshit—" he said with a gesture between the two of them. "We're not doing this. I'm not doing this with you."

Finn looked down at his hands with a sigh. "Fine," he said and he stood as if he was going to leave.

"Wait," Bellamy called after him. He swallowed down his anger and frustration for a moment, remembering that he had other reasons for needing to talk to him. It was a crap segue but he'd lost his patience with Finn and he was ready to just be done talking with him for now. "What can you tell me about the mountain girl?"

"Who? Keenan?" he asked, still standing at the foot of the bed. "What do you want to know about her?"

"Do you know where she is?" Bellamy asked, scooting forward on the edge of the bed.

Finn frowned and shook his head. "They told us on the monitor that we'd each be going back to our people so I assume she's back with her family," he said. "She has parents and a little sister."

"She's the reason you don't want to leave," Bellamy said, matter-of-factly.

"I don't know," Finn said, his shoulders sagging a little. "I mean, I should want to stay, right? Take care of the baby? Take care of my obligations to Keenan?"

"What about your obligations to us?" Bellamy asked. "You're still our best tracker. It'll be winter soon. It'll be hell trying to hunt enough food to keep everyone fed without you."

Finn closed his eyes for a second, his hands curling into fists at his side. "It's my kid, Bellamy. I have to take care of my kid. Do you mean to tell me you aren't gonna take care of yours?"

"That's different," Bellamy answered. "My kid is going with us."

"But if it came down to what was best for your kid and what was best for the group, what do you choose?"

Bellamy didn't have an answer for that and found himself hoping he never had to make that choice.

"Look," Bellamy said after a moment. "You know better than anybody how sick it makes me to have to say this but…" he sighed. "We need you. We will need you out there." He maintained eye contact with Finn, trying to impart how important it was for him to leave when the rest of them did.

Finn nodded and left with lot to think about. As he walked off in the direction of the mess hall he was passed by Raven who simply nodded at him on her way past, heading toward Bellamy.

"Hey Shooter," she said by way of greeting. "Mind a little company?"

He shrugged. "You're a lot better than the previous company," he said as she took a seat on the foot of the bed. She pulled her feet underneath her, sitting with her legs crossed.

"Do you mean Finn?" she asked with a glance back over her shoulder. The boy in question could no longer be seen though. "What were you guys talking about?"

Bellamy shook his head. "It's not important."

"Ha," Raven said with a knowing smirk. "You were talking about Clarke."

"What makes you think that?"

She shrugged. "Any other topic and you'd have just told me."

And he realized it was true. He hadn't realized just how intuitive Raven was but starting to understand that there was very little that escaped her quick observation.

"He's just stirring shit up," Bellamy said. "That's all."

"Yeah, well," she said, leaning back on her hands. "He's not used to having competition."

Bellamy raised an eyebrow.

Raven laughed. "Deny it all you want."

"Deny what?"

"The thing that's going on between you and Clarke," she said.

Bellamy reached up and pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingers. "There's nothing going on between me and Clarke."

"Maybe nothing official," Raven conceded. "But you have to admit that things have changed since the days of the drop ship."

"Of course they have," he said. "There's a baby involved now."

Raven leaned forward and crossed her arms. "Look," she said softly, gaining his eye contact. Soft was unusual for Raven. "I know from experience that you can nail a girl and not have issues with feelings. And if it had been any other girl in here, I think you'd do the right thing by her and the kid. But obligation isn't what has you looking at her like you do. You don't look at anyone else like that."

"Like what?"

"Like she fucking hung the moon or something. I don't know. I don't do poetry and shit."

Bellamy laughed. He liked Raven a lot. She was feisty and smart and didn't often mince words. He was infinitely glad that their one tumble hadn't affected their ability to be friends.

"And anyway, I didn't come over here to gossip about your love life," Raven said, her eyes darting around for a moment before she continued. "I stumbled on a problem with the fan and I wanted to run my solution by you."

Bellamy frowned and nodded for her to continue.

"So I can't strip the wires to reroute the circuit unless I power down the fan," she said. "You know, unless you like your mechanics extra crispy."

"I prefer them alive and functional," Bellamy replied. "You said there's a solution though?"

She nodded. "I'm pretty sure the damn thing doesn't run through the night. Nobody showers in the dark so there's no need for the exhaust to be on. If the fan cuts off after lights out then I should be able to use that downtime to rewire the stupid thing. But that means I'll need to check it tonight and see."

Bellamy pursed his lips and thought about this for a moment. "Yeah, okay. Who are you gonna take with you? And I swear to God you better not say Murphy." He was still getting over the fact that Murphy had managed to steal his leverage right out from under him.

Raven shrugged. "Who do you want me to take then?"

Bellamy thought about it for a moment. "Can you take what's-his-name? James? What's the situation with him?"

"Are you asking if I'm having baby-daddy drama?" She asked with a raised eyebrow. "Because I'm so staying away from that."

"What are you talking about?"

Raven sighed and shook her head, counting off on her fingers as she spoke. "James was involved with Kayla before the Mountain. Now she's having a baby with Lively, who had been sleeping with Dennis who is having a baby with fucking Vincent."

Bellamy just blinked.

"I know, its goddam ridiculous. And that's just the tip of the iceberg. Now they aren't ripping each other's heads off yet but I just backed the hell out of the whole thing. I don't need the headache," she said. "Me and the kid'll be fine by ourselves anyway."

Bellamy frowned. "You won't be by yourself, Raven."

She laughed. "Don't you go pulling a Finn and thinking you have to take care of everyone."

"That's not what I'm saying," he replied. "Look, none of us are doing this alone. Everyone who gets out of here is going to have to rely on each other, just like before. Kids being involved is only going to compound that."

"You mean like 'It takes a village to raise a child' or whatever?" Raven asked.

He shrugged. "There's some truth behind that. Makes sense."

Raven mulled this over for a moment before she yawned. "I hate being so damn tired all the time," she grumbled. "Okay, so James is out. Who's going with me?"

He told her to ask Miller and she nodded before mentioning something about a nap and leaving to go find her bed.

Bellamy had just picked up his book and started again when he heard a throat being cleared in an attempt to get his attention. "I'm reading, Princess. Or at least trying to. What do you need?" he asked without taking his eyes from the page.

"Can I have your attention for two seconds, please?"

He could feel a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth because for whatever reason, every time she took that annoyed tone with him it just made him want to grin. It was the one she'd basically reserved for him and he couldn't help the fact that it made his heart beat a little faster every time he heard it.

He looked up to see her standing with her arms crossed and her hip cocked. Something had her worked up and he felt that smile dissolve, knowing that it was something beyond his book-reading. "What's wrong?"

"I just had a really weird conversation with Finn," she said and he noticed the pink blush that had started to creep up her neck.

"Oh for fuck's sake," Bellamy grumbled. "What the hell is it with him now?"

"He wants to know if I'm happy," Clarke said, throwing her arms out wide. "Does he have no idea what's going on here?"

Bellamy shook his head but he wasn't able to say anything before she continued.

"And he looked so darn sad about it but he said all he wants is for me to be happy," she said. Then her eyes darted to the side a little in a way that made Bellamy's jaw clench. "And he hugged me."

"He hugged you?"

"I didn't know what to do. I mean, he's still my friend. I care about him. A lot. He might have hurt me but that doesn't mean I want to see him like this. I mean, I'm not going to torture the guy over it. That's not me," she said. "So I hugged him back. Told him that we would be okay. I told him that he'd be okay."

"And?"

She shrugged. "He said 'Thanks, Princess' and then just left me standing there."

Bellamy didn't quite know what to say to that.

"Do you have any idea what that's all about?"

He did. Finn was making his break. He was tying up his loose ends and making sure that the people he loved were going to be taken care of. Bellamy wouldn't have been surprised to find out that Raven had gotten a similar conversation. What he wasn't sure of was whether this meant Finn was preparing to join them and wanted a clean slate or if it meant he had decided to stay and was making his peace.

"He loves you," Bellamy said softly. Suddenly her eyes were too intense for him and he found himself looking away, looking anywhere that wasn't at her.

She sank down on the bed next to him, leaving very little space between them. "I know."

They were quiet for a while. She seemed to be thinking hard about something and Bellamy couldn't find it in him to think about anything. He felt like his mind was a whirlwind, thoughts overlapping and bumping into one another rather than following their usual logical order. It was frustrating but it kept him busy while he waited for her to say something.

"I'm sorry," she finally said.

His brow furrowed. "For what?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. Finn…makes this all a little complicated," she said.

"Finn doesn't have anything to do with our…whatever this is," he said.

"Ugh," she said and she laid back on the bed. "It's just…I just spent the whole afternoon trying to mediate between, I don't know, maybe ten different people because they had relationships before they came to the Mountain and they didn't get paired up with the right people. All that freaking drama has me overthinking it all, I'm sure."

"You mean the James-Kayla-Lively-Dennis-Vincent clusterfuck?" he asked and was rewarded with her smile.

"You know about that?" she asked but before he could answer, she did it for him. "Raven."

"Raven."

Clarke sighed. "We're really lucky, you know?"

He laughed. "How do you figure?"

"Well we're not in relationships," she said. "So it's not as complicated."

She was only half-right but he wasn't about to tell her that. It was true that they hadn't been in relationships. But he wasn't sure that made their situation any less complicated. He groaned and followed her example, completely abandoning his book and laying back across the bed with her. When he looked over at her and saw her sad expression, he thought maybe she'd been entirely wrong.

He took a deep breath and decided to just rip off the bandage and get the whole conversation over with. "You miss him," he said.

"Everything that has happened since we came down has happened so damn fast," she said. "We have to be fast to survive so everything else is fast, too. We live fast. We love fast. We die fast. It's crazy. But you know, we don't un-love fast. I don't think we're able to, as humans. So yeah. I miss him sometimes. Not romantically…just in general. I miss that boy who showed me glowing trees and gave me whiskey and pencils. Innocent Finn. I'll probably always miss him."

Bellamy thought he'd have felt jealous at this admission. He'd prepared himself for it. But he didn't. He felt…very much like she did, honestly. They'd all been guilty of something to have been sent to the ground but even so, there had been an innocence present in all of them that that the ground had managed to tear away. And besides, Clarke didn't sound like she was professing her ongoing feelings for Finn. She sounded like she was making her peace with him.

"I killed him," she said softly. "Innocent Finn. I killed him when I gave him my heart."

"That's bullshit."

"It's true. He's been somebody else ever since."

Bellamy reached over and grabbed her hand. "Don't take this on yourself. Finn is responsible for Finn. It's as simple as that."

He was relieved to feel her fingers tangle with his. He looked over to see Clarke with her eyes closed, a tear dripping down the side of her cheek, toward her ear. He wanted to reach over and wipe it away but he wasn't sure she wanted to see her cry about this. So he closed his eyes and turned his head back toward the ceiling. She squeezed his hand once and he knew it was enough.

"Peel the scars from off my back. I don't need them anymore."

Radical Face "Welcome Home, Son"

CAUTION. SPOILERS AHEAD.

A/N: I haven't been doing author's notes for this story because I really didn't want to break up the continuity of the storytelling. But after last night's midseason finale, I feel like I need it. I'd written an entirely different chapter, or started to, and then the finale happened and so this chapter happened.

Those of you who have corresponded with me a little have an idea of where I sit with Finn. Before "Spacewalker" I didn't like Finn much. And I had a feeling that we would see the end of his life. But this one episode made me understand his character in a way I hadn't before. We were given the flashbacks that filled in his character gaps for me. He was a boy who loved too hard and who would do whatever needed to be done to protect those that he loved. That's who Finn was, despite whatever else went on. And in the moments leading up to his death I found that loved him. Not with Clarke, but just in general. So I was totally gutted by the ending. It was the most beautiful scene I've seen on television maybe ever. I've never cried like that before. I still feel like crying and I probably will.

So this was my dedication to the boy we lost. My dedication to all the things that were good in Finn. This is my dedication to his release from this life and from the guilt and pain he caused. Goodness knows the survivors of this will have plenty of repercussions from this. But for this moment…I needed to say goodbye to him.

That doesn't mean he's leaving the story necessarily. This doesn't in any way affect the events of the story. I'd planned on having this scene eventually. But after last night…it needed to be now.

As parting words, I'd like to thank everyone who has taken the time to review. Words will never accurately describe how much it means to me. Feel free to PM me with any additional feelings and such. I could use a shoulder or two to cry on.

Luca