Chapter Nine

My Words To You

Hey Lovi!

Well, I made it here safely, as you can imagine. I couldn't wait to send you this email! I haven't slept yet since I arrived, I wanted to talk to you first. You would probably call me an idiot or a bastard, tell me not to be so foolish and that you could wait, but you see, I really couldn't.

I really do wish you were here with me, Spain is as beautiful as I remember, even if I haven't been here in years. You should see it Lovi! It's pleasant here, still cold, but not as bad as it can get in the US. Do you like the snow Lovi? I don't think I ever asked you that. I love the snow, even if I prefer the warmth of the summer months.

Tomorrow we go to visit the ocean in the Valencia. That's less than a two hour drive, can you believe it? Places are much faster to get to here than they seem in America. I can drive two hours and be in another country here, while driving all day can often times keep you in the same state in America. It's funny to think about, don't you think Lovi? How the world can be so small, yet so vast.

Well I must be going to bed here now, I hope to hear from you seen. I promise to email you every day and tell you about the things I'm doing! I don't want you to miss any of it Lovi! Even if you can't be here with me.

See you soon,

Antonio

Antonio kept his promise and every day, Lovino found a new message in his mail box. They were all basically the same, asking about how Lovino was doing, telling him about his day in the wonders of Spain before going on to explain their plans for tomorrow. Anotonio always said how he wished Lovino could be there with him, but never once wrote the words 'I miss you' or 'I can't wait to see you again.' Lovino pretended he didn't notice, but part of him hurt at the thought, as much as he tried to ignore it. What did it matter anyways? Those words were meaningless. Obviously Antonio missed him, even if he didn't say it. It was only two weeks anyways. That wasn't enough time to miss anyone, especially when you were having as much fun as Antonio seemed to be having.

Still, Lovino longed to have his fingers wrapped around the warmth of a tanned Spanish hand, to have Antonio play his guitar and smile at him with those bright, cheerful green eyes. He longed for it more than he wanted too, and watching his brother with that potato bastard didn't help.

Lovino did his best to reply, but often found that his responses were agonizingly short and often delayed. Even when he couldn't reply every day, Antonio seemed to be ecstatic with every message he received.

The next two weeks passed like a turtle through molasses. Christmas and New Years were passed and while Lovino enjoyed them, his mind often wandered to that certain Spanish boy.

Somehow, Lovino had ended up agreeing to meet Antonio at the airport. There was still two days until he landed, but Lovino found he was nervous, or was it excited? Honestly, he couldn't tell. Airport meetings were strangely romantic weren't they? Lovino doubted there were anything like he saw in the movies where they get off the plane and the lover runs across the terminal to meet them in a loving embrace and heartwarming kiss. Even it was, Lovino didn't think he could stand it being like that. Antonio would love it though.

A knock at his door had Lovino looking up from his thoughts.

"Yeah?" he called.

"There's a letter here for you," Feliciano said, bounding into the room was his usually energy.

"A letter?" he asked.

"Yeah! From Antonio! He must have sent it all the way from Spain!" he said, handing over the white envelope, marked with stamps and Antonio's familiar handwriting.

Lovino blinked, taking the letter slowly and staring down at the name and address imprinted on it. He couldn't believe it, even after all the emails, even after telling him that it wouldn't arrive on time, Antonio had written a letter. How it arrived on time was simply a miracle.

"That bastard," he muttered.

With his hands shaking slightly, he turned it over and worked his finger under the seal. Feliciano watched with anticipation before there was a knock at the door and he dashed off to answer it, an excited cry of Ludwig's name leaving his lips.

Lovino opened the letter before standing to close the door behind his brother. He was grateful for the privacy as he sat back down on his bed and slowly pulled the letter from the envelope.

My Lovino,

Lovino's breath caught unwillingly. Already this letter was much different from any of the emails. There was a careful precision in which Lovino's name had been written, it was neat and light and strangely beautiful in Antonio's handwriting.

I'm writing this letter on the plane ride to Spain, with hopes that I can mail it out as soon as possible. The plane hasn't left yet and already I miss you so much. I miss your bitter attitude that hides how much you care, the loving way you call me 'bastard', the way your eyes light up with your amused by something I say. I miss it all my Lovino and emails were just not going to be enough to express any of it.

I apologize if this is too fast, perhaps I have fallen in love far too easily. That's what everybody seems to say and I'm sure if anyone but you was to read this letter, they would roll their eyes. Well, what am I kidding? You're probably one of those people.

Still, I wanted to say, I love you. I don't think I say it enough, and most of the time I don't think you believe me, but here it is, in writing with my signature at the bottom. I know you haven't said it back, but you don't have to. Love isn't as easy for you Lovino, but that's why you have me, I have enough for the both of us and I'm willing to share, if you would let me.

I fell in love long before you acknowledged my existence, and waiting all that time just to tell you how I felt has been enough to prove to myself that I can wait however long you need me. Fall in love slowly Lovino, for it is a beautiful thing to cherish and hold, and every little step you take is one step closer to waiting arms. Look how far we've made it already!

I apologize that I had to leave, I really wish I could have spent Christmas with you, but there's always next year, right? We have to hope that there's next year because I can't stand the thought that maybe this time next year we'll be further apart instead of closer together as we should be.

I may have fallen in love too fast, but I love you Lovino and it has been worth every second. If I have one piece of advice, it's to fall in love for yourself. Not for me, not for your brother, not for anyone but yourself. While it is shared, Love is a personal thing and if you can't do it for yourself it's not true.

I'm so very happy that you've made it this far, that I can call you my boyfriend and hold your hand, that I can feel you by my side, knowing that you're starting to feel the same. I miss you, Lovino, and I love you.

With you always,

Your Antonio

The ink bled slightly where drops of water had hit the print. Lovino could only assume there were tears and as another hit the page he realized that they were his own. Gasping lightly he reached up and wiped them away. When had he started crying? Well, it was the damn bastard's fault anyways, getting so sentimental with a couple pages of a silly letter.

Before he knew it, Lovino was reading it again, eyes lingering on the words he had longed to hear more than he realized. I miss you. I love you. Lovino. It was strange how he seemed to hear those middle three words every day, but here, on the page, they were completely different. Deep and meaningful, strong and sure. And that name. Antonio had taken to calling him Lovi as of late, as soon as Lovino would allow it, but here, not once was the nickname used. His name seemed to stick out from the page, different from every word surrounding it. It was as if Antonio has paused every time he came to write it, taking careful and loving strokes to write out all six letters.

After a third read through, Lovino forced himself to stop, folding the paper back up and sliding it into envelope with care.

"Stupid bastard," he said as he tucked the letter into the drawer in his nightstand, but still his eyes lingered on Antonio's name and as he slid the drawer shut once more, he was smiling.