So, justareader07 and I have teamed up on this now. He's pretty damn awesome and I'm so glad he's working with me on it. His words in a nutshell - he gives me the skeleton of the chapter, I bring it to life and make it dance.
Bookdiva, can I thank you enough? I know you hear it a thousand times a day from me, but seriously girl, you are amazing! I know justareader07 thanks you too! :)
Disclaimer - not mine. We all know that by now.
The next few days went by quickly and before they knew it, Sunday afternoon was upon them. They had spent most of their days trying to acclimate back to real life. Deeks told Kensi about different operations they had done, how Nell had done in the field and Callen having an actual love life now. The last one had left Kensi somewhat speechless at first and laughing almost hysterically towards the end. When Deeks had finished the story of how Callen and Joelle had met, he couldn't help but grin at her, too. Not so much because of the story – no matter how comical it may be – but because for the first time in days she was actually smiling, and it made him hope the pain they had both endured was starting to heal.
They had both talked about getting out of the apartment for a little bit, but every time it was time to pull the trigger, one of them came up with an excuse to stay in and order food out. The only sunshine they had seen was for the few minutes they would walk Monty.
As they sat on the couch Sunday afternoon, with hands that always seemed to be intertwined now, Deeks looked over at Kensi.
"Let's go to the beach." He wasn't giving her time to answer before he was standing up, tugging her hand with him until she was standing. She looked at him and saw a spark of excitement in his eyes that hadn't been there since they had been home, and she realized she had missed it.
"Okay." That one, simple answer had them both smiling at each other before Deeks nodded at her.
"Okay." He reluctantly let go of her hand, and much like it did every time he had to let go, he instantly missed the feeling of an invisible anchor holding him down. He shook his head a little, trying to clear his head and walked to the closet to get some toys for Monty.
Twenty minutes later, they were pulling up to the beach. Monty's tail hadn't stopped wagging since he had seen the bag of toys, and the partners laughed at the sight of Monty, running up and down the beach a little like an excited puppy who didn't know what to do at first.
For the next hour, they let Monty frolic on the sea, tossed balls and Frisbees to him and each other, and enjoyed the salty breeze on their faces and the sand between their toes. Monty had collapsed on the sand next to them and was snoring a little as the two sat on a blanket and watched the setting sun.
"I missed this." Deeks had his hand on Monty, petting him as his other hand searched for the missing piece. As soon as he found Kensi's hand, and she squeezed it, they both knew his statement held more meaning than just being at the beach. They had both missed this, being together, doing normal things, but most importantly the feel of the other's skin, the simple act of taking a hand that kept them both grounded, no matter how normal things seemed.
"Me too." Kensi looked over at him as she answered and thanked God again for letting her have another chance at life, at love. She thought back to the words Deeks had said to her regarding getting the closure from Jack, and knew he had been right. No matter how good things could have gotten between them before at some point she would have pushed him away. But now, she was going to hold onto it with both hands. They had talked about just being friends for a while, to adjust to being back and getting through this. But did friends sleep in each other's arms every night, waking up when the other started battling their demons and bringing them back with whispered words and soothing touches? Did friends spend most of the day lounging around on a couch, almost physically unable to not touch the other somehow?
She and Deeks had always had a different kind of partnership/friendship… thing. He was the only person she trusted fully, and that feeling was mutual. Their banter and flirting was, on most days, inappropriate at best, but it was them, and if they weren't fighting or flirting, even the cleaning crew at OSP knew something was wrong.
Kensi was so lost in thought that she missed the looks she had been getting from a couple that sitting near them. The first time she noticed them she saw the woman looking at her and the over at Deeks before leaning over and whispering something to the man. Kensi didn't think too much of it until she looked back over a couple of minutes later and saw them both staring and whispering, looking from Deeks to her and back again. Deeks had noticed it by now too and figured it out before Kensi.
"Hey Princess, don't worry about them, okay?" He squeezed her hand, hoping she wouldn't figure it out but more so that he wouldn't have to explain it to her.
"I don't understand why they keep whispering to each other and looking at us." She turned to him and saw the anger he was trying to suppress. Realization dawned on her and she felt sick.
"Oh my God. They can't… surely they don't think…" The thought that the bruises were ugly shades of blue and green on her face and arms had been forgotten in his apartment. She never realized what she must look like, or the speculation that Deeks, her Deeks, would be the one to give them to her. She felt anger that someone would try and put two and two together and come up with that conclusion, when it was the farthest thing from the truth. Deeks hadn't put the bruises there, he had saved her. But it wasn't exactly something she could advertise, either.
Deeks could see the mirror of emotions cross her face and while it was taking everything he had not to go over there and tell them to mind their own damn business, he knew he needed to be calm. He had a better reign on his emotions right now than Kensi did, and he didn't want her flying off the handle. Instead, he slowly moved behind her and put his arms around her, feeling the stiffness of her back against his chest.
Kensi sent one last glare in the couple's direction before allowing herself to sink into the safety of Deeks's arms around her. Deeks saw the look she had sent the intruding pair and chuckled a little. The smile grew as he felt her relax in his arms, her arms covering his and lacing their fingers together.
"Forget them Kens." He tightened his grip on her, careful of her ribs but needing her quiet strength to push away his past. The memories of the pitying glances he and his mom would get when they went out sporting different colors were brought back full force and he hated that someone would think he could do this to her, when all he wanted to do was protect her.
"I'm sorry Deeks. I didn't even –"
"Stop right there. There is nothing for you to be sorry about. Anyone who thinks that I would lay a hand on you can go to hell. My father was a piece of shit who had no problems putting his fists on me and my mom, and I am not him." He tried to keep the anger out of his voice, but it was getting closer to the surface.
Kensi, sensing this, pulled away from him and turned around, facing him. She put her hands up to his face and used the pads of her thumbs to stroke his jaw.
"No, you are not him. You are good and kind and brave. You flew around the world to save me, Deeks. That's what matters." She put her forehead to his and they both closed their eyes for a minute, savoring the moment. When they pulled back, the storm of emotions was still swirling around them. Instead of letting the storm break, together they stood up, grabbed the blanket they had been sitting on and the bag of toys and linked hands again. Kensi walked them over to the couple and noticed the sympathetic looks on their faces.
"He didn't do this. He saved me from a fate much worse. Save your pity for someone else." And with those parting words, the two walked to his car, Monty happily following.
As soon as Deeks put the car in drive, he looked over at Kensi.
"Not that I don't find it incredibly hot that you were defending my honor, but was that necessary?" He threw a smile at her and she grabbed his hand.
"Yes, it was. I may not be able to say that to everyone who thinks they know our life, but I could say it to them." Deeks nodded a little as he drove them home.
"Well, for whatever it's worth, thank you." Kensi studied his outline and waited a moment, the thought in her head hitting her full force and needing a minute to let it sink in before speaking it.
"Anything for you, Deeks." His head snapped towards her, and they both knew her words went far deeper. So, he did the only thing he could: he squeezed her hand and smiled.
The next morning they woke up wrapped in each other's arms. They had both woken up when the other started moaning or lashing out, bringing the other out of whatever nightmare they were trapped in. It had turned into their thing – as soon as one of them started whimpering or moving around, the other would hold on a little tighter, whispering words to sooth until the nightmare was gone. It was exhausting at best, but they both knew that without each other, sleep would elude them all together.
Deeks heard his phone chirp and he reluctantly rolled over to check it. Seeing a message from Hetty asking them to come into work today he groaned, causing Kensi to wake a little and stretch.
"Hey Princess. We gotta get up. Hetty wants to talk to us this morning." Deeks rolled back over, watching as Kensi processed what he had said before opening her eyes.
"I don't wanna get up." Her voice was sleep filled and she was more than happy to stay right here, wrapped up in Deeks and sleep.
"I know, me either. But it's time." She knew he was right, damn him, but it didn't change the fact that she didn't want to move. She suddenly sat up, looking around.
"I don't have any clothes. I mean, I have clothes, but not here." She looked over at him and he chuckled. She had been wearing his LAPD t-shirts and sweatpants, so the need for real clothes hadn't really been noticed before this. She had worn her one pair of pants and shirt that Deeks had washed for her to the beach last night.
"We can swing by your place on the way and you can get some clothes. It's not a big deal Kens." Well, it was a big deal, because he was worried that she would start pushing him away now that the real world was starting to knock at the door. If she wanted to start sleeping at her apartment instead of his, he wouldn't argue with her, but he knew that his nightmares would take over if she wasn't there, and he was man enough to admit that that scared him. He had already been down this road once, and he now knew he needed her to help keep his demons away.
He watched for a minute, seeing the same inner battle going on and wondering what was going to win out.
"Yeah, okay. Can um… well do you think…" Damn her nerves. She couldn't even get the question out, and Deeks could sense what she was wanting to ask.
"I think I can clear out some space for you, if you want it." They locked eyes, each person seeing the fear of being alone right now shining at them.
"It's just… I don't think I can sleep without you right now." Kensi put her head down, not ashamed of the admission, but a little startled by it. They had come a long way since she had been back, shared a lot of different things since then, but personal feelings for the other wasn't something they really talked about. Gestures they could do, the holding hands, sleeping together, but they hadn't actually talked about anything.
"I don't think I can either." It wasn't much, but it was a start for both of them. Kensi nodded at him, grateful it wasn't just her and watched as her partner got up and headed for the shower as she went to the kitchen and started the coffee.
Kensi had just finished her cup when he walked out, hair damp and wearing his jeans and blue V-neck shirt and she missed his words.
"Ready to go?" She was staring, but she didn't care. Deeks watched her, wanting to throw some quips at her and debated for a minute if that would be a good idea.
"I can take the shirt off you know. I'm sure everyone at work would appreciate a shirtless Marty Deeks. Although Callen might get a little jealous, and you know how much he pouts about things like that." Kensi started laughing, bringing her back to the present and walked up to him, wrapping her arms around his middle. Deeks did the same, putting his cheek against her hair.
"You're not just my partner Deeks." She wanted to tell him just how much he meant to her, but the words were struck in her throat.
"I know Kens. You're my best friend, and I hope I'm yours." She pulled back a little, arms still around each other and looked at him.
"You're so much more than my best friend. You're… everything. I know I suck at communication, and right now neither one of us is in a place to make an actual relationship work. But one of these days we will be. Right?" The thought that they were both too damaged to be able to really move on from this scared her.
"You are my light at the end of the tunnel. The only thing that keeps me tethered to the here and now. So yes, we will make it past this – together – because that's the only option I'm willing to accept. Anything else means we lose each other, and I will move heaven and hell to make sure that doesn't happen." His words washed over her and she laid her head back on his chest.
"Don't let me go, okay?" Deeks hated the way her voice sounded so small and the slight tremble he could feel.
"Never, Kens. I will never let you go." They stood for a moment in the embrace, listening to the others breathing before Deeks pulled back.
"As much as I want to stay here, we need to get going. Wouldn't do for you to show up in the same clothes everyone saw you in last time... again. We'd never hear the end of it." She nodded at him and he grabbed her hand, leading her out the door.
The stop at her house was quick. She showered and dressed, and they were out the door in half an hour. As they pulled up to the mission, Kensi felt her heart rate speed up a little. The last time she was here, she was forced to leave under the dark of night, with no idea where she was going. She had been forced apart from her team, and the reason for it was still unknown.
"Hey. Don't think about that. We are here, together, and that's what matters, okay?" She turned her head at the sound of Deeks's words and saw the recognition in his eyes. He always seemed to know what she was thinking and what to say, and she was grateful for it. She just nodded at him and got out the car, ready to face the day.
They walked in together and their greeting had not been what they were expecting. Everyone stopped what they were doing and turned. Someone started cheering, and by the time they made it to their desks, the entirety of the Office of Special Missions were applauding them. Both were blushing at this point and had migrated even closer to each other.
Nell was the first one to them and she flung her arms around Kensi. Nell had seen her friend at the airport, but this was different. They were back, and it was real. No words were needed as they hugged and Kensi could feel tears pricking her eyes. She blinked them back as Nell let go, turning her attention to Deeks and giving him the same hug she had just giving Kensi. Eric was next, cautiously giving Kensi a hug and telling her he was glad she okay, that she was back. When Eric moved on to shake Deeks's hand, she looked at Sam and Callen, both standing at their desks watching.
"What, no hug?" Deeks was smiling at the other two partners and Sam just shook his head at him but couldn't hide the smile that was on his face.
"Not for you." Sam pushed off the desk and walked over, pulling Kensi to him. "Glad to have you back Kens."
"Good to be back." She smiled at him as he pulled away and looked at Callen, the man she regarded as her brother. He opened his arms and Kensi walked into them.
"Thank you." She whispered it to him, and he exhaled the breath he had been holding.
"Anything for you Kens. Just glad you're back." She nodded against his chest and pulled back.
Hetty stood off to the side as she watched the team's reunion. She waited until the hugs had been given and hands shaken before letting her presence be known.
"Good morning. You are a sight for sore eyes, Ms. Blye." Kensi just nodded at her, not trusting herself to speak for fear of demanding answers right now and she knew it wasn't the time. Deeks walked over next to her and stood close enough their shoulders touched.
Hetty saw the action and the guarded look in both of their eyes. She knew that she owed these two an explanation, but she also knew they had some things to work through before she could travel down that particular road.
"I would like to have a word with you both in my office please." She turned and walked away as the two partners looked at each other before following. Neither had any idea what this was about, and unknowingly linked their pinkies together.
Sam and Callen watched the action and smiled. Both of the senior agents had been worried about how their younger teammates would deal with what had happened, each going through their own personal hell. But it would seem that as long as they had each other, they would be okay.
Kensi and Deeks stood in front of Hetty's desk as she made her tea and waited, both a little nervous about what was going to happen. Hetty took a sip and looked at them, noticing their semi joined hands and smiled inwardly. She had caused them unknown amounts of pain, but they were still here, still together, no matter what else.
"For the time being, I am going to keep you both on desk duty." Kensi had been prepared for that, but apparently Deeks hadn't been. He went to open his mouth to ask why, but Hetty just looked at him.
"You both have issues to work out. Mr. Deeks, it would benefit you both to talk to a professional about the circumstances surrounding not only what happened in Afghanistan, but also what happened with Sidorov." Both partners stiffened at the name of the man who was currently rotting in hell, flashbacks hitting them like a ton of bricks. Hetty waited a moment for the initial wave to ebb before continuing.
"Mr. Getz is here and you will both talk to him before being cleared to go back in the field." Hetty's eyes looked behind them and they turned to see Nate standing there, looking from their hands to their faces with a smile on his face.
"Hey." Despite the reason he was there, Kensi was happy to see him and walked up to him, putting her arms around him and hugged him. Nate was surprised at her actions but quickly recovered, hugging her back.
"Good to see you Kens." She pulled away and went back to her position next to Deeks. "You too Nate." An awkward silence ensued and nobody really knew what to do next.
"I know neither of you are enthusiastic about this, but I'm here to help. So who wants to go first?" He tried to make light of it, but it ran flat. Deeks was looking at the ground, shuffling his feet a little before speaking.
"I will." Deeks looked at Kensi when he answered and saw the surprised look on her face. He may hate talking about his thoughts and feelings like this, again, but he would do whatever was necessary to help himself so he could help her. That's what it came down to, making sure he was there for Kensi, and there wasn't anything in the world he wouldn't do for her.
Kensi recognized his thoughts and tightened her grip on his finger, letting him know that she would do whatever was necessary too.
"Be right back. Try not to get into too much trouble while I'm gone." He smiled at her which she returned and followed Nate as he walked back to his office.
Deeks sat down in the chair opposite of Nate and waited. He was nervous about this and more than ready to get it over with.
"So Deeks. How are you doing?"
"I'm goo-"Deeks stopped, knowing this wasn't true. He wasn't good, and he hadn't been for quite a while. His eyes glazed over a little as he thought back to everything had happened since his torture, the possibility of PTSD (which scared the shit out of him), the night with Kensi and they day after, Kensi getting reassigned, learning of her capture, finding out she was with her ex-fiancé, torturing someone to get information, learning Kensi was alive and not dead, realizing just how close he had come to losing her forever.
Nate watched as Deeks went to another place and waited, knowing he needed a minute. He saw Deeks's eyes focus again and looked at him.
"I've been… angry." Nate nodded slightly in understanding.
"Let's start with what made you angry." Deeks sighed heavily, knowing it was time to tell the story. For the next hour, he poured his heart out. Nate was a little surprised at the depth of emotion Deeks was showing, the way he was openly talking about things without having to be prodded but sat there and listened. When Deeks had run out of steam, Nate leaned forward.
"You know, I really didn't think you would open up that much. I thought it was going to be a lot harder to get you to talk. So I'm curious, what made you finally do it?"
Deeks mirrored Nate, leaning forward and letting his elbows rest on his knees.
"Kensi… I'm just so damn tired. Tired of holding it in, tired of being alone, tired of not getting what I want, and when I finally do, it's taken away from me. Tired of battling this on my own wondering how the hell I'm supposed to help Kensi when I can't help myself. I'm just tired." Deeks ran his hand through his hair, emotionally drained.
"You know that you need her as much as she needs you. Don't let go of her Deeks. You'll both make it through this, but you need each other to do it. 'Alone we can do so little, together we can do so much.'"
Deeks looked at him, recognizing the quote. "Helen Keller." Nate smiled and nodded.
"Not everyone would be able to get past this Deeks. You two… you have each other. And really, that's all you need." Deeks nodded at him, knowing he was right. In just a few days, they had come a long way. They both still had dark moments, when the pain and memories flooded their minds, but the other was always there to bring them back.
"Now I know you are more field ready than Kensi right now, but I'd like to have at least one more session with you alone and one with you and her together if you'd both like before I fully clear you." Deeks started nodding his head.
"Yeah, no, I get it. That's actually less than what I was expecting, so… Whatever you need me to do, I'm game." He felt relief that he had finally gotten everything off his chest and that he was going to be okay, as long as he had Kensi. Getting the reaffirmation that they needed each other to get past this was comforting, finally realizing himself that if Nate had told him that they needed time apart, he would have lost it.
They both stood up, shook hands and headed out the door.
Kensi watched as Deeks followed Nate up the stairs and suddenly felt lost. She wandered over to her desk and sat down, listening the Sam and Callen talk about Callen's new girlfriend.
"So, wait a second, start from the beginning. I missed a lot while I was gone." Her face fell a little as she said this, wondering what else she had missed but shook her head a little to keep herself from thinking too much of it. She had already heard this tale from Deeks, but she knew that their version would be just as amusing.
As Sam and Callen went back and forth on the events of the set up and meet, Kensi could feel a smile forming. Sam was bragging that he was the reason his partner had a love life and she couldn't help it.
"So when you say you, you really mean Michelle, right?" Callen almost choked on his coffee as Sam just crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes at them both.
"You know what, I'm done with both of you." He sat forward and opened his computer, acting like paperwork was the most important thing right now.
"Come on big guy, you know it's true. Even Kensi saw through your story. No reason to pout." Sam glanced up at him, before turning his attention back to the computer.
Callen looked over Kensi and smiled. "You know how sensitive he can get." Kensi laughed as Sam threw a pen at him and a game of hoops was decided on to clear up who pouted more at being bested.
"You wanna come too Kens?" Callen had stood up by now and was standing in front of her desk. She just smiled at him and shook her head.
"No, you boys go have fun. I'm going to go up and talk to Nell and Eric." They nodded and smiled at her before walking towards the gym.
Kensi got up and made her way upstairs. As she walked into OPS, she took in the sights and sounds she had missed. Nell immediately looked up when the doors opened and smiled.
"Hey Kens." Eric turned when he heard Nell and smiled at his friend. It had been too long since she had been up here.
"Hey guys. I was just uh, you know, waiting for Deeks to finish talking with Nate. Thought I would come up here and see what you were up to." She ran her hand along the console, slowly making her way around it. She pictured her and Deeks standing here next to each other as they were briefed on a mission and she missed the normalcy of it. Eric and Nell looked at each other as they watched Kensi walk around the console, her face lost in thought. Nell cleared her throat, and Kensi stopped.
"I'm sorry." Kensi wasn't sure what she was apologizing for, but she felt it needed to be said.
"Nothing to apologize for." Eric walked over to her and put his hand on her shoulder before looking at Nell.
"We've got to go talk to Hetty for a minute. Don't go anywhere, we will be right back." Nell walked over to her friend and put her hand on her arm, smiling at her.
"Sure, okay. I'll just wait here for you." She watched as the Wonder Twins walked out together and she looked around, noticing the tech center was empty. She sat down in Eric's chair and started twirling around. On her third turn, her foot went out a little father and she hit the desk. She put her hand out to steady herself and hit the keyboard, bringing the computer to life.
She looked up at the screen, wondering what she was looking at. She scanned the contents of the folders until she noticed one with Deeks's phone number on it. The date was listed next to it… wait a second. That was the date he had been in Afghanistan.
Curiosity got the better of her and she clicked on the recording that was attached to the file. She heard her partner's voice, but it didn't really sound like him.
"Send me the photo."
Hetty's voice answered him. "There's no need."
"Send me the photo. Hetty, send me the photo." His voice cracked a little, demanding to see the picture.
"It's on its way. Have you gotten any information from the cleric, Mr. Deeks?" Hetty was talking to him but he wasn't listening anymore.
"You know what I'm looking at right now? I'm looking at a picture of my partner with her throat cut. Is that what you do to women? Huh, you cut their throats? You cut off their ears and their noses?"
Kensi could hear Deeks start getting angrier as he talked about a little girl getting shot in the face for wanting to go to school. Tears were pouring down now as she heard Deeks start yelling and what sounded to be a punch and a chair falling over.
"You tell him to give me a name or I swear to God I will shoot him in the chest."
She could hear the two men yelling at each other about translating Deeks's words and she wrapped her arms around herself. She knew she should turn it off, there was no reason she needed to hear it, but she just couldn't.
Suddenly, the yelling stopped and she could hear one man say they needed to leave. And then the sound of water filled her ears, water hitting the bottom of a bucket as it filled up. She heard the man say not to do this, the cleric wasn't going to tell them anything. And she completely broke down when she heard Deeks sniff.
"You want to know the truth? I don't even care if it works."
Sobs racked her body as she listened to the three men talk and when Deeks didn't get the name he was looking for, his next words left her covered in goose bumps.
"Tell him I'll see him in hell."
The sound of water being poured assaulted her as Deeks continued to yell. At this point, she couldn't hear the words over the sounds of her crying but she knew from his confession to Sam and Callen in the plane that he had been trying to get a name.
And then she heard the bucket fall and Deeks telling the cleric he was sorry. She continued to cry, her heart literally aching for the man who had done the unthinkable to find out who had done this to her.
Suddenly, silence filled the room and Eric put his hand on her shoulder. She jumped and screamed a little before realizing it was him.
"Come here, Kens." He pulled her up and hugged her tight, just like Deeks had after he had rescued them all. She couldn't stop the flow of tears and let Eric hold her until she regained her composure.
"I did that Eric. That was my fault." Nell had walked in at that point and saw the scene in front of her. She looked at the screen, immediately recognizing the folder and walked over to them, putting her hand on her back.
"No Kensi. This was not your fault." A few minutes later, Kensi calmed down enough to pull away from Eric.
"If it's not my fault, then whose is it?" The two looked at each other and then back at Kensi, both knowing who was to blame but neither wanting to be the one to tell her. Kensi took their silence as confirmation that it was indeed her and walked out, shoulders slumped, the weight of the guilt almost too much bear.
She glanced down at the bull pen and saw Deeks taking a seat at his desk. She looked over at Nate before she could catch her partners eye and motioned for him to come on up. Nate looked over at Deeks as they both watched Kensi avoid eye contact and walk into Nate's office.
Nate followed Deeks up the stairs and stopped as he watched Deeks walk into OPS. The doors swooshed closed and he waited a moment before walking into his office and closing the door.
Eric and Nell were standing in OPS when Deeks walked in, confusion clouding his face.
"What happened?" He had noticed the tear stains on Kensi's cheeks and the misery on her face.
"She uh, she found the recording." Eric's voice was nervous as he told his friend that Kensi had heard what happened.
"Oh my God." He whispered it more to himself before walking downstairs and sat in his chair, wondering if this was the beginning of the end.
Nate sat down behind his desk and watched as Kensi pulled herself together.
"What happened Kensi?" She looked up at him and steeled her nerves before answering him.
"I heard something I shouldn't have. And I uh, it's my fault Nate." Tears gathered again and Nate got up and walked around to the chair next to hers.
"Listen to me Kensi." He waited for a moment until she looked at him.
"Whatever it is you heard, it is not your fault, okay? Tell me what happened." His voice was gentle but firm, needing her to open up and get it off her chest before it consumed her. And his soft spoken request was all she needed.
For the next hour, Kensi let it out. All her fears about getting to Deeks when he was captured, the guilt from leaving him in the chair and then waiting so long to go to him, the night so many months ago that had changed the course of their partnership and they day after. Her feelings on getting reassigned, finding Jack again after all these years and the torture they had both endured. She told him about her talk with Jack and how she didn't understand how he could move on so quickly when she couldn't.
But nothing compared to the anguish she carried at what Deeks had gone through for her. Tears started gathering again when she whispered her confession to Nate that the thought of Deeks was what got her through the worst thing she had ever had to go through. And the knowledge that he had tortured a man had already caused her to lose sleep at night, but it was nothing compared to actually hearing it. The way his voice had broke, the pain she could hear in his words and then how he'd just become indifferent when he said he didn't care if it worked or not.
Nate didn't stop her, letting her finish uninterrupted.
"Kensi, look at me." She turned her head to him, her hands wringing together in her lap.
"Deeks has a lot of things to work through, too, but this guilt you're carrying, it's not necessary. He doesn't blame you, and you need to stop blaming yourself. You will never get over this if you don't let go of this blame. And Deeks… he needs you Kensi. He needs you as much as you need him."
He waited a few minutes before she finally nodded at him.
"Let me ask you something. What is it that makes your partnership unique?" She tilted her head at him before Deeks's voice flittered through her head.
"It's a love story." Nate smiled at her and nodded his head.
"Are you willing to let your love story end here, when there's so many more chapters ahead of you that have yet to be written? Because this is the time that's going to determine how long this particular story lasts. And I would be lying if I said I thought it would end here."
"How um…" her voice trailed off and Nate saw the question in her eyes.
"Together. You do it together Kens." She nodded her head at him and stood up, hugging him again.
"Thank you Nate."
"Anytime Kens." He pulled away and looked at his friend, seeing the obvious change in her from an hour ago. She looked lighter now and he hoped that she would be able to let go of everything she was carrying around.
Kensi walked out of Nate's office and looked around. She immediately saw Deeks sitting at his desk, head down. What the hell? She briefly wondered if his talk with Nate had left him like that until she turned to see where the others were and saw Eric's face. The apologetic look he sent her told her everything she needed to know. Deeks knew that she had heard the recording now, and his depressed state told her where her partner's mind was.
She walked up to Deeks, kneeling beside him. It took him a minute to bring his eyes to hers, worried about what he would see there. He didn't need a reminder of that day, it was something he knew would be forever etched in his mind. But he didn't want to see what her eyes held, fearing the worst.
Once the connection was made, he saw not disgust and loathing, but awe and respect, and he didn't understand it. How could she not look at him with repulsion right now? She'd heard what he'd done. He started to open his mouth to ask, but she just shook her head.
"Later." He instantly closed his mouth and tilted his head at her. Kensi felt like he was looking into her soul at that moment, the intensity of his stare almost scaring her, but she wasn't going to back down from it. He had done what he had to do to get her back. He found himself before it was too late. And she was going to make damn sure that he knew that, because she could see the self-hatred every time she looked in his eyes. If he didn't blame her for what happened, it was time she stopped blaming herself.
After a minute, Deeks must have found what he was looking for, because his face relaxed and he nodded at her. Sam and Callen had stood there, watching the exchange, and were more than a little impressed. They always knew the two partners could communicate without words, but after everything that had happened between them, not even a five month separation could break their bond. These two had been through hell and back several times now, and for some people, that kind of intense strain broke them. But with Kensi and Deeks, all it did was make their connection stronger.
Sam cleared his throat, bringing their attention away from each other and over to him.
"I say we get some beers tonight. What do you say?" Kensi and Deeks both looked at each other before looking back at him, nodding.
"Beers would be great." Deeks answered for them and looked over at Hetty, who had walked up.
"Mr. Deeks, Ms. Blye, you two go ahead and take the rest of the day off. I know today was trying for you both. Go home, relax, go out and have drinks tonight. I will see you both back here tomorrow for work." They both nodded at her and she turned, walking away.
As much as Callen and Sam wanted to tease them about getting to leave early, they had talked to Nell and knew what had happened when Kensi had gone to up to OPS earlier. They had seen a solemn Deeks sitting at his desk, waiting for Kensi to finish her session with Nate and both were a little worried. But they could also see that things were starting to settle between them, and they knew that this time together was exactly what they needed.
"Make sure you have your phones on you. I'll text you later on the meeting place." Sam nodded at the two and sat down.
"You got it. See you tonight." Kensi smiled at them both and waited for Deeks so they could leave. As he got next to her, their hands found each other again and they stopped and looked at each other. Deeks squeezed it, letting her know everything would be okay. She smiled at him and started walking again, bumping his shoulder a little.
As the two opened the door, the other set of partners watched them walk out into the sunshine hand in hand and smiled. Those two had never had it easy, but now they had each other, and that was enough.
AN - so, now that you've read it, what did you think? We would love to know!