The endless ebb and flow of the sea had a calming affect that I needed after the longest run I'd taken in a while. Still breathing hard, I knew I needed to start stretching unless I wanted sore muscles for the next few days. Lord knows I'm going to be sore enough walking all over this stupid island.
While stretching, I started humming along with"Alone Together" as it started. How fitting, I thought as the lyrics began pouring through my headphones. Sitting down on the beach to stretch my legs more, I started singing softly under my breath.
"Cause I don't know where you're going, but do you have room for one more troubled soul. I don't know where I'm going, but I don't think I'm coming home. And I said I'll check in tomorrow if I don't wake up dead. This is the road to ruin, and we're starting at the end."
That moment is when the truth hit me like a ton of bricks. I'm not going back. I won't be checking in tomorrow. This is it. I am stuck….in Neverland.
Whatever calm I had held onto until this point left me entirely. The gravity of the situation was taking over and it was all I could think about. My brain latched onto the thought of being stuck and it was quickly plummeting down a dark path I had no choice but to be on. My eyes lost their focus, tears forming and brimming at the edge of my eyelids. Breathing became harder to control and it sped up. Stop. You can't do this. Not here. There is no one to help you out of it. Just yourself. My pep talk was failing though; I couldn't stop what I was feeling.
Ten minutes of shaking passed before I could do anything at all. It was then that music pierced through my thoughts. I started singing along quietly and still shaky, but it had pulled me out of my panic slightly – I had to hold onto it.
"B-B-B-Be careful making wishes in the dark, dark
Can't be sure when they've hit their mark
And besides in the mean, mean time
I'm just dreaming of tearing you apart."
Tears stopped falling from my eyes at this point. Feeling a little more confident, I started singing louder. I didn't care if anyone might hear me or if I sounded any good or not; it's not as though anyone would care.
"I'm in the de-details with devil
So now the world can never get me on my level
I just gotta get you off the cage
I'm a young lover's rage
Gonna need a spark to ignite.
My songs know what you did in the dark
So light 'em up, up, up
Light 'em up, up, up
Light 'em up, up, up
I'm on fire
So light 'em up, up, up
Light 'em up, up, up
Light 'em up, up, up
I'm on fire."
Taking a couple deep breaths, I stood up again and gazed around the beach. The waters continued to beat around the shore and everything seemed calm. Except, that is, for the eerie feeling I had that someone was watching me.
"Writers keep writing what they write
Somewhere another pretty vein just died
I've got scars from tomorrow and I wish you could see
That you're the antidote to everything except for me, me"
Looking into the trees behind me, I noticed an area that looked darker than the other shady areas. I continued singing as I stared, figuring that whoever was standing there would come out knowing that I had found them.
"A constellation of tears on your lashes
Burn everything you love, then burn the ashes
In the end everything collides
My childhood spat back out the monster that you see."
Ironically, or maybe not, Pan walked out of the trees at the point. Making his way toward me, I held his gaze letting him know that he wasn't going to intimidate me into backing down.
"My songs know what you did in the dark
So light 'em up, up, up
Light 'em up, up, up
Light 'em up, up, up
I'm on fire
So light 'em up, up, up
Light 'em up, up, up
Light 'em up, up, up
I'm on fire."
The rest of the song played out in my headphones while the staring contest continued. This time I refused to be the one to break the silence or look away. I kept my face blank, but there were too many emotions swimming in his eyes for me to decipher any of them.
"Is it true?" he asked suddenly.
"Is what true?" I asked back. Seriously, dude, I'm not a mind reader.
"That your songs know what someone does in the dark?"
"Why? Is there something you want to admit?" I accused. Whether it was a serious question or not, a small laugh escaped my mouth at the absurdity of the thought. "Sorry, sorry," I said seeing that my laughter already was getting me in a negative place. "No. As far as I know, songs have never had the ability to grant knowledge to the listener. The lyrics were just that: words." Explaining modern day concepts was something I would never get used to.
Despite what I thought was a perfectly good explanation, he was still frowning at me with narrowed eyes. The moonlight shined on his face casting stark shadows in contrast with his pale skin. He'd be more handsome if he would give up leering at people all the time, I thought to myself before I truly thought about what I said. Nooope. Nopity nope. We're not going to think about how cute Peter Pan may or may not be because above all he is the worst.
Lost in my own thoughts, I hadn't realized the smirk had returned to Peter's face. "Looking good right now, by the way," he said tauntingly, seemingly done worrying about songs and their lyrics.
I could only imagine how I looked: bangs sticking to my head with sweat, sand clinging to my pants, puffy eyes from crying, and face red from the exhaustion of exercising and worry. "Can't look any worse than boys who live on an island without showers," I shot back. Unfortunately it came out less like an insult and more like a joke. No, there is no becoming friends with him either, I tried to remind myself.
Thankfully the conversation dropped after that. "Come on," he said turning back toward the trees. "Time to head back to camp. You've had enough alone time for today." I had to run to catch up with him after taking one last long look at the sea.