Chapter Three: This Cancels Out the Hurt
This was turning out to be a terrible day. One of those days that left you in a sour mood and everything was horrible no matter how good it actually was. Now it wasn't uncommon to find Lovino in a bitter mood, it generally came as part of his personality and everyone learned to expect it. But today was an exception.
"Out of my way, bastard."
Lovino shoved roughly into an unsuspecting freshman, causing the poor kid to spill her papers and books all over the floor. The Italian didn't even seem to notice.
"Woah! Lovino! Hold up!"
The voice that called out to Lovino was only salt in the wound and Lovino visibly cringed, picking up his pace and shoving past a few more students.
He crossed the finish line of the school doors and stepped out into the warm spring weather, thinking he was safe, he let up a little, surely he wouldn't follow him this far, Antonio was more of a stickler for rules.
As a firm hand landed on his shoulder, stopping him in mid step, he knew that he had let up too soon. Lovino set his foot back down, but refused to turn around. Antonio's hand loosened slightly but remained in place, whether it was for the need of touch or because Antonio couldn't quite yet trust Lovino to not run away, Lovino couldn't quite discern.
"Lovi… Lovino," Antonio said softly, making sure to correct himself. The last thing he wanted to do was to be on Lovino's bad side in this sort of situation. Then again, it wasn't like he didn't have a permanent place already. Actually, Antonio was sure that he was the King and Supreme Ruler of Lovino's bad side, with a castle and everything. Still, that never stopped Antonio from crossing into foreign territory.
"Lovino," he said again, "What's wrong?" You're more pissy than usual. Antonio kept this particular words to himself, but they were clearly implied.
"Nothing's wrong," Lovino snapped, trying to shrug off the hand, it had been there long enough.
Antonio didn't move his hand, but was shocked that after a shrug or two, Lovino gave up the fight. "Is this about Ludwig and Feliciano?" he asked gently, edging his way around the conversation, doing his best to avoid land mines.
Lovino finally turned around, but with the look on his face, Antonio couldn't decide if this was an improvement or not.
"What the hell would it be about those two?!" he shouted. There were tears brimming his eyes, but it was clear he was fighting them.
Antonio's chest tightened. He had only once before seen the boy cry and that was when his grandfather died. Lovino hadn't been as close to the man as his brother, but he still took it rather hard. Antonio had barely known the Vargas brothers back then and they were so young he barely even remembered it. But now, Antonio was at a loss as to what would hurt his Lovino so badly.
"You never really liked Ludwig," stated Antonio. He continued on when Lovino didn't answer and avoided making eye contact. "And now they're dating. It's understandable that you're upset."
Lovino muttered something that was much like. "What would you know, you bastard."
"You should try to be happy for your brother Lovino."
This had Lovino looking at him with a harsh gaze. "I'm not going to pretend I'm happy that he's going out with that potato loving bastard! I'm not going to pretend anything! It's stupid and foolish and he'll only get hurt in the end!"
There was a silence between them as they stared at each other for a long, thick moment and suddenly Antonio understood. He understood that look he had seen earlier on Lovino's face, a look that wasn't anger, but something else, he understood the foul mood, the need to flee, the slight shaking in Lovino's hands. He understood the tears.
Without a word or thought, Antonio pulled Lovino close, pressing the younger boy's face into his shoulder and wrapping an arm around his waist.
You're hurt, aren't you? He wanted to say. You're scared. You're a frightened child, terrified of losing the only thing he believes he's capable of loving. To make it even worse, you're losing him to someone you can't stand. You're reminded that you believe that you will never be loved and that hurts more than you'll admit, more than you expected. You're hurt that he would leave you. You're going to be alone and that scares you. But you don't have to be, Lovino. If only you would accept what I know you're capable of accepting, if only you could see the part of yourself that I see. The only thing keeping you from love is your belief that isn't possible. Even if you won't love me, Lovino, I refuse to let you be alone. All of this ran through Antonio's head but never passed his lips. Instead, he held tight to the scared boy in his arms, grateful for the silence that kept Lovino there. It was better this way, anyways. Enough words had been said and Lovino seemed better with the silence.
A warm spot gathered at Antonio's shoulder and though they were silent, Antonio knew that Lovino was crying. Slight quivers passed through Lovino's body, as Antonio held him close, rubbing absentminded circles on the back of his head. Yes, nothing needed to be said, Lovino already understood, all that was needed was the silence to do the rest.
Sorry this took so long everybody! I hope you enjoyed it all the same! Next chapter should be coming out soon.