ENTRY 9
NOT YOU

"What have you been doing since camp?" Edward asks when we get a minute alone in the kitchen, the small, end-of-summer party everywhere but in here.

"Not much." I sip my beer. "Babysat the Cope kids a little."

"Brutal," he laughs.

When his phone sounds, he looks at it.

It's my opportunity to look at him.

Our time as counselors at Camp Orkila ended weeks ago, but he's still tan and his hair is still lighter like he was kissed by the sun. But his lips and neck? Kissed by me.

My mind goes to that night.

"You're so fucking pretty," he'd whispered, hovering over me.

Sweet lips.

Salty skin.

It's stupid.

Maybe it was a mistake.

I'm probably only thinking about it because I'm drunk.

But I wasn't drunk that night at the bonfire.

I knew what I was doing.

Maybe that makes it worse.

Edward catches me staring now and puts his phone away.

"What?" he asks.

"Nothing."

"What?"

I force a laugh. "Nothing!"

"So… how's Riley?" he questions, but it feels like an accusation.

"I'm sure you can ask him yourself. He's here."

"Yeah." His voice is harsh; clipped. "I know."

"How's…" I start to ask, but blank on whatever bitch he was into this summer.

"Jessica? Lauren? Rachel?" he offers, like the asshole he is.

I move closer and smack his hard chest, but he just laughs.

"Quite the harem," I quip, jealous, though I have no right.

"Whatever. Nothing happened." His eyes dance with a secret, and he oh-so-quietly adds, "Not like with you."

My cheeks burn, thinking about the night we spent together in his bunk.

His eyes are too focused on my face like he knows I'm remembering the weight of his body on mine, the sounds that escaped my mouth as he pushed into me.

"Do you hate me?" I whisper.

"Never." He glances over his shoulder, then leans closer to whisper, "I wanted to call you."

He pulls back, and I stare up at him. I think of the first summer we met, ten years ago. We were kids attending summer camp. For the last three years, we've gone back as counselors.

"I mean, you could've called…" I say.

A flash of surprise crosses his face. "I didn't think that was an option."

His true words shock me back to reality. "You didn't tell anyone about us, did you?"

So quickly his surprise turns to smugness. "Tell them what, Bella?"

"Edward," I say impatiently.

"What? Do you honestly think Riley would still be with you if he found out we had sex?" he asks, not even lowering his tone. Then: "Break up with him."

"What—for you?"

He suddenly looks vulnerable and I want to kiss him, but I don't. "Yeah?"

"Why?"

"Why not?" I watch his throat when he swallows. "I like you, Swan."

My heart just… yeah.

Squeezes. Bursts. Bleeds out.

"You like a lot of girls," I remind him.

"Yeah, but, Bella…" Soft voice, softer eyes. "They're not you."

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