Chapter 3
Ana woke up to Kate sitting at her bedside.
"Hey, when did you get here? You should of woken me" Ana said with a smile, happy to see her best friend.
"About twenty minutes ago, I was going to but you looked so peaceful. How are you?".
"I'm okay, I'm sorry for before, I didn't mean to worry anyone".
"Ana, its okay, really. You know that I'm always here if you want to talk about anything right", Kate put her hand on Ana's arm.
"I know Kate, thank you. You too".
The two smiled at each other.
"I brought you some clothes in like you asked".
"Thank you so much. Where are they? I really need to change out of these clothes, I've been in them since yesterday".
Kate handed Ana a bag and left the room for her friend to get changed.
Kate hoped that Ana was okay but she doubted it. Kate knew that Ana always said what she thought people needed to hear rather than the truth.
"You can come in now" Ana called out.
Both Kate and Christian sat by Ana's bedside, they all made some awkward small talk for a little while.
"I'm going to go now Ana, I'll come back later to see you okay" Kate said.
"Okay Kate, thank you for the clothes".
"No problem Ana", she gave her friend a kiss on the cheek and quickly left.
"Ana, why didn't you tell me?" Christian asked. Broaching the subject carefully.
"What?".
"About your, erm, eating disorder".
Ana rolled her eyes. "Like I said, it was none of your business. As far as I was concerned I was over it so there was no need to bring it up".
Neither of them said anything, Christian wasn't sure what to say and Ana didn't want to talk about her anorexia.
"I've asked Dr Flynn to come talk to you".
Ana rolled her eyes, she didn't want to see him but she knew it was no use arguing.
"Don't roll your eyes at me Ana".
"Stow your twitchy palm Grey, I'm seeing the shrink aren't I?".
"Ana, want to help you but I don't know how, tell me what to do" Christian said, he was totally out of his depth here, he had no idea about anything to do with eating disorders.
Ana sighed. "Don't do anything Christian. Just go Christian".
"No, I am not going anywhere Ana, I want to be there for you but I don't know what you need me to do".
"I need you to go"
"Why?"
"You don't have to deal with this. I left you remember".
"I want to deal with everything with you, and you left me because of something I did".
Ana smiled weakly. "You don't have to do this Christian, you are off the hook, your not ending things here I am".
"Ana, why are you doing this? I love you and I want to be with you. Nothing you say is going to make me leave you so please stop trying".
Ana leant her head back on her pillows. She didn't want Christian to leave but there was so much that he didn't know about her and she didn't know if she wanted him to know, there were things that not even Kate knew.
The two of them sat in silence for a long time, neither of them knew what to say next.
"Christian, Ana. How are you both?" Dr Flynn said as he walked into the room.
"Hello Flynn" Christian said shaking his hand and offering the doctor a seat.
Ana gave him a smile and shook his hand.
"Ana, Christian asked me to come down and talk to you. He mentioned your eating disorder, do you want to talk about it?" Dr Flynn asked.
Ana shrugged, she didn't want to send the doctor away but she couldn't talk properly with Christian sitting there listening in.
"Christian, do you mind leaving me and Ana to it please?" Dr Flynn asked but it was clear that it wasn't a question.
Christian got up and left the room without another word.
"Christian phoned me last night in a bit of a panic. He said you haven't been eating and had fainted".
Ana nodded.
"Do you want to talk about why you haven't been eating?".
"I just haven't been hungry. Everyone is making it into something bigger than it is, I am fine but if I haven't been hungry enough then I'm not going to eat".
Dr Flynn sighed. "Is that what you think? It sounds like a bit of a attempt at a cover up to me".
Ana was quiet for a minute. She knew that she had relapsed but she didn't want to go through the therapy and everything she had to go through last time. It had been years since she had been affected by it like this, she had just started college last time.
"I don't know".
"I'm assuming its anorexia? Christian didn't say".
"Yes it is".
"What set it off?"
"I ended things with Christian".
Dr Flynn looked confused momentarily.
"What made you end things?".
Ana went red, she really did not want to tell Dr Flynn that she ended things with Christian because he caned her.
"I did something that I didn't really want to for him and it was too much".
Dr Flynn nodded. Ana wondered if he had any clue what she was on about.
"Is it what you did or the breaking up that caused the relapse?".
"Honestly I really don't know".
"I can't stay much longer Ana but if you do want to talk more you can come by my office any time to see me".
"Oh, well I can't really afford your prices Dr Flynn".
He raised his eyebrows at her. "I think we both know it'll be taken care of" he left his card on the table next to her bed.
Ana nodded and groaned inside. She didn't know whether she wanted to stay with Christian, she loved him but she didn't love the things he did and she didn't know whether she could learn to accept it.
"Anastasia, its time to make your meal selection" a nurse said from the doorway. "May I come in?".
"Yes, come in".
The nurse handed Ana the menu.
There was a chicken salad, sandwhich, chips and sausage or a round of toast for the main, a youghurt, ice cream or fruit for dessert and a glass of juice, tea or coffee for drink. Ana ticked the salad, fruit and juice. The nurse asked if she needed anything and left the room.
Ana didn't know how she was going to eat all of that, she was desperate to get home though.
Christian came back carrying a plastic bag. "I thought you might want something to read", he pulled out a stack of magazines. "I didn't know what you liked to read so I got a few".
"Thank you Christian".
"Ana, I really want to be here for you but I've never had a experience with something like this. Please tell me what to do".
"You don't have to do anything Christian, this is something that effects me, not you. All you have to do is what you were doing before".
"I am never going to do that Ana".
"I don't mean that, I mean everything you did beside that"
"Well that, I can do".
Ana patted the bed next to her. "Come sit".
Christian perched on the bed next to Ana and pulled her close.
Ana looked to the doorway and saw the lunch cart being pulled past and her heart sank, she knew what was coming next.
"Here's your lunch Anastasia" the nurse from earlier said bringing a tray over to her. "I'm sorry but Mr Grey you are going to have to wait in the family room while Anastasia has her food".
"No, I'm waiting with her".
"Mr Grey, I'm sorry but it is the procedure on this ward that meal times are private for patients".
"Christian I will be fine, please go. I will come find you when I have had my food".
Christian walked out without a word for the second time that day. Ana felt bad, she knew he didn't like doing as he was told.
The nurse gave Ana her tray and left her to it and closed the door.
Ana stared at the food on her plate, she hated feeling like this. Her palms were starting to sweat and she felt sick. She took a sip of her juice and cut up her salad into tiny pieces, she got a piece of the lettuce on her fork and raised it to her mouth.
'Just eat it Ana, its one, tiny piece of lettuce' she told herself.
Ana eventually put the lettuce in her mouth and quickly swallowed it.
'That wasn't so bad, finish the salad and you can go home'.
Ana managed to eat half of the salad by the time the nurse came back 45 minutes later.
"Are you okay?".
"Yeah, I just can't finish the rest" Ana said and smiled apologetically at her.
"That's okay sweetie, want me to take it away?".
"Yes please, I'll keep the juice though if that's okay".
"Sure honey".
The nurse left with the tray.
Ana went and found Christian, he was in the family room with a cup of coffee.
"I'm done".
"You are, you ate?"
"Uh, yeah. A little bit of salad".
"That's great baby, come sit".
Ana got her self a coffee from the machine and sat down next to Christian, he put his arm round her waist.
"You don't have to wait here with me Christian, I'm sure you have a million and one things that you need to do".
"Its okay, I want to be here with you".
"Christian, its fine. I was going to give Dr Flynn a call, see if he can come down for a chat anyway".
"Really? Well that's great. In that case I shall see you later, I have to run by the office".
"Okay, see you later" Ana gave Christian a kiss.
"See you soon baby".
Christian walked off the ward and Ana went back to her room. She was glad to have some time to herself.
She lay back in her bed and text Kate and Jose. She wished she were back at home.
Ana went in search of someone to find out if she could take a shower. She hadn't had one for a couple of days and was starting to feel grimy. Having a bit of food in her stomach, even a little made her feel nauseous and it felt like she could feel it all moving about in her stomach.
"Are you okay Anastasia?" a doctor behind her.
"Uh, yeah. I just wanted to take a shower".
"Of course, is there something wrong with the one in the bathroom in your room?".
"Oh, uh, no. I didn't know there was a shower in there".
"You haven't been to the bathroom?".
"Uh no, not yet anyway".
"Okay well do you need some towels or anything?".
"Um, yeah I need a towel".
"Alright, I'll get one and bring it to you in your room" he smiled at her.
Ana thanked him and headed back to her room.
Ana really wasn't feeling well, ever since she had eaten that little bit of salad she had felt like she was going to be sick.
"Here you are Anastasia" the doctor handed the towel to Ana. "I am a little concerned that you haven't been to the bathroom, have you got a stomach ache or constipation or anything?".
Ana thought she was going to die of embarrassment when he asked her that.
"Uhm, no".
"Okay well if you do then let me know".
"Okay".
"Well I will leave you to it Anastasia, have a nice shower".
The doctor left the room and Ana grabbed her bag of clothes and headed to the shower.
As she entered the bathroom she felt more sick than ever. Ana felt like she was acctually going to throw up.
"Well at least that will get rid of the food in my stomach" she whispered to herself. Ana was frozen with that thought, she knew she shouldn't but now she had thought it she couldn't get the idea out of her head.
Ana leaned over the toilet and got down to her knees, put two fingers in her mouth and hoped it worked. She felt relieved when it worked but ashamed at the same time. She never thought she would ever force herself to be sick.
She knew she could never do that again but she was glad that she didn't feel nauseous anymore.