All rights to Veronica Roth….I own nothing!
I lie awake in bed for a long time. I'm on my side staring at her pillow again, crying so hard my head hurts. I just want to touch her skin, feel her warmth again. I'm so cold without her. She's there, looking at me and smiling. I cry out that I love her and I miss her. It's the same old hallucination. Except this time, she touches my face and speaks. " Hush now." She coos, " Can't you hear me?"
I awake with a start. Sitting up, I rub my eyes. My pillow is wet with tears. I get up and head towards the kitchen for water. There's a creak in the other room, and when I turn I see Zeke sitting up on the couch.
" You stayed here all night?" I ask, finding myself embarrassed and hot in the face.
" Yeah", he says yawning, " hope you don't mind! I couldn't bring myself to leave you by yourself last night."
I don't let him see but I smile. " Thanks man." I say. Zeke will always be a true friend.
I pull out a few pieces of bread and start making a bit of food for the two of us. There's a knock at the door and as I walk over, I see a familiar piece of paper slide under it. I scoop it up as Zeke passes me. He flings the door open.
" Don't bother", I tell him, " no one is there. "
He looks around for a moment and then turns and shuts my door with a frustrated noise.
" What is it?" He asks.
I walk back into the kitchen, taking a sip of coffee. I unfold the paper and read it out loud.
Four,
Bureau Headquarters.
Room 35C
Computer in the back corner by the window.
File name : Remnant
She's waiting for you.
- Please hurry
"Fuck." I say, looking at Zeke " That's the third floor. How to we gain access to that? I don't even think Matthew has that clearance."
Another day passes, and I haven't been back to work yet. Not that I care, because I really don't.
I send word for Matthew to meet at me at my place, making it sound casual just to be safe. He made me feel uncertain about privacy when i saw him the other day. It's midday when he knocks on my door.
" Hey!" he says trying to smile, " I brought some beer!"
Without a word Zeke pulls him inside by his shirt.
" Whoa fella!" he exclaims tumbling into the room, " What the fuck was that for?"
" Nothing in particular", Zeke smiles closing the door, " it's just quicker that way. "
Matthew crosses the living room and aims for me. First he's smiling, until he sees my face. My mouth is flat and brow is pushing low.
" What's going on?" He asks me, " What's with the serious look?"
I say nothing, just glance down at the coffee table. I watch as Matthew looks down and sees the paper. Without a word he picks it up and reads it. I'm biting my nails. I haven't done this in a long time. He's done quickly and he looks at each of us.
" Those are the archives", he says, scanning the room.
" Well…" Zeke says, crossing his arms, flicking his gaze to me. I look right back at him, thinking. After a moment I look to Matthew.
"Don't look at me!" Matthew says, mouth agape, " I can't get you in there?"
" No…", I tell him, " But you can get me close. Can't you?"
Matthew is getting nervous. He pulls on his collar a little to release the pressure he's feeling. " Okay sure." He says hesitantly, " I can get you close. But…"
" That's all I need to know then!" I say, sitting myself down in the chair behind me.
" How about when?" Zeke asks, reclaiming his seat as well. Matthew still stands in the center of the room. His hands are out in the air like he's trying to gather the oxygen around him.
" Guys! Come on!" he exclaims, " You aren't REALLY thinking about this are you?"
" Come on?" I yell, " THIS HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH HER, SO IT HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH ME! THAT GIRL IS MY FUCKING LIFE MATTHEW. EVEN IN DEATH SHE DESERVES BETTER THAN ME BUT I'M ALL SHE HAS! I WILL FIND OUT WHAT THESE FUCKERS HAVE AND WHY IT HAS TO DO WITH HER!"
My palms are sweating from the fists I keep creating. I taste vomit again. " AND I'LL SAY THIS ONCE, IF THEY DID ANYTHING…ANYTHING TO DESICRATE HER BODY SO HELP ME, I WILL RUIN THEM. WE BROUGHT THIS PLACE DOWN ONCE. WE WILL DO IT AGAIN!"
I slam my fist as hard as I can into the arm of my chair. There is a CRACK, thankfully it's the inside of the chair, and not my hand. Slowly Matthew sits where he stands. He doesn't so much sit, as fall back into the wall and slide down it until he is seated. He's sweating. Taking his sleeve in his hand, he wipes his forehead and cleans the area around his eyes.
No one speaks for a few minutes. It feels like hours, but watching the clock, it's only five brief minutes.
" What do I have to do?" Matthew stutters.
" Just get me in." I tell him, " I can do the rest myself. Just get me close enough to that area."
" Fine!" He stays, standing up. He is very wary and unsure of himself.
" Tomorrow." I tell him, standing up to see him eye to eye. " Is tomorrow possible?"
" Yeah…", He fumbles, " Yeah tomorrow will work."
" What will he have to do?" Zeke asks. He looks a little worried but he won't question me.
" Just show up. I'll go in and change the clearance level for you. I'll tell them that you need some info for a grant. That'll at least get you up in the general area." Matthew lays out for us. He walks towards my door and turns, " I'm going home now."
" Tomorrow then!" I take his hand in a heavy handshake.
With that, Matthew leaves. He's concerned, but I know he will come through. I send Zeke back home as well. He needs real rest in his own bed.
" Are you sure?" He fights me, " I have no problem staying."
I know he means it but I tell him no. " Really! Go. I'll be in touch tomorrow."
He leaves with a clap on my shoulder. He smiles but his eyes have pain. He knows what I'm going through.
After he is gone I lock up and go and sit in bed. So many things run through my head. The idea that they could do that to her flattens my lungs and I strive for air. I lay down and pray to myself. I pray that when I go into those computers tomorrow, that Matthew is wrong. He has to be wrong.
I close my eyes and push the day away.
Writer's note: As you wish…. :D
see you tomorrow!