"Up in Flames"

Lucawindmover

Chapter Sixteen

"Inside of You"

Bellamy was awoken by the sound of someone clearing their throat outside the curtain of the bunk. The first thing he noticed upon opening his eyes was that the lights were up, signaling morning. Immediately on the heels of this realization was the fact that he was alone. He had no idea how Clarke had managed to slip out of bed without waking him but somehow she had. Her side of the bed was still warm so she couldn't have been gone for long.

"Yeah?" he asked, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "I'm up."

"Hey boss. You want the report from last night?" he heard Miller say through the sheet.

Bellamy cleared his throat, rubbed his face one more time, and threw his legs off the bed. He wasn't sure when it was that some of his guys had started calling him boss. He was pretty sure it had been entirely sarcastic at first but somewhere along the way it had become genuine. They considered him the boss and here he was, sleeping on the job. He pushed the sheet out of the way. Miller was standing there, his arms crossed over his chest.

"What's the intel?" he asked. He leaned forward and propped his elbows on his knees, waiting.

Miller moved a little to his right to make sure he had his back to the camera and Bellamy found himself impressed. He wished he had more guys like Miller. "Raven was right. Fan went down about ten minutes after lights out. She said she should be able to get to work on the fan as soon and Monty and Jasper are done with the game pieces."

Bellamy nodded and stood, stretching his arms over his head. "Where is Raven?" he asked, his eyes taking in the lack of a mechanic in the vicinity.

Miller jerked head toward the bathroom. "Getting sick. Clarke too. Monroe's taking care of them," he said putting up a hand to stop Bellamy, who had started in the direction of the bathroom. "I…wouldn't go in there if I were you," he said. "The girls were pretty damn vocal about not wanting any guys in there right now."

And Bellamy was torn. His first thought was fuck what the girls wanted, he was gonna check on Clarke. But he forced himself to stop and really think about it. He had a feeling Clarke had figured out that he was a sympathetic vomiter. He'd barely kept his lunch down the last time she'd been sick. This was likely her message to him that she'd be alright and that he shouldn't worry. It rubbed him the wrong way, letting her handle it. But he also knew that she could and would handle it. She was tough and he trusted her.

"Hey man, I get it," Miller said, dropping his hand. "It's a pretty miserable feeling, knowing there's nothing we can do to help."

"Not necessarily."

Bellamy and Miller both turned to see Monty advancing on them from the direction of the mess hall. "What are you talking about?" Bellamy asked with a frown.

"Breakfast is here. They have tea. Peppermint and ginger. Both are good for nausea," Monty answered, stopping to complete their triangle. "Penelope says the ginger is working for her."

Bellamy inclined his head toward the mess hall and the three of them walked together. He tried not to hear the sounds echoing from the bathroom as they passed, hoping that they weren't coming from Clarke and doing his best to respect her request.

At the food window, Monty pointed out which teas were which and also recommended a few different things to eat that had seemed to work for Penelope. Toast, crackers, oatmeal. Miller pointed over Bellamy's shoulder to the fresh fruit, which he said Monroe usually preferred. Bellamy loaded up a tray with their suggestions and moved it to a nearby table before making a tray for himself.

He took a seat facing the doorway and tried to focus on eating but he found it hard as the memories of the previous night keep rushing to the forefront of his mind.

She had kissed him. Because she wanted to. Not because of aphrodisiac gas. Out of free will.

He could have kept kissing her all night long without blinking an eye. He'd have happily done more than just that but he wasn't sure where she stood. And it was like he'd told Finn before. He never entered into physical relationships without making sure that all parties involved knew where the emotional lines were drawn. In this case, he knew he'd erased all of his lines. He had no more lines where it came to Clarke. He wasn't really sure when it had happened but he had let down all the barriers he usually kept firmly in place.

But he knew she wasn't ready for all of that. She'd been burned, and badly, not that long ago. On top of that, they had a mission to keep in mind. They had to get out of this place. Every day they stayed put them one step closer to disaster. It wasn't the right time to be getting distracted and he knew it. But he also knew that their situation was going to come to a head eventually. He just hoped she'd gotten herself straight before that time came.

He noticed when Clarke entered the room because she just paused for a moment, taking in the rest of the area. He knew she wasn't necessarily looking for him, rather just checking on everyone, but when her eyes finally did find him, she gave him a little half smile and he could feel himself returning it without even thinking about it. He nodded his head toward the open seat across from him and she quirked her eyebrow but followed his instruction, moving toward the table he'd chosen.

"You okay?" he asked even though he knew what the answer would be.

She shrugged. "As well as can be expected," she said, taking a seat. "What's all this?"

"Suggestions," he answered. "Stuff Monty and Miller said might help. You know…with the—"

"Symptoms," Clarke finished quickly, her eyes leaving his and darting around the tray.

"Not symptoms," Bellamy said, feeling his tone tightening a little more than he'd meant. She heard the feeling in his voice and her eyes popped up quickly. He shook his head and cleared his throat. "Baby. Not symptoms."

Clarke swallowed hard and nodded but she didn't say anything. He understood why she was still having a hard time saying the words so he left her alone about it. But now she knew where he stood at least.

They went about eating their breakfasts in silence. It was a little heavier than what was comfortable but they managed anyway.

Once he'd mostly finished eating, he changed the subject to something he was sure she would be able to talk about. "You talk to Raven yet?"

Clarke nodded, taking a sip of the tea in her hands. "Yeah, we're good. Jasper said he and Monty should be done with their part by lunch so we'll just have to wait it out until dark."

He nodded appreciatively.

"And," Clarke continued. "I might have volunteered us for the next shift."

"Shift?" Bellamy asked, his brow furrowing.

She nodded. "Yeah. I don't want the cameras seeing Raven going to the bathroom with some guy every evening after dark. It'll look suspicious. So you and I are going to take the next shift."

"You know how to strip wires?" he asked, incredulously.

Clarke frowned and placed her cup down before crossing her arms. "As a matter of fact, I do. Me and Jasper were the ones to help Raven rewire the drop ship's ignition. And when we were done with all the puking this morning, she and Monroe managed to get me up high enough to see which wires she needs stripped."

Bellamy just shook his head and looked back down at the breakfast in front of him.

"What?" Clarke asked defensively. "What is it?"

He smirked. "Just you, Princess," he answered. "Puking one minute and planning our escape the next. I don't know how you do it."

He looked up to catch Clarke blushing a little but that same defensive expression was still etched into her features. "I don't really have a choice," she answered, her shoulders sagging a little. "I'm just doing what needs to be done."

Bellamy shook his head again, half-intending to profess his very real admiration for her when something caught his attention from the corner of his eye.

The blank space of wall over the top of the meal windows suddenly blinked black for a moment before warming up to show an image of the woman doctor from the monitor in the white room. This space on the wall was a monitor, a much larger one than before, and the doctor was addressing the room at large.

"Hello, everyone," the woman began. "Since nearly all of you are assembled here this morning I thought I would take the time to introduce myself properly. My name is Dr. Tsing and I will be the one monitoring your pregnancies as we go forward."

Bellamy felt his hands clench into fists and he glanced across the table to see that Clarke had gone very pale.

"Girls, you have all been pregnant for around seven days. With the accelerated pregnancies, that puts you at about four weeks. You might be starting to have pregnancy related nausea, thus the tea at breakfast. It will be available at all meal times going forward. You may also be experiencing aching or swelling of the breasts, increased fatigue, emotional swings, and frequent urination."

"You know, if she hadn't told us this shit I might not have noticed," Bellamy heard Raven say from behind him as she took a seat in the neighboring chair.

Dr. Tsing continued. "Tomorrow we will start prenatal testing. It's a little early, but this is our first large-scale trial of the serum and I want progress monitored closely. We'll be checking your weight and blood-pressure, urine testing for protein and sugar, and a blood test for genetic abnormalities. The first sonograms will be performed and while we won't hear a heartbeat yet, we should be able to magnify the image enough to see the implantation and check the positioning of the placenta."

Bellamy was sure everything the doctor was saying made sense to Clarke but he felt like the woman was speaking another language. He wasn't sure why he was suddenly so nervous but he felt like his heart was beating out of his chest.

"For now," Dr. Tsing said. "We have enabled the com unit next to the maintenance door. If you experience any severe cramping, bleeding, or fever, please alert someone right away. Otherwise, I look forward to meeting each of you individually tomorrow morning after breakfast."

As it had back in the white room, the screen went to black before fading to white again. Bellamy released a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding and turned back toward the table.

Clarke was pale and frozen, still staring at the screen where the doctor had been speaking only a moment before. As Bellamy watched, she took a deep breath, constructing the brave face she knew everyone else would need to see right now. Her eyes still looked a little off but Bellamy was pretty sure he'd be the only one who noticed that. Otherwise she had wiped every trace of fear from her face, turning back toward her breakfast and taking up her cup of tea again.

"So this is probably a good thing," Raven stated, grabbing a spare piece of toast from Clarke's plate and nibbling on it.

"How?" Bellamy asked. He propped his elbows on the table and ran his fingers through his hair, trying to keep his hands from shaking.

Raven smirked. "Because they're going to have to take us out of here to do those tests," she answered. "And when they do, I'll be able to track the exhaust vent and get an idea of where our air duct is going to take us."

And once again, Bellamy found himself in complete awe of the two girls he was sitting with. They were incredibly determined and weren't about to let something like prenatal testing get in the way of them all getting out of here.

Clarke stood abruptly, her hand over her mouth and Bellamy had a good idea what that meant. She motioned for him to follow her and she turned quickly to jog toward the bathroom.

Bellamy frowned and looked at Raven for help. She just laughed at him and pulled Clarke's tray over toward her. "Sorry. I'm done holding her hair back this morning. Your turn there, Pops."

He leveled a glare at her before swallowing hard and making himself put one foot in front of the other as he followed her to the bathroom.

"Took you long enough," Clarke said as he hesitantly entered the bathroom. She was outside of the range of the camera, beckoning him over with an annoyed expression.

"You're not sick again?" he asked, confused as he followed her instructions.

She shook her head and grabbed him by the hand, leading him into one of the shower stalls. She pulled the curtain shut behind him and then turned the shower on, filling the room with the sound of falling water.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

Clarke peeked out of the curtain for a moment. When she pulled her head back in, she sighed and leaned back against the wall of the shower stall. They had another curtain between them and the stream of the shower but he knew it was only a matter of time before they both started feeling damp from the steam.

"I have a really bad feeling," Clarke said finally, her voice just above a whisper. "And I don't want to be overheard. By anyone."

Bellamy felt his jaw clench. When Clarke had bad feelings, they were usually for a good reason. But their voices were still echoing in the tiled chamber, despite the shower running. "Come here," he said, opening his arms to her. She raised an eyebrow in question but moved anyway. He wrapped his arms around her loosely, bringing his mouth close to her ear.

"Just trying to be quiet," he whispered by way of explanation. He tried and failed to ignore the way she shivered when his lip accidently brushed the shell of her ear.

Clarke cleared her throat quietly and gripped the back of his shirt a little more tightly. "Good idea," she said softly.

"Tell me what's got you worried," he said.

Clarke swallowed hard and he could feel it because her throat was pressed against his collar bone. "Tomorrow, when they do the testing, they're going to split us up. They're going to take us one at a time. They wouldn't chance moving us all at once."

Bellamy hadn't thought about that and he felt himself tense at the thought of Clarke disappearing behind a closed door, in the hands of the Mountain people and outside of his ability to help her.

"I'm worried that they're going to ask questions when they've got us alone," she continued. "I mean, I'm not worried about the people who are in on the plan."

"They won't talk," Bellamy finished for her. "But the ones who don't know might let something slip without knowing it's important."

Clarke relaxed into him a little. "Exactly," she said. "So what the hell do we do about that?"

Bellamy shook his head. "Is there any way we can get out of here tonight?"

"Not a chance," Clarke answered. "We still have to prep supplies, move the fan, map the air duct. No way we can do all of that tonight without drawing attention."

Bellamy's fingers itched to hold her tighter but he resisted the urge. "Why didn't you want our people overhearing this?" he asked.

Clarke sighed, resting her forehead on his shoulder. "Because they're already scared. And I'm pretty sure they follow us because they think we're not."

"Not what? Scared?"

"Yeah," she said. "I'm pretty sure they think we're fearless."

"Are we?"

Clarke peeked up at him for a moment. "I'm not," she answered. "But if pretending to be is what gets us all the hell out of here, I can do that. Can you?"

He nodded.

"Good," she said. "Because I can't do this without you."

Bellamy frowned hard, hating having to ask but letting his own curiosity get the better of him. "Are you talking about the escaping part? Or the baby part?"

Clarke froze. She didn't even feel like she was breathing.

"Sorry," he said, propping his chin on her shoulder. "You don't have to answer that. That's a problem for another time."'

She shook her head. "It's not that. I just…every time I really start to think, I mean really think, about the…pregnancy…I feel like I've been drenched in ice water or something."

"It's a lot to think about."

"Well, yeah," she said, her voice muffled against his shirt. "But it's you. I should be able to talk to you about this."

"Because I'm the father?"

She leaned back again, far enough to see his eyes. "Because you're my partner."

"And that makes me better at listening?"

Clarke smirked. "Would you believe me if I said yes?"

He shook his head. "If you're giving me a compliment, I've gotta believe it's back-handed somehow."

She laughed softly and he felt his heart swell, knowing he'd pulled her out of her fear, even if just for a moment. She pressed her forehead against his chest and he adjusted again, his arms a little looser now, in case she didn't want them.

Clarke sighed, her hands dropping down to rest on his hips lightly. "What are we going to do?"

He didn't know. He squeezed her tightly once and then released her to take a tiny step back in the small space. She crossed her arms over her stomach, her face unreadable.

What had been an impossible situation before how now become so much worse.

"What are you doing?" Clarke asked, her voice raising an octave, as he pulled his shirt over his head and dropped it on the small ledge behind him.

"I need to think," he said, jerking his thumb over his shoulder toward where the shower was starting to steam up the room. "And I'm already here so…"

"Oh," she said simply. He'd expected her to leave but she just turned around instead.

He shrugged and finished getting undressed behind her back. He slipped behind the curtain and into the stream of hot water with a sigh. He ran his fingers through his hair, pushing it back away from his face as the water rained down on him. As much as he hated it here, he had to admit that he would really miss showers.

It was hard for him not to be aware of Clarke on the other side of the curtain. "You just gonna stand there, Princess?" he asked and smirked even though he knew she couldn't see him. "Or are you gonna join me?"

"Oh you wish," she said with a laugh, which really was his desired reaction. He wasn't sure what he'd done if she had actually come through the curtain. "But no. I'm going to go check on Monty and Jasper."

Bellamy could hear her hesitate.

"We're gonna figure this out, too," he said finally, all traces of humor leaving him. "Just like we figure out everything else."

"Hello high water?"

And he felt himself smile despite the dread flooding through his veins. "Exactly."

"I know you're still there because you're scared that you'll lose everything."

Albert Hammond, Jr. "Scared"