Sorry for the long delay between updates. Have started a new job. More money (yay) but less time to write (boo). Here tis. Would love some reviews. Thanks to those who do so regularly.
The week passed quickly and pleasantly, and before we knew it, we were facing our last night with just the three of us. The arrival of Emmett, Rosalie et al was imminent. The days had remained fine and warm, the nights were cooler. Not cold yet, but enough for you to appreciate the warmth of the fire. The seasons had not yet turned against us enough to force us indoors and as had been established early on, our days started together in the kitchen with the breakfast routine and ended with secret revelations around the fire before turning in to our separate beds.
My riding had improved and while no Olympic equestrian, I was now passably competent and permitted to ride on my own for short distances. I must admit that I much preferred doubling with Jake, and though Jasper had offered once or twice, I had so far managed to resist knowing full well where it would lead.
Our habit of revealing secrets around the fire had continued. Started by Jacob on our first night at the ranch, when he had revealed that he knew about 'the barn fiasco' as I had dubbed it in my head and supplemented with the admission that Jasper and Alice weren't all that they seemed. It appeared that Jacob was a consummate study in human behaviour and relationships. Nothing escaped his notice, no matter how small the gesture, and he unwittingly drew very perceptive conclusions about such events that turned out to be very close to the mark.
Snippets of our frank conversations kept running through my head on our last day together as we relaxed at the falls. We had allowed ourselves a day off. The ranch was in good shape thanks to our attentions and we would have more help on hand in the days to come for the bigger tasks. I was sunning myself on 'my' rock replaying the words in my head. As a result of the decreased animosity between Jasper and myself, and in celebration of the newer, braver Bella, Jacob had recommended that we conclude each evening by being completely honest with each other on a subject of his choice. We had agreed, underestimating Jacobs penchant for mischief and his ability for demanding and receiving the absolute truth.
The first night was the 'Status Update' conversation.
Jake: Well, tonight I'd like to know everyone's status. You know, relationship status. Where do we all stand with our significant others? Particularly you Jasper - did you manage to Skype with Alice today?
Jasper: What business is it of yours?
Jake: Now, now. You all agreed to have honest conversations and this is what I picked. Besides Jazzy, I had a little chat with Bells this afternoon and she knows what happened that night at First Beach. We're both worried about you.
Jasper had blushed and looked ashamed.
Bella: C'mon cowboy - out with it. This is a secret just between us. Whatever happens at the fire - stays at the fire!
Jasper continued to glare sullenly at the pair of us. So much for absolute honesty. I decided to get the ball rolling.
Bella: What can I say Jas? I know you've wanted her for, like, ever. I couldn't get over how certain you were that it would happen for you both. I'm really sorry that she freaked out like that. Do you think you can make it work?
His eyes softened a little and some of the tension went out of his jaw. Eventually he responded.
Jasper: Well Jake chose the right words to describe it. It's not what I expected. (He sighs deeply before continuing.) What can I say, I knew she was shy. It goes without saying that someone that shy is a virgin. But she pretty much freaks out if I try to touch her and she sure doesn't want to touch me. We're still trying though. We have feelings for each other, she just isn't ready for more than that. Relationship status ... hmmm, let's go with 'it's complicated."
Jacob: Your turn Bells - what's your status.
Bella: As if you didn't both know very well what my status is. I am free as a bird! Completely unattached. How would you put it in the classifieds? Maybe ... looking for fun, has some baggage?
Both the boys laughed.
Jasper: Quid Pro Quo Guru - what's your status? Have you and Leah made some sort of commitment yet?
Jacob: I'm not really the commitment sort. I've enjoyed the fun and games with Leah, but it turns out she has eyes for another ... And that's okay. We didn't have an emotional attachment to each other we just ... had sex. It's okay to have fun and to walk away when you're done if that's what you both agree on.
Jacob directed a rather pointed gaze in my direction.
Jasper: Wow, two singles and a confused. What a great group we make.
Bella: I'm sorry Jasper. I don't know what Alice's problem is. I'll try to talk to her, maybe she's just scared. Sex is a big deal for us girls, especially the first time.
Jasper: I can live without sex. (Queue the maniacal laughter from Jacob.) I just can't bear it that she can't touch me. I seem to disgust her. I don't know why I stay, but when she kisses me, or looks at me with that pixie face, well, it's enough for now. I'll take any little piece of her I can get.
I must have been out of my mind. I couldn't believe the next words had come out of my mouth. I had clearly manoeuvred tongue without first engaging brain and said the words aloud.
Bella: I know just how you feel.
And suddenly two sets of dark eyes bore through the night, staring at my very soul. My face dropped into my hands as if by not seeing them, I could take back those can of worms words. Having clearly revealed another secret, one that I had never even contemplated myself, I decided it was time to leave. "Well, I think, that's entirely enough revelations for one night. I am off to bed. Alone!" I had stressed the last word. As I left the fireside I could hear Jake exclaiming loudly to Jasper, "Well my friend, it seems you've worked her over in more ways than one. Maybe we should investigate that thought tomorrow night?"
"I think you'd better just leave that one alone Jake," Jasper replied. And then he too retired from that awkward evening.
The second night, well, you'd think we'd have learned from our mistakes the previous evening. But, no. We again let Jake lead us into his trap giving far more information than we had intended. Well, more than I had intended. It was a conversation the boys seemed to enjoy. The cool change in the weather prevailed again that evening and I had tried to use it as an excuse to retire early, fearing that Jake would bring up my admission of feelings toward Jasper and want to explore it further. Nothing doing. When I tried to make an escape, the boys simply kept finding diversions until I was seated comfortably (of body if not of mind) between Jake's legs, my back soaking in the warmth from his chest, my front basking in the heat of the open fire. I was a cosier spot than I cared to admit. I could feel Jake's quiet strength and smell his earthy scent, and yet I felt relaxed. I didn't need to fear that Jake meant more by this than I was prepared to accept. Jake leaned down and whispered in my ear that he wouldn't bring up my admission tonight, so relax. None of us were ready to go there yet.
So then, after being lulled into a false sense of security the second night of secret revelations began. The conversation for the evening should have been titled 'Educating Bella'. It didn't take long for me to realise how woefully inexperienced I really was.
Jacob: Well for our entertainment this evening, I have decided that we will tackle the elephant in the room. Ladies and Gentlemen let's talk about sex.
Jasper sputtered and spat out a mouth full of beer.
Jasper: Jesus man! Warn a guy before you come out with something like that!
I swallowed the large lump in my throat and then washed it down with a healthy mouthful of alcohol. I needed to be a whole heap drunker to have this conversation. My face looked like a strawberry and I wanted to crawl under the nearest rock.
Jacob: Well based on that reaction, I think we all need some 'think and drink' time to prepare ourselves. Jasper you go and fill that cooler with beverages. I'm gonna grab us some blankets. The air has gotten mighty chilly in more ways than one. Bella, you need to knock back a few more drinks for some synthetic courage I'm thinking. If you're not still here when we get back, then we know you're not willing to have this discussion. But remember, we're all friends here and we can keep each other's secrets. We already do.
I don't know why, but I stayed. I knocked back two beers in quick succession taking the edge off my anxiety and to spread a pleasant heat through my body. If I could just relax, I could get through this. Besides, the guys would do all the talking right? What would I have to contribute to the conversation?
Jacob: OK then ladies and gents. It's time to reconvene the second meeting of Saint Jude's lost causes, Wilderness fireside Chapter. Y'all ready for this?
We nodded, remaining silent.
Jacob: Alright Jazzy (OMG if looks could kill, Jacob's heart would have stopped dead in its tracks.) You can be the first cab off the rank tonight. Answer these prompts in order as honestly as you are able. Who was your first time, weirdest place you've ever done it, most memorable orgasm and the experience that got you the most riled up that you never got to finish. Go.
I thought Jasper might shy away from that, but he grinned, had another drink and began.
Jasper: First Time - Tanya Denali, 9th Grade in her basement. Weirdest place hmm, I think the hotel stairwell on the 11th grade ski trip. They had those self locking doors and once we were in there we were stuck in there and ended up sleeping the night on the concrete steps. Not quite the wham, bam, thank you ma'am I had in mind. Most memorable orgasm - god I don't know! The first one with a real live girl kind of blew my mind until she opened her mouth and ruined it. After that they're all pretty damn good.
He paused here and took another swallow of beer. He seemed to debate his next words.
Jacob: Come on Cowboy, you done good so far. Out with the rest.
Jasper let out a mighty whoosh of breath before continuing, staring straight at me.
Jasper: Well you asked for it. The one that got away, the one I couldn't bring myself to follow through on, the one I would have given my left nut to finish particularly since the aforementioned left ball was decidedly blue for several days afterward? No contest. Bella in the barn.
What did he just say.
Jacob: Aaah, welcome to true confessions. Nicely done Jasper. Now Bella, sit yourself back down and be calm. You're listening right now not sharing. Ain't nothing to freak out over.
I was frozen solid. I had physically wanted Jasper that night more than anything else that has existed before or since and he had walked away. And now he says he wanted it too? What am I supposed to do with that?
Jacob: I think that, seeing the little lady here is a bit choked up at present, that I will share my details with you next.
Bella: I am so not ready for this. Why am I involved in this conversation?
Jasper: C'mon Scarlet, it took a lot of guts for me to admit that. We're all having a moment here together. Drink some more and relax. It's really a compliment you know.
Jacob walked over at that point and sat behind me again. Between his warmth and the blanket wrapped around me, I managed to thaw a little. He pulled me closer to his chest and whispered in my ear, "If you're really uncomfortable, you can go. But imagine how hard that was for him to say. Stay. Don't judge. Just relax and roll with it." He was right of course, but more alcohol was needed. I started my third beer. A definite no- no for a light weight like me.
Jasper: C'mon Jakey (Ooh retribution, I like it.) Your turn. Fess up.
Jacob: Ok then. First time - My cousin Sam's girlfriend in the 9th grade. She was a senior, thought I was cute and that she could teach me a thing or two about women. She was correct. Weirdest place - definitely on a pool table after the hall had closed for the night. She had a wicked case of carpet burn the next day. Most memorable orgasm, I need to think about that a bit... I'm with you Jasper, the first one with a real live girl, not your right hand does certainly burn into the memory. But there was this one time that Leah used her mouth on me. She was so into it and I was so hard when she used her tongue too I thought I could just cum forever ...
Bella: Yeah thanks Jake, we've got it. Move on ...
Jacob: Play nice Miss Bella. The devil's in the details you know. So what have I left out ...
Jasper: The million dollar question - who left you aching and incomplete?
Jacob: Same as you Jazz man. It's no contest. Bella in the barn.
Are you fucking kidding me?
I know I choked on my beer at this point, spluttering and spitting it everywhere, and oh, the look on Jasper's face. He was green from the tip of his ears to his chin, like someone had stolen his favourite toy.
Bella: Seriously guys - what's wrong with you both. Jasper, honestly, you're telling me to lighten up and you react like that! I've never done anything in the barn with Jacob! He saw us remember? And even if I had done something - you don't own me, that's my choice to make. Jacob what the hell! How could that get you all steamed up, you just walked in on something and stayed to listen. Are you that much of a pervert that you were turned on by that?
Jasper: (Laughing) You've got no idea do you Bells? What I saw that night , yes saw, not just heard, was so fucking hot, the image is burned in my brain forever. I saw him touching you. I didn't see much skin, but I knew where his mouth was and I knew where his fingers were. I heard every little whispery breath and every moan you made. I could smell how wet you were and fuck me, Bella, the look on your face when he made you cum ... I'll take that to the grave. You've got no idea how appealing you are to men Bella. I've never been harder in my life. I thought that if I moved my dick would snap in two.
I didn't know whether to be mortified or complimented. I knew he'd seen us, but thought it was just a glance. He'd really stayed to see the whole mess. I was angry that I had so many feelings and desires that were never fulfilled by the men in my life. My own experiences were lacking and lifeless and nothing to compare with this, and yet here it came across as if I was some goddess that would have men fawning at her feet.
Bella: I have no idea how attractive I am to men? I have no idea how attractive I am to men! Are you kidding me Jake? This must be some conspiracy that you and Jasper have cooked up between you. If I'm sooo attractive then why have I got nothing to share here? You want my details? Here are my details! A little insight into my sex life or stunning lack thereof. First time - Tyler, a few months ago. No one else was ever interested or hung around long enough. Weirdest place I've ever done it. Try to control your laughter here gents. I've only ever done it in one place. The ratty old sofa in Tyler's basement. No stairwells or pool tables, not ever even in a bed! Most memorable orgasm. What a joke. I have had precisely two orgasms in my long and illustrious career as a sex fiend. One in the barn and one on the back of a fucking horse! The one that got away? The one that makes me want more, to want a release, to want to chase after until I'm blown away ... EVERY ONE! I've never had an orgasm from sex. So deal with all that!
I paused frozen for moment in my anger and frustration, before slowly taking in the looks on Jacob and Jasper's faces. Thank god we agreed to keep each other's secrets. No-one would ever look at me again after that rant. I couldn't face them right now. Couldn't deal with the mixture of pity and incredulity that filled the air. I fled to the main house and didn't come out again that night, leaving the boys to sort out the bombshell I had just unleashed.
I spent a sleepless night due to alcohol and frustration and woke up again this morning on our last day together before the others arrived, wondering if I could face the day.