Here is another chapter hot on the heels of the last. I have a few days of work, so more writing time. Don't be disturbed about the twists and turns in the plot. There is a master plan. Reviews welcome.
They were the beginning of dark days. There were occasional rays of sunshine. The warmth of friends, of time spent together. Laughter, love and learning experiences. At the time none of us recognised the ominous future that loomed over us all. I was quick to embrace the darkness, never knowing that this was really only a twilight of sorts. A slow, colourful dimming of the light before the night takes us. They say it's always darkest before the dawn, and our dawn was a very long time in coming.
After Jake had pulled away the night before, leaving his words burned into my mind, I locked myself in my room. I tore the blue dress off and flung it in the corner thinking that once it was out of sight the ordeal would be over. How could I have dressed like that and invited so much unwanted attention. What was wrong with me that Tyler found it so hard to please me and why had he been so unwilling to learn together? I pulled on some ratty old sweats as my head spun round and round. I crawled into my bed, pulling up the covers without taking down my hair or wiping off my makeup. The tears continued to slide silently down my face until my eyes were swollen and my skin was salty and burned. When Charlie came home from work in the small hours of the morning, he uncharacteristically stepped in to my bedroom. "Are you awake Bella?" he asked softly? I sniffed by way of response. " I heard what happened with Tyler. One of the chaperones called. We ended up pulling him and his buddies in on a drunk and disorderly. You alright?" Was I alright? A question for the ages indeed. "Go away Charlie," I muttered. He drew in a breath as if to say something else, but changed his mind and turned away, closing the door behind him.
The night was endless. The morning bought no relief. I watched some tv, the morning news said something about some superflu in China. Who cares? The Mariners had won their game the day before. Who cares? The weather would be fine but overcast and chilled. Who cares? I could not find the energy to care. I could not find the energy to get out of bed, or wash or start the day. If I stayed here forever would anyone notice? Charlie noticed, but being unaccustomed as he was to dealing with drama queen daughters, he let me be. Around midmorning I heard the door open and Charlie speaking quietly to someone downstairs. "You can try Jasper, but I don't think she's coming out of that room today." Or any day soon. I heard his footsteps on the stairs and felt the bed dip as he sat beside me. "Are you okay Bella?" Of course I'm not okay. There's something broken in me and I don't know what it is or how to fix it. But I stayed silent. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you last night, things with Alice got a bit strange." Yep that's what I want to talk about - you and Alice. I rolled away from him, huddling further into the bed. "Tyler's in the lock up now. Charlie had to detain him last night. He's got a drug problem Bella. It's not on you, nothing you did made him act like this." You sure about that cowboy? Apparently I'm a dud in the sack. Who knew? He reached over laying his hand on my shoulder. "He had no right to treat you like that. You looked gorgeous last night Scarlet." This last statement finally broke through my haze. "Go back to Alice, Jasper. And don't call me Scarlet," I spat. The tears began to flow again. Jasper left. He's good at that.
By mid week I had only left the bed for bathroom breaks and the odd glass of water. I hadn't eaten, washed or changed. My head was a mess. I knew I had been skipping school, but I just couldn't face anyone. I was stuck on a repeating record. No-one loves me, I'm worthless, I'm broken and ugly. Every day was the same. Flu in China, death tolls rising, sports match results, weather reports. No-one cares. I can't care enough to move.
The biggest shock, looking back now, was Edward. I had been surprised when it had been him that hit Tyler. Not surprised by the sentiment behind it - Edward always seemed proper and operated by his own set of rules. If he would not treat a woman this way, then he would not fathom how someone else would, nor would he condone it. All beats march to his drum. I was surprised that he acted on it in such a way. Always the model of etiquette and decorum, it seemed so out of character for him to resort to physical violence. I was more surprised when I heard his voice in my house talking to Charlie. He had started spending more time at home, leaving work early or not going in. I guess he was worried, but was, like me, at a loss as to what to do next. Snippets of conversation floated up the stairs.
"... Sorry to interrupt Sir, is Bella at home?" Was that Edward?
" ... here, sort of." Thanks Charlie.
"I'm sorry Sir, I don't understand." What's not to understand Edward, I've lost my mind.
"Sorry Son, I mean that she's not in a good way. She hasn't left her room since the formal. You can go on up and see her if you want. Hell, drag her out of bed if you want. I don't know what to do with her." Sorry Charlie, I don't know what to do with me either.
"Umm, no Sir, I don't think it would be appropriate for me to go into her room under these circumstances." What the...? Appropriate to go in my room? Dude you punched a guy for me!
"Suit yourself Edward," said Charlie exasperated.
"But I think I know someone who could help." Really, you do?
"At this point, I'm willing to try anything. What do you have in mind son?" This should be good. I can remember having that thought. I can remember being exhausted by the simple act of following their conversation while holding the accusations in my head at bay. I didn't remember falling asleep, peacefully, for perhaps the first time since this whole thing began.
I was awakened by a sinking nauseous feeling in my stomach as the edge of my bed dipped violently. What now? "Wake up Bella!" The voice was insistent. It was familiar. It was not taking no for an answer nor responding to the cold shoulder treatment. It was Jacob. What the hell was he doing here? "What the hell is wrong with you?" Are you kidding, is he angry with me? "Why on earth would you be in such a state over a dickhead loser, like Tyler?" He is. He is angry with me. Doesn't he know it was my fault? Jake had begun shaking me, trying to gain some kind of reaction. I started to give a little, I opened my eyes and stole a glance at him. He was so angry it was frightening. I closed my eyes again and rolled away from him. I can't deal with this right now. "That's enough Bella, you're getting out of this bed and leaving this house now with me." He was losing his anger now, retreating in to desperation.
"None of it matters Jake. Go be with Leah and leave me alone." My voice was hoarse from the disuse and the crying. "It all matters Bella. You are so much more than what that jerk, what either of those jerks thinks of you. I bet you'd be talking now if it was Jasper sitting here." The anger had returned, his voice dripped with venom at the mention of Jasper's name.
"Show's what you know," I retorted, giving in to a momentary flash of emotion. "He was here days ago and I sent him back to Alice where he belongs." The tightness was back in my chest, that hole that threatened to consume me. Jasper had left like he always did. Tyler hadn't cared enough to come, though that was probably just as well. Who would want to face up to Charlie after that. As quickly as it came, the surge of emotion burnt itself out, leaving lethargy and numbness in its place. I rolled away from Jake again, retreating back into my mind and its endless questions. Jacob watched my mind leave, while my body remained present. "Jesus Bella, this has got to stop!" Before I could take in another breath my world turned upside down. Literally.
"Sorry Charlie, you're not going to like this but bare with me!" Jacob yelled down the stairs to Charlie while in the same move tearing back the covers and yanking me in to his arms. He carried me rapidly across the hall into the bathroom whispering in to my ear all the while. "I swear to you Bella, you are worth so much more than you think. I am going to kill both those sons of bitches for making you doubt yourself. But right now babe, you stink, and you need to get out of this house." He dumped me unceremoniously on the bathroom floor, shut the door behind us and turned on the water. While he waited for it to warm up, he began stripping off, leaving only his boxers on before starting on me. I was too mortified to resist. He talked quietly to me all the time about how much the others were looking forward to seeing me again, how everyone at school was disgusted with Tyler's behaviour, how no-one blamed me for his being arrested. When he'd removed my outer layers revealing a well worn pair of white cotton panties and a fitted singlet he held me close to him as if fearing I would try to escape and eased us both under the stream of hot water. I don't know how long we stood there before the dam inside me burst one final time. The warmth of the water, the safety of being in someone's arms, someone with no expectations or hidden motives, the quiet litany of words like a prayer rolling from Jake's tongue, "Come back to me Bella," as he stroked my hair. I melted. The tears came again, not silent and deadly this time, but wracking, cleansing sobs. Jake held me close through it all, certain that I would find my way out. "Oh my God Jake, I've been such an idiot! What's wrong with me?"
"You've got to learn to roll with things a bit more babe. Life never works out how we want it to, but you can't let it destroy you. If they can't see you for who you are, then they're not worth it. You have friends who care about you. Lean on us for a bit. Besides, if you don't show up at school tomorrow, you'll have Rosalie to deal with!"
I laughed at that. It sounded foreign to me, as if I hadn't heard it in a long time. How could I have sunk down so deep in just a few days. I had to get a grip on myself. "Thank you Jake," I whispered planting a grateful peck on his lips. "Anytime Bella, now turn around." Gently but firmly, Jake shampooed my hair. Each touch of his fingers massaging the life back in to me. I was tired, but hungry and calm, feeling as if some ordeal had been endured and I had come out the other side. Jake turned off the water and I climbed out of the shower, dripping on to the floor, while contemplating my next move. I was standing there in dripping wet, see through underwear, and there was no way I was getting rid of that in front of Jake, wet or not.
"Umm, a towel Bella... wrap yourself in a towel and then get me one too." Of course, why didn't I think of that. I guess my brain's only half functioning still. I grabbed a towel from the cabinet wrapping it round myself. It was only when I turned back to hand Jake his towel that I noticed the large bulge in his boxer shorts. Immediately my face resumed its normal functions turning crimson.
"Come on Bells, don't go all Alice on me! You're my friend, but I'm still human, it's not every day I get to hold a gorgeous, half naked woman in the shower! Now get out of here. Go put on some clothes and let me do the same."
I threw on some clean clothes and walked cautiously down the stairs to deal with Charlie. I'm sure I could expect embarrassing questions about what had gone on in the shower mixed with even more concerning questions about the state of my mental health. The short distance felt like a million mile hike in my currently weakened state. I arrived after what seemed like an eternity to find a misty eyed Charlie hovering over some soup on the stove. "I think that's the first and only time that I'll be happy to know you're in the shower with a guy under my roof," he muttered gruffly trying to break the ice.
"Charlie, Dad, I'm so sorry, I don't know how I got so bad so quick."
"It doesn't matter now Bella, just glad your back with us," he said pulling me in for a fatherly hug, an uncommon display of emotion for him. "Hungry?"
An hour or so later, when I had begun to feel like my old self again, although exhausted and ready for bed, Jake had decided it was time to leave me to my own devices. I walked him out to his car after making arrangements to meet before school the next day. As he turned to leave, my curiosity finally won out and the words slipped out before I could control them.
"Jake," I whispered, "Why'd you come today?"
"Edward called. He said that he'd been over here and that Charlie had said you were in a bad way. He had some strange notion that it was inappropriate for him to step in, but that someone needed to. I didn't think you'd be so bad Bells, or I'd have come sooner. I thought he was kidding when he said Charlie didn't know what to do and was considering getting you some psychiatric help." He paused here, and I could see the worry in his eyes and I bitterly regretted causing my friends and my dad to feel this way over me. "I couldn't believe that limp lifeless thing on the bed was you. There was no way I was leaving you like that."
"Thanks Jake. I really don't know how I got to be so depressed. I couldn't get out of my head. But why didn't you just leave me there?"
"I don't know for sure. But I do know I got to spend the afternoon in the shower with a crazy, gorgeous, half naked girl. Every teenage boys dream!"
He got into his car, waved goodbye and left. I stood there for a while, giggling quietly as I looked at the starry sky. It felt good to be back in the land of the living.
It was only later that night as I was drifting off to sleep that I wondered what Jake had meant by not going all Alice on him.