Chapter 4: The Decision
Tenten was awakened by the bright morning light. She opened her eyes and stared blankly at the empty white room. She remembered everything clearly.
"The Valley of the End on the next full moon, huh?" Tenten whispered as if too exhausted to even blink. "Those four idiots. The next full moon's tonight."
The knock on the door shook Tenten out of her reverie.
"Ano… Tenten-san?" The nurse called her name with uncertainty as she peeped through the half opened door.
"Yes?" Tenten replied calmly.
Sensing that she was no longer hysterical, the nurse made her way into the room. "You are recommended for discharge today, Tenten-san. However, you are still strictly advised not to train until after at least a week when all your wounds would have safely healed. If you push yourself too early, you could end up back here in no time. So make sure you get enough rest, is that clear?"
Tenten nodded wordlessly. She didn't really mind the nurse's nagging. It was her job after all not like she could blame her. Heading to the bathroom, Tenten couldn't help but feel energetic. She was finally getting out of the hospital.
"Oh before I forget." The nurse handed Tenten a small scroll.
Upon inspection, Tenten recognized it as her clothing scroll. "Excuse me, may I ask who gave you this?"
The nurse beamed. "Oh, a young man gave it to me a while ago. I believe his name was Hyuga Neji-kun. He visited again earlier but you were still asleep."
"Again?" Tenten narrowed her eyes in confusion.
"Yes well. He visits everyday ever since you were confined but oddly enough he never seems to catch you awake. His visits always come at a bad time because you're either sedated or asleep."
Tenten could only nod and blink as she watched the nurse head out of her room. Neji visited her every single day during her confinement? Tenten scoffed as she shook her head. It couldn't be true.
Tenten headed out of the hospital in a sour mood. She wanted to see Lee badly but unfortunately some tests were being administered on him. Heading home, Tenten couldn't help but replay the scene from last night in her head.
"Come to the Valley of the End on the night of the next full moon."
Tenten snarled. It wasn't fair. It was like deciding whether to eat plain instant noodles or the secret meal hidden underneath a box. Whether it's a gourmet course or a single piece of gum is unknown. It was a filthy gamble. You either win everything or lose everything.
Tenten closed her eyes. She needed to think. Memories weren't enough. She needed concrete proof – things that would either urge her to stay or push her to leave.
Tenten looked on with glazed eyes at the very first place Team Gai was formed – their very first training grounds. Every spar, every lap, every bead of sweat and blood. Although she couldn't remember every single one of those, the words of mockery were never forgotten.
"You're weak Tenten."
"Is this all that you can do?"
"So, I suppose this is the result of all your training?"
"Put more effort into it."
"When are you going to take being a ninja seriously?"
Tenten wanted to cry but she still had some pride left to allow herself to look weak again. She wanted to shout, but her throat was too dry to even speak. She wanted to wreak havoc in the area, but she felt too exhausted to even try. She just stood there unmoving as the memories filled her, reminding her that no matter how hard she tried, she would be good enough. Average was all she could ever reach. She was never, and would never be destined for greatness.
Neji. Lee. Even Gai. They all knew her limits and the extent of her abilities. She laughed bitterly. Even Gai knew it. Given a prodigy who never really needed much help, Gai chose to mentor Lee over her. It was obvious wasn't it? Lee had unending potential whilst she was just another replaceable ninja. No clan. No special abilities. No outstanding talents. Just plain old Tenten.
Even the Genins who were once her juniors were able to acquire formidable mentors. Naruto with Jiiraya, Sakura with Tsunade, Sasuke with Orochimaru. The difference in potential, talent and skill between her and her juniors was notable enough for the Sanins to skip her generation all together. It wasn't fair. Some people were just born brimming with potential while some have to put up the meager hand they were dealt by fate.
Tenten cursed. She hated the idea of fate and how Neji always seemed to use it to rationalize every single thing in life. But wasn't fate already staring her right in the face? The stratification of clans, skills, potential, abilities. Everything. Wouldn't fate have played a hand in all those?
Biting her lip in frustration and self-pity, Tenten walked away from the training grounds disappointed. There was nothing here left for her to hold on to.
Tenten hopped from tree to tree before finally reaching the Hyuga clan's territory. Stopping midway, Tenten stared pensively at the majestic estate.
This was the epitome of social stratification, class division, hereditary discrimination – whatever you wanted to call it. It wasn't just within the snobbish walls of the Hyuga clan's estate. It was also between different clans, as well as those who belonged to a clan, and those who didn't. The prestige, the respect, the reverence came so easily to those who had a family name to boast. It was no longer a question of individual merit. It was a question of inheritance.
All her life she wanted to belong to a clan. She prayed for either the Uchiha or Hyuga clan – two of the most powerful clans in the world. For once she wished she could be treated differently because she had with her the power of a name. For once she wanted to feel what it was like to belong to a family, that she wasn't truly utterly alone. But all those were just wishful thinking. Just as a commoner would never be king, she was an expendable ninja who would never become Hokage.
Tenten looked in awe at what she deemed would be her last stop – the Hokage mountain. She stared in deep thought at each face perfectly engraved on the stone monument. She remembered the time when those faces give her nothing but undying strength and determination. Now, all she could see were sad gazes looking right at her, telling her she would never be good enough to be immortalized on stone like they were. She was too plain. Too forgettable. Too weak. She didn't have what it took to become the Hokage.
"If stay, I will never be anybody."
The sun was already setting. The last rays of sunlight were sharp and vivid, but at the same time, melancholic and grieving, as if it was the last time the sun would ever shine again.
Moving to leave the mountain, Tenten remembered one last thing she needed to do before finally making her decision.
"Excuse me miss? What room is Rock Lee in?"
"Rock Lee you ask? And what purpose do you have to visit him?"
"I'm one of his teammates."
"Oh, I see." The nurse answered while searching the records. "Rock Lee is in room 23 A." The nurse replied with a courteous smile.
"Thank you very much." Tenten nodded politely before heading towards the room.
Each step she took seemed to amplify the beating of her heart. Staring at the bold letters 23 A, Tenten had half a mind to run far away like a maniac caught committing murder. But she knew she had to do this.
Slowly extending her hand to reach the door knob, she cursed at her shaking. Covering one hand with the other, she turned the knob hearing a soft click. It slid open ever so slightly. All she had to do was push.
"Who's there?" Came Lee's curious but jovial tone.
Tenten breathed in and out as she mustered up her courage. It was now or never. She pushed the door slowly, her eyes never leaving the floor.
"Tenten! You're ok!"
"Um… How about you? Are you fine?" Tenten asked shifting her glance from Lee to anywhere in the room.
"Of course I'm fine!" Lee shouted cheerfully.
"Don't just stand there! Come join us and eat!" A familiar female voice came.
Shifting her gaze, she saw Sakura sitting right next to the grinning boy.
"Oh Sakura, you're here. I'm fine. You just eat there." Tenten smiled genuinely for the first time in days. Walking in the room and closing the door, Tenten sat opposite Sakura and held Lee's hand in both of hers.
"Hey… Get well soon ok?" She said sadly as she tried to suppress the tears from falling down her eyes.
Lee squeezed her hand back, tears continuously flowing from his eyes. "I am deeply moved by your concern! But you don't need to worry about me! Tsunade-sama performed an operation on me a while ago. I'll be out of here in just a week now. Though that's like an eternity for me, Sakura-san promised to cook me dinner every day until I recover if I promise not to try to escape from the hospital."
Tenten could no longer suppress her tears. "That's good! V-Very good for you Lee!" The happiness she felt was overflowing. Lee didn't have to wait for a month like last time! He didn't have to be told he was never going to be a ninja ever again like last time! The relief Tenten felt was indescribable. It was like being alive for the very first time.
"Oi! Tenten you don't have to cry!" Lee said concerned.
"No. After all, it's my fault why you're here in the first place." The guilt and burden were evident in Tenten's strangled voice.
"No. It's not your fault. I chose to be hit by those weapons. You didn't force me. It was of my own free will so you have nothing to do with it." Lee replied.
"But it was-" Tenten was about to protest but Lee cut her off.
"I told you. It was my fault. Now don't speak about it anymore. If you're here to visit, I don't want tears. I want to see your smiling face. Don't listen to what others say or to what you think. Just listen to me ok?" Lee assured as he gave her a smile.
"So, how's Neji and Gai-sensei doing? Oh and I heard there's this new shop opening! A shop of sweets! I…" Lee just kept on babbling but Tenten saw through his attempt to try and change the conversation.
Lee was a really nice guy – a genuine gentleman. He never wanted to see a girl cry. He was trying his best to relieve her of guilt. But because of what he did, Tenten couldn't help but cry even harder.
"W-What? Tenten? What is it?" Lee was beyond worried now and completely clueless.
"It's nothing. It's really nothing." Tenten replied in between sobs. She would never be able to express in words the gratitude she felt towards Lee.
All the things in her life, every single one, just brought her down, made her feel unimportant, dispensable. But now, for the first time in her life, she felt she had family. Someone she could belong to, maybe even an actual reason to stay. Tenten hugged Lee tightly, praying that one hug could communicate to him everything she wanted to tell him. He hugged her back in return, patting her back comfortingly, as if saying he understood.
Sakura tried her best to fight tears as she pretended she needed to run an errand, leaving the two alone.
"You don't have to pretend. I know it's my fault. You don't have to be modest. Just be like Neji and tell me bluntly that it was my fault."
"I don't know what Neji told you but you know how he is. Sometimes he says things he doesn't really mean, or even things he doesn't really want to say but says them anyway. He can be a real idiot when it comes to actual meaningful conversations so don't cry. I'm not pretending. Not once did I blame you for what happened because it's really not your fault."
"You're such a stubborn idiot!" Tenten said in between tears.
"That's enough Tenten. Just get some rest. After I leave the hospital, I'm going to spar with you and I hope that you've gotten really really good ok?" Lee said with a smile that could brighten anyone's day.
Tenten did her best to fake a smile. "Of course. You better make sure not to get rusty 'cause next time we spar, I won't go easy on you!"
"Oh! Challenge accepted!" Lee firmly stated with his fist up in the air.
A knock on the door resounded and a nurse poked her head through the half opened space. "I'm sorry but visiting hours are now over. If I may escort you out of the room miss?"
Tenten nodded. "Get well soon ok Lee?"
"You bet!"
"I'll miss you." The sadness was too overwhelming to conceal completely. She could feel her heartbreak at the confused glance Lee gave her.
"Huh? Oh Come on! It's only a week and besides you can come here to visit me every day, right?"
Tenten forced another smile and nodded cheerfully. "Of course! I'll be here every day you'll be so sick of me!"
Lee laughed in reply.
"Well then, I better get going!" Tenten gave Lee one final hug before heading to the door. Giving Lee one last look before pulling the door closed, Tenten felt a lone tear fall down her cheek.
"Goodbye Lee."
Lee couldn't help but freeze at the seemingly haunting goodbye.