The bad news is this chapter was going to be really long and take forever to write. The good news is I have decided to break it into two bits so you get it earlier. Enjoy!

The morning had dawned overcast and grey. Fitting to match the moods of all the campers. Almost everyone was leaving today. We would not all be together again for three months, until our first planned weekend back from college. Emmett and Rosalie had decided to stay on another night, enjoying the chance to spend some time in our smaller group, and I knew that I would be seeking comfort and advice from Rosalie after the events of the previous evening. Most were contemplating their imminent moves and new lives, Emmett and Rose had something on their minds that they hadn't yet opened up about, Jake was trying to act normally, but I knew he was wondering about Jasper's late night visit. Jasper was not himself; as depressed as I'd ever seen him, and I was more confused than ever. It was going to take some work to sort this complicated mess out.

As the last of the interlopers left the property, a grim sort of quiet fell over us all. Each of us seemed unable to settle to anything, lost in our own problems. I knew that the only way to try and sort out all these complications was to deal separately with each of them and work through it, bearing in mind Rose's advice to always be honest with myself and honest with the boys about what was going on. I knew it would be relatively simple to set at least one mind at rest and so it was Jacob that I sought out first.

He was in the barn, brushing down Samson and changing out the water in the horse trough. He made a fine sight, shirtless and sweaty and all man. The sight of him made my stomach leap and tighten in appreciation and then plummet at the thought of how close I had come to throwing it all away. He had said that I didn't have to choose, but it didn't sit right to not give him a chance when he had been so good to me. I had wanted Jasper for a long time. But not like this. Not because he thought he couldn't have anything better. I had felt surprisingly guilty at the thought of betraying Jacob and unable to sort out the depth of my feelings for them both. These and many more thoughts raced through my confused brain as I watched that beautiful body carry out its work. The rhythmic nature of the brushing had a calming effect and I felt content to watch, to not speak, to never break the peaceful moment. Soon the decision was taken out of my hands.

"Do you want to talk to me Bells?" asked Jake in a quiet voice.

"Can I? I mean, are you still talking to me?" It came out as a whisper. My confidence in always being honest was beginning to wane.

"Always Bells, no matter what - you know that." He put down the brush, patted Samson lightly on the rump and walked over to stand in front of me. He stood self-consciously in front of me with his hands in his pockets and his bare chest glistening in the dim light. If the conversation we were about to have was less daunting I would have launched myself at him then and there. But I didn't think he would want me to do that now.

"So how was last night? I was thinking about coming to you, even though you hadn't asked, but just as I was about to I saw him. I told you he would come for you eventually." Despite the very personal nature of betrayal that Jacob's question bought up, there was no tone of accusation in his voice. Just curiosity. No wonder he had been pretending everything was alright this morning. I had come to tell him what had happened before he had the chance to jump to conclusions, and yet he already knew what I had been trying to avoid. Deciding it was now or never I finally met his eyes. As my own filled with tears I launched into my story being honest as I had promised myself to be.

"Oh God Jake, I'm so sorry! I slept with him."

I had fallen asleep quickly the night before, my last waking thought being to wonder if Jake would come to me this night, even though I hadn't specifically invited him, and he had told me to rest. I can remember surfacing somewhat, being in the relaxed state between sleep and wakefulness when you are semi conscious of your surroundings, but still half dreaming. I had thought I heard footsteps and drew my consciousness upwards towards the front of my brain, straining my ears for more sounds of movement. I was not disappointed. I heard light footfalls on the stairs, I heard the door push open slowly and then ... nothing. This roused my curiosity. If Jake had come to me as I had thought, he would have climbed in to the bed with me- what was going on? I rolled over towards the door and thought I must have still been half asleep. Jasper was standing there. It was not the confident, self assured Jasper that I knew, but a lost pup, wondering what to do next. After looking in his direction for several minutes, with him looking in mine, but never speaking, I decided that it was time to make a move. I didn't know what to say. I didn't really know why he was here, but in the back of my mind I remembered Jake saying that he would come for me eventually. Is that what was happening? Had he come to stake his claim? Did I want him to? I lifted the covers as an invitation, but still didn't speak.

Jasper walked slowly to the bed, kicked off his shoes and climbed in facing me. I reached over him, covering him with the bedding and gently touched his face as he settled into the warmth. We lay like that, face to face for a long time, the seconds stretched by the early quiet of the predawn hours. Eventually the serenity passed into alertness. Jasper drew me towards him, running his hand in circles over my back. In turn I ran my hands under his shirt to trace the plains of his chest, noting the subtle differences between him and Jake. His lips sought mine. A gentle kiss. At first, just a tentative brushing of his lips against mine. But it wasn't enough. It never is. It quickly became heated. Jasper's kisses were more insistent, asking of me what I would give and I responded eagerly. Initially it felt so right. I had wanted him forever, and here he was willingly in my bed, unattached and wanting me. But I could not turn off the devil sitting on my shoulder. That devil kept whispering to me about Jake, how he made me feel when we were together, how understanding he had been of everything going on with Jasper, how he had never asked anything of me that I wasn't willing to give. How he had always been straight up with me about what he wanted. When I stopped feeling and started thinking, I realised that I was grinding against Jasper's obvious erection and that his hands were making their way south into my underwear. It was now or never.

"Jasper?"

"Hmm, what is it Scarlet?" he whispered, moving his mouth to my neck and pushing himself against me.

"Why are you here?"

"I thought that was obvious," he said as he slipped his fingers between my folds, stroking me. I covered his hand with my own and stilled his movements.

"No Jasper, why are you really here?"

He stopped then. He pulled his hands away from mine and cupped my face. "I want you Scarlet." Still Scarlet. Always Scarlet.

"Do you really? Or do you really want Alice, or do you just want something to fill up that big hole in your chest that she left?" When did I get so cruel, or so brave as to say these things to him?

His reaction was not what I had expected. I had thought he would bite back or make a joke of it. Or that he would try to distract me with intimate touches. He did none of these things. He simply imploded. He drew his hands away from me, making fists that he tucked under his arms. His body curled in on itself, making him small and vulnerable. His voice was almost inaudible. "You don't want me either."

"Jasper honey, that's not it! I just need to make sure this isn't still about Alice."

He rolled away from me then, turning his back on me. I thought at first that he would leave and he probably would have, except that he was too bereft of energy and overcome with emotion to move.

"I always thought we'd be together. I loved her Scarlet. But something about me repulses her and I couldn't make it work. Maybe I didn't try hard enough."

"Jasper, you know that's not true. None of us could have seen how this would turn out. You were far more patient than anyone else would have been. She's got some serious hang ups. She needs real help. It's not on you."

"But what's wrong with me that she couldn't love me back? She couldn't even touch me without reacting badly. God am I so horrible? Am I so horrible that no-one can bear to be with me?"

My sub-conscious was screaming at me. Tell him! Tell him you love him and you have for years! Tell him that you want him and no-one else makes you feel like he does. Tell him that no-one else makes your body do those things that he can. Except that was only partially true. I had loved him for years. I had wanted him for as long. But someone else could make me feel those things and I wasn't ready to let that go after all the times Jasper had hurt me.

"Sweet Jasper, you are not horrible. You know I want you too, but have a look at yourself. You don't really want this either. You are just trying to cover up the hurt you're feeling. Let me be there for you. Sort out how you feel. Just relax and give yourself some time."

I drew him towards me, holding him tight in a full body embrace as if the warmth of my skin could ward off all the night's evils. I wrapped my arms around his chest and my legs around his hips and stroked his hair until I felt him begin to relax. I held him for a long time, gently rubbing his shoulders, or running my fingers through his hair. Eventually our breathing evened out and I felt on the verge of falling asleep. I thought he had fallen asleep too, and for a long time when I played back those moments in my mind, I wasn't sure if he had actually spoken or if it had just been my mind playing tricks on me. His quiet vulnerable voice whispered into the darkness, "do you love me Scarlet? Please tell me you love me." But I took the cowards way out and let sleep take me, not knowing how badly he needed to hear those words.

When I finally rose the next morning, he was still sleeping, looking more relaxed than he had the previous evening. I slipped out of bed to make coffee, wondering why Jake had not come to help with breakfast as my stomach again plunged into a bottomless pit as the realisation hit me. He knew. He knew that Jasper had come and probably knew that Jasper was still here. We, that is to say, Jake and I, had spent several hours discovering each other in that bed upstairs. But he had never stayed the night. Never slept or woken in my arms, or me in his. He had trusted me to choose what I wanted and now it would seem to him that I had chosen Jasper. Jasper, who I had loved for years, but who had treated me badly and left me wondering what I wanted. He had come to me without notice only hours after breaking up with Alice and expected me to concede to him. And I almost had. But Jake didn't know that. And I'm not sure he would feel any less betrayed by the fact that we hadn't had sex in light of the very personal and differently intimate time we had shared. He would think I had let him under my skin again. But it seemed more like it was Jake that had gotten under my skin. He had given me a free pass to have whatever and whomever I wanted. And I hadn't used it.

Eventually I managed to rouse Jasper. It was a bit like waking someone with a hangover or calming a frightened animal. I approached him slowly and used a quiet voice and calm words, wondering what emotions the day would bring for him. The coffee helped, but still he left in a ponderous mood, having not mentioned anything that passed between us the night before. As he was about to leave I pulled him close and whispered to him that he would be okay. That time would help him to sort things out and he would feel better and less to blame. If only it had.

When he left I looked over to where our friends were beginning to load up their cars and belongings for their return to civilization. Jake had been helping Ben. He simply stood looking at me, and when I returned his gaze, he shrugged his shoulders and walked away. It was then that I started to glimpse how truly difficult the coming day would be and resolved to be honest at any cost, not knowing what price I had already begun to pay from that decision.

When I had finished spilling the details to Jake about my night with Jasper, I felt strangely empty. It was not a cathartic release, honesty never is. It leaves a bitter taste in the mouth and a stone in the pit of the stomach that can only be relieved at someone else's hand. I waited for Jake to speak, wondering if there was anything left to say, or if he would just go on his not-so-merry way closing this chapter of our friendship. After an eternity, his warm voice broke through the silence.

"You had me worried for a sec there Bells."

Slowly I raised my head from my intense gaze at the floor, only to come eye to eye with Jake's muscular chest as he stepped towards me and pulled me close to him. I let out a breath I didn't know I'd been holding and melded my body to his. He was holding me. It was going to be okay.

"When you said you slept with him, well ...I thought that, you know, you'd, well, slept with him. Not that you had been asleep together."

"Oh Jake! I'm sorry - I never thought. It seemed like so much the wrong thing to do that I never thought about how I was saying it!" Was I really that stupid?

"It doesn't matter Bells. Really it doesn't. I've been saying all along that you could have whatever you want, whichever of us you want. But when I thought you'd been with him, I didn't feel the way I expected."

"How do you mean?"

"Well so far, I honestly meant it when I said you could have him as well as me. I thought I could remain really neutral and have lots of sex with you, and just give you up when he came back. Because I always knew he'd come back. But last night when he went to you and I thought that we were done, it hurt more than I thought. I don't think I'm neutral anymore Bella. "

"I know Jake. I mean, I could have last night, you know, with him... He wanted to and I thought I did too. But I kept thinking about you and it just didn't feel right. I don't think I'm neutral anymore either." There was a long pause where we simply held each other, breathing in each other's scents and enjoying being close to each other without fear of prying eyes and imminent discovery. When the moment had passed, I plucked up the courage to ask him, "Where do we go from here?"

"I don't know. I don't think anything has really changed. You still don't know how you feel and now I don't know either. How about we just keep on doing what we've been doing and keep talking to each other and see where it goes from there."

"Sounds like a plan."

He smiled then and kissed me deeply. A slow burning kiss that promised more to come. As I left him to finish his chores, I felt a slow warmth growing inside me, filling the emptiness my confession had left. Maybe everything would be okay. Maybe I did still have time to sort things out. Honesty had worked for once and Jake and I were still on track. Now I just needed to speak to Rosalie and Jasper.

One down, two to go.