"Up in Flames"
Lucawindmover
Chapter Seventeen
"With the Lights Out"
"So how long do you want to wait?" Bellamy asked, turning the sharpened game pieces over in his hands.
Clarke leaned back against the wall in their bunk, tapping her fingers on her upraised knees. "I don't know. I just don't want to rush in there right away. Raven said ten minutes until the fan turns off. We should probably wait longer than that though."
Bellamy nodded and continued to flip the little wooden discs between his fingers, letting them click together in the relative quiet. Clarke watched him for a minute before snatching the pieces out of his hands.
"Hey," he exclaimed at the theft.
"You're driving me nuts," Clarke said, closing her fist around the pieces.
Bellamy crossed his arms. "Oh, like you don't have nervous twitches."
Clarke frowned. "Do I?"
Bellamy laughed and relaxed a little. "Are you kidding me?"
She gestured for him to go on.
"Well, there's the tapping," he said with a gesture to where the fingers of her free hand were currently thumping against her knee. "And the thing where you get really defensive."
"I don't…" Clarke started but trailed off as she realized she was about to prove his point. "Yeah, well. You do that tongue thing."
Bellamy's brow furrowed. "What tongue thing?"
She grinned, feeling her mood lighten significantly at the fact that he didn't do it consciously. "You know. Whenever you get frustrated or worked up about something, you lick your lips."
"No I don't," he responded, his shoulders tensing up. And then he licked his lips and opened his mouth to continue but couldn't because Clarke was biting her own lips to keep from laughing.
"You're like a little lizard," she said, her face hurting with the effort it was taking not to laugh. She reached over and poked his thigh. "You're a lizard boy."
He pursed his lips like he was angry but his eyes were twinkling with merriment. The laughter won out and the two of them stopped fighting it, giving themselves a moment to let go of some of the anxiety that had plagued them in the last couple of weeks. It felt really good. As the laughter petered off, Clarke took a moment to memorize those dimples in his cheeks, the ones that only showed when he was truly smiling. She was finally starting to come to terms with the fact that she genuinely found him attractive. The realization had been horribly disconcerting at first, considering the fact that she knew how he usually was with girls. But the more time she spent with him, the less the attraction bothered her.
While she might have been ready to be honest with herself about her attraction to her partner, she wasn't quite ready for him to know the extent of it. So she pulled her eyes away from his and sighed contentedly, letting her head rest against the wall again.
"So is that your latest attempt at a nickname?" Bellamy asked, following suit and leaning his head back against the wall.
"You wish you had a cool nickname like that," Clarke grumbled.
He chuckled and bumped his shoulder against hers. He didn't say anything but he didn't really have to.
They sat this way, in contented silence, until Clarke decided it was probably time to get to work. She went first, holding one hand over her mouth and one against her stomach. Anyone looking would think she was about to be sick, a move she'd already pulled once but figured would probably still work, considering the circumstances.
Bellamy joined her a few minutes later under the guise of coming to check on her.
Standing under the vent, he asked, "How do you want to do this?"
Clarke shrugged. "Well, when Raven loosened the screws, she sat on Murphy's shoulders. You think you could manage that?"
Bellamy nodded and knelt with his hand against the wall. Clarke awkwardly climbed onto his shoulders, acutely aware that she now had his head nestled between her thighs. She bit down on her lip as a wave of heat washed over her and she had to forcibly remind herself that they were here for a mission. His hands gripped her thighs tightly as he stood, making sure she didn't fall. Clarke closed her eyes and inhaled slowly through her nose, steadying herself with her fingers on the wall before her.
Once she'd forced herself to focus, she managed to get the screws to come loose with only her fingers. Raven had left them this way on purpose. Clarke pulled off the grate and handed it down to Bellamy who had to take one hand off her leg in order to place it on the ground. When his hand returned, it was with a gentle caress of his thumb along the underside of her thigh and it was all she could do not to squeeze his head between her legs. She bit her lip again, almost hard enough to draw blood, and went to work on the wires.
It was slow work. Besides the fact that it was hard to see in the dull illumination from the emergency lights, the game pieces were only just sharp enough to cut through the plastic on the wires. The fifteen minutes she'd allowed for this had come and gone probably twice by now but she'd done what she could, stripping most of what Raven had asked for. She'd have Raven rotate back through tomorrow night. If there was anything else she needed to have stripped, she'd just have to do it herself.
"You about done?" Bellamy asked. Clarke could feel him shaking beneath her weight. He hadn't complained once though, for which Clarke was thankful.
"I think so," she answered, tucking the game pieces just inside the frame for Raven to use later. "Can you hand me the cover?"
He nodded, which did nothing to quell the flames that were licking at her insides. He squatted down to grab the grate and then paused.
"Shit," he said under his breath.
"What?" Clarke asked. She was fighting the urge to tangle her fingers in his hair, opting for keeping them splayed against the wall instead.
He heaved a sigh and then lowered himself to his knees. "I can't get back up. I need a minute."
Clarke used the wall to steady herself as she reluctantly got off of his shoulders. He flashed her an annoyed grimace but she knew he wasn't mad at her but rather at himself. She was sure he was berating himself for not being able to hold her up there longer. But they had no idea how long they'd been in comas before they'd woken up, coupled with no opportunity to exercise their muscles…it was no wonder he was tired. She wasn't exactly light and he'd been holding her up for probably half an hour. It was a wonder he hadn't needed to put her down sooner.
"You guys need a hand?"
Clarke whipped her head around to see Murphy leaning against the wall, just outside the camera range, watching them with a smug look on his face.
Clarke felt instantly defensive. She wanted to tell him to get lost and that no, they did not need his help. She didn't really care that Raven had seemed to forgive him for the shooting thing, or that Bellamy trusted him enough to send him to care for Harper. Clarke could only see him as a cold-blooded killer, a person dark enough to chase a young girl off a cliff in search of vengeance. She didn't trust him or like him or want anything to do with him.
And apparently none of that mattered.
"Yeah," Bellamy answered before she could get a word out. "Would you lift Clarke up to put the grate back?"
"Sure," Murphy answered, pushing away from the wall and walking toward them.
Clarke clenched her jaw and glared at Bellamy but he didn't see her. She was pretty sure he was avoiding her eyes on purpose.
"How do you wanna do this, Princess?" Murphy asked, his smirk taunting her and making his statement into something dirty.
"Just boost me up, okay?" she answered curtly. "I'll stand on your hands."
"Oh I get it," he said, squatting down and lacing his fingers together. "Bellamy's is the only head you want between your legs."
Clarke was determined not to respond to the taunt for two reasons. The first was that she didn't want to spur him on and give him the reaction that he was hoping for. The second was that his comment had actually hit a little too close to home. Because teasing or not, he'd come darn close to the truth with that one and it made her stomach drop out when she thought about it too hard.
She didn't dare look at Bellamy as she grabbed the grate and stepped into Murphy's hands. He lifted her up and she made quick work of reattaching the front of the fan. As much as she wanted to hate him, Murphy was actually being helpful. When she wobbled, he widened his stance and centered himself under her so she wouldn't fall.
"Done," she finally said and he lowered her down.
"We've been in here way too long," Bellamy said as she turned around. "Suspiciously long."
Clarke sighed and put one hand to her forehead, the other propping itself on her hip. It was true. They'd probably been in here for more than half an hour by now.
"I could always say I caught you guys having sex in the shower," Murphy offered with a smirk. "I mean, if anyone asks anyway."
Clarke groaned and whirled around to face him. "Was there some actual reason you came in here?"
Murphy straightened up a little, the relaxed stance he'd had before melting away under the force of her question. "Yeah, actually," he answered, his brow pinching a little in the middle. "I need you to come check on Harper."
"What's wrong with Harper?" Bellamy asked over Clarke's shoulder. He was standing close enough to her that she could feel the heat radiating off of him.
"I don't know," Murphy groaned, running his fingers through his hair. "It's chick stuff. A…pregnancy…thing."
"Okay, fine," Clarke said, motioning for Murphy to walk with her. "Let's go see her. Because I sure as hell won't get anything useful out of you."
Murphy frowned at her but followed. Clarke glanced back at Bellamy and by some unspoken communication, she just knew he would meet her back at the bunk. Just before she and Murphy rounded the corner, she thought she saw Bellamy wink at her but she wasn't sure.
Clarke knew where Harper's bed was but she let Murphy go ahead of her and lead the way anyway. As they approached the back of the room, Clarke could see that Harper was laying on her side, curled into a ball and fast asleep.
Murphy paused at the side of the bed, indecision written clearly on his face. Clarke was about to tell him not to worry about it and that she would talk to Harper in the morning, when he sank down on the edge of the bed and shook Harper's shoulder.
"Hmm?" Harper said, frowning in her sleep.
"Harper, wake up," Murphy said, his voice soft in the quiet of the room. Clarke had only heard him like that once, back when everyone had been sick at the drop ship. "Clarke's here to check you out."
Harper pushed herself up on her elbow and used her other hand to rub her face. "What? Damn it Murphy," she grumbled. "I didn't mean for you to go and wake her up. It's not that big of a deal."
"I didn't have to wake her up," Murphy answered, his defenses going back up. "She and Bellamy were still up. And busy too, I might add."
Harper groaned and sat all the way up, grimacing a little as she did. She finally turned her eyes to Clarke with an apologetic expression. "Sorry, Clarke. I didn't know who else to ask."
Clarke shook her head and took another step forward. "It's no problem. Can you tell me what's wrong?"
Harper turned to glare at Murphy until he seemed to understand what she was saying with that look.
"Fine," he said, holding his hands up. "I'm going, alright? If this is how you fucking thank me for helping, I'll remember not to bother next time."
The girls watched as Murphy stormed off, disappearing into the darkness. Clarke realized she had no idea where he'd been sleeping and decided that she would figure that out in the morning. While he wasn't necessarily an enemy right now, she wanted to keep tabs on him. The last time she had tried to give him chance, he'd made her regret that decision. She wasn't going to repeat that mistake.
"God, he's being weird," Harper said, her eyes still straining after Murphy in the dark.
Clarke took a seat next to Harper on the bed. "What do you mean, weird?"
Harper shrugged. "He's all helpful and nice and shit. It's just…not like him, right? He came over after lights-out and we started kinda talking about this whole mess and well…I asked him to stay. And we both just fell asleep. But now that I've had a minute to think about it, I'm freaking out. This is Murphy we're talking about."
Clarke wasn't really sure what to say to that.
Harper looked up from her hands and met Clarke's eyes. "I mean, he has to have some kind of ulterior motive here, right? The last time he was being nice he went all homicidal and killed a couple of guys. What the hell is he up to now?"
Clarke sighed. "I might know the answer to that."
Harper crossed her arms over her stomach, waiting for her to continue.
"Bellamy might have…convinced Murphy that he needs to behave responsibly toward you. You know, given the circumstances and everything," Clarke said, tucking a strand of stray hair out of her face.
Harper's expression hardened. "What? Bellamy doesn't think I can do this on my own? He thinks I need fucking Murphy by my side? Really?"
Clarke shook her head. "That's not it at all. I think it's more about Bellamy making Murphy think about his future and his place with all of us."
"So I'm what, just a test? Just some way to see if Murphy is so far gone that he'll murder a pregnant girl?"
Harper's voice was steadily rising and Clarke eyed the closest beds, hoping they weren't bothering anyone. She reached over and put a hand on the other girl's knee. "Look, would you calm down? Please? You're taking this the wrong way, okay?
Harper covered her face with her hands for a moment. "I'm sorry," she mumbled from behind them. "Everything just kinda sucks right now."
"Believe me. I get that," Clarke responded. "Don't worry about it, okay? Just…tell me what's going on."
Harper pulled her hands down from her face and leaned back a little with a grimace. "I'm having this pain. I mean, it's not severe or whatever. But it hurts, kind of right under this bone here," she said, pointing to where Clarke assumed was her pelvic bone. "It just kind of aches during the day but it really hurts whenever I'm laying down and I'm trying to roll over."
Clarke sighed and wracked her brain, trying to remember everything she could about early pregnancy. "Well," she started. "I think it's round ligament pain. And I know it hurts but it's totally normal."
"What the hell do I do about it?" Harper asked. "Because this is really uncomfortable."
"You can try a hot wash cloth over the area," Clarke answered. "Or massage. Or…uh…"
Harper fixed her with a frustrated look and Clarke tried to remember that she was being a doctor right now. "Right. Massage of the area. Or, a good orgasm. You know, relax the area."
"What are you saying I should do? Have sex with Murphy again?"
Clarke shook her head. "I'm not saying that. I mean, there are other ways to have orgasms. With or without a guy."
Harper flushed and Clarke could feel her own cheeks getting hot.
"Look," Ckarke said, standing up. "The bottom line is that your pain is probably normal. I mean, I would double check with the doctor tomorrow but as for right now, I think you're okay."
Harper thanked her and Clarke took the opportunity to slip away only to realize she was now heading back to Bellamy with thoughts of masturbation running through her head.
Bellamy was still awake when she pulled back the sheet, laying on his back with his hands tucked behind his head.
"Hey," he said as she sat on the edge of the bunk. "What's up with Harper?"
Clarke laid next to him stiffly, trying to clear her thoughts. "She's having ligament pains. Pretty normal though."
She glanced at Bellamy to see his eyes really studying her. "Is that something you're gonna have?" he asked, his eyes flickering toward her stomach.
"Probably," she answered. "It's a common complaint."
He didn't say anything in response, continuing to look at her as if there was a question on the tip of his tongue. It wasn't like him to hold his questions and Clarke immediately felt nervous.
"What?" she finally erupted, unable to take that lingering stare any longer.
"What do you mean, what?"
She crossed her arms over her stomach and pulled her eyes away from his. "You look like you want to say something. So just say it already."
"Was Murphy right?"
Clarke felt her throat tighten at his question. "Was Murphy right about what?" she asked even though she was pretty sure she knew what he was talking about.
Bellamy rolled on his side, facing her. "He said something about my head being the only one you wanted between your legs," he said, his voice low. Clarke could feel her face heating up, among other things. "And you had an expression that made me wonder if that might be true."
Clarke gulped. "That's not really a question, you know," she responded breathlessly.
He chuckled, drawing her eyes to him. "You don't want the politician version I take it?"
When she didn't reply he reached across the small space between them and cupped her cheek. "This thing…whatever it is…it's us, right? Just us?"
Clarke tilted her head a little, pressing her cheek to his palm. "Are you asking if we're…exclusive?"
He nodded and Clarke felt her heart speed up exponentially. She hadn't really thought about this. She kept trying to tell herself that she didn't have a claim on him, that just because he felt obligated to take care of her didn't mean he couldn't have a life with someone else.
"I don't know," she answered, trying to remember how to breathe when she caught his eyes dipping toward her lips. "I don't want to tie you down just because…"
"For fuck's sake, Clarke," he interrupted. "For someone who's supposed to be so smart I swear to god, you can be so damn clueless."
And before she could even be offended, his lips were pressed against hers, the hand on her cheek tangling in her hair instead.
She was stunned. He'd initiated this kiss on his own, no testing things, no gas needed. That feeling didn't last long as his tongue teased the seam of her lips and she instantly gave in, opening to him and reaching with her own hands, wanting to feel his skin beneath her fingertips. She grasped the back of his neck and hung on for dear life as she was swept away.
"And for once you let go of your fears and your ghosts. One step, not much but it said enough."
Taylor Swift "You Are in Love"