I can't thank you all enough for the support. You guys are amazing!

Monica followed behind her friends as they entered the girls' apartment; she was lost in thought as they returned from their movie night. They'd watched my best friend's wedding and it had really got her thinking. She could relate to Julia Robert's character and couldn't help compare her situation with her own. What if she decided not to get with him because she didn't want to risk their friendship, only to later change her mind but discover it was too late; that he'd found another Kathy and announced they were getting married. She didn't think she'd be able to cope with that.

"Hey Monica," Rachel called from the couch, "don't you and Chandler have that back-up pact?"

"What?" she asked jolted out of her thoughts, shaken by hearing Chandler's name.

"You and Chandler- that whole getting married if you're still single by a certain age thing."

"Oh right," they did have that pact but only because he had suggested it. She wondered if he had liked her even back then. He couldn't have – that had been years ago, the night Ben had been born.

"What age?" Phoebe asked. "I'm guessing not 28, like the film, as you're already like –"

"40," she replied quickly cutting Phoebe off. She didn't need reminding of her age.

"40? You'll find someone by then," Rachel assured.

"By 40 even Chandler might," Phoebe laughed.

Monica swallowed. She didn't want Chandler to find someone else. She needed to talk to him.

"I'm just gonna check on the guys," Monica stated heading to the door, "Joey seemed really bummed earlier."

Luckily, the others accepted her excuse and didn't want to follow. Out in the cold hall she took a couple of deep breaths, steadying her nerves. It was crazy to be nervous; it was just Chandler. Closing her eyes she groaned, he was already so much more than 'just' Chandler.

She could do this, she told herself. With a shaking hand she knocked, unsure of what she was going to say but hoping she'd find the words. She just knew they had to talk. Her confidence wavered when no one answered. She tried the handle but it was locked. No! How could he not be home? She closed her eyes in frustration and leant her head against their door.

All she wanted to do was talk to him.

With a defeated sigh, she turned and went back into her own apartment.

"They ok?"

She swallowed, trying to look casual, "they, ah, aren't in."

"Oh," Phoebe commented as Monica joined them on the couch, "maybe they went out to do man things to make up for the chick flick."

"Like what?" Rachel asked.

"Strip clubs," Phoebe smirked. "If Joey had his way, they're at some strip club right now."

Monica forced down the anger and fear that shot through her. She didn't want to imagine Chandler at some seedy strip club. Naked bodies, glistening skin.

"On a Monday night?" Rachel sounded doubtful which Monica found some comfort in, until her next words, "no, they probably just went to some bar to try and pick up women."

She squeezed her eyes shut as unexpected pain washed over her. She hated the idea of him chatting up some woman even more. Would he? Had his drinking binge on Friday been a way for him to move on from her? After the way she'd been acting these last few days, had he assumed he didn't have any hope with her so was trying to find someone else? Trying to get over her?

"You ok, Mon?"

"Yeah," she croaked opening her eyes, "I'm just tired. I think I'm gonna give Ross a quick call and turn in early."

The girls nodded seeming to believe her, for which she was very grateful. There was too much going on in her head without bringing them into the mix. She was sure they'd try to help her and would mean well but she'd be too conscious of more people being aware of their changing relationship, watching their every move.

She wished them goodnight and shut herself in her bedroom.

No, for now it was best that just Ross knew. Well, it would probably be better if Chandler knew her thoughts too. This morning she'd still been unsure of the risk but now she knew she wanted something. She wanted to at least talk to him and see where this thing between them could go. She didn't want to risk their friendship but if this, whatever it was, worked, then it had the potential to be the best relationship she'd ever had.

What could be better than being in a relationship with her best friend? They'd seen the best and the worst about each other and still wanted to be together. She remembered when Rachel had been considering dating her brother and Phoebe had pointed out that dating your friend would be like starting on the 15th date. But she'd known Chandler for so long that it would be more like the 100th date. He knew things about her that none of the others knew and her about him.

Yet, this perfect hypothetical relationship, which she now longed to explore might never happen if he was already moving on. He didn't usually do very well hitting on women but what if this was the one time he succeeded? What if he found his perfect woman tonight- either at a bar or a strip club? What if he found his next Kathy and Monica was left on the shelf.

She grabbed the phone and quickly punched Ross' number. Part of her didn't want him to answer, as it meant he'd be out with the boys and would ensure Chandler didn't chat to any women but another part of her was desperate for him to be home, so he'd be able to tell her everything that had happened and reassure her. She just prayed he'd seen them tonight.

"Hello?" She heard him answer and quickly swallowed down her disappointment.

"Hey, it's me," she said quietly, "have you been out with Chandler and Joey tonight?"

"No," he sounded confused. "I was sorting out something at the museum. One of the chains holding up the pterodactyl display came loose and it crashed into the velociraptor which-"

"Ross!" she interrupted. Now was not the time. "You've not been out to a bar or strip club?"

"What? No! It's Monday night," he protested, "besides I thought you all went to see a movie."

"Just us girls went," she said holding back tears as her emotions came to the surface. "Chandler didn't come home in time but now they aren't home and Phoebe and Rachel think they are out at a bar or strip club hitting on women and what if Chandler finds someone and forgets about me? What if he falls in love with some stripper named Candy or some woman in a bar named Candy? What if he's all over her right now? Now that I've finally decided what if he-" she knew her voice had gone into that high pitched 'only dogs can hear you now' sonic level. She started to sob.

"Mon, it's ok ssh, breathe, ok, breathe," her brother comforted over the phone line, well used to her hyperventilating rants. "It's all just hypothetical," he soothed, "for all you know Chandler's still at the office and Joey's off with a date." She took some calming breaths, desperately trying to believe him. "Chandler's crazy about you, ok," he promised, "there's no way he'd forget about you in just a few days. Besides have you seen the man flirt?"

She snorted remembering the whole beach hut incident when he'd asked her out numerous times. God, how could she not have seen this coming? All the signs had been there.

"Thanks," she sighed, genuinely feeling a little better.

"So…?"

"So?" she asked back confused.

"Am I allowed to ask if this means you've decided you're gonna go for it?" she could hear the smile in his voice.

"Yeah, I think so," she murmured, "I want to at least talk to him, see what could happen."

"That's great," Ross sounded sincere, "I'm so pleased for you guys."

"We haven't even talked yet Ross," she pointed out. "So don't too excited. For all we know he's hitting on some stripper girl and they'll elope by morning."

"Night Monica," he chuckled.

"Night Ross…and thanks."

"Come on man, one drink," Joey continued to whine, "there's a bar right there and it's still open."

"I said I'm not in the mood," Chandler snapped as he continued walking.

"What is with you?"

"Nothing."

"You've been all cranky and mean lately, what's going on?"

Chandler sighed, closing his eyes. He forced himself to take a couple of deep breaths so he could pretend everything was fine. It was bad enough that Ross knew and most likely Monica; he couldn't deal with another one of them finding out.

"Sorry, man," there he sounded more casual, more easy going, "I think I'm still recovering from Friday night." That wasn't a complete lie after all. Friday night had been the cause of all this anguish, "and I've not been sleeping much and I screwed up majorly at work today," he added as an afterthought.

"Ok," Joey seemed to accept his excuses, "man, you are such a light-weight."

Chandler nodded grateful that Joey seemed willing to drop it.

"But please, one drink, it will help!"

Chandler bit down on his frustration. If anything positive had come out of Friday, it was he'd learnt that drinking didn't always help; that sometimes it messed things up even worse.

"No, I'm good Joe," he tried to keep his annoyance out of his voice. "Why don't you go and see if there's any women you wanna chat to? I'll go on home. I've got an early start tomorrow."

"Ok," Joey nodded eagerly, turning in the direction of the bar, "oh wait, any chance I can borrow-"Chandler was already holding out a couple of twenties. Joey accepted them easily, clapping a hand on his shoulder, "thanks man."

"Have fun," Chandler sighed as he started walking again.

He just prayed that if Joey met someone, her place would be closer than theirs. He wasn't stupid; he knew that for him, tonight would be spent getting little sleep. He'd be haunted by nightmares of Monica and their current situation. He really didn't need to add to his misery by having Joey and some random woman being the backing track.

As he made it into his apartment building and up the stairs he hovered in the hallway between the two apartments. There was still a light on in the girls' place. He hadn't expected that given the lateness of the hour.

Biting his lip, he collapsed heavily on the step and just stared at the green door to his left. Should he go round there now and force her to talk to him? Was he ready to have that last piece of hope crushed and listen to her reject him? He knew she'd do it gently and kindly but he also knew that would not help soften the blow. It would be horrible and likely the most painful thing he'd ever experience.

At least it would then be over. At least the awkwardness would be acknowledged by both of them and the giant elephant would able to leave the room. They could work at becoming close again and concentrate on moving passed this. That was now the main goal – not to lose her completely.

He took a deep breath and stood up. It was time to prove he had more courage than he thought. He could be brave. He could do this. He pushed open the door to number 20 like a condemned man and took a few steps inside ready to face his fate.

"Hey Chandler," Rachel greeted from the couch.

"H-i," he stammered, swallowing down his disappointment that the wrong roommate was talking to him.

"Did you guys only just get back?"

"Just me," he croaked, trying to get his breathing and voice under control, "Joey's still out."

Rachel shrugged and returned to her magazine as Chandler eyed Monica's bedroom door. It was shut firmly and there was no light coming from underneath. Just great.

"I take it Monica's gone to bed?" he sighed deflating.

"Yeah, she turned in quite early."

Oh course she did. He closed his eyes as he felt the wasted adrenaline race through him and drain from his body. He hadn't even considered that she wouldn't be here.

"You ok?"

Great, another one of his friends noticing his living-nightmare. How had he gone all these months keeping his feelings hidden, then suddenly be so useless at it? He had to be more careful if he didn't want this to become public knowledge.

"Fine," he muttered pinching the bridge of his nose before opening his eyes and meeting her curious ones, "it wasn't important," he lied, "I'll see ya tomorrow."

With that he left the apartment and headed into his own. He firmly closed the door behind him and walked to the kitchen counter. Leaning on it he closed his eyes and covered his face with his hands. Why was this suddenly so hard to deal with? Man, he really needed a cigarette right now.

He glanced at the phone and contemplated phoning Ross but quickly shot the idea down. It was late and he was just being overdramatic. What did he really expect to accomplish by calling her brother? No, it was a stupid idea.

He just had to get through one more night and then he'd talk to her tomorrow…tomorrow night. He'd get up early and have breakfast at his own place. He was anxious to see Monica but it wasn't really a conversation he felt comfortable having over breakfast with the rest of the gang listening.

It was best he got to work early, with a clear head so he could finish sorting out today's fiasco. Going over there in the morning wouldn't help anybody. Monica would feel awkward and then he'd dwell on it all day and screw something else up. No, he didn't need any new evidence that he'd upset his best friend.

He just needed to talk to her tomorrow night, clear the air and pray everything could go back to normal.

It had only been a few days but he was already missing her.

A/N…we're getting closer…