Thank you followers for waiting patiently for an update. Time escapes me at the moment. I am still plugging away though and the next chapter is already underway. Thanks to Arabella Whitlock for casting her eyes over this for me. Also thanks to those who regularly review. Reviews are like gold and it's nice to know that someone is reading this. Any comment is welcome no matter how small. Read on!

It felt like I had tossed and turned for hours with no relief. I knew I must have slept at some point - how else could I have become conscious of waking up if I had never slept? But the little bit of sleep that had not eluded me, had done nothing to make me feel rested. I felt as if I was preparing for battle, each nerve as tightly wound as a bow string. Each thought and fear was exposed and after last night, I felt those two boys knew (or assumed) entirely too much about parts of my life I would much rather have kept private. I had no -one to blame but myself. I had agreed to take part in the conversation and no-one had forced me into the violent bout of verbal diarrhoea I had suffered that ended the evening's festivities. But how could I face them today, knowing I was such a novice. No virgin, but having learned nothing in my short foray into sexual activity. While I knew the boys were more experienced than me, I had no idea about some of the antics they had gotten up to. And then of course, there was the very disturbing fact that, I had had two orgasms in my entire life. Jasper caused one of them, and Jacob had apparently been present for both. I couldn't quite wrap my head around that. Between the two of them they knew all my dirty secrets. How would I face them? I guess I could go downstairs and pretend it had never happened, or I could stay up here and hide until tomorrow when Emmett and the gang were supposed to arrive. A day in bed sounded appealing...

It wasn't to be. While I lay there contemplating my options for the day, the sound of footsteps grew heavy on the landing outside my room. I groaned and buried my head in the pillows seeking a reprieve from the embarrassment that would surely enter on those footsteps. "I come bearing gifts," said Jake, who indeed had the best of all morning gifts, coffee, in his hands. He knocked gently on the door as he announced himself, but sensibly did not wait for a response before entering.

"Just leave the coffee on the nightstand and be about your business Jake, I don't think I will grace you with my presence today," I said, voice still muffled by the pillow.

"I thought you might be feeling like that," said Jake, who clearly couldn't follow instructions. He had put the coffee on the nightstand on his side of the bed which would necessitate both my coming out from under the pillow and my leaning over his now leisurely form dwarfing my bed if I was to reach the bounty of a morning coffee. As for going about his business, I knew I would have no luck with that.

Jake pried the pillow away from my face and threw it towards the end of the bed. "You're not seriously going to hide out here all day are you? It's the last day to just be the three of us, whatever that is, before the others rock up. Our work is done, the sun is out, the fridge is stocked and unless you're planning on inviting both of us to come and spend the day with you in this bed, you'd better get your shit together."

"Jake I can't ... I don't want to see either of you again ever after last night. I am not leaving this room today, and don't think that's an invitation for the two of you to make yourselves at home in here!"

"Look at me Bells," his tone was gentle, yet commanding. An alpha male if ever one existed. "I know the sex thing hasn't been quite what you wanted it to be, but don't be embarrassed about it. I would never have tried to get you to talk about it last night if I had thought it would make you so uncomfortable. I had no idea things were that bad." His hand crept over towards me and softly brushed my hair off my forehead, his fingers trailing down over my ear sending shivers down my spine before cupping my cheek. I couldn't help but lean in to it, he felt warm and safe. "Look Honey, while I'd love to stay in this bed with you all day, let me say two things. One: Jasper and I have been lucky. Our sex lives have been very healthy and we've gotten what we wanted, for the most part. You haven't yet, but you will. That's nothing to get your panties in a bunch about. We all know stuff about each other and we deal with it every day, just add last night to the list and move on. Neither of us are judging you or thinking less of you. Two: Should you ever decide that you know what you want, or might like some help in seeing what there is to want, either of us would jump at the chance to teach you."

"Well, that's not entirely true is it?" I couldn't help sarcastic Bella from bubbling to the surface.

Jake looked as if he were about to argue with me and then thought better of it. "Well, as long as we're being totally honest, then I guess I can't speak for Jasper. I think he's a bit confused about you and a whole bunch of other thing truth be told. Let's just say he's been willing to experiment with you in the past and see what happens with that."

I had a million witty, self-deprecating comebacks racing their way to my tongue, but in the end, only one thought dominated. "Jake?"

"Yeah Bells?"

"My coffee's getting cold ..."

He laughed, his chest heaving from the effort, those beautiful muscles flexing beneath his skin. "That's my girl." He leapt off the bed and started out of my room, turning at the door to let me know that between the boys the day was planned. He was off to saddle up Samson and Delilah and we were heading over to the falls. I had best get my butt in to gear or they would leave me behind.

I had showered and dressed and was literally pacing the floorboards working up the nerve to just step out of the doorway and face the day, when a second knock interrupted my pondering. This time it was Jasper, and clearly he had something to say as well.

"Morning Scarlet"

"Let me guess Jasper, you're here to give me a pep talk too. I know, I know, my sex life is nothing to be ashamed of, the two of you won't judge me, it's just another secret we all share and the pair of you are available for private tuition if I should so desire. Does that about cover it?"

The tension was broken and Jasper chuckled, a weight lifted from his shoulders. "I see the mighty guru has visited before me. Yeah, that pretty much covers it." He did however, turn serious for a moment, clearly struggling with choosing his next words. "Scarlet, I talked with Jake last night after you ... well, just, after ... I gotta say, I'm really sorry. I didn't know what I'd done to you really. It was just good fun and I thought you understood that and then Alice ... and well, shit! I'm seriously messing this up Bella, but, what I'm really trying to say is that it was never my intention to hurt you and well, is it true? Do you have feelings for me?"

Deep breaths, deep breaths. "Jasper, can we get through today? Can well all just go out and have a great day, and be ourselves and not invite that trouble in today? I'm not ready to talk about it, and I don't think you're ready to hear what I have to say."

Serious Jasper was gone. "You're probably right. It's not the time. Get your butt down stairs cowgirl, it's time to saddle up." Catastrophe averted. For now ...

Feeling somewhat more at ease, I finished preparing for the day and went out to the yard. A day of subtle choices awaited me, only I hadn't worked that out yet. It's only now, looking back that I understand how things turned out the way they did. The foundation for what came after was laid that day, and slowly built through the following years. Circumstances and the enormous changes in the world contributed to what we became, but I can see now that it had really been there all along. When I walked into the yard I was greeted with two men, both mounted bareback on a horse, smiling down at me. Choice number one - who did I ride with that day? At least this was an easy decision to make. I walked over and clambered up next to Jake. We had ridden together a few times over the week we had been here and I was by far more physically at ease with him than with Jasper at this point. Jasper couldn't hide his disappointment, but took it in his stride and we headed out at an easy pace.

It was nice in Jake's arms. I could get used to it here. He never pushed for more, or took more than was offered. And though I thought it could be fun to play the vixen, I didn't enjoy the hurt that was plain on Jasper's face each time I snuggled up to Jake, or chose the option that involved him. By lunch time I was beginning to feel as if I was being torn down the middle, trying always to be fair to each of them and divide my time and affections equally. It was suffocating, stressful and not in the least enjoyable. I had walked away from them, climbing a tree in search of some solitude. With the beautiful view before me, and no chance of company I quickly descended into my thoughts. What right did they have to try and command my attention to one over the other of them? I wasn't out here looking for a relationship, just having a day with friends. With BOTH of my friends. There was no more to it than that. I decided to ease up on myself a little. I would do whatever came naturally. make whatever choice seemed right at the time. I would let myself get a little experience if the opportunity arose, but I would not be choosing today. They would just have to live with it. Swinging down from the branches in my usual clumsy fashion, I landed untidily on my butt and was still trying to either rub some feeling into the numb bits, or rub the hurt out of the stinging bits when I arrived back at the falls and back to the two men competing for my affections.

"Something I can help you with Bells?" enquired Jake, ever the smart alec.

"You know me, just bruised my pride again." Still rubbing, not getting any better.

"Oooh, Come on Miss Scarlet. We'll take turns. Let us share. Nothing wrong with a little butt rubbing between friends."

"Sharing, now there's a completely novel idea. Didn't think you two would consider 'sharing' with the looks you've been giving each other today!" Holy shit, that actually just came out of my mouth didn't it? That was seriously supposed to be just in my head. Time to escape! Blushing from the roots of my hair to the ends of my painted purple toenails I quickly turned from Jake and Jazz, pulling my t-shirt over my head and dropping my shorts where I stood revealing a figure hugging black bikini and dove into the cool concealing water. I swam as far away from them as the water reached, eventually ducking under the stream of water that came down from the rocks above into the secluded alcove behind the water. I could still hear them but at least they couldn't see me dying of shame in here.

"I told you man,' Jake started. "You got to stop looking so wounded every time she comes near me. You haven't got any claim to her just now, lighten up a bit."

"I know, I know. I'm acting like a princess. I didn't realize how much I wanted her until I saw her with you. I know you're both just messing around, but I want to be the one messing around with her. I never really considered that I stood a chance ..."

"I've only got one word for you Jasper ..." Jake's voice was fatherly, caring yet stern and I couldn't help but wonder what he had to say.

"Alice."

There was another splash then and I knew that one of them had decided to come after me, that my time to wallow was done and answers would be expected. I slipped back into the water, holding on to the rocky ledge, but facing away from whoever this invader of solitude turned out to be. Perhaps the answers would be easier if I didn't actually have to look at them. The swimming strokes slowed as they drew near and I was quickly enveloped in human warmth as Jake's feet tangled with mine beneath the water and his arms surrounded me, holding the rocky ledge to keep afloat with one and drawing me closer with the other.

Still sporting his 'Father knows best' tone Jake opened fire. "You Miss, have to learn not to run away every time you open your mouth! Have you not learned by now that it doesn't matter what you say - neither of us cares. You seriously have to stop bailing on us whenever the conversation gets interesting. We can't explore the deepest, darkest recess of our minds, if you aren't there to hold up your end of things."

"I know, I know ... I just keep having these bizarre thoughts and before I have any control over them, they're out of my mouth. I just keep dropping bombshells on you both and I'm not sure I want to see the wreckage." I breathed out heavily. It was always so much easier talking to Jake than I thought it would be. I relaxed against him, enjoying the feeling of his skin against mine, mixed with the sensual swirling of the water. I felt his breath tickling my ear as he began again.

"Don't you get it Bells? If it's control you're after, you have to realise that the power is all yours. We're putty in your hands. We both want you, isn't it obvious? You could have whichever of us you choose."

This time it was more than a phantom breath, his lips connected lightly with the skin behind my ear, making a burning path down my neck before tracing my ear with his tongue. I felt as if I couldn't breathe. Despite the coolness of the water there was a raging inferno between my legs. It felt good, and I wanted to feel good, it had been too long. But my brain had other ideas as it usually does. It sent my thoughts out to do battle again without first consulting reason. "What if I don't want to choose?" I whispered.

"Fuck Bella! I always knew there was something incredibly sexy in there just waiting to get out ..." He turned me to face him, his eyes unreadable. This was the sort of wreckage I didn't want to look at. I started to squirm and move away from him. "No running this time." His voice was low and deadly. "Look at me." It took all the strength I had to turn my face his way and look into those eyes. "I've been trying to make you see for a while, so now I'm gonna spell it out for you. You can have whatever you want. If you don't want to choose, don't. Be in charge Bella, take what you want and stop waiting for it to come to you." I stared into those eyes for what seemed an eternity. I could still feel the warmth of his skin, the lines his tongue had traced down my ear and I wanted him. I thought he would kiss me then, we were both breathing shallowly only inches apart. Just as I closed my eyes and leaned in he pulled away, leaving me undeniably empty and longing.

"If you want it Bella, you got to be the one to take it." And he swam away. Just like that. Leaving me for once not embarrassed or rejected, but aching and determined. I wasn't sure how, or with who, but I was going to have to ease that ache before long.