notes:
I just wanted to let everyone know that the blogs in this fanfic have recently been created! Not by me, but by Femke whom you can find on tumblr with the URL sherleg. They're absolutely brilliant, and I'm completely honored that she turned them into real blogs. The blogs are the following URLs:
John: bonds-companion
Sherlock: onlyconsultingstudentdetective
Molly: cutesy-cat-loves
Sally: woman-versus-world
It took another day before John was able to go home. His father hadn't been found, but the police were now involved in the full situation and keeping surveillance on John's home and school as much as possible. John hated it. He hated people getting involved in something he needed to deal with. He also hated the way his mother had shut down even more and his sister had become even more outspoken as if she had single handedly defeated their father.
John was disgusted by his family, despite his need to care for them. His mother didn't even try to get a job, and his sister didn't think past anything but the fact that she didn't have to yell at their dad anymore. She couldn't understand the way they weren't going to be able to pay any of their bills. So it all fell on John's shoulders to figure out how to live.
John was too focused on finding a job to worry about his situation with Sherlock, he only hoped Sherlock would understand in the end. John didn't even go to school for a few days as he spent the time with his family, and filling out a résumé and applying to jobs.
John was relieved at how easy it was to get a job. But of course, that only made him angrier, because his mother wasn't even trying, and his job was barely minimum wage and at a bookstore of all places. But it was a job. John didn't stop there though. The bookstore filled in hours right after school, but he still had hours late at night, so he kept applying. By the end of the week he was glad to have found a second job at a diner late at night. It left a few hours between jobs for homework. And he'd take up more hours on the weekend just to make sure he could afford everything.
Finally John was able to get back to school, though he knew catching up was going to be difficult on top of his jobs. And then there was the whole Sherlock situation which John didn't even know how to begin to resolve. He told himself it was easy, just walk up and say how he felt. But he'd feel like an idiot doing that, especially in the chem lab which is where he expected to find him.
Monday he hurried to school, hoping to find Sherlock as soon as possible. He was disappointed when he couldn't find him before the bell rang, but then he had to remind himself that Sherlock was always the one to find him. He didn't even actually know where Sherlock's locker was or if he even used it.
The morning felt like it was completely drawn out. He wanted to leave and find Sherlock, but knew he was already so far behind that he needed to be there now no matter how painful it was. He was at least glad the staring was kept at a minimal, despite his beat up appearance.
Finally the lunch bell rang and John fled from the classroom and headed to the cafeteria immediately. He waited outside, watching everyone filter in, just to make sure Sherlock wasn't coming to meet him, though he'd been gone for a week and he knew Sherlock had said he wouldn't bother him, one could hope. Finally after strange looks from Molly and Greg, John headed to the chem lab.
He stood outside the door for over ten minutes before he finally got the courage to open the door. "Sherlock. I just wanted to say that I.." He stopped when it was clear that the room was empty. He sighed, and settled on one of the stools to wait, before getting antsy and pacing the room a bit.
He left the room after waiting a half-hour and then headed throughout the halls, looking in classrooms and glancing into the cafeteria again. He groaned when the bell rang signaling time to head to class. He sighed, giving up for the day before he saw Sherlock enter a side door of the school. John hadn't thought to look outside, since usually they weren't allowed outside and he wouldn't even know where to look. He gave a slight smile when Sherlock's eyes caught his own but frowned when Sherlock's eyes widened before he turned and hurried down the hall, now being flooded with students. John hurried down the hall and turned down the next where Sherlock had headed, but Sherlock was gone.
John stood there, staring as if expecting Sherlock to return. The second bell rang and John cursed, before sprinting off through the empty halls to his class. He realized it would be impossible to find Sherlock if he didn't want to be found, but it hadn't really crossed his mind that he absolutely wouldn't want to see John.
John sighed and slid into his seat after taking the tardy slip from the professor. Just what he needed, to get detention and be late to his first day of work. He tried to pay attention to class, while working out what he would have to do next in order to get Sherlock to hear him out as Sherlock had done with John.
Working at the bookstore wasn't too bad. He was glad the lady working there, Mrs. Hudson, was overly sweet. He apologized for being late, but she merely brushed it off and started showing him his duties. John actually found he enjoyed her presence. She was an older lady who spoke a lot about how things were 'back in her day.' John found himself rather amused by her stories.
John had even found himself opening up a bit about himself, though that was mostly because of her persistence and questions. She kept telling him he looked down about something, and John was rather shocked to find himself explaining the whole thing without using names. As soon as he finished, she hit him with a newspaper, shocking him further. "That poor boy." She had commented, tsking at him. "You better find him and hope he's the forgiving sort." She had added before she started mothering him and telling him he would be just fine. John found himself rather at odds with the whole situation.
Mrs. Hudson had also gotten him to explain his situation and why he would be working so many hours despite school. He even admitted he had another job lined up for the later hours. She had had cooed over him a bit, making him feel both cared for and babied. He shook his head lightly when she tried to help him out, his pride too great to allow for such things.
Mrs. Hudson shook her head lightly. "Well, that's fine. I'm sure it will sort itself out just fine." She assured him again. "We don't really get many customers, so feel free to take time to get any work you need done in between monitoring the shelves and all that. Some days we only get one customer. But he's a usual. Doesn't usually buy anything, comes here sometimes, though he hasn't been around much unless he's in the back using my computer." She shook her head, smiling fondly. "He doesn't take no for an answer, that one."
John nodded and was about to respond when the door opened, causing them both to glance that direction. John's eyes widened at the sight of a forlorn looking Sherlock entering and speaking. "Mrs. Hudson!" He called, before his eyes locked on the two of them.
Mrs. Hudson shook her head, not noticing the way Sherlock's eyes darted over John, deducing, or how John was a bit frozen. "Sherlock." She chided. "No need to yell. You'll scare away the customers. Now…" She didn't get any further as Sherlock's eyes narrowed on John before he spun around and headed back out the door.
John sighed and slumped a bit, causing Mrs. Hudson to glance at him. "Well that was odd. Not that he isn't odd." John cleared his throat. "That's the usual customer?" He asked, quietly.
She nodded. "Oh yes. He used to come here every day. But like I said he hasn't been coming as often recently. Not for a few weeks at least. But he seemed happier, so I didn't question it. He didn't look very good today though. I do hope everything is alright." She said, frowning slightly.
John felt his heart clenching in guilt. He wanted to run after Sherlock, but Sherlock obviously didn't want anything to do with him anymore. He had opened up and John had shot him down. He didn't blame Sherlock at all.
He couldn't really enjoy Mrs. Hudson's presence after that, though she was kind and sweet as ever, and after a while seemed to have a knowing glint in her eye. But John couldn't talk to her about it anymore. He set to work on organizing the shelves and on his homework, knowing where he was heading next.
After his shift ended, John said his goodbyes to Mrs. Hudson and hurried off down the road, knowing where he was heading. He only had a couple of hours before his next job. He didn't pause outside a door this time but knocked immediately, and decided he didn't want to wait and opened the door, relieved to find it open. He hurried inside Sherlock's large house and ran up the stairs without even looking anywhere else.
He flung open Sherlock's door and started cursing aloud. It was just his luck. Sherlock wasn't even home. He felt like giving up, but he couldn't do that. He had to talk to Sherlock. He decided he'd wait for him to return, well.. he'd wait until he had to go to work. He then decided he better check the rest of the house first, and perhaps see if Sherlock's brother knew where he was.
He took a deep breath before heading down the stairs and turning toward the sitting room. He blinked slowly at the sight of Mycroft and Greg sitting far too close together to be merely acquaintances. Both pairs of eyes were watching him, likely having been staring in his direction since he flew into the house and up the stairs without even noticing them.
John cleared his throat. "Um.. You two wouldn't happen to know where Sherlock is.. would you." Greg shook his head as Mycroft answered. "I always know where my brother is. However, I'm not entirely certain what he is up to. He fled his usual bookstore rather quickly. You wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?" He asked, looking at John condescendingly. John blushed slightly. "Um.. So.. could you tell me where he is, then?" He asked, avoiding the question all together, which didn't' seem to faze Mycroft at all.
"I could." He said, still watching John. John rolled his eyes at both Mycroft's response and the amused, fond look Greg was giving him. "Right. Thanks for that, you're so very helpful. I'm sure that someone as smart as you couldn't possibly have understood what I meant by my question. But apparently you're not as smart as your brother. My bad. I'll leave you two to your snogging." He remarked, not caring whether or not they actually had been snogging, as he fled the house again, angry and tired, and not wanting to deal with Mycroft any longer.
He sat on the doorstep instead, still intent on waiting for Sherlock. John eventually had to give up, before getting up to head to his next job. He couldn't be late to both jobs in one day, besides his boss at the diner couldn't be nearly as forgiving as Mrs. Hudson.
Sherlock didn't know what to think. John had been gone longer than necessary. He knew John was out of the hospital, merely by observing Greg. He decided he must have been avoiding Sherlock. Sherlock felt the pang of hurt at that. He had a tiny inkling of hope that once he had made himself clear to John that John would accept Sherlock's explanation and they could restart their whole relationship.
He knew better than to hope though, seeing as it destroyed everything. Sentiment is not an advantage. And it was proven time and time again especially now with his feelings toward John.
He hid outside during lunch, not wanting to chance running into John. He didn't need John to be more upset with him. He promised they wouldn't talk or see each other and he would do his best to keep that promise though his heart ached at the thought, at least John would be happy.
He sat outside, hidden in an alcove and smoking his newly acquired cigarettes. The nicotine allowed him to think, and just made everything better. He thought about finding something stronger and was tempted, but decided he didn't want his brother in his hair at the moment. He'd wait until the pain was unbearable.
He entered the school and found himself staring straight at John. He didn't think, didn't let himself deduce right then. Instead he fled, terrified of how John would react at seeing him. He didn't want John to disappear just because he didn't want to deal with Sherlock. Once he was safe in his classroom, he let his mind wander, trying to figure out solutions.
Finally he had it. Boarding School. He'd leave. John would never see him again, but John would stay put with what was left of his family and he would be happy. Sherlock decided it was the best solution, also because it meant there was less temptation for Sherlock to see John or talk to John. It also gave him a better opportunity to acquire needed substances, without Mycroft prying too much.
Sherlock headed to the office right after school, deciding to figure everything out and get started on applications into a boarding school, far from there. It would be easy to get in. He had impeccable grades, despite his lack of care, and his family had money to spare. He spent the next few hours getting everything ready and sending it in.
Later he headed to his old haunt at the bookstore. He hadn't been there in a while, because of his desire to be on the computer and be with John, and of course because Molly was always showing up at his house, though she stopped doing that in the last week, when Sherlock started locking her out of his room so he didn't have to see her pity or hear her advice. She didn't give up completely, trying to talk to him as much as she could during classes. He ignored her the best he could. But he had to admit, he missed her presence.
He opened the door and called, out for Mrs. Hudson. She was the only person Sherlock could really talk to. She was more of a mother than his actual mother ever was. She would know just what to say, and possibly have biscuits hidden somewhere.
He froze at the unexpected sight of John. At first he thought that John was there to see him and his heart skipped a beat. But then the shock on John's face was enough to change his mind. He flitted his eyes over him, deciding it was time to deduce him. He didn't listen to Mrs. Hudson's words as he deduced. Finally his eyes narrowed on John as he came to a conclusion. John worked here now. He needed money, because his father was being tracked down, which was actually big news at school. His mother was obviously not stepping up so John did instead. Sherlock felt the anger boil at John's family, that they would leave all of the weight on John, while John still needed to get his perfect grades in order to become the doctor he wanted to be.
Sherlock turned around and fled the building. He couldn't think about how John was taking seeing him again, and instead was focused on John's mother.
He hurried home to pry information from Greg who would likely be there with Mycroft. It was easier than he expected, thinking Greg would try to hold back. He found out that John had taken two jobs and got his address from Greg as well, before leaving again. He then headed off to find his home.
He flung the door open without knocking. He decided John's mother didn't deserve that courtesy. He slammed the door behind him and stalked into the kitchen to find John's mom looking startled and holding up a broom as a weapon.
Sherlock rolled his eyes. "If I was here to hurt you, that would hardly stop me." He said, speaking low, trying to tame his anger. "I'm just here, wondering why you can't seem to handle being a parent."
She lowered her broom a bit, still looking fragile. Sherlock didn't care. He had a point to make. "First you let him get hurt by his father. You care about him and yet you allowed that to happen, time and time again. You can use whatever excuse you want, but John still had to suffer the consequences. Not you or the other child that caused the trouble. He did. He was the one in the hospital. And I didn't even see you there. You were obviously hiding from your guilt. And now, you're doing the same. His father is almost out of the picture and you're hiding from guilt rather than taking charge of your mistakes. What does John get from that? He loses even more. He's out there with two separate jobs apart from full-time school, while you're here moping around about how you've failed. You're failing just by doing that. If ever he needed you, it's now, for you to step up and get a job so he can be the kid and work on getting his dreams rather than taking care of the family /you/ chose to have."
He took a deep breath, staring at her now, watching her as she closed her eyes after he practically yelled at her. He didn't care. He just needed her to step up so John wouldn't be hurting from this.
She nodded slowly. "I… I know I hurt him.. but I … I can't…"
Sherlock shook his head. "You can. You just don't want to. You find it easy to hide and pretend that you can't do anything. He got two jobs in a week. I could get you a job, make sure it pays enough and gives your family benefits, but you sure as hell have to want it and be there."
She swallowed and nodded again, straightening up, despite being chided, which gave Sherlock hope. "Good. Now. First. I assume you have a resume. I'm going to fix it up for you. I have a job in mind. You are going to get that job if you do exactly as I say." He said.
He spent the next few hours sorting her out and helping her apply for a few jobs that would get her enough money that John could drop both jobs, though Sherlock was aware he probably wouldn't. He could at least take fewer hours.
Sherlock went for a walk when he was finished, though it was dark. He had a lot on his mind, but was convinced that John's mom would at least start trying, so he had hope. He headed home and decided to leave John one more message, just to assure him that he wouldn't be dealing with him for long.
Anonymous:
I just wanted to let you know that I didn't mean to run into you twice today. I didn't mean for it to happen, but I am taking measures to ensure it doesn't happen again. I have applied to boarding school and am convinced I will be gone from our shared school by the end of the week hopefully. I just wanted to say goodbye. I won't bother you again.
He sighed and laid on his bed, closing his eyes. It was done. He had to keep telling himself that John was happy and that was all that mattered.
John was astonished when he arrived at the diner. It was a quaint little place, and the person he was interviewed by turned out to be just the hiring agent and not the boss, which was a relief. The boss seemed to be just as forgiving as Mrs. Hudson. He was jovial and happy man named Angelo, and it appeared as if everything John did was good and any mistake he made was 'better than it could have been.'
John felt rather lucky. Both jobs were rather easy and almost fun with the employers. It could have been much worse. He felt like things were looking up, despite the fact that he already felt exhausted and it was his first day at work, but he told himself he could do this.
During his break Angelo didn't stop talking, just like Mrs. Hudson really. Though, Angelo told more stories and asked less questions, which John was glad for. He liked the stories, but once again, felt haunted by Sherlock, when he realized that some of the stories Angelo was telling had to be about him. No one else was that ingenious, and rude and persistent and…perfect John thought before shaking his head.
He tried to ignore Angelo's stories after that, but found himself almost craving anything to do with Sherlock, and began listening better whenever they had a moment for Angelo to talk.
It was late into the night when John finished his shift. He was glad that Angelo insisted he eat during one of his breaks. He practically stuffed John full of food. But that meant John could just go to bed.
Of course that didn't happen. His mom was waiting up for him, which he found more than strange. He was immediately pulled into a clingy hug. "I'm so sorry." She whispered.
John blinked slowly, not sure what was happening. He hugged her back a bit timidly, before she pulled away, tears sliding down her face which John didn't like at all. He reached up to brush the tears away, frowning a bit, trying to understand.
She took a deep breath. "I wasn't ever there for you. I never.. I was..am.. such a terrible mother. But.. I'm going to change that. I promise. Your friend.. he's helping me get a job.. I'm going to get a good job. You don't need to have one. I'm going to take care of you now, John." She said, tears flowing more freely now.
John opened his mouth a few times, trying to figure out which part of that he wanted to address. "My friend?" He asked finally.
She nodded. "Yes.. Didn't tell me his name. Tall, slender, curly dark hair." She said, looking a bit thoughtful despite the tears.
John's heart stopped for a moment, as his eyes widened. "He.. he… he's helping you.. why?" He asked, heart pounding faster than before now.
She smiled softly. "Because of you. He.. he put me in my place John. I'm sorry. He was right. I was so wrong with how I've behaved. I haven't done anything right by you, but that's going to change. I promise. Starting with telling you it's bedtime." She kissed his forehead and locked the door behind a still bewildered John before herding him into his room.
John stared at the door as it shut. He felt like crying and screaming and finding Sherlock right now and snogging the hell out of him, but that probably wouldn't be appreciated. He took a deep breath and decided to post on tumblr. He logged in and shook his head at the asks, deciding not to look at them quite yet.
bonds-companion:
Weird week I've had. Highlights include getting two jobs. Both employers of said jobs I'm just going to say know my anon. Which I have met, by the way. And I hope to hell he reads this because he's not letting me get near enough to him to talk. But anyway. So, I have two jobs because my mom wasn't responding to anything and we needed a source of income. I came home after my first day of work to find that my anon, the one who's been avoiding me because I was an idiot had talked sense to my mum and she's now going to get a job and be a parent and I can't even thank my anon because he's not speaking to me. So anon if you're reading this.. Thank you so much. And.. what you said at the hospital, I return your affections completely. I've just been an idiot. Please read this.. Please talk to me…
He sighed after posting and ran his hand over his face before finally looking at his asks. His eyes widened as he found his anon. He was excited at first, and then felt the world crashing around him again. Leaving? Boarding school? No! Before John knew what was happening he was flying out of his room and out of the house as quickly as he could. He sprinted down the street, needing to get to Sherlock's place as soon as possible. He rested his hands on his knees and panted heavily. He tried the door, but it was locked, so he knocked over and over again with no response. Finally, he looked for a small rock.
He picked one up and glanced at the house. Once he was sure he found Sherlock's window he chucked the rock at it and winced as it hit the mark and instead of making a soft sound like it would in the movies, it flew through the window with a crash, causing John to curse at the same time as he heard a curse from inside the window and then saw Sherlock's face as he opened the window and looked down, glaring and getting ready to shout until he saw John.
John's face turned bright red as he watched Sherlock. "I… Oh fuck. I'm sorry! I.. It doesn't do that in the movies!" He called.
Sherlock blinked slowly and raised an eyebrow. "If you get your solid information from movies, then I am once again worrying about humanity." He said, just loud enough for John to hear.
John swallowed and nodded. "Yeah.. I.. sorry about that.. and .. the hour.. but.. I needed .. need to talk to you." He fumbled through the words. "Please don't make me do the whole 'what light through yonder window breaks' thing.." He pleaded, looking up at him, though he was ready to do anything to just get Sherlock to listen to him.
Sherlock furrowed his brow as if he didn't understand. "I do not understand to what you're referring." John's jaw dropped. "Seriously? Romeo and Juliet? Shakespeare? Did you seriously delete that?" He asked, sounding appalled. Sherlock rolled his eyes. "I have not deleted Shakespeare. That particular play however was atrocious. Macbeth and Hamlet are both much better."
John chuckled softly. "So… are you going to let me in or what?" He asked, trying to keep the pleading out of his voice.
Sherlock raised an eyebrow. "I don't know about you, but usually we don't let in perpetrators." He said, causing John to blush again. "I… about that.. I can fix it.. or pay for it. Just give me time."
Sherlock rolled his eyes. "You'll do no such thing. I can afford it just fine. I'm rather impressed by your arm and your aim, unless you weren't aiming for the window, which one could hope was the case, but you've already made it clear that you did intend to hit the window." He sounded rather amused. John bit his lip and bounced on his toes.
"So.. it's kind of cold out here.. and I really need to say something.." He said, a bit quieter, causing Sherlock to strain a bit to hear him before disappearing. John took a deep breath and moved to the door. He was glad that Sherlock was quick about it, and not letting John stand there awkwardly for too long.
Sherlock opened the door and gestured him in. John entered but turned around to face Sherlock as soon as the door was shut. "Sherlock..I.. I've been an idiot. And. I .. I don't.. what you've done.. and.. but..me.. that. It..sherlock." He said, trying to get words out. Sherlock raised an eyebrow. "Very articulate. I'm afraid I didn't understand that at all."
John shook his head lightly. "Fuck it." He murmured before wrapping a hand around Sherlock's neck and pulling him down into a kiss, causing Sherlock to freeze against his lips. The kiss was short and nothing more than a press of lips against each other. John's eyes were a bit wide. He licked his lips nervously as he waited for a response. "Did you understand that?" He asked softly.
Sherlock swallowed and nodded slowly, before a slight glint appeared in his eyes and he smirked softly. "Actually…I'm not sure I did. Perhaps if you tried to explain it again." He said, just as quietly, causing John to grin and blush. "After I'm done talking, I promise." He said, feeling his heart throb.
Sherlock tilted his head, waiting as John took another deep breath to steady himself. "I.. I just want to say that I was an idiot. And I was scared, but that was no excuse. Honestly I acted like a mixture of my mother and father, both lashing out and hiding behind fear, and I hate myself for that. But I did try to talk to you, right after you left the hospital. I tried to chase you down, it ended badly. And then I searched all lunch hour for you but only found you at the last moment and then.. you.. you ran. And then you showed up at my new job and fled again.. and I.. I didn't know how to talk to you. And then my mom. What you did for her.. "
Sherlock stayed quiet until the last part where he shook his head harshly. "You are well aware I didn't do it for her, John." He said quietly, causing John to swallow thickly and nod. "Yeah.. I.. yeah. I know.." He bit his lip harder, before smiling a bit. "I.. I just. Have one more thing to say.. just give me a moment."
Sherlock raised an eyebrow curiously as John closed his eyes and took slow breaths before opening them and gazing softly into Sherlock's eyes. "Sherlock Holmes…I.. I think I'm in love with you. And I really hope you're not really going to a boarding school, because I just found you, and though I fucked everything up, I'm hoping you'll forgive me…eventually at least.."
Sherlock smirked a bit. "Oh I don't know…. I.." He was interrupted by a scoff, causing both of them to turn toward the noise to find Mycroft.
Mycroft stared at the two of them. "Sherlock, bed. John. I suggest you leave before I decide to take action on broken property." He said sternly.
John's eyes widened. "I.. I'm sorry about that. I didn't meant to. I.. I'll pay for it, I swear.. just.." He glanced toward Sherlock, needing to hear that last bit from Sherlock. Mycroft shook his head. "Are you really that dense?" He said slowly and tilted his head toward the door. Sherlock stayed quiet, not wanting to say what he had to say in front of Mycroft. He turned and headed up the stairs.
Mycroft continued staring at John. "If you come back here, I will call the authorities." He said as John finally moved out the door only to have it shut loudly behind him and locked. He sighed and glanced up at the widow. He frowned more when there was no sight of Sherlock.
Slowly he headed home, not sure what to do or think. Sherlock hadn't said if he had forgiven or could ever forgive John.
As soon as he got home he logged back into tumblr despite the hour. He once again looked at his asks, hopeful. He grinned at what he found and replied immediately, posting it to his blog.
Anonymous:
Yes John. All is forgiven. Just give me time to deal with my pompous brother. Actually, that's not altogether true, one thing is not forgiven. You broke a promise. Once the promise has been fulfilled, then and only then will I forgive you. Looking forward to it. And forget what I said in the previous ask. Any papers I receive for boarding school will be promptly burned. And the other bit you mentioned, and I hope you know to what I am referring. I feel the same.
bonds-companion:
Your brother has the worst timing, so I blame him for the unfulfilled promise. But I will fulfill it as soon as the opportunity arrives. Thank you for not going to boarding school. I couldn't handle that… Not in the least. And I know exactly to what you are referring… trust me, I'm a giddy schoolboy at the moment. Now go to sleep, I know you probably haven't slept in ages. I want you well rested and I'll know if you have listened when I see you tomorrow. And if you hide from me, I'll break another window. [not really, I promise I won't. I'm sorry that caused problems….] See you soon. 3