A/N: Hello! Thank you for favorites, follows and reviews. :)
This is chapter 9- one of the 'big' ones, I think. Reference of 4X04-Kick The Ballistics.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

The moment I see him tonight, I know that he is upset.

Something must have happened at his job, because when he left in the morning he was fine- laughing with me about this random thing and that, attitude feather light. But sixteen hours later, it's heavy as iron.

He gives me a forced smile and goes to change, but I notice his foreboding face, the hard set of his jaw, the unusually small line of his lips.

I immediately want to ask what happened. But I do not.

I let him get freshened up and eat.

I am not surprised when he says that he has had 'kind of a long day' and wants to go straight to bed.

I wordlessly join him there.

He is sitting on the bed, leaning back against the headboard. I sit facing him, cross-legged.

I am willing to be silent for a few minutes before I ask anything, but I do not have to.

He is not looking my way, but he tells me what happened.

A girl was found dead. She was shot to death. And the ballistics matched the gun with the one that Kevin had lost to the Triple Killer.

'A girl was killed with my gun. The service weapon the city gave me to protect its people.', he says through clenched teeth, finally looking at me.

And I freeze in my spot, because he looks almost unrecognizable.

In the three-and-a-half years of our relationship, we have been in our fair share of fights. So it's not like I have not seen him angry before.

But this is different.

His fists are balled up, his jaws are tight and the blue, the blue in his eyes blazes like fire with rage.

At first I am not sure what I should do. I am not afraid of him, but this does not seem like a situation where I make a joke to make it easier and hug him and kiss him and everything is all right.

Every line in his face screams 'Approach with caution.'

I take one of his hands in both of mine. Then I softly say, 'Easy, Kevin.'

He just looks at me.

'You're gonna find out who did this. And that guy will be punished. It's not your fault…'

'How can you say that?' ,he pulls his hand away, sits up straight and shouts, 'I was the cop, I should've been able to hold on to my weapon, not let some psychopath snatch it from me!'

He sees my face and calms down the next moment.

'Sorry, sorry! I didn't mean to yell at you, Jenny.', he collapses back again. 'I am losing it….', he mutters.

I am still shaken by the sudden outburst, but I scoot closer to him.

'It's okay.' I say. 'I can't imagine how awful you must feel about all this. But Kev, we've been through this, remember? Things happen to you when you are a cop. You didn't choose to lose your weapon.'

He's looking at me, listening to me. Good.

'It is NOT because of you that the girl is dead.', I continue. 'A murderer killed her. You're gonna catch that murderer. But none of it was you.'

I am relieved to see some of the lines disappearing from his face.

He sighs.

'I know.', he confesses finally, 'but I can't help feeling responsible.'

'Then just keep doing what you're doing. You know, your job. Find that killer, and you have done your part.'

He nods, getting lost in thoughts.

Then he is back to reality. The blazing blue is smoldering now.

He takes my hand and smiles a little. And I cannot believe how glad I am to see that.

'Thanks, Jenny.', he says.

'Always.', I smile back.

We turn off the light and lie down to go to sleep. I hope by tomorrow this time, we will discuss this with considerably lighter minds.

That hope, however, proves to be futile.

The next night when he enters home, he looks the same. Maybe even worse. There's a hint of frustration to the angry air.

Later, in bed, he tells me that they had a strong lead. A whole family of Chinese drug dealers. The girl tutored one of the kids and she was acting as an informant for Narcotics. Kevin is pretty sure one of the guys in this family is the killer. But they said they all had alibis of all their servants.

'I haven't called and checked yet.', he lets out a frustrated sigh, 'but of course the servants will all agree.'

He is restless, fidgeting with his fingers, not relaxing. The blue of his eyes has dark shadows and tinges I have not seen before.

I tell him that being able to catch the killer the day after the murder- it was a long shot anyway.

He agrees.

And then he says, 'People know about this.'

'The murder?', I am confused.

'No. The gun. My gun,', his voice is unusually rough.

And he tells me- how he actually attacked a narcotics detective, grabbed his collar and slammed him against the wall because he implied it was Kevin's fault.

That, all over again.

As Kevin tells the story, he looks like he is reliving it. In fact, I feel like the whole point of telling me this is to relive it, to punish himself.

His blue eyes are hazy.

I have never seen the narcotics detective guy, of course, and chances are I never will, but there is no one I hate more right now.

I don't know what else to do, so I just put my arms around him and wish with all my heart that this be over soon.

I fall asleep hugging him.

I have trouble concentrating on my work the next day. I cannot stop thinking about tonight- about how it is gonna be. Will I see him grin, or will he bare his teeth in rage as he tells me how there were dead-ends everywhere and they couldn't catch the guy?

In the end, I get to see neither because he calls to say he will be late. He is looking for some documents in old files, something he thinks is going to help.

I fall asleep before he comes home.

I see him the next morning. He looks slightly better. He says they know who the killer is- a son of that Chinese family. Apparently, he was in prison and knew the Triple Killer from there. 3XK sold Kevin's gun to him.

'But there's not enough hard proof.', he says, eyebrows pulling together, eyes getting darker, 'Unless he confesses, we can't charge him. And I don't see why he will.'

I smooth a wrinkle in his grey-blue shirt and kiss his lips lightly.

'There,' I say, 'I give you my luck. You'll get him.'

'Wasn't there a Lindsey Lohan movie where they did this luck-by-kiss thing?' he says, frowning slightly.

I shake my head in disbelief. 'Why do you even know this?'

He looks embarrassed, mumbles something about a weekend at his sister's and leaves in a hurry.

I chuckle slightly, then leave for my own job in a better mood than yesterday's.

And that luck thing proves to be pretty handy because the instant I see him that night I know it's over.

He looks like himself again, and the blue in his eyes doesn't have that angry gleam anymore.

I am so happy that as soon as I close the door I give him a long hug. He doesn't say anything, he just hugs me back.

Afterwards, we have dinner as he tells me the whole long story. It is fascinating, really. Especially because it has a happy ending now.

We are still talking about it when we are sipping honey milk in our bed.

'The best part is,' he is saying, 'Ben Lee's getting what he wanted. He's alright; physically, I mean. He came to see me at the precinct.', he smiles. 'To say thank you.'

'If you think about it, he really should be thanking me.'

'You? How's that?', he wants to know.

'Um, hello, the luck?', I say, with a mock-offended tone.

'Oh.' He laughs. 'You know, luck can't really take all the credit here. I mean, it involved a whole lot of good detective work, and being badass, and cool from one particular person…'

I raise my eyebrows. 'Does being badass translate to dressing yourself as a college student in your 30s?'

He shakes his head. 'I knew I should have left that part out.'

Then he grins. 'You should have seen Javi, he looked ridiculous! I, on the other hand,….', he pulls me closer, 'can assure you that I made it work.'

'Right.' I laugh. Then I say, 'Seriously, though. Congratulations. You were really cool.'

'Yeah?', he grins again.

'Yeah', I assure him.

Then I slip one of my hands under his t-shirt.

'Does Mister Cool Detective want to receive congratulations in a slightly different way?', I whisper.

His smile lights up the room. He pulls me on top of him.

'You betcha!'

The blue of his eyes is cheerful and fresh like new paint, and after seeing just how different they could have been, I fall in love with them all over again before I lean down and kiss the smile off his face.