Here we go - another Chapter hot off the press. Before we start I wanted to say that I have just read Because of a Scar by abbymickey24 and noticed that her Bella was referred to as Scarlet as well. Just wanted to state that no copying was intended. My real life Jasper has called me Scarlet since I was 14 as I too blush easily. If you get a chance, check out her story.
I must have dozed off. We all must have. It had been that kind of relaxing slow afternoon. There was no need to get back to the ranch and do chores, no-one waiting for us back home and no need to rush anywhere. When Jacob had left me wanting behind the falls, he had clearly gone straight back to Jasper to report that I wasn't ready to make a choice. I hope he remembered to fill Jasper in on the fact that he had virtually okayed that, saying I could have whatever I wanted. But what did I want?
I had stayed in hiding for a while, listening to them chat without really hearing all the words. Only when they had gone quiet did I venture out. They had found 'my' rock. The warmth of the sun and the calm nature of our surroundings had lulled them into serenity. For the first time I allowed myself to just look at them both. There were many similarities. They were both tall and lean. I often felt like a child standing between them, yet very much enjoyed the feeling that they could surround me physically with their presence. They were both muscled but in different ways. Jasper had the lean, defined stringiness of a sportsman, while Jacob's muscles had the bulk and definition of someone who worked hard. They were both tanned. Jasper somewhat paler than Jacob, his a natural bronzing from seasonal exposure to the sun, whereas Jake's ruddy colouring spoke of his deep connection to the earth and the time he spent in nature. One fair, one dark and apparently both mine if I was brave enough to act. But was I? And what would I act on?
I skimmed through the water, not ashamed to have been caught staring openly at them. They both moved apart slightly, making room for me in the sun. I took my place between them gratefully, enjoying the warmth that shone down on me drying my skin. I lay there happily and let my mind wander. Perhaps it wasn't as cut and dried as making a choice between them. If I tried to look logically and clearly at the situation, several points came to my attention. Jasper was still with Alice. They didn't know quite where they stood with each other, but having not officially broken up, that meant they were still officially together. I had recognized some time ago that I had feelings for Jasper, but they had been buried with the onset of his relationship with Alice. Now was not the time to dig them out. It wasn't a matter of choosing between Jake and Jasper, Jasper simply wasn't available, no matter what my feelings were.
I don't remember at what point I fell asleep, but I do recall waking to the cool kiss of breeze on my exposed skin. At some point I had subconsciously huddled in toward Jacob seeking warmth, and both the boys had turned inward toward me in a similar fashion. Jasper was spooning me, his arm gently draped over my hip, his breathing still steady and regular in sleep. Jacob was facing me, our legs intertwined, his face only inches from my own. As my eyes cleared and reality settled in I smiled to myself. It may have been mighty uncomfortable sleeping in wet swim gear on a rock, but it was a heavenly way to wake up, sandwiched between my two favourite people in the world. Jake's finger reached over, tracing the outline of my face and tucking strands of my hair behind my ear.
"What are you grinning about Bells?"
"I was just thinking, that although I'm a bit chilly now, this is really a nice way to wake up."
"Well I for one, have definitely woken up in less comfortable places, and without the stunning scenery," he whispered, leaning over and gently brushing his lips to mine.
"I'll keep you warm Scarlet," piped up a possessive Jasper, drawing me further in to his arms and slightly away from Jake. Clearly the rivalry was still alive and well.
"Well as much as I'd love to lie here and have you both squabble over me, I think it's time to head back. It's getting cooler, and if we don't head back we'll be riding horses in the dark."
I prised myself from Jasper's grip, accepting Jake's hand up and began putting on what little clothing I had brought with me, and helped Jasper to round up the rest of our belongings while Jake readied Samson and Delilah for the ride back. When it came time to mount up, I again felt the pressure of two expectant faces gazing at me. I had ridden here with Jake, so it was only fair I ride home with Jasper, right? Besides, it had been a long time since I had been comfortable with him, I missed having his arms around me no matter how platonically and I found that I wasn't quite ready to give up that waking moment with him yet. So it was Delilah's bridle that I grabbed and led her over to a rocky outcropping in order to help me out. Unlike his counterpart, there was no sulky face or petulant attitude from Jake. He simply grinned, clucked at Samson and headed down the path before us.
The ride home was peaceful. It was nice being so close to Jasper again. I leaned back into him resting my back against his strong chest. He turned his face in to nuzzle my neck, whispering in my ear, "I've missed you Scarlet."
"I've been right here all along Jazz. Sometimes you can't see what's right in front of you."
"I'm beginning to understand that," came the reply.
As we rode on, I was reminded of my last ride back from the falls, and the direct result of Jacob's instructions. It was hard to ignore the movement of the warm beast between my thighs and I longed to create some friction there. When Jasper moved his hand down my stomach, I thought he would touch me. In the past he had played my body like a musical instrument made to do his bidding, but his hand stopped shy of the mark and his fingers splayed against the skin of my stomach. I could feel the tension building, feel the internal struggle going on in Jasper's mind, and all I wanted was to be touched. For him to reach down and stroke me, fuelling the fire burning between my legs. Before any resolution could be reached, we drew in sight of the ranch and Jacob's knowing grin. Jasper leapt off the horse and reached up to lift me down, dragging my aching body down his in the process. His mind may have been in doubt, but his body held no such compunction. I could feel how hard he was and knew that he was struggling with the same lust as me. Despite the overwhelming desire to rub myself shamelessly against the bulge in his pants, I stepped back, allowing him to collect himself before Jake could start making his pointed remarks.
"I'm going to head up and shower before I make dinner, are you two okay to look after the horses?"
"I'll take care of it Bella," agreed Jasper. He was probably glad of some alone time to get his hard on under control. "You go and build up the fire Jake and we'll all meet back up at dinner time."
As Jake and I headed back towards the homestead, leaving Jasper to his own devices I felt the weight of Jake's gaze heavy on my shoulders. When I turned to look at him he was again wearing that evil, guru, know it all grin. "What's up Bells? Wasn't it as satisfying riding back with Jasper?" he dripped sarcasm.
"You're such a hound Jake. It's not all about sex. It's okay to just enjoy his company you know!"
"Bella, you could cut the tension between you with a knife, he was more than just a little excited to have you so close to him, and you've got that flushed face that means you're wanting. You wanted him to touch you didn't you?"
"Honestly Jake, I don't know what I want right now, although it probably does involve someone touching something. I'm going to shower and dress and mentally prepare myself for the round of soul baring questions you no doubt have in mind for tonight." I turned and walked away, only to hear Jake laughing maniacally behind me.
"Oh just you wait Bella - I've saved the best til last!"
And so we found ourselves again around the fire, ready to open up to Jake's questions. I had gone easy on the alcohol, not wanting to wake up more sorry than necessary in the morning. There would no doubt be something that happened this evening that I would regret in the cold hard light of day. I didn't need regrets and a headache. I had made a firm resolution that I would toughen up tonight. That I would stoically face up to any questions Jake asked and not be so embarrassed that I would need to flee. I had been shocked at the things he asked last night, mortified at my lack of experience, and yet today had been a really good day. The boys were the same as they had always been, and I had started to believe they meant it when they said that nothing between us would change with the revealing of secrets. I could only begin to imagine what Jake had in store for us tonight.
The night air was cold, but we were prepared this time. We all had blankets and had dressed in warmer clothing. The sunny days were behind us now and the wetter season would soon be upon us. Jacob stood, moving closer to the fire before turning towards us. He looked ponderously in our direction as if gravely weighing his thoughts.
"Well, come on man, out with it. It can't be worse than what you got us to admit to last night!" laughed Jasper.
"Not worse per se ... But perhaps more personal."
"MORE personal!" I agonized. " Last night you had us sharing all our private experiences or lack thereof. What could be more personal than that?"
"Well tonight sweet Bella, I want to know all your darkest desires. This has nothing to do with experience. Tonight I want to know what you would want to do if you were given the opportunity. With no judgement and no refusals, what would you want to do to someone, or have them do to you?" The look in Jacob's eyes was positively evil. Some demon had taken up residence inside him tonight. "I know that this goes without saying, but I'm going to remind you both, that anything you say by the fire, stays by the fire. We three members of the Saint Jude's Lost Causes Society Wilderness Chapter are bound together in secrecy, protecting each other from the judgement of others and never passing judgement ourselves." Who knew he could sound so official?
Regardless of my earlier resolution to participate in tonight's discussion, now that I knew the topic I was hesitant. I was also red from tip to toe. What exactly did they think I would share here?
"As I went first last night, I believe that its only right and fair that someone else should start tonight. Bella, would you like to enlighten us as to your darkest desires?"
And now my complexion turns from pink to white as all the color drains from my face. "Look guys, honestly, I'm not trying to get out of this or anything, but, umm, I need some time to think about this. I will share, but, I just don't know what to say right at this moment." Please guys, have a little patience. I'm just not ready for this ...
"It's okay Scarlet. I think that's a fair call Jake. She's not opting out, just coming to terms with your question. I like the topic you've picked tonight - I'll go first."
"I will allow this," says pious Jake.
"OK. What would I like to do to someone? Short answer everything. And I mean everything. I want to get someone completely relaxed and trusting me and explore every inch of her body. I want to touch and taste her everywhere. And I want to look at everything while I'm doing it. None of this lovey dovey closed eye crap. I want to see every second as some part of me plunges in to some part of her. What would I like her to do to me? Pretty much the same. I want her to do everything. To taste and touch every part of me. For her to be in complete control and just use me to get what she needs."
"And when you say everywhere ...?" Jake queried.
"I mean everywhere. I've got no hang ups about body parts. I want to know every inch of skin and know that I can touch her wherever I want."
"Wow Jasper, that would open up a whole heap of possibilities. Nice one!" Jake's tone was admiring, of both the idea and the honesty.
"Umm so you mean ...er."
"Yes Scarlet, that's exactly what I mean. No judgement remember?" He cut me off quickly. I hadn't meant to be judgemental. My naiveté had run away with my mouth. I had never considered anyone touching me in other than the obvious places. Why would anyone want to? Clearly it was something that had been considered by my male counterparts.
"I wasn't judging Jazz, honest. It's a new idea to me. I hadn't considered anything like that."
"Just remember darlin', when it comes to feeling good, you are only limited by your imagination." I had begun to consider that my imagination as well as my experience was the thing that had been limited.
"Your turn Jake, see if you can turn those wide eyes away from me for a minute."
"I'm kind of liking those wide eyes just now. I wonder if they will go any wider when she hears what I have to say? I'm going to start with what I like being done to me. I enjoy using my mouth on a woman and I really appreciate it when she returns the favour. I find it extremely hot to look down into a girls eyes while she's got her lips wrapped around me. I can understand where you're coming from Jas when you say you like to watch yourself plunging in and out. Biggest turn on ever. And as for what I like to do, well, I've never even admitted this to myself before tonight. I know I keep going back to the barn incident, but it's stuck in my head. I've never seen anything hotter. It bought out something in me that I didn't even know was there. What do I like to do? Well - I guess I like to watch."
Apparently my eyes could open wider - who'd have thought. I was starting to regret the decision not to drink to excess, I could do with some calming effect right now. Toughen up Bella! It took a lot for Jake to admit that, it shouldn't be hard to hear it. Now if I could just get the images out of my head that were playing in there right now. Jasper touching me all over and Jake watching and encouraging. I shook my head to try and clear it.
"Earth to Bells, is there anybody home? Come on back to us honey ..."
Oops, was I stuck in my thoughts that long? "Oh sorry guys, just sort of opted out there for a minute."
"From the look on your face there were some pretty tasty thoughts going on there!" Jasper was highly amused, but Jake was hesitant, waiting for me to pass an opinion. I knew it was time for me to act, to get up and reveal all my secrets as they had. But what on earth could I say?
I slowly rose from my nest of blankets and walked toward the fire, hoping the flames would warm the parts of me that had turned to ice with dread. I stopped briefly before each of the boys and kissed them gently on the cheek.
"Thank you for sharing that with me. It can't have been easy for either of you to say any of that. I know we call them our darkest desires because we think that they will stay hidden. I know it took guts to say those things. All I can say now is that I hope you will take what I have to offer for what it is. I'll be honest, but I don't have much to contribute given my well discussed lack of experience. The more I listen to you two, the more I feel like I'm all but a virgin. So here goes. Let me put it in perspective for you. My exploits to date have been a couple of quick shags on the couch in Tyler's basement. I wasn't allowed to look, or touch or even change position, just lie there on my back and think of something else. And then, anytime you get to close to me Jasper, or now thanks to Jake when I'm riding, I feel this fire down there between my legs and in the pit of my stomach and I don't know what to do with that. So to answer the questions - what do I want to do? Anything. Everything. I don't know. I guess I want to learn. I want to touch a man, I want to feel him get hard and know that it was me that made it happen. I want him to want me. It's not as explicit an explanation as yours was, but it's an honest one."
"You're doing so well sweetheart, take a breath. We're listening to you and loving your words. " Reassurance from Jasper, sweet as always.
"What do you want us to do to you Bella?" Jakes voice was rough with desire and it was only after many days of playing back this conversation in my head that I realised what he had actually said. What do you want us to do - not what do you want to have done to you.
"I ... I want ..." I felt like I would explode. How would I say it?
"You can do this Bells. Just tell us what you want, it can't be all that bad." Both of them were grinning at me, enjoying my awkwardness.
"OK, umm ... Jake, that day on the horse ... It really turned me on feeling you behind me like that. And Jasper, today riding back with your hand on my stomach ... I just wanted more than anything for you to reach down and touch me. I think ... I ...," a pause here and a giant inhalation of breath before continuing, the words rushing out of my mouth for fear of being stopped. "I want to be exposed like that. To be naked, and feel someone behind me, touching me. Fucking me, not some soft romantic notion of sex."
Silence.
I stared at the dirt beneath my feet, wishing it would open up and swallow me whole rather than having to look up and meet those two sets of eyes boring into my soul.
When I finally raised my head and returned to my normal breathing patterns, the two boys were on their feet. They looked at each other, seeming to communicate silently. I feared I had said too much and that I had spoiled our friendship, until Jacob stepped forward. He drew me into his arms and holding me tightly said, "Well done. You managed to say an embarrassing thing and not run away. I'm proud of you. Relax now. I've had enough true confessions for one evening. I'm off to bed. When you come to terms with it all, we'll talk about it. But that's enough for tonight." He kissed my lips gently and wandered off, leaving me alone to face Jasper. His breathing had not returned to normal.
As I turned toward him, wondering what he would say pulled me into a bone crushing embrace. He too kissed me, but without the gentleness that Jake had shown. It was a moment of pure passion. Lips and teeth and tongues battling for dominance. It was how I had always wanted him to be with me. Not scared I would break, but just taking what he wanted. I could feel the bulge in his jeans pushing against me and I rocked my hips against him wanting to feel more.
"Oh Scarlet. I want to do all those things to you. I want to touch you everywhere. I want to make you cum again and again. I'll take you from behind and show you so many other ways to fuck. Please Scarlet, tell me how you feel and I'll do anything you want."
Seriously! I'm still Scarlet? I've bared my innermost desires to him and he still thinks of me as Scarlet. He only calls me that when he's messing with me.
"Ungh... Jasper ... You know I want you too ..."
"Tell me how you feel Scarlet. I need to hear you say it."
I stopped my heated grinding against him then. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. I took his face in my hands, trying to calm him. I looked him straight in the eye before I spoke. "I'm not going to say it Jasper. You know how I feel, but once I say it, it's out there and I can never take it back, and neither you nor I am ready to deal with that now. I can't say it to you, and I know you don't feel that way for me."
"So you're choosing Jake?"
"I'm not choosing anyone! You're not available to be chosen - remember Alice? Maybe you should sort that out before we continue this argument! Right now I want you Jasper, but I'm not going to be with you again like that. You know how I feel and someday you'll be ready to deal with that one way or another. But today is not that day." I kissed his forehead and walked away, leaving him there by the fire, his shoulders sagging. It hurt me to hurt him, but it was for the best.
Sleep did not come easily again. In fact, it did not come at all. 2am found me gazing out the window, watching the electrical storm in the distance and wishing for relief from the humidity in the room and the unresolved longing in my belly.
At 2.30 am, when Jacob entered my room on silent feet, when he pressed his chest to my back and lifted my hair to leave a trail of spidery kisses down my neck, when his hand grazed over my hips to reach down and cup the heat between my legs, I did not turn him away.
"I see you Bella. And I want what I see."
I wanted him too and so I let him take me. And it was sweet and good and better than it had any right to be.
OK I know that one or two of you out there will be hating on me just now as you are not fans of Jacob, but this is my story to tell. Please enjoy it for what it is.
Also, if you think you have been short changed of a juicy lemon - it's all in the next chapter. Stay tuned. xxx