Friday: 4:30pm
"Quinn you may go in now!" The secretary with large red glasses spoke. I glanced at the sweet old lady behind her desk. Her long gray hair was tied neatly into a bun as she gave me polite smile. Ruby red lipstick was smudged at the edge of her lip. I kind of wanted to wipe it off. It's one of those annoying things you want to fix but can't. The phone rang interrupting our moment. The old woman silently grabbed the phone and got back to work. With an uneasy breath, I stared at the door in front of me.
Etched on the glass was Principal Sullivan. I seriously haven't done anything wrong. Have I? No. I haven't done anything. Then why the hell does the Principal want to see me? Fuck! I don't know! Oh goshh! What if they found out about the whole Rachel incident? Shit do you think so? Oh fuck fuck fuck! FUCK! Do you think Rachel's in there right now? Are they going to suspend me? Damn… if this gets on my permanent record I can kiss Yale goodbye!
The cold metal from the doorknob brought me back to reality. I slowly opened the door and glanced around the room. A sigh of relief flew from my lips. No Rachel. Curiosity flooded my emotions as I awkwardly entered the room. A tall man with short dark and gray hair glanced up at me from his paperwork. A large smile filled his face which immediately brought me comfort.
"Quinn Fabray I presume?" He asked with an easy smile.
I nodded revealing a soft smile. He gestured towards the chair in front of his small desk. I slowly sat down in the chair, clasping my hands together in a tight grip. Mr. Sullivan's soft brown eyes gazed at me for a moment before he began shuffling the papers around his desk.
"Don't worry Ms. Fabray you're not in trouble. In fact this is completely the opposite." Mr. Sullivan spoke.
"What exactly is this about?" I asked tentatively.
A soft chuckle escaped his lips as he paused his movements. He licked his lips before sitting back in his seat while stretching his arms around the back of his head. A few minutes flew by as he cleared his throat and eyed me once again.
"How would you feel about writing a certain speech?" He replied.
I lifted a brow. What the hell is this dude talking about? Speech…. What speech? Maybe it's for some kind of charity or something? Maybe it's for extra credit. I could use the extra credit. Anything will help. Especially if I want Yale. I do want Yale right? Yes. I do
"What kind of speech?" I asked with confusion.
"Every year a student is asked to prepare a speech for the end of the year. And since you have the highest GPA….."
Everything slowly began to click into place. My heart began beating fast. No way… he doesn't mean what I think he means does he? Oh my gosh. Please don't tell me. Oh gosh I'm totally gonna freak out. My entire body lit on fire as I waited for him to continue.
"Congratulations Quinn Fabray. You are the class valedictorian." He pushed out with a large smile.
A large squeal escaped from the back of my throat as I leapt from my seat. Immediately I hopped over to him and threw my arms around the older man. As I pulled away from him he couldn't contain himself any longer and joined in on my laughter. Happy tears streaked down my face. I did it! I actually did it! HOLY SHIT! I FUCKING DID IT!
"Congrats Quinn. We are all very proud of you. You deserve it." Mr. Sullivan nodded.
"T-Thank you sooo much!" I expressed with excitement.
"No, Thank you." He replied with sincerity.
I nodded my head as I made my way to the door. My pulse was doing double time. I suddenly had all this energy and all I wanted to do was celebrate. Three people were waiting by my locker as I bounced down the hall with a skip in my step and a smile that couldn't be ripped off my face. Donnie, Jimmy and Mandy stood by my locker chatting into their own little world.
"Hey guys!" I interrupted.
"Quinn! Where the hell have you been? We've been waiting for you. We were starting to think you ditched us or something." Donnie remarked as I threw open my locker.
"Oh me? Oh I just came back from the principal's office." I replied nonchalantly.
From the corner of my eye I could see all three of them look at each other with surprised looks. A cheesy smile swept across Mandy's face as she leaned in closer to me. "You? In the principal's office? What for?" She asked.
"Nothing serious." I replied.
Mandy looked annoyed as I continued to play it cool. "Okay seriously. What? Tell us, you've got something! We can all see it. Tell us!"
A raspy chuckle escaped from the back of my throat as I eyed my friends. The suspense was killing them and they really wanted to know. I bit my lip and shyly looked into my locker. Sucking in a deep breath, I transferred all the books that were going home with me. Okay here it goes.
"I got Valedictorian."I replied in a shy voice.
"You what?" Mandy asked out loud, causing a few students to eye her oddly.
"I'm the class Valedictorian." I repeated once more.
"Holy fuck!" Donnie stated as his eyes began to widen.
"CONGRATS!"
"OMG- YOU DID? I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU!"
Within seconds arms flew around me and pulled me into a large and tight hug. Small streaks of tears slowly slipped down my face. My friends. They care. They care about me. They really do. The four of us slowly walked down the hall arm in arm. They wouldn't let me go until we got to the student parking lot.
"So were still on for tonight right?" Mandy asked.
"Of course. Cooper's been dying to get his singing on." I replied with a light air of tone.
"Okay, we will see you tonight!" Donnie answered with a big smile.
"Bye!" I waved as I turned in the direction of my car.
A few students were hanging around the parking lot idly chatting away with friends or just hanging out. Some of the students threw a wave in my direction. I guess they found out that I'm the class valedictorian. Word really does get around fast. As I approached my car I could see someone sitting on the hood of my car. My brows furrowed as I tried to figure out who it was but their back was to me.
"Uhhh excuse me?" I spoke with a hesitant tone.
The figure slowly got off the car and faced me. Long dark hair flowed freely from the girls shoulders. Black leather boots, tight dark jeans, and a white shirt came into view. My eyes widened with shock and a little fear. Large brown eyes bore into mine.
"Santana….." flew from my lips.
There she is. What the hell is she doing here? And- why… How did she find me? Oh goodness. She's just staring at me. She hasn't even said a word. Why is she looking at me like that? I can't show weakness. I continued to battle her eye contest until after a few minutes she looked away. There's something wrong. She would never give up like that.
"What are you doing here?" I asked, slowly wrapping my arms around my waist.
Santana continued looking at something from afar. She wouldn't meet my gaze. I waited for her to respond but it looked like she wasn't going to say anything. A small frown made its way onto my face. Something really is wrong. I studied her closely, observing all the details to see what's changed since the last time I saw her. To my surprise she looked pale and sickly. Something I didn't see the first time I saw her. And her eyes, they look… dead. Has she lost weight? There's only one person who knows where I am.
"Rachel told you where I was didn't she." I stated with a heavy sigh.
Santana finally looked at me with a stoic expression. Her eyes look so different, and it was freaking me out. What the hell happened to her?
"I guess she felt it was necessary to tell me unlike you, who I once considered a friend." The other girl stated in a bitter tone.
I casted my gaze towards the ground. Guilt was slowly seeping into me and I didn't know why. I pinched my lips together. I couldn't say anything to that. It's strange to hear her say that. That I was her friend. I never thought she considered me to be anything. I mean we were always practically down each other's throats all the time. We were always fighting with each other.
"So I see you've made some new friends." The other girl stated.
I nodded my head and kept my gaze away from her. For some reason I couldn't look at her. My stomach started churning. "They are really nice." I replied in a small manner.
What the hell is wrong with me?
"Nice…" she commented. "I guess you actually like them."
"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked with an edgy tone.
The other girl shrugged. "I mean you got to choose your friends here right? You got to pick who you wanted in your life. Back in Lima you were stuck with what you got."
"Santana…."
"It must be nice." The Latina intercepted.
"That's not true." I retorted.
Santana eyed me like a hawk. A scowl filled her face as she stepped closer to me. "Yes it is, because if it wasn't true then you wouldn't have ever left. You would've realized that you've had people in your life that cared about you. You had friends that…. Stuck with you! That ALWAYS had your back. Granted we may not have been your ideal picture perfect friends that you've got now but we were something. WE were all you had when you had NOTHING. YOU WOULDN'T HAVE LEFT."
I closed my eyes as the stinging sensation hit them. All the heat from my body quickly rushed to my face. I felt like an idiot. A loser. A complete nobody. Tears slowly slid down my face as an awful pain strummed through my chest. How could I have been so…. so….. stupid? How could I have been so blind?
"I can't believe you… The nerve you've got. You don't even understand…." Santana paused as she angrily kicked at the ground. "This is all bull shit. This whole friendship between us is fucking bull shit. It really is. I have always had your back. And just when I NEEDED you, you left. You fucking left! Without so much a goodbye. And I really thought we were friends."
"I-I'm soo sorry Santana. I.."
"You were just thinking about yourself again as usual. And that's all that this was ever about. But I've got something to say. Despite how things are going around here, no matter how hard you try to fit in, or try to fulfill this happy dream of yours, it will never work. You don't belong here. You never have and never will. The sooner you figure that out, the better it will be."
I opened my eyes and wiped away the tears on my face. Sucking in a long breath, I looked at the other girl for a long time. She didn't say anything more. The pounding in my chest started to slow down as Santana's words replayed in my head. You don't belong here.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you where I was Santana. I'm sorry I didn't realize what I had. I'm an idiot. I'm sorry. But I'm not going to apologize for leaving. It was the best choice for me. And honestly this place is my home now." I replied in a soft tone.
She didn't say a word. In fact she took a step back from me and folded her arms across her chest. Her brown eyes looked sad. And it tugged at my heart strings. I slowly approached her and slid my arms around her stomach and brought her in for a hug. She didn't refuse. Eventually she hugged me back until she finally pulled away and wiped at the tears that fell from her face.
"How's the glee club?" I asked, breaking the silence.
The Latina shrugged. "Last thing I heard was that they won 1st place at Nationals."
My eyes bugged open. "What? Are you serious?" I asked.
She nodded and began to straighten herself up. "Yepp."
"Congrats!" I expressed with a small smile.
Santana shrugged. "I'm not in glee anymore."
Confusion broke out across my face. "What do you mean you're not in glee anymore? You quit? When?" I asked with large eyes.
"Around the same time when Brittany and I broke up." She replied.
My mouth fell open with shock. No way! You've got to be kidding me? Right? There's no way on this earth that those two would ever break up. Like EVER! They were made for each other. Practically like two peas in a pod. What on earth? Suddenly everything seemed to click together. I felt like an even bigger idiot if that were possible. I looked at the other girl with a newfound outlook.
"Do you want to talk about it? I know were not that close anymore…"
"No. I'm not ready for that shit." She answered quickly. "I just don't want to. But you can take me to get some coffee or something. You're paying Q."
A small smile broke out at the mention of my Old nickname. "I'd like that."
Location: Tommy's
Time: 8:27pm
The large crowded restaurant was filled with various smells including booze, food, and really bad body odor. Music reverberated off of the walls as a strong but powerful voice filled the room. On stage was Cooper singing his heart out into the microphone. You could tell he had the audience under his spell. Beads of sweat trickled down his face as he finally ended the song. The entire room clapped and a few even stood. Cooper smiled politely before taking a small bow.
"I had no idea he could sing like that!" Mandy commented with shock.
"I know me neither!" Jimmy replied with a big smile.
"So who's next? Jimmy or Quinn?" Donnie asked.
Both Jimmy and I looked at each other. He looked extremely nervous. Of course he wasn't going to say it, but I could tell. With a cheesy smile I conveyed to him that I would go next. A sigh of relief ran through him as he thanked me. At that moment Cooper returned to our table with the biggest smile on his face.
"Who's next?" He asked with a loud chuckle.
A few minutes later I'm up on stage. By myself. No one by my side. No glee club behind me. No one. It's just me. I'm extremely nervous right now. All eyes are on me. Waiting. I take in a deep breath, and look out across the room. I knew no one out there besides the people I came with. The slow beat of the music started to come on. The lights slowly dimmed. A spotlight was thrown on me. My heart started beating faster. Shaky breath. All my nerves were dancing wildly. I closed my eyes and blocked everyone out. Focus. Focus. Before I could even think about what was happening words flew out of my mouth.
That I would be good
Even if I did nothing
That I would be good
Even if I got the thumbs down
Silence filled the large room except for the slow beat of the music that followed my voice. No one dared to move at all. It's unnerving. I feel like clamping up tightly but I know I can't. I've got to get through this. I've got to conquer this fear. Come on Quinn you can do this!
That I would be good
If I got and stayed sick
That I would be good
Even if I gained 10 pounds
Cooper's bright green eyes were watching me with pride. A rush of heat filled my face. All of my friends were watching me with various expressions. Donnie looked amazed. Mandy's eyes looked as if they were about to pop out of her head. Then there was Jimmy.
That I would be fine
Even if I went bankrupt
That I would be good
If I lost my hair and my youth
[ Lyrics from: a/alanis+morissette/that+i+would+be+good_ ]
That I would be great
If I was no longer queen
That I would be grand
If I was not all knowing
Jimmy's soft brown eyes were gazing at me with this look that I can't describe. It's like….. I'm the only one in the room. A small knot formed in the back of my throat. The boy was sitting on the edge of his seat just staring at me with amazement. I shuddered. It's like he's staring into my soul…..
That I would be loved
Even when I'm not myself
That I would be good
Even when I am overwhelmed
That I would be loved
Even when I was fuming
That I would be good
Even if I was clinging
I had to look away from him. His eyes are just too powerful. I can't deal with that right now. The slow strumming of the acoustic guitar continued to play. Almost done. Almost there.
That I would be good
Even if I lost sanity
That I would be good
Whether with or without you
I finally finished the song moments later. The whole crowd busted out into a loud uproar. An indescribable feeling came over me as people began to stand. My cheeks felt like they were on fire. A shy smile came onto my face as I waved at the crowd. More whistles and cheers greeted me as I carefully got off the stage. I could feel hands patting me on my back and shoulder. As I reached my table Cooper threw his arms around me in a tight hug.
"Good job kiddo! You were amazing!" he sighed.
"This is crazy!" I laughed with bright eyes.
"I told you it runs in the family" Cooper laughed as we both took our seats.
"Girl you totally rocked that shit!" Mandy shouted.
I shook my head as once again the room began to quiet down. Turning my head, I noticed someone else was taking the stage. That's when I noticed Jimmy on stage with a guitar strapped around his shoulders. He calmly licked his lips and ran a hand through his hair. Mandy began laughing at him because he almost dropped the mic.
"Poor guy." Mandy whispered into my ear.
Jimmy finally got a hold of the mic. A heavy breath squeaked through the speakers. I shook my head and watched as the nervous boy smiled down at the crowd. "Now that's going to be a hard performance to top." He started off.
The crowd laughed at the boy's antics. "So my name's Jimmy. And I guess I'll be singing….. now." He finished. Laughter rumbled through the crowd. A piano started off first with a slow beat. After a few seconds the boy closed his eyes and began singing.
She loves her mama's lemonade
And hates the sound that goodbye's make
She prays one day she'll find someone to need her
He can sing? Why didn't he tell me?
He slowly strummed his guitar with ease. The whole room was quiet. No one dared to speak. All eyes were on him, including me. The initial shock and surprise that he could sing quickly passed. It was until his eyes finally landed on me that I actually started listening to the words.
She swears that there's no difference
Between the lies and compliments
It's all the same if everybody leaves her
And every magazine tells her she's not good enough
The pictures that she sees make her cry
At first confusion filled me. Why is he singing this song? ….. The realization quickly came to me. I could feel my jaw fall open. My heart began pounding. Every nerve in my body quickly lit up like a burning flame. My hands locked into a tight grip as I watched him. I felt naked.
She would change everything, everything, just ask her
Caught in the in-between a beautiful disaster
She just needs someone to take her home
He was singing this song for me. Me. Not many people have sung to me. It seemed like he knew everything. But how could he know? He doesn't know me. He doesn't know me at all! How could he know? I mean we hang out every now and then but I've never shared anything personal with anyone except Cooper and my therapist. I felt uncomfortable underneath the power of his voice. I felt like I was being crushed. But then his soft brown eyes found me once again. My breath caught in the back of my throat by what I saw. His eyes.
She's given boys what they want
And tries to act nonchalant
Afraid they'll see that she's lost her direction
[ Lyrics from: lyrics/j/jon_mclaughlin/beautiful_ ]
She never stays the same for long
Assuming that she'll get it wrong
Perfect only in her imperfection
All the thoughts in my head stopped like a halting rollercoaster. Everything around me was changing fast. For the 1st time I was actually seeing him. Really seeing him. He looked like himself. Comfortable. Relaxed. He looked beautiful. I couldn't tear my eyes away from him. Why haven't I seen this side of him before? He's got such an amazing voice. Maybe not like the diva currently back in Lima, but damn could he sing. He was way better than Finn.
She's not a drama queen
She doesn't want to feel this way
Only 17 but tired
She would change everything, for happy ever after
Caught in the in-between a beautiful disaster
She just needs someone to take her home
She's just the way she is but no one's told her that's okay
He's smiling. Smiling like I've never seen. Why haven't I seen that before? My stomach started swirling around with all these emotions. What the hell is happening to me? Oh.. please make it stop. Just stop… Maybe if I stopped looking at him? I tried to look away from him but I couldn't. It was useless.
My heart began to soar at his voice. My eyes were glued to him. The spot light was directed at him as he strummed the guitar with energy. His eyes were staring at me as he sang. Never once leaving mine. That sent chills down my body.
"Earth to Quinn?" A voice whispered into my ear.
My eyes tore away from the boy on stage and towards the leaning girl by my ear. Mandy's blue eyes were on me with a knowing smirk. Her pearly white teeth were revealed as a light chuckle graced her dark pink lips. "Drooling much?" she whispered.
I shot her the meanest look I could gather. That didn't faze her at all. I rolled my eyes and ignored her, returning my gaze back to the stage. I wasn't drooling.
She would change everything, everything, just ask her
Caught in the in-between a beautiful disaster
She just needs someone to take her home
She would change everything, for happy ever after
Caught in the in-bewteen a beautiful disaster
She just needs someone to take her home
She just needs someone to take her home
When the song finished everyone applauded. A few even stood up. Jimmy set the guitar back down on its stand and hopped off the small stage. I glanced down at my drink and took a long sip to ease the knot in the back of my throat. Cooper was watching me with an expression I couldn't read. Everyone at the table was.
"Hey guys." Jimmy laughed as he took his seat by Donnie.
"You did great!" Donnie nodded as he threw his arm around him.
"I had no idea you could sing." Cooper joined in.
"I for one thought you were spectacular. What do you think Quinn?" Mandy asked with a devilish grin.
I eyed her for a few seconds before glancing over at Jimmy. Heat rushed to my cheeks. Thank goodness for the dim lighting. The knot in my throat was tingling. "You were really great." I replied, averting my eyes at anything but him.
"Just great?" Mandy threw out.
At that moment I felt it necessary to physically hurt her. So I did what anyone would've done. I kicked her shin underneath the table. Her body winced at the action. She gave me a scowl before dropping the subject.
"We all did great." Cooper smiled.
Donnie shook his head.
Time: 11:04pm
We walked down the small sidewalk in silence. And by we, I mean Jimmy and I. The rest of the group somehow ended up disappearing throughout the night. I didn't pick up on it until almost everyone was gone except for the two of us. The moonlight was shining bright tonight and the sky looked amazing. Granted you couldn't see the stars very well but it was beautiful.
"You were really amazing up there tonight." I finally spoke after some time.
"You really think so?" He asked with a shy tone.
"Yes, I really do. I had no idea you could sing like that." I answered back.
"It's not something I tell people. I like to keep it to myself." He replied with a soft manner.
"Why? You are really good." I commented.
He shrugs. "It's just not who I am. Don't get me wrong, I love singing and everything but it's just a hobby."
"When did you start singing?" I asked.
"I started when I was about 5 years old. My family was having a bar -b-que late one night. Everyone was drunk and dancing in backyard. My parents had sent me to bed early because I was too young to hang with the adult people. But I didn't want to sleep so I snuck out of my room and went to the backyard where everyone was at. I saw my uncle on top of his 1961 Chevrolet Corvette. Music was blasting from it. And there he was singing at the top of his lungs and dancing to one of the Kumbia songs. When he saw me he immediately ushered me up with him. He told me to sing along with him. So I did. And that's when I figured out I could sing."
I started laughing. "Wow. That's pretty awesome."
"What about you? When did you know you could sing?" he asked with a large smile.
"Well, to be honest I'm not really sure. This singing stuff runs in the family. When I was 7 my parents put me in the church choir. I've never really cared for singing personally. But once I got into high school I ended up joining the glee club and that's when I started loving it."
"Glee huh?" He asked with a wide teasing smile.
I rolled my eyes and gave his shoulder a little shove. Jimmy raised his hands in surrender. A rumble of laughter escaped from my throat. He's got an amazing smile. He really does.
"What else have you neglected to tell me?" Jimmy asked.
I let out a low sigh before giving him a cheesy smile. "I was a cheerleader at my old school."
Jimmy's eyes widened with surprise. Then he busted out into laughter. "You were a cheerleader? No way." He nodded. "But you know what, I can totally see it. You in a nice black cheer suit. Mmmm hmmm"
A round of laughter hit me. He started laughing along with me. "Wow. Thanks…. I guess."
He slows down and looks at me. I stop. Confused as to what he's doing. But he doesn't say anything. He just looks at me with this look I can't place. I have to admit it feels good the way he's looking at me. It feels good to be wanted. "What are you doing?" I ask with a shy voice.
His brown eyes blink rapidly for a few seconds before he shyly looks away with a small smile. He's cute. Kind of adorable. Jimmy looks back at me with a big smile. Then he lifts up his hand for me to take. What is he doing? What should I do? Okay. Stop thinking. I take his hand. He wraps his large fingers around my hand. I stare down at our entwined hands. Shit. Shit. Were holding hands. What do I do? I don't know what the hell I'm doing. Fuck. His hands are really soft. It feels nice. It feels good. We fit well together don't we? Yeah… we kinda do.
When I finally lifted my gaze back to him again the smile from his face fell. He's looking at me with that look again. It's serious whatever it is. My stomach began burning. "Will you go to prom with me?" he asked with a gentle tone. I smiled. No one's ever really asked me to prom. I'd usually have to force someone to go with me.
"Yes. I'd like that." I replied with a shy smile.
A large bright smile lit up his face. Then he did a silly dance in the middle of the sidewalk. I laughed at his cheesy antics. After a few more seconds he grabbed my hand and bent down on one knee. He pressed his lips against the back of my hand. Those big brown eyes looked up at me with adoration. "May I walk you home Ms. Fabray?" he asked with a soft tone.
I'm just all smiles tonight. I slowly nodded my head as I answered with a "Yes you may." Together we walked down the sidewalk into the starry night. Cars rushed past us as he held me tight. He never let go of my hand.
Songs
Jimmy: Jon Mclaughlin- Beautiful Disaster.
Quinn: Alanis Morissette- I would be good