Chapter nineteen: Walking on sunshine

"I knew I loved you before I met you

I think I dreamed you into life

I knew I loved you before I met you

I have been waiting all my life" -Savage Garden

One day later, late afternoon, in the library of Pemberley...

Have you ever felt what is like to feel home? The odd feeling when you stop believing for one second that you are all alone in the world, not defined by other people and of course owning your life. That was some of the sentiments the two lovers were feeling when they were seated there on the couch, embraced. They felt like they belonged together, linked in an unexpectable way, like the forces of the nature wanted them together for an eternity. They sat silent, trying to savoir every feeling they had felt at the moment, or ever felt the time they were together, they tried to listen to their own hearts beating in the same pace and just forget everything else, they just focused on each other and nothing more or less.

They had shared their news with Georgiana, that they were finally together and that they will be married soon and of course she could not be even happier. Indeed, Darcy had never seen her happier in his entire life and that meant in hers as well. She was a dreamer and as one, she was overwhelmed by the fact that all she believed in were true, that our deepest hopes, unspoken dreams and our desires can come true, when we fight for them. And Darcy had fought to win Elizabeth, he even could die with weapon at hand. Because, not only confronting Lady Cathrine was a fight, but also all the misfortunes they kept coming. Maybe, they were not all over yet, at least not the matter with Lady Cathrine, who was a stubborn woman and could not tolerate such an embarashment, but all the other affairs, had come to an end. At least, that was in what she believed in and hoped for, that this was their happy ending.

"Have you ever felt like this before?" Elizabeth asked him, breaking the silence between them.

Darcy kissed her hair and tight his embrace, when he finally answered "No, I have not and I dare say I never believed that I was able to understand such feelings, at least not until I met you" he paused. "You understand, I believe, that you have changed my world."

She laughed "Yes, indeed. Do you think that this was the way things should turn out?"

"I know not, but I believe that we make our destiny and build our own future. And I could not have build mine better." He smiled a little. "Maybe, we could not end up together, based on our previous unpleasant past, but I am glad we did."

"I have always believed, and I still believe, that whatever good or bad fortune may come our way we can always give it meaning and transform it into something of value." She paused to look into his eyes "And I am glad that we are together, that our love was cherished."

"Do you have overcome our misunderstandings?"

"Yes, I believe we have. We only need to look the future and wish that it has a safe journey for us."

"I had no illusions about you in my first proposal, you know," he said. "I knew you were headstrong and aggressive. But I loved you. I knew that your aims and ideals were not commonplace. But I loved you. I knew that you were the best choice I had. But I loved you. It's comic when I think how hard I tried to be amused by the things that amused you and how anxious I was to hide from you that I wasn't interested in you, even if you were not. I loved you so much, I didn't care. Most people, as far as I can see, when they're in love with someone and the love isn't returned feel that they have a grievance. They grow angry and bitter. I wasn't like that. I never expected you to love me, I didn't see any reason that you should. I never thought myself very lovable. I was thankful to be allowed to love you and I was enraptured when now and then I thought you were pleased with me or when I noticed in your eyes a gleam of good-humored affection. I tried not to bore you with my love; I knew I couldn't afford to do that and I was always on the lookout for the first sign that you were impatient with my affection. What most bachelors expect as a right, I was prepared to receive as a favor."

"I knew that" she paused "I knew that you were different from every man I had ever met, but I did not know if you were the best, maybe I was too blind to see the truth, or too proud to admit it. But, never, not once in this time, have I ever doubt your virtues, for they were proved to me and keep doing so, in every chance it is given. And I love you for it."

"Have I ever told you how much I love the sound of your voice ringing in my ears?" he paused "I could hear you all day"

She laughed ironically. "You have become such an expert in words, Mr. Darcy"

"I've always was, it was just that I never had the opportunity to express myself" he paused "at least before I started writing you the letters"

"Yes, indeed. It was only then when I realized how much you love me and in a way it helped me find my way to you." she paused "Promise me that we are not going to lose this magic, once we get married. Promise me that you will express your feelings in that beautifully way you did in your letters"

"I promise" he said and kissed her softly. He really had missed the taste of her lips, how his body shivered everytime he touched her and how complete he felt. She was every dream he ever wished life would be in the future, every desire he had of what his life contained.

"Will you love me forever?" She frowned

"Darling, do I have to keep telling you this? When are you going to believe me?"

"It is not that I do not believe you, I just want to hear it again"

"I love you and I will always do" he smiled a little.

"I leaving in the morning"

"Yes, I know. But, I am coming with you, I need to talk with your father."

They kept talking, until they had nothing more to say, but they continued, because he loved the sound of her voice mixing with his. He loved how their voices were tangled together, how their eyes were rolling, when they looked each other. He had missed her body touching his, how perfectly they were fitted together and how united they felt with every breath they took.

"I need to tell you something" she spoke agaiN "I do not want to keep anything secret from you."

"You are scaring me, darling, what is it?"

"Promise me first that you are not going to get angry" he nodded, giving her the permission to continue. "Colonel asked my hand yesterday"

Darcy froze, he got pale. She could clearly see a frown created as he heard her and she could feel his hands getting colder. "My cousin?" That was the only thing she heard him say, the only thing that he could say afterall for he felt the little green monster of envy rising upmto his head, he felt jealousy running through his veins. Yet he was a fool to fancy for a moment that she valued hisattachment more than his. If he love with all the powers of his puny being, he couldn't love as much in eighty years, as Darcy could in a day. And Elizabeth had a heart as deep as Darcy had; the sea could be as readily contained in that horse-trough, as her whole affection be monopolized by him. It was not in him what to be loved in Darcy.

She nodded. "Are you upset?"

Darcy took some really deep breaths. "Have you regret your choice?" His voice was bitter, hurt in a way. He suddenly stood up, leaving Elizabeth alone sitting on the couch, frozen.

"No, of course not" she replied and touched his arm as she stood up. "It is you, who I love"

"Do you?" he asked as though he did not believe her words. He wanted to hear her concerns and alleviate them, he wanted to hold her and kiss her and convince her that he would find a way to make their relationship work, no matter how hard that might be. He wanted to to make her hear his words: that he couldn't imagine a lofe without her,that his feelings for her were real. But most of all, he wanted to reassure himself that she felt the same way about him. She nodded and Darcy immediately put his hands in her waist, pushing her a little closer to him. "Do not leave me"

"I am not" she said confidently and look at him in the eyes, those dark blue eyes, whoch had captured her heart months now. She knew that he was not going to forget it easily, maybe not get over it ever, but she had to try. She knew him, from the moment she said such a thing, his behavior towards his cousin would change and not possitevely. Darcy could be very possessive, once he believed he owned something and especially the things he loved the most.

"I wrote you something, I meant to give it you tomorrow when I was going to leave alone, for I wanted to keep you company, but since you are coming with me, here it is" she said and gave him a piece of paper. Darcy took it in his hands, but immediately he gave it back to her.

"I want you to read it to me" he paused "now". They both sat on the couch again, embraced in the most improper way, but they did not care at all. They did not care about propriety any longer, it was something has had kept them apart for so long, it was a burdain that it had to be overcomed.

Elizabeth looked at him in the eyes for the last time and she started reading "Dearest, I feel certain that I am going mad again. I feel we can't go through another of those terrible times. And I shan't recover this time. I begin to hear voices, and I can't concentrate. So I am doing what seems the best thing to do. You have given me the greatest possible happiness. You have been in every way all that anyone could be. I don't think two people could have been happier 'til this terrible disease came. I can't fight any longer. I know that I am spoiling your life, that without me you could work. And you will I know. You see I can't even write this properly. I can't read. What I want to say is I owe all the happiness of my life to you. You have been entirely patient with me and incredibly good. I want to say that – everybody knows it. If anybody could have saved me it would have been you. Everything has gone from me but the certainty of your goodness. I can't go on spoiling your life any longer. I don't think two people could have been happier than we are going to be." *(by V. Woolf)

"I know what it is to live entirely for and with what I love best on earth. I hold myself supremely blest- blest beyond what language can express; because I am my love'a life as fully as she is mine" he said and smiled a little.

There could have been no two hearts so open, no tastes so similar, no feelings so in unison. Love possesses not nor would it be possessed; For love is sufficient unto love. And think not you can direct the course of love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course. Love has no other desire but to fulfil itself. But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires: To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night. To know the pain of too much tenderness. To be wounded by your own understanding of love; And to bleed willingly and joyfully.

Btw, if you are wondering what happened with Anne you will find in the next chapter, which is going to be the last chapter of part one. So, keep patient and keep reading.

This is my best chapter, because I have done my best to portray their feelings, which are so divine. I almost cried upon reading what I wrote, I am so proud. Btw, the longest chapter I have ever written. I hope that you approve of this chapter, but still I want to tell me your opinion about it. Please, I need your opinion. Did you like it at all? If the reviews keep rising enormously I will update the night, for I do not want to keep you in suspense.