Chapter seventeen: Here comes the sun
"Little darling, it's been a long cold lonely winter
Little darling, it feels like years since it's been here
Here comes the sun
Here comes the sun, and I say
It's alright" -The Beatles
It was before afternoon, when Darcy knocked on her chamber's door with half heart. A heart that he had ruined himself, causing it to bleed, filled with pain and misery. But not only to himself, he had caused such despair, but to her as well. He had been so selfish, so bigheaded that he could not see beyond his own needs and wants. He was a human, and human make mistakes, but people like him should not act in that way. People, who are loved and that love consumes them, do not hurt their soulmate. Because, hurting them, is like hurting themselves as well. Holding on to anger, resentment and hurt only gives you tense muscles, a headache and a sore jaw from clenching your teeth. Forgiveness gives you back the laughter and the lightness in your life and that was what Darcy needed the most.
Elizabeth opened the door and he could see her surprise to find him there, but without saying anything at all he stepped in, looking the floor, ashamed. He coughed one time, trying to get rid of the embarrashment and weirdness. Elizabeth asked him to sit down. Her voice had not that usual high tone, but instead it was cold and indifferent.
"I want to...I need to" he blurred his words "I beg for forgiveness"
"For what?" She asked as though she did not know.
"For not believing you" he paused and looked at her eyes "for hurting you."
"I know you are" she sat down on the bed "But, I am still hurt."
He approached her, kneeled down and took her hands in his "I know and you have every right to be. But, Elizabeth you do not have any idea how much I love you, how I long for your touch and how much your love consumes me. I cannot breathe, every time you are not near me" he paused "I acted foolishly. But, I was not in my senses, you see, it pains me that I cannot make you mine."
"I love you so much" she said "but I cannot do this anymore. I cannot keep hiding, not able to say I love you when I feel the need to." She paused trying not to cry "I am terrible sorry and I would have never made you though this, but I cannot find another way"
"What are you saying Elizabeth? I do not inderstand"
"Me or her."
"Do you want me to decide between you?" he asked and she nodded "You know that I will always pick you."
She smiled "Yes, but are you willing to break your promise and ruin your reputation, just to be with me?" Darcy opened his mouth to speak, but he could not. He quickly stood up and made a few turns around the room, trying to think, but Elizabeth's voice interrupted his thoughts. "Is that so hard to decide?"
"No" he almost yelled and touched her hand "It is not, but I need time."
"Tell me" she demanded.
"I need time to decide, how and what should I do" he said and formed a smile upon his face.
"So you do not know.." She stopped the sentence, for she could not continue. He did not have the courage or the heart to do so.
"I will always love you. But...I made a promise and I will hurt Anne..I do not want to, she does not deserve it"
"Stop it." She yelled "Stop thinking about other's feelings and if you are going to hurt them. Think of what you want and what you need. Imagine your life in ten years from now and how you wish it would be." She paused "What do you see?"
It took him some seconds to answer. "You. I see you"
Elizabeth had not felt such a bliss before in her entire life, the kind of bliss, which leaves you breathless, unable to move or think. The bliss that should be felt at least once in every person's life, the bliss that gives you the guarantee that everything is going to be perfect.
She immediately put her hands around his neck and hugged him tight. "I love you"
"Evn though that I hurt you and I behaved like an coward pig?"
"Yes." She simply said and Darcy touched her faces and brought it closer to his. He gently touched her lips, for he needed that kiss.
"I think we should make a visit to Rosings" he said and she nodded.
"Do you believe that Lady Catherine is going to be very upset?" she asked and Darcy nodded. "I even now remember the way she spoke to him months ago"
"I am going to protect you, do you not believe me?"
"Should I?" She laughed.
"Yes" he replied with his severe voice.
"Ohh.. The master of Pemberley is displeased." she laughed "What should I get you sir, to calm your nerves?"
"You know what I need, madam" he replied indifferently. "The master of Pemberley wants your kiss"
"But, that is impossible. Imagine if someone gets in. You are in my chambers, have you forgotten?"
"Alright, I will leave, but do not be so cruel. Give me at least one kiss" Elizabeth approached him and gave him a quick, peck kiss, but Darcy pushed her from the waist to bring her closer to him "One more" Now, Darcy without resting any longer, he crashed his lips to hers and with all the love he had, kissed her pationately.
"Now go!" she said and pushed him. But, before he tried to open the door, Darcy stopped. It was Elizabeth's voice that made him stop "Do you think our love can take us away together?"
"I think can do anything we want it to"
After dinner, the party was seated on the drawing room and Georgiana as usual kept entertaining them with her music. Richard and Darcy were discussing about financial bussinesses and Elizabeth were gravely silent.
"What are you thinking Miss Bennet?" Colonel asked to get her attention.
"Nothing of importance." She lied "I was thinking my departure."
"Your departure?"
"Yes, indeed. I am leaving in two days"
"That is a pity, indeed. We will miss your company" he admitted and gave her one of his best smiles. But, before she could respond, Darcy interrupted them, with his cough. No, he was not jealous of his cousin and the attention he paid on Elizabeth. He should not he jealous, afterall. He knew she was his. It was not jealousy, he kept reminding himself, it was possessivenes. It was his and only his and she should not be talking to any man, except him. And that was the moment, when he realized how wicked, paranoid, complicated and passionate he could be, because of that woman.
I hope that I have not disappoint you with this chapter, you waited for. But, if I do, please tell me, so I can make it better. Tell me if you have any other ideas of what they should say to each other. Review please and tell me what do you think, maybe I will update the afternoon.