His Rod Chapter 24, a yu-gi-oh fanfic

Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from his dreadful prison, but non prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest tower for her true love and true love's first kiss.

Until...

A Rod Man laughed to himself alone in his bathroom. "WHAT A LOAD OF FUCKING SHIIIIIT!" Marik said, and flushed the toilet. Up in the sky, the leader of Smashmouth had his guitar at the ready. Even though the rest of the members of his band lived on, he was just fine jamming out alone for this one.

"Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me..." Angle Joey started to sing and strummed his guitar but uh oh it was out of tune! It had been a long time since he had been able to get down with his bad self, please forgive his mistake. With a flick of his angel wand it was swiftly back in tune and they were in business, baby! "gory D..

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Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me

I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed

She was looking kind of dumb, with her finger and her thumb

In the shape of an 'L' on her forehead

Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming

Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running

Didn't make sense, not to live for fun

Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb

So much to do, so much to see

So what's wrong with taking the back streets

You'll never know if you don't go

You'll never shine if you don't glow

Hey now, you're an All Star, get your game on, go play

Hey now, you're a Rock Star, get the show on, get paid

And all that glitters is gold

Only shooting stars break the mold

It's a cool place and they say it gets colder

You're bundled up, now wait 'til you get older

But the meteor men beg to differ

Judging by the hole in the satellite picture

The ice we skate is getting pretty thin

The waters getting warm, so you might as well swim

My world's on fire how about yours

That's the way I like it and I never get bored

Hey now, you're an All Star, get your game on, go play

Hey now, you're a Rock Star, get the show on, get paid

All that glitters is gold

Only shooting stars break the mold

Go for the moon

Hey now, you're an All Star, get your game on, go play

Hey now, you're a Rock Star, get the show on, get paid

And all that glitters is gold

Only shooting stars

Somebody once asked, could I spare some change for gas

I need to get myself away from this place

I said, Yep, what a concept

I could use a little fuel myself

And we could all use a little change

Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming

Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running

Didn't make sense not to live for fun

Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb

So much to do, so much to see

So what's wrong with taking the back streets

You'll never know if you don't go

You'll never shine if you don't glow

Hey now, you're an All Star, get your game on, go play

Hey now, you're a Rock Star, get the show on, get paid

And all that glitters is gold

Only shooting stars break the mold

And all that glitters is gold

Only shooting stars break the mold" Angle Joey sang and sang from above the Rod Man's domain. Also he was sitting on a cloud. When the Rod Man turned to face the music though Joey darted out of sight and giggled. "Tee hee!" Joey said. Haha, what a prankster.

That Rod Guy continued his day to day activities such as bathing in mud and being a general disgusting creature. Everything seemed to be going just according to plan on that perfect day and soon night had fallen. He heard the Villagers fearfully approach his swamp and he rolled the rods in his eyes. Of fucking course this would happen. "Well come on let's get it!" one of them screamed into the night. His pitchfork was raised high to the sky. He HATED Rod Men. "Hold on, do you know what that thing could do to you? It'll grind your bones for it's bread!" Roddy lifted his Rod to show his presence and opened his mouth hole wide.

"Well actually, that would be a giant. Now, ogres, oh they're much worse. They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin!" He yodeled threateningly. The villagers feared him and trembled. "They'll shave your liver. Squeeze the jelly from your eyes! Actually, it's quite good on toast." Roddy laughed. "PLEASE STAY BACK, I AM WARNING YOU!" Villager Jeff screeched and waved his torch kind of like a Rod. Pathetic. Rod Bod put his humongous, muscular hand on top of it to put it out, he didn't have to wet it even. Everything about him was powerful. "Now is the part where you run away."

Every one of those pathetic mindslaves skedaddled and ran away as fast as they could, including but not limited to Villager Jeff. "See ya, wouldn't wanna be ya, mindslaves!" Marik guffawed super loud and cupped his giant muscles to his face to really get the message in. "And stay out!" He said, and then lowered it. On the ground Villager Jeff had left a symbol of his coming. It said "Wanted. Fairy tale creatures." Marik rolled every rod in his body at that, what a joke am I right guys? Marik was no mindslave so he had nothing to worry about. Or did he? We don't really know fur sure.

The very next day Villager Jeff who is now Guard Jeff by the way. If you weren't aware of this he dropped his job as Head Villager immediately after his encounter with the Rod Man last night. It frightened him to the bone and now he wanted no part for fear of meeting a Rod like him face to face again. Jeff shiverred just thinking about it, eww. But now he was happy as can be and working on checking up on the guys in line to turn in some nice and cool fairy tale creatures.

"Next!" said Villager Jeff with a prideful smile on his face. Things seemed to be going smoothly for him. Just around the corner though was that Jaden Yuki walking with that Granny Yuki. The elderly will betray you. Don't trust them. "Please, don't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again! I can change. Please! Give me another chance!" Jaden Yuki cried to his grandma. His grandpa was getting real tired of her youngins behavior and she was most definitely not regretting her decision to sell him for monie. "Oh, shut up." Grandma Yuki said and jerked the rope tieing him up. Grandmas will enslave you, they're stuck in the past. Get out while you still can.

"Hello beautiful lady. What have you got?" Guard Jeff asked the gross person. He HATED grandmas as well as Rod Guys but he figured she would be gone so enough. "Well, I've got a talking donkey." Grandma Yuki said and tugged on Jaden Yuki's rope, making him cry. Jaden Yuki just wanted freedom. "Well, that's good for ten shillings! ...If you can prove it." Jeff said, narrowing his stuff. He, like you readers should as well, did not trust the elderly in the slightest. Grandma Yuki waited for that Jaden guy to talk but nothing came of it. He stared up at Jeff with a look of despair, begging without speaking. Help me.

"H-He's just a little nervous, he's really quite the chatter box!" she squawked ickly and then slapped him. No! Not Jaden! "Talk you boneheaded dolt!" she said meanly. "GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!" Jeff said, raising his things. He had enough. But when he raised his stuff his hand knocked some magic shit and it sprayed all over Jaden Yuki. Slowly Jaden Yuki rose up to the sky. "I can fly!" he gasped. "He can TALK" screamed Jeff, infuriated. Nothing could be worse than the pain he felt right here, right now. " Ha, ha! That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking donkey. You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly. Ha, ha!" Everything was going great for that boy until he fell to the floor with a scream. Much like oblivion, the end of magic is inevitable. In the end only God can help. He ran and ran and ran until he bumped into what he thought was a wall. But it wasn't a wall, it was Rod Guy! Jaden screamed. UH OH. UH OH. Jeff caught up to him and then screamed too, not again! "You there, Ogre." he said cautiously.

"Aye?" Marik, the rod Man himself said with a raised eyebrow (and rod, but his rod is raised all of the time). Guard Jeff gulped, just thirty seconds ago he was thinking to himself 'I will never have to see that Rod Man again! Thank heavens!' but now there Rod is, and there Jeff is, and there is terror. Jeff kind of wanted to die but he had to hold up to his end of the bargain and complete his duties as guard. "B-by the order of Lord Truesdale I am authorized to place you both under arrest and transport you to a designated resettlement facility." He said with a little tremble and a shake. Jeff isn't scared because he's a meek man either, I have you know that Rod Men are viewed as they should be around these parts. As monsters.

Marik crossed his arms smugly. "Oh really? You and what army?" He said, and pointed to behind Jeff. Every last one of those guys had abandoned him just like his parents did when he was a small child. A single tear trickled down Jeff's cheek. He had been betrayed again, and for the last time too, he ran away but maybe later he would end it all. "Hahaha!" Marik laughed. Both yesterday and today were an absolute roddy delight. The screams of terror were what brought smiles into his otherwise bleak life. Jaden Yuki was hot on his trail though, ugh.

"Can I say something to you? Listen, you was really, really, really somethin back here. Incredible!" that Jaden Yuki said, kind of being a kiss ass. "Are you talkin to-" Marik said but when he turned around Jaden Yuki was nowhere in sight. Maybe he was a hallucination brought on by the years of childhood trauma he went through. Marik wouldn't be surprised. Whatever, but oh shit! He turned around and there he is right in front of him. Jaden Yuki. "Woah!" Marik said, startled at the small Yuki's new spot. "Yes! I was talkin to you." Jaden said and beamed up at the 8 meter tall Rod Man, he completely dwarfed Jaden who was only like 5'5. Jesus christ, the villagers were right when they called him a monster.

"Can I tell you that you that you was great back here? Those guards! They thought they was all of that." At this point Jaden began walking beside Rod Guy, absolutely loving what he was seeing. It was so good to be free. "Then you showed up, and bam! They was trippin' over themselves like babes in the woods. That really made me feel good to see that." Marik narrowed. "Oh that's great, really." he grumbled. Who the FUCK did this guy think he was picking a fight with a Rod Guy? Did he not know of his reputation around these parts? Did he fear God?

Man, it's good to be free!" Jaden screeched, putting his arms high to the sky. "Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends? Hmm?" Rod Stick said with a bunch of spite and walked away, his legs were extremely long and carried him all across the land, but Jaden wouldn't let him get away. "But uh, I don't have any friends." he said solemnly, a single tear sliding down his face. "And I am not going back there by myself...Wait a minute, I've got a great idea, I'll stick with you!" Marik stopped dead in his tracks. Murder. "You're a mean, green fighting machine! Together we'll scare the spit out of anybody that crosses us!" Jaden continued happily, eager to begin his revenge on Grandma Yuki.

Rod God turned around and screamed. "MWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH" It was heard all across the land, children went deaf, loved ones died. But even though he had only been around Rod Guy for a bit, some of his powers had rubbed off on him and now Jaden was too powerful for the scream. "Wow, that was really scary!" God, when would it end. That Jaden Yuki just did Not Get It.

"If you don't mind me sayin, if that don't work, your breath certainly will get the job done," Jaden Yuki said, he was the king of making clever jokes! Marik was a monster who lived in the woods and wasn't exactly familiar with the concept of good humor so he scratched his head (but which one) in perplexment. "Cause you definitely need some Tic Tacs™ or something" Jaden yuki said, waiting for the roaring laughter from Roddy. It did not come. "Cause your breath stinks!" Jaden said, and then it set in. He was being MOCKED? The fucking nerve of this rude piece of minslave garbage. He opened his mouth to roar again but Jaden was already talking more! "You almost burned the hair outta my nose, just like the time-" Marik was done and slapped his huge muscular hand over Jaden Yuki's entire face but most of it went over a huge chunk of the air. Remember kids, 8 meter tall giant. Stay in school.

What the fuck though the words just keep coming out of Jaden Yuki. It wouldn't end. Roddy felt like crying. Since it was no use he removed his huge muscular hand. "-then I ate some rotten berries. I had strong gases leaking out of my butt that day." Jaden Yuki finished his wonderful story triumphantly. Roddy rolled his rods. "Why are you following me?" Roddy said, still rolling. "I'll tell you why~" Jaden said and then took out a guitar. "Cause I'm all aloooone~~ There's no one heeere besiiiide meeee... My problems have all goooone theres no one tooo deriiiide meeeee, but you gotta have fRIIIEEENDS-" Jaden said but was singing. "STOP SINGING!" Rod covered his ears in pain. No matter what that Jaden Yuki might say, it's a lie, he's a terrible singer. Don't trust him.

"It's no wonder you don't have any friends!" he said loudly, glaring rods down at him. "Wow...only a true friend would be that cruelly honest!" Jaden smiled. At that moment Marik honestly just felt like letting Jaden fucking die and crushing him with his bare hands. "Listen, little mindslave. Take a look at me, what am I?" he squawked and lifted his hands up in the air, they went so high he hit a tree branch that was super up there. "Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh" said Jaden, really taking that Rod Guy in. He was more uglier up close. "Really tall?" Rod God flapped his arms like a bird in rage. "No! I'm an ogre! You know, 'Grab your torch and pitchforks'. Doesn't that bother you?" Marik said a little sadly. All that guy wanted was a little love, if he was being honest. But he couldn't let this stupid donkey try and win his heart. Don't get him wrong, he was all about the guys, but Jaden was SO not his type.

Jaden put his hands in the air like he just didn't care. "Nope!" Wait, what the fuck? "REALLY?" said Marik but as a question, shocked. "Really really!" Jaden smiled. "Oh." Well, enough of this bullshit. Roddy was out of there! With his huge legs he broke out into a sprint but he couldn't run from a God. Or in this case Jaden Yuki. "Man, I like you. What's your name?" he asked with a stupid laugh thing. Rod Bod groaned so loud and his Rod started seeing things. "Uh, Marik." This orge hailed from Egypt, land of the brave, and he was not ready to be discriminated against by this shitty guy. But Jaden just kept loving life and being generally horrible. "Marik? Well you know what I like about you Marik? You got that kinda I-don't-care-what-nobody-thinks-of-me thing. I like that, I respect that, Marik, you all right."

Marik just kept on trying to escape back to his home. Soon, he reached the desired destination but unfortunately Jaden Yuki had somehow against all odds kept up the pace. I guess Jaden was his mindslave now. "Whoa!" Jaden said, and put his hand over his eyes to keep out the sun. He didn't have his sunglasses so the pain was real. "Who'd want to live in a place like this?" Jaden asked quizzically. Mindslaves like him were always the same. "That would be my home." Marik said, and looked down. He made direct eye contact with Jaden Yuki and he started to feel a little bit uncomfortable.

"Oh! And it is LOOOVELY! Just beautiful. You you are quite a decorator!" Jaden said, frantically scrambling for the words to appease the beast. Marik still stared, unamused. "It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget. I like that boulder," Jaden said, and trotted right over to it to make a point. He stroked the boulder, Hmmgm. "That is a niiiice boulder." Jaden gave it a kiss. Rodder wanted to vomit but he held it in. If he was going to puke he vowed to make sure it was right on Jaden Yuki. "You don't entertain much, do you?" Jaden asked even though he already knew the answer. He was just that type of annoying.

"I like my privacy." said Roddy with a rod like hmph as he reached for the door handle to his home. He was pretty sure he had something inside that would be able to murder Jaden Yuki swiftly but if all else failed his rod never failed him. "You know, I do too. See, that's another thing we have in common! Like I hate it when you got somebody in your face. You try and give them a hint but they won't leave. Then there's that awkward silence." Jaden went on and on and on and it just wouldn't fucking end. Marik was let out a screech and raised his rod high to the sky to show his power and Jaden screamed.

There was a horrible silence but then Jaden recovered because Rod Men didn't really faze him at this point. "Can I stay with you?" he asked with a hopeful look in his big beautiful brown eyes. "Uh- what?" Rod Guy couldn't believe his huge and muscular ears. There was no way in heck that Jaden Yuki knew what he was getting into by messing with a certified orge. "Can I stay with you, please?" Jaden said with a more hopeful look. "Of course!" Rod Job squawked and spread his arms high, making him look like Jesus Christ up on that cross himself. Praise him. "Really?" Jaden gasped but also kind of afraid. "No." Roddy rolled his stuff and got out the book he was reading from rod storage to try and drown out that Jaden Yuki's horrible voice. Jaden started to cry. "Please! I don't wanna go back there! You don't know what it's like to be considered a freak!" he screamed and cried and the water leaked from all of his holes and got out on Marik's huge shoes. Soon they would both drown. "Well, maybe you do." Jaden corrected because Rod Guy was the biggest freak of all. "But that's why we gotta stick together!"

That Jaden Yuki looked up to Marik with eyes as big as his rod. Ok, well, that is an exaggeration because nothing even comes close to the massive size and girth that is known as Roddy's rod, but you get the point. His eyes were big is what I'm trying to say. Big and cute and UGH! Rod Man would not be guilt tripped like this though there was NO WAY- "You gotta let me stay! Please! Please!" Jaden said with a sniffle and then "Okay, okay!" Marik cracked like the thirty eggs he had for breakfast that morning. Jaden was really feeling it and jumped up to give the Rod a high five! Marik groaned. "But one night only." He said and dragged his hand down his face. "Ah!" Jaden screeched and his smile was blindingly bright. Marik lowered his hip sunglasses that he had stolen from Jaden earlier because um he is a thief don't forget! Old habits die hard. "Thank you!" Jaden said and ran inside Marik's littel cottage. He immediately started jumping on his favorite chair. This was going to be a long night.

"This is going to be fun! We can stay up late, swappin' manly stories, and in the mornin' I'm making waffles!" Jaden screeched happily, oblivious to what was bound to happen if you pushed a Rod Man's buttons for too long and the inevitable onslaught. Fear. Marik lifted his heads to the heavens and screamed but Jaden was undeterred. "Where do uh, I sleep?" he asked casually, kicking back and relaxing with his own pair of neato shades. "OUTSIDE!" Rod God screamed so loud it was once again heard all around the land, mortally wounding all but Jaden. The power was growing every day, would it ever end? Jaden didn't know for sure.

"Oh. Well, I guess that's cool. I don't know you, you don't know me...So I guess outside is best, you know." Jaden just wouldn't shut the FUCK up so Marik took matters into his own hands and easy peasy lemon squeezy hauled his body over his humongous broad shoulders and threw him outside like a piece of garbage, which was what he thought he was to begin with really. Finally, that Rod Guy had peace and quiet once more! And he knew exactly how to celebrate it. He went to his fridge and got out 10 tacquila. With the help of the alcohols, all of his problems would go away.

Outside, Jaden was completely taquiless. While Marik sipped on taquil by the dozen, Jaden was left with zip, nada, zero. He deserved it but still. Jaden sighed and watched Marik drink from a window. Jaden Yuki was only 17 years old and wasn't anywhere near the legal drinking age yet but hes a rebel and doesn't take orders from The Man. He'd drink as many tquil as he wanted, that is, if he were offered them. Marik was a stingy guy, take it from me you do not want to get inbetween a Rod Man and his alchohols. Jaden slowly but surely began to slouch down the window, and put his head on his knees. He was not getting crunk tonight.

"I mean... I do like the outdoors. I'm a donkey," Jaden said, talking to himself like a madman. Even weirder was that he was referring to himself as a donkey when he had fingers and toes and as far as Marik could tell was human. Maybe the donkey in him was within. "I was born outside," Jaden said, reminiscing on that beautiful night he was cut from a c-section in a barn. He was cool with it since Jesus was born in a barn and he turned out pretty alright. Well, he was crucified which wasn't alright, but that kind of stuff just doesn't happen nowadays. "I'll just be sitting by myself outside, I guess, you know. By myself, outside." Jaden said extremely loudly with the most booming voice he could muster, hoping that the great Rod would take pity on him and let him have one single alchohol. Nothing but the slurping sounds from Roddy followed. "I'm all aloooone... there's no one here besiiiide meeee..." Jaden sang solemnly.

Marik has finished with his tequil and was ready for his supper. MMM, delicious. It was all 100% vegetarian since Rod Men don't eat meat. Stay green. Slaughterhouses are wrong. He was about to begin on his first salad bowl but what the fuck oh my god someone is in his house! This was the final straw, Jaden had to go down. Permanently. Marik stood up take care of the business. "I thought I told you to stay outside!" Roddy screamed and stomped and shook his house. He had to be careful with that, the roof might cave in. "I am outside." Jaden said and stood up and looked at him from the window and waved. If Jaden is out there, and Marik is in here, then whos in his house? Marik turned around to put on his detective hat to really get this mystery solved when right there sitting on the table is the criminal in question himself, Steve Martin.

"Well, gents, it's a far cry from the farm, but what choice do we have?" Steve Martin said, gesturing to his two friends with him. "It's not home, but it'll do just fine." One of the guys said, it was Christopher Lloyd. Marik couldn't believe the rods in his eyes when he saw the last nasty invader. Gregory Goodwin Pincus had betrayed him.

Yes it was true, Marik had been double crossed yet again. And this time by his dear friend. A single tear slid down his cheek and he lowered his hat in despair. "What a lovely bed!" he announced, laying down on Roddy's lap. After the operation Gregory Goodwin Pincus's vision was not one of his better features. He definitely couldn't invent stuff like he used to. Marik screamed because his rod reacted in a negative way. "GOT YA!" he squawked and seized Greggy in his huge huge huge hands. Or at least, he thought he did. But the rascal got away! Oh rats! "I found some cheese!" Gregory Goodwin Pincus alerted his best bro Steve Martin and bit into Rod Guy's ear. It was a very icky taste, all Rod Man muscle and no fat. Gregory desired the goods.

"Blah, awful stuff." Steve Martin arose from the kitchen, waving his arms violently kinda like a super unhinged Rod. Marik felt like he was going completely bonkers and blood was leaking from his ear hole. "Gregory Goodwin Pincus, is that you?" Steve asked. "How did you know?" Greggy responded happily, ready to give that Steve man a hug but then everything went black. Well things were black already because he was fucking blind but they went even more worser if you can imagine. Rod Job had struck him.

"Enough! What are you doing in my house?" he demanded angrily, he did not have time for this and his rod was raised in defense. These foolish celebrities would rue the day they entered his kingdom. But before the mortals could say anything else that Rod was shoved out of the way! What?! He turned around and there he saw it. The decaying corpse of Britney Spears was being forced upon his very own dinner table! This was the last mistake. "No, no no, dead broad off the table!" he screamed to Bill Murray, the person who did the crime (Rod couldn't remember the word). "Where are we supposed to put her? The bed's taken!" Bill huffed and Marik almost fucking puked right then and there. "HUH?!"

Marik was ready to get rushing to his bedroom but because his legs are so long he was there in one leap. Inside of his most private chambers, he sees him. Hugh Jackman is just sitting on his bed without a care in the world. Marik looks at Hugh Jackman and Hugh Jackman looks right on back at Marik without fear. "What?" Hugh Jackman said soulessly. He cannot feel. "MWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" Marik screamed and grabbed that piece of shit by the collar and marched onwards to the front door. This fucker needed to be taught a lesson. "I live in a swamp! I put up signs! I'm a terrifying ogre! What do I have to do to get a little privacy?" Marik said and slam dunked Hugh Jackman out the door. Roddy smiled smugly, he sure was glad that problem was over and done with! He wiped his hands on his pant legs to get Hugh Jackman's disgusting germs off of his skin. Eww, he felt like he needed a bath.

When he looked up he saw a sight to be remembered for sure. Thousands upon thousands of celebrities had gathered and made camp on his land. "Oh, no. No. NO!" Marik said in horror. Kim Kardashian and her sisters were all slumped over a fireplace trying to keep warm, and her husband Kanye West was busting out some sick beats. Rats ran to Kanye at high speeds. They were huge fans. To make matters worse the elves were directing flight traffic, their head honcho being Will Ferrell. Adam Sandler's biggest enemy was here at HIS house? Not on Marik's watch. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY SWAMP!?" Marik yodeled, his voice echoing all around the land. Steve Martin went deaf. Courtney Love cried. Will Ferrell ran away crying like the little pussy bitch he was. Bye, Will.

"All right, get out of here. All of you, move it! Come on, let's go! Hapaya! Hapaya!" Marik screamed after the silence had ended and he had gained his booming voice once more. He was about to fuck up some shit. Billy Crystal and his gang of actor friends saw an opportunity and seized it and ran inside of Roddy's humble home. "No, no not there, not there!" Rod choked but it was too late. The burn was even worse because he fucking hated Billy Crystal's movies and now that Rod Guy just wanted to end it all. He turned around with rods in his eyes to start murdering Jaden Yuki like he had intended to all along but that Jaden just said "Hey, don't look at me I didn't invite them!" He raised his hands to the sky, begging Roddy not to shoot. "Oh gosh, nobody invited us!" Will Smith said with an eye roll because that Rod Man just Did Not Get It. "What?" Rod Bod was shocked. He had assumed that Jaden Yuki was the root of all evil, had he been mistaken? Was Anubis ashamed?

"We were forced to come here!" Will said sadly, his bottom lip quivering like the pathetic mindslave he was. Rod Guy spit out the water he was drinking from rod storage and it got all over the celebrities. He was flabbergasted in more ways than one if you know what I mean. "By who?!" he said more flabbergasted. "Cyrus Truesdale. He huffed and he puffed and he...signed an eviction notice." Eminem informed him and put a comforting hand on his friend Will Smith's shoulder. Marik opened his mouth hole very wide and nearly all the air in that area was sucked into his massive lungs. For a moment, no one could breathe but then he sighed and everything was ok again. "All right. Who knows where this...Cyrus Truesdale guy is?" he asked up to the moon, hoping up in heaven his fallen friends were watching. He was lost and confused and needed a miracle, really.

God didn't answer, his prayers were in vain. "Oh, I do! I know where he is!" Someone said, and Marik whipped around looking for Jesus. All that awaited him was Jaden Yuki jumping up and down in the crowd of celebrities. He had been fooled again, maybe Anubis wasn't real after all. The Rod Man was starting to lose faith. "Does anyone else know where to find him? Anyone at all?" Rod Man asked, and decided right then and there that if Anubis was real that someone else would pipe up with the deets. "Me! Me!" Jaden shouted, jumping higher and higher. Marik started to sweat, his confidence in his religion wavering by the second. "Anyone?" Marik rodded, looking frantically to Gregory Goodwin Pincus for answers. Gregory turned away, ashamed. "Oh! Oh, pick me!" Jaden said, he just wouldn't fucking give up. Marik shook Gregory by the shoulders, but he still wouldn't look his way. "Oh, I know! I know! Me, me!" Jaden said, and that settled it. Anubis wasn't real.

Marik sighed, dropped Gregory Goodwin Pincus to the floor, and changed his gaze to Jaden Yuki. Jaden stopped jumping and gave Marik a knowing wink. "Okay, fine. Attention, all fairy tale..." Marik started, and was unable to find a word approprite enough to describe the hideous monsters he was talking to right now. "Things." Marik found the word, but what was the point? If Anubis doesn't exist then what is he living for? "Your welcome is officially worn out. In fact, I'm gonna see this guy Cyrus Truesdale right now and get you all off my land and back where you came from!" There is a long awkward silence because everybody was wondering if the Rod had truly finished his powerful speech. He had, and then the crowd went wild.

"Oh." Marik said and glared menacingly at Jaden Yuki. "You! You're comin with me." He said it super threatening so Jaden knew if he stepped one toe out of line that he was doomed. You've gotta keep your mindslaves under control ya know? "All right, that's what I like to hear, man. Rod and Donkey, two stalwart friends, off on a whirlwind big-city adventure." Jaden began to spin around in a circle. Marik was going to be in the company of this child for the next twenty four hours of his life. Great. "I love it!" Jaden said, clapping his hands.

"On the road againnnn~~" Jaden started singing and nudged Marik's side (he couldn't reach his shoulder he is just to huge). "Come on, sing it with me Rod Guy! I can't wait to get on the roaaad agaiiin" And then that Jaden Yuki did something that made Roddy want to claw his eyes out and started dancing right then and there. The tacquil finally made a reappearance and he puked all over the place. He wasn't in his swamp anymore and he had to start marking his territory. "What did I say about singing?" he growled as the alcohols burned not only his throat but his heart as well. Life was fleeting, really. "Can I whistle?" Jaden asked. "No." said Marik. "Can I hum it?" Jaden asked again and Rod guy could do nothing more but groan really really really loudly. "All right." As the mindslave duo continued their strolling, somehow, deep in his rod Marik knew that everything was going to be ok. "Hm hmh mhhmhmhmhmmm" hummed Jaden to the night.

Bam! Pow! Doors are being opened! Cut to the evil Cyrus Truesdale's castle where he is prowling around the halls like he owns the place. Which, well, he kind of does. As he walked his gaurds screamed, they had never seen a man so ugly and icky and also short did I mention, in all of their short lives. I mean really, it was enough to make Rod Guy look like a model or something.

Eventually Cyrus Truesdale made his way all the way to the torture chambers, but wow, it took him a really long time. Understandably so, because his legs are very small and stumpy. By the time he reached his journey's end he was all out of breath. "That's enough. He's ready to talk." Cyrus Truesdale panted, and glared at his new employee. The new employee was none other than Guard Jeff who had been previously reassigned earlier that morning. Guard Jeff backed away from the table slowly, there was no way in hell he was going to disobey his new boss. Cyrus Truesale might not be the most ideal owner in the world but he put a roof over his head, fed and watered him, and even gave him a small salary of one cent an hour. He is a bad bad man who does not follow any minimum wage laws. The evil king Cyrus Truesdale laughed maniacally, on the table was Gordon Ramsay coughing up milk. He had almost drowned just seconds ago, it was very traumatizing.

Cyrus grinned maniacally and walked up to the world renowned chef himself. "Run run run as fast as you can. You can't catch me...I'M THE GINGERBREAD MAN" Cyrus shouted it at the end as he tried to move Gordon Ramsay to go along with the funny joke he just made but he was too little and weak. "You're a monster!" Gordon cacawed and his face was turning super red too. He looked like a really angry tomato and it reminded Cyrus a little too much of his life back in England. "I'm not the monster here, you are!" Cyrus said loudly but it just came out like a gross whimper because as you all know, he is one pathetic mindslave. Nothing could be worse than being Cyrus Truesdale or being Gordon Ramsay at that moment for the matter. He would never be able to look at milk the same way again. "You, and the rest of that fairy tale trash poisoning my perfect world." Cyrus continued and took a bite of a cookie. He loved those guys and the crumbs got all over Gordon's chef jacket, still in tact after all the torture.

"Now, tell me! Where are the others?" Gordon wasn't about to put up with this respect, he was a chef guy on that BBC network and he knew his stuff! "Eat me!" he shouted and spit in Cyrus Truesdale's very own face. Bad move, Gordon. Cyrus groaned and got a tissue from his evil king storage to wipe the sludge off. "I've tried to be fair to you creatures. Now my patience has reached it's end!" he said meanly and then got an idea from what was left of his very small noggin and reached for Gordon Ramsay's chef jacket. His only weakness.

"No, no! Not the buttons! Not my gumdrop buttons!" Gordon Ramsay screamed in panic and tried to squirm away out of the evil kings reach. Cyrus had easily won this battle and left Gordon Ramsay a broken man. Not only had he lost both his legs but his fragile ego had been shattered. It's highly likely his sense of self superiority would never be the same again. "All right then. Who's hiding them?" Cyrus Truesdale asked, grinning wickedly. All of Gordon Ramsay's ego had been sucked up into Cyrus. He was all powerful.

"Okay, I'll tell you." Gordon said, and Cyrus leaned down closer to hear every word in vivid detail. "Do you know the muffin man?" Gordon Ramsay whispered into Cyrus Truesdale's ear. "The muffin man?" Cyrus questioned. "The muffin man." Said Gordon Ramsay. "Yes, I know the muffin man, who lives on Drury Lane?" Cyrus said, he was a big fan of his work. "Well, she's married to the muffin man." Gordon Ramsay continued. "The muffin man?" The evil king asked, he wanted answers and he wasn't getting any younger. "The muffin man!" Gordon Ramsay opened his mouth and screamed to the heavens. Outside some birds flew away cacawing in a way oddly rod like. "She's married to the muffin man-" Cyrus mumbed, stroking his small but evil chin. He was cut off by the sound of a door whirling open and out stepped Head Guard Jeff. "My lord! We found it." Guard Jeff said and he was so hungry. Just the sight of Gordon Ramsay brought rumbles to his tummy like no other.

"Well what are you waiting for? Bring it in!" Cyrus demanded with a little snap of his twiggy fingers. Hundreds upon thousands of Guard Jeff look-a-likes stormed through his office carrying this really fat thing covered by a sheet. At last, the time had come. Guard Jeff the big man himself did the honors of taking off the sheet covering the face to reveal none other than the forlorn spirit of Yugi's Grandpa. "Magic mirror..." Cyrus whispered into the night with evil intentions. As mentioned before you should never trust the elderly, they will lie to you and betray you.

"Don't tell him anything!" Gordon Ramsay screamed but it was too late. Cyrus picked him up and threw him in the nearest garbage can. "Nooooo!" Gordon cried. Bye, Gordon Ramsay. But anyway, Cyrus went back to Yugi's Grandpa and rubbed his hands together like some stupid elf of something. "Evening." he said to the grandpa with a nod . "Mirror, mirror on the wall. Is this not the most perfect kingdom of the all?" he asked and spread his arms out wide to show that he meant serious business. He had worked hard for this land and by god he was going to die on it. "Well, technically you're not a king." Yugi's Grandpa replied with a little grandpa like chuckle. Oh, to be young again.

Cyrus lowered his brows. "Uh, Thelonius." Cyrus Truesdale said and in a breath Thelonius was there. He was a good minion, the kind dreams are made of. Thelonius wasn't like the others. In fact, that Thelonius knew instantly just what to do without being told and took out a grandpatherly looking figure from behind his back and punched him once, twice, and then three times right in the wrinkles. This guy had no respect for his elders and rightfully so. Oh, Thelonius, his most treasured pet. Cyrus sighed dreamily.

"You were saying?" Cyrus said inbetween his fawning. Yugi's grandpa stiffened, only just now realizing the danger he was in. If Thelonius could just up and bring harm to the elderly in that ruthless manner then he surely wasn't safe here. "What I mean is that you're not a king yet." Yugi's grandpa said, he was certainly the smoothest guy on the block. He patted himself on the back and smiled, nice save old man. "But you can become one. All you have to do is marry a princess." Grandpa continued and he was so proud of himself for this one. To be completely honest he was mostly coming up with this on the spot. "Go on." Cyrus Truesdale said and his pant point widened. As I'm sure every last one of you know... Cyrus Truesdale is a HUGE fan of the ladies. He'd do anything for some poontang.

Grandpa did a little hop and a dance and then pulled down a screen from the ceiling for all the evil doers to watch. "So, sit back and relax, my lord, because it's time for you to meet today's eligible bachelorettes! And heeeeere they are!" Grandpa yodeled and pointed at the TV which was now showing a beautiful little man in a suit, smiling up at the camera with the prettiest blue eyes you ever did see. Uh oh, it was getting harder. "Bachelorette number one is a mentally-abused shut in from a kingdom far, far away. He likes sushi and hot-tubbing any time! His hobbies include cooking and cleaning for his two evil step sisters. Give it up forrr Aster Pheonix!" Cyrus stared at Aster Pheonix up on the big screen and his eyes had lust inside of them. Holy shit, he desired the goods immensely but he needed to keep his cool. There were still more ladies to choose from.

"Bachelorette number two is a cape wearing girl from the land of fancy. Although he lives with seven other men, he's not easy! Just kiss his dead, frozen lips and find out what a live wire he is!" Grandpa continued with the next picture of the next beautiful princess. Wait a minute, this one sounded a bit familiar to Cyrus's ears. "Come on, give it up for Yugi Muto!" Yugi's Grandpa laughed. Unbelievable, that foolish old man had sold his own grandson to slavery. This is what we told you about not trusting the elderly. Fear them.

Cyrus was a little uncomfortable but he desired the last princess, his pant point growing by the second. "And last, but certainly not least, bachelorette number three is a fiery redhead from a dragon-guarded castle surrounded by hot boiling lava." Cyrus Truesdale's widened as the blacked out silhouette came into view. Never in his entire life has he had a bone like this one.

He was about to have the hardest organism of his entire life and Yugi's Grandpa wasn't even finished yet. "But don't let that cool you off. He's a loaded pistol who likes pina colads and getting caught in the rain." Right on cue the song in question started to blast from the evil king's built in surround sound stereo system. "Yours for the rescuing, Princess Bakura." Syrus came and it splattered all over the screen. Yugi's grandpa cleared his throat uncomfortably and pretended to ignore it.

"So will it be bachelorette number one, bachelorette number two or bachelorette number three?" Grandpa questioned and flicked the king's goo off of himself. Thelonius wiped the dripping jizz off of the big screen so his lord could take another gander at his choices before deciding. Guard Jeff and his clones began to chant and scream numbers from the sidelines. Uh oh, it was getting harder again in more ways than one. Cyrus clutched his head in frustration and clawed at his hair.

"Three? One? Three?" he asked the crowd and none other than his best slave for life Thelonius answered him. "Three!" Thelonius said and did a peace sign. "Pick number three, my lord!" Thelonius was so thoughtful taking his huge organism into consideration like that. "Okay, okay, uh, number three!" Syrus shouted, and grandpa nodded approvingly. A wise choice. "Lord Cyrus, you've chosen... Princess Bakura." He said and there he was, Princess Bakura, Cyrus Truesdale's new bride to be right there on the screen. The song blasted louder than ever before and Cyrus came and came and came. He wanted it to be played at their wedding on friday.

"Princess Bakura. He's perfect." Cyrus said in delight after he got a tissue from evil kingdom storage to wipe off the fluids. "All I have to do is just find someone who can go..." Grandpa widened. Uh oh, he forget to mention something about Princess Bakura. The alzheimers was really getting to him. "But I probably should mention the little thing that happens at night." he tried and waddled over to Cyrus despite his ever failing liver. "I'll do it!" Cyrus shouted, trying his best to ignore the looming old man. He hated those guys.

"Yes, but after sunset-" Grandpa didn't even have time to finish like Cyrus had just done again and again all over the room, because that horrible man slapped Grandpa right across the face! Yowchies! "Silence! I will make this Princess Bakura my queen, and DuLoc will finally have the perfect king!" Cyrus yelled and Yugi's Grandpa trembled in fear and let me tell you it was not the good kind. "Captain, assemble your finest men. We're going to have a tournament!" Cyrus Truesdale smiled evilly into the night and then everything went black.

Cut back to Rod Guy and that Jaden Yuki, the two were walking towards the Truesdale castle itself after coming out of these huge sunflowers. Rod Guy's allergies had acted up and he had coughed up some hairballs but besides that everything had been pretty ok. The downside? Jaden would just not shut the fuck up. "But that's it, that's it right there. That's DuLoc, I told ya I'd find it!" he said while pointing up at the castle. Rod Guy rolled his stuff. Arrogant and cocky people were like his least favorite kinds, really.

"So, that must be Lord Cyrus's castle." Marik noted, looking up at the extremely tall building. It might be the only thing in the country that was bigger than Marik. He was a little surprised because holy shit it's not every day you see something that massive. Unless, that is, you unbutton Marik's pants. "Uh-huh. That's the place." Jaden Yuki said, nodding a lot of times. He just couldn't sit still. "Do you think maybe he's compensating for something?" Roddy laughs (roars) and elbows Jaden Yuki in the ribs, waiting for him to react to his oh so hilarious joke. It didn't happen. Jaden Yuki did not laugh once! What the fuck, Jaden Yuki? Marik groaned and began to head towards the Parking Lot of the Castle.

"Hey, wait! Wait up, Marik!" Jaden Yuki said and ran as fast as he could to catch up with him. Marik's legs were so long and that Jaden Yuki's were not so of course as per usual it took a very very very long time. "Hurry, darling. We're late." Ted said and left. "Hurry." Ted said and he scurried away. Enough of that, there is now a fellow standing around wearing a huge head shaped in God's image. Okay, not God's precisely, but Cyrus Truesdale's. He might as well be God in this world. Everything about him was powerful. "Hey, you!" Marik said, noticing that piece of shit. He hated the way he looked.

The Masked Man screamed in horror. His mother had been killed by a Rod Man. He thought he was over it because they only appeared in his most horrible nightmares, but here he was standing right in front of him. He began running, running running trying desperately to get away but it was no use! "Wait, a second." Marik tried to reason with him but the man was having none of it. Tears were streaming down his face and the screams could be heard all across the land. Rod Men must die.

"I'm not gonna eat you!" Rod Guy tried to reason with him again. That one was a bit of a lie, though. He didn't know how well he could control his urges, but you know how it goes. Eventually he just gave up and walked right through the rope thingies to get to the Castle Entrance. The screaming subsided when the Masked Man crashed into the wall and all that was left was a resounding silence. The last thing he saw was a Rod Man before everything was gone. Bye, Guard Man Bob.

Rod Job looked around the kingdom, and let me tell you what a piece of shit kingdom it was. He desired his swamp, his home. "It's quiet...too quiet." He said to Jaden Yuki who was just kind of dancing by himself. "Where IS EVERYBODY?" Roddy demanded. He wasn't getting any younger and he needed to get his swamp back! "Hey, look at this!" Jaden shouted and ran over to a booth thing. It gave Marik very bad vibes in his rod but he had long stopped trying to reason with a donkey. He pulled the lever and a bunch of little dolls came out. Marik screamed.

Every one of those wooden friends were dressed up like the extremely well known and very sexy bootylicious Dark Magician Girl. She is so sexy but these little dolls were awful renditions. They didn't even get her hips right. Marik opened his mouth to criticize the worksmanship but then they started to sing. "Welcome to DuLoc such a perfect town

Here we have some rules

Let us lay them down

Don't make waves, stay in line

And we'll get along fine

DuLoc is perfect place

Please keep off of the grass

Shine your shoes, wipe your..." The dolls paused and turned around to show off their fine wooden rear ends. Marik widened. These Dark Magician Girls were more frisky than he had first anticipated. "Face. DuLoc is, DuLoc is

DuLoc is perfect place." Their song had been completed. The Ladies receded and out popped a camera and with a flash Jaden Yuki and the Rod Man had been caught on film together. It sizzled out of the little slit and Marik kind of wanted to die in that moment. How disgusting, if anyone saw this they'd know he was hanging out and spending actual time with Jaden of all people. He couldn't let that happen. With a Rod Like hurrumph he crumped it to the ground. His power was too great though and when he tossed it a huge crater was left in the earth.

"Wow...Let's do that again!" Jaden said excited and extended his mindslave flesh out to start the wicked dance number all over again but Marik let out an earth shattering cry. "No no no no! No." Rod Guy leaned down soooo much just to whisper the words in Jaden's ear. Eww. Jaden was about to cry but then they heard trumpet fanfare and they knew all too well what that meant! They looked at each other before making a dash for the arena. The time was now, and Roddy's rod leaked with anticipation.

Jaden continued humming the Dark Magician Girl's dance number and Marik groaned at how untalented he was. "All right. You're going the right way for smack bottom." he warned him and Jaden said "Sorry about that." and lowered his head in shame. A single tear slid down his eye hole. But enough of that because soon they were in the Arena and watched with rods in their eyes at the one they were looking for, Lord Cyrus the big man himself, was giving a speech to his very own kingdom.

Everyone was crying at his words and even Rod Guy felt a little choked up before he realized this was the FOOL who had stolen from him his home! "That champion will have the honor- no no, the privilege to go forth and rescue Princess Bakura from the fiery keep of the dragon. Some of you may die, but it's a sacrifice...I am willing to make." The crowed went fucking wild, what a way that guy had with words!

"Let the tournament begin!" King, wait, sorry, Lord Cyrus shouted to the heavens and lifted his head high to the sky. It wasn't actually that high because of his incredibly short stature but it felt that way to him. The reality of it was that maybe he was 3 feet off the ground tops, but hey, whos counting. Marik is. He stood back measuring up that piece of literal garbage from the sidelines. How the fuck could someone that tiny have stolen his swamp? What bollshit.

From his throat, he started making rod gurgles. MgMmm. Cyrus heard those disgusting MhMM's from all the way up where he was at and looked down. "Oh! What is THAT?" He started to cry. This wasn't the first time Rod Man had this effect on someone and it certainly wouldn't be the last. "It's hideous!" Lord Cyrus screamed like a baby toddler and covered his eyes. He just couldn't bear to look anymore. Marik looked down at Jaden Yuki and then back to Cyrus Truesdale. "Ah, that's not very nice. It's just a donkey." Roddy said, Marik definitely understood the reaction though, he too found Jaden disgusting.

Cyrus stopped screaming for a second to direct his full attention to Guard Jeff who was currently trembling in fear. This was his THIRD encounter with the Rod Man and if he had it his way he would have never met him once. We don't always get what we want. Misery is inevitable. "Indeed. Knights, new plan!" Cyrus said with a shrill little screetch. His eyes stared straight into Guard Jeff's soul and they screamed "don't disappoint me again" without words. "The one who kills the ogre will be named champion! Have at him!" Cyrus cranked up the volume on his boom box to maximum overload.

"Get him!" Guard Jeff cried out, determined to not be a disappointment to his ancestors. 'Mother, forgive me,' he thought as he and his men began to surround the Rod Guy. Marik did not look fazed at all though and bumped into the giant beer barrel that Cyrus had in his arena. Uh oh, if you know Rod Guy like we do then you KNOW that he does not handle alcohols that well. Something within him changed that day when he saw the beers and some say his eyes grew 10 times that day.

"Can't we just settle this over a pint?" he said to the guards but they would not stop surrounding him. Oh well. He had warned them. Roddy went into full on Rod Mode. "No? Alright then. Come on!" And with that he THRUST his hand into the huge beer barrel and began gargelliing down every last bit of it. The barrel was the size of at least 2 Rod Guys but he had engulfed it all, desiring the numbing release only the tacquil could bring him. "mMMYAAAAAAAGH" he screamed and started crushing the guards with his bare hands, cracking their skulls. Carnage was getting all over his shirt. But despite the blood bath he was still able to hear the wicked tunes coming from Lord Cyrus's boom box.

"I don't give a damn 'bout my reputation

You're living in the past, it's a new generation

A girl can do what she wants to do and that's what I'm gonna do

An' I don't give a damn 'bout my bad reputation

Oh no, not me

An' I don't give a damn 'bout my reputation

Never said I wanted to improve my station

An' I'm only doin' good when I'm havin' fun

An' I don't have to please no one

An' I don't give a damn 'bout my bad reputation

Oh no, not me, oh no, not me

I don't give a damn 'bout my reputation

I've never been afraid of any deviation

An' I don't really care if you think I'm strange

I ain't gonna change

An' I'm never gonna care 'bout my bad reputation

Oh no, not me, oh no, not me

Pedal, boys!

An' I don't give a damn 'bout my reputation

The world's in trouble, there's no communication

An' everyone can say what they wanna to say

It never gets better, anyway

So why should I care about a bad reputation anyway?

Oh no, not me, oh no, not me

I don't give a damn 'bout my bad reputation

You're living in the past, it's a new generation

An' I only feel good when I got no pain

An' that's how I'm gonna stay

An' I don't give a damn 'bout my bad reputation

Oh no, not me, oh no, not me

Not me, not me"

sang the boom box.

Marik wiped off the blood from his tunic. He would have to get this dry cleaned later, ugh. From out of the corner of his eye he sees Jaden Yuki break dancing and singing even though the boom box had long since stopped its singing. Marik rolled a rod. "Hey, Marik, tag me! Tag me!" Jaden said, and did a little spin while balancing on his head. Even Rod God could admit those were some pretty sweet moves. He sighed deeply, he didn't really want Jaden Yuki to be apart of this but with beats that sick how could he refuse?

Immediately he grabbed hold of Guard Jeff who was frantically screaming and begging for him to please have mercy but Marik would not. Guard Jeff's head collided with Jaden Yuki's in a battle of the century. Poor guy, he had already suffered so much today but it just kept getting worse. Slowly, Guard Jeff fell to the ground in a heap and more of his bones shattered. His eyelids started to droop and Guard Jeff slipped away. Roddy laughed and jumped up on some rople things to really get the job done. Marik is all about being as interactive as possible with his adoring audience.

"The chair! Give him the chair!" a lady in the audience screamed, she was getting super into his performance. Rod Bod never disappoints his fans and did what she desired, pulling a chair from rod storage and really getting it done. The wood met Guard Jeff's corpse and the audience loved every minute of it. "Oh yeah! Ah! Ah! Thank you very much! I'm here till Thursday! Try the veal. Hahaha!" Roddy laughed and laughed, loving the attention. Everywhere that Rod Guy went he stole the hearts of many. But all the laughter stopped when even more guards came out of nowhere to put an end to the bullshit.

"Shall I give the order, sir?" another Guard who was not Jeff asked Lord Cyrus. "No, I have a better idea." Cyrus whispered to the night and raised his hands up high again. "People of DuLoc, I give you our champion! he screeched and once again that crowed went wild. But wait a minute, what the fuck was he talking about? "What?" Marik screamed. This wasn't what he signed up for. "Congratulations, ogre. You've won the honor of embarking on a great and noble quest." Cyrus said to the Rod Guy, and all eyes were on his huge figure once more. Roddy narrowed sinisterly. "Quest? I'm already on a quest! A quest to get my swamp back!" he yelled back at him and people in the audience covered their eyes and cowered in fear. Roddy had them but then he lost them, sometimes it isn't easy being yourself. "Your swamp?" said Cyrus but as a question. "YEAH! MY SWAMP! Where you dumped those fairy tale creatures!" Rod Stick yodeled.

Syrus Truesdale thought really hard for a moment. The veins in his huge forehead started to pop out because he was thinking THAT much hard but then he discovered it. A plan. "Indeed. All right, ogre. I'll make you a deal." He evilled, oh man he was super proud of himself for this one. You aren't going to believe the amazing idea that this little man had. "Go on this quest for me, and I'll give you your swamp back." He chuckled with sinisterness and his eyes glowed red.

"Exactly the way it was?" Roddy questioned, considering the man's offer. Listen, Marik was no mindslave but he was more than likely about to do exactly what Cyrus told him. "Down to the last slime-covered toadstool." Cyrus confirmed and he meant it too. He had powers beyong your wildest dreams. "And the squatters?" Roddy questioned again because he had to get every detail right. He didn't want to be betrayed again. It happens all the time, the most recent betrayal being that of his ex mindslave Gregory Goodwin Pincus. He had thought Gregory was his most treasured Mindslave but like most things in Marik's life, it had been a lie.

"As good as gone." The evil Lord spoke very sure of himself but he had no idea how difficult it is to get rid of somebody like Will Ferrell. Many have tried and all have failed. He just keeps coming back for more movies. "What kind of quest?" Marik asked and maybe he really was the mindslave all along.

Just a few minutes later Rod Guy and that Jaden Yuki were walking through another hoard of sunflowers. Marik was feeling just a little glum about having to go on a quest and submitting to being a mindslave but Jaden, as always, just wouldn't shut the fuck up. "Let me get this straight. You're gonna go fight a dragon and rescue a princess, just so Lord Syrus will give you back a swamp which you only don't have because it's filled with freaks in the first place. Is that about right?" Jaden rambled on and on and on and for like the thousandth time that day Marik just wanted to end it all. "You know, maybe there's a good reason donkeys shouldn't talk." Roddy growled and started making his instinctual rod noises as a defense mechanism. Why had Anubus forsaken him like this?

"I don't get it, why don't you just pull some of that ogre stuff on him?" Jaden asked because he was not at all fazed by the Rod's moping. He really had been around him for too long. "Throttle him, lay siege to his fortress, grind his bones to make your bread, the whole ogre trip!" Jaden said more, looking up at Rod God with a strange look in his eye. Could it be hope? Roddy couldn't tell for sure. "Oh I know what. Maybe I could decapitate an entire village and put their heads on a pike, gotten a knife, cut open their spleen and drink their fluids!" Rod Stick cacawed and flapped his arms, feeling a little bird like at that moment and no one was there to stop him. Jaden's jaw dropped to the floor. No literally, it was just hanging out there. Rod Guy's weird biology was rubbing off on him. "Does that sound good to you?" Roddy finished and starting walking away, his long long long legs never failed him. "Uh, no, not really, no." That Jaden Yuki said and barreled over to him.

Marik rid the world of the sunflowers by swatting them out of existence with his huge muscular hands. Not a trace of them was left, it was like they were never even born. Instead of a fate like that befalling sunflowers it was one more befitting of the Rod Man himself. Roddy knew that too and his weird rod ears drooped at the thought. "For your information, there's a lot more to Rod Men than people think." He said, stopping his violent outburts for the time being to have a moment with his brutha. Jaden Yuki shook his head in disbelief. "Example?" Jaden asked, he was totally calling bullshit on this one.

Marik slowed down a little so Jaden wouldn't have to barrel down the path to keep up. Jaden was eternally thankful for that since it makes having a conversation with Rod a whole lot easier. "Example? Okay, um, Rod Men are like onions." Marik held out his onion. Jaden Yuki saw no problem with this and put his nose to it as soon as he could but then recoiled. It smelled exactly like Marik did on his bad days (every day). "They stink?" Jaden said, it was not a question even though he made it sound like one. You can only fool a donkey for so long. "Yes- no!" Marik shouted and pounded his fists to his chest like a big ape. When you really think about it the only difference between Marik and gorillas is that he's a bit more lacking in the personality department. "They make you cry?" Jaden said, again, this is not a question. He and everyone else unfortunate enough to cross the Rod's path have burst into tears at one point or another. "No!" Marik lifted his head to the heavens and screamed a scream so loud that Will Ferrell went deaf in his right ear. Just his right one though.

"Ohh, you leave them in the sun, they get all brown, start sprouting little white hairs." Jaden was once again not affected in the SLIGHTEST by the Roddy cries. "No! Layers!" Rod Man screamed the words too and began peeling his onion. "Onions have layers. Rod Men have layers! Onions have layers, you get it. We both have layers." he squawked, and with that his demonstration was done and he mercilessly threw his onion to the ground. Yet another small crater was left in the earth due to the power. You need to remember that there is a little part of Rod Guy everywhere you go. But anyway, Jaden was not convinced and used his small legs to catch up to the Rod Guy who started to walk away again.

"Oh, you both have layers! ...You know, not everyone likes onions." he pointed out and started panting, out of breath, trying trying always trying just to stay by the Rod guy's side! He was too powerful! But then he was. "Cake! Everybody loves cake! Cakes have layers!" he laughed with glee and did a little clap too! The act reminded Roddy of something but he couldn't really place it. God was playing mind games with him once again. "I DON'T CARE...what everyone likes. Rod Men are not like cakes." he said and crushed another foolish sunflower flesh for emphasis. Years later the entire race of the sunflowers would go completely extinct, all thanks to the Rod Man.

"You know what else everybody likes?" Jaden asked when he finally caught up to him. Marik did not answer. "Parfaits. Have you ever met a person, you say, "Let's get some parfait," they say, "Hell no, I don't like no parfait"? Parfaits are delicious." Jaden said, his drool getting all over the place. Some of it dripped onto Marik's boots and he shook it off. Yuck. "No! You dense, irritating, miniature beast of burden! Rod Men are like onions! End of story. Bye-bye. See ya later." Marik did a little wave to really get the point across. Jaden Yuki did not seem to care and kept on going. "Parfaits may be the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet." This was factual information do not doubt that Jaden Yuki even for one second.

Marik rolled. "You know, I think I preferred your humming." It was one rod against the world and he could only put up with it for so much longer. He desired the sweet numbing release of alchol once more, his buzz from earlier was wearing off. "Do you have a tissue or something? I'm making a mess. Just the word parfait makes me start slobbering." Jaden said when he noticed the waterfall coming out of his huge mouth. Marik's fucking finished with the bullshit. He had NOTHING AT ALL to offer this FUCKING ASSHOLE and even if he did he wouldn't let Jaden Yuki get his dirty mindslave fingers all over his precious belongings. Roddy vowed right then and there that the only thing he'd ever give to Jaden Yuki was a knife through the throat.

As the man and his mindslave kept walking they heard music start playing from up there in the sky above. Of course, his late bff Joey Wheeler had prepared a little song for them and their journey! Joey cleared his throat on the cloud he was sitting on and sang out the words beautifully.

"I'm on my way from misery to happiness today

I'm on my way from misery to happiness today

I'm on my way to what I want from this world

And years from now you'll make it to the next world

And everything that you receive up yonder

Is what you gave to me the day I wandered

I'm on my way

I'm on my way" Joey sang and sang and sang and Marik waved up to him from up in heaven, tears leaking from his Rod. Joey always knew just what to say, it was like he could see right through him But not all good things can last forever, and soon they approached a huge castle on the horizon with lava and everything! They couldn't see it yet but it was there, don't worry. Jaden sniffed the air and then immediately puked up everywhere. Eww. "Oh, Marik! Did you do that? You gotta warn somebody before you just crack one off. My mouth was open and everything!" Jaden complained and just left the puke there for someone else to deal with. Not His Problem.

Marik glared rods at him. "Believe me, Donkey, if it was me you'd be dead." he said and then waited for Jaden to laugh but no laughter came. Yikes. Marik tried to change the subject, he hated uncomfortable situations. "It's brimstone. We must be getting close." he said after he lifted his huge nose high to the air and took a huge whiff. "Yeah right, brimstone. Don't be talking about it's the brimstone. I know what I smell, it wasn't no brimstone. Didn't come off no stone either." Jaden complained again and again as they towered the brimstone.

Something not a lot of people know about Roddy is that he did some mountain climbing back in his day. As a small lad he climbed not only the mountains themselves but also the popularity rankings among the prosportman. It all changed when he met the mill. rod though. After that he had no time for hobbies other than his murder plans. But yeah, he is climbing like he used to and rocking this brimstone like its nobodies business. When he looked down his smile dissipated instantly. There is lava as far as the eye can see which is very very very far if you're the Rod Man. Everything about him was powerful including but not limited to the rods in his eyes.

Even worse was The Castle is right smack dab in the middle of all those lavas too! Roddy was shocked at first but then he smiled. "Sure, it's big enough, but look at the location!" Roddy laughed a big rod man laugh and nudged Jaden Yuki but then it transformed into nervous cackling. There was no god so if he died here where would he go? Is there heaven? Roddy doesn't have the answers.

"Uh Marik? Do you remember when you said Rod Men have layers?" Jaden Yuki said also nervously they both started walking over the foolish brimstone and to a bridge. Now keep in mind that Rod Guy is at least 8 meters tall and over a thousand pounds and that bridge did not look like it could carry a single mill rod. "Oh, aye." said Marik who did not see a problem. Maybe he was unaware of his girth? "Well uh, I have a bit of a confession to make. Donkeys don't have layers. We wear of fear right out there on our sleeves!" Jaden pointed at his Cool Red Jacket Sleeve to really get the point across and Marik rolled. "Wait a second, donkeys don't have sleeves!" Roddy pointed out with a boom of laughter. Bam. Someone somewhere went deaf.

"You know what I mean." Jaden said angrily, god nothing seemed to be going right for either of them! Marik had lost his faith and Jaden was just being difficult. "Look you can't tell me you're afraid of heights." Rod Bod said and pointed to the creaky bridge. The lavas were bubbling underneath it and it would be so so easy to just throw that Jaden Yuki in right then and there but as you know a Rod Guy never loses his cool. "No, I'm just a little uncomfortable about being on a rickety bridge over a boiling lake of lava!" Jaden screamed. "Come on, Donkey. Im right beside ya ok? For emotional support." Marik lied. "We'll just tackle this thing together one little baby step at a time." he lied some more and then smiled like a Rod Guy on the edge. He suddenly had a master plan to get rid of Jaden Yuki. Permanently. It was time to say goodbye.

Jaden Yuki shuffled his feet. "Really?" He said, and it was obvious just how much he feared death. You should too. Someday we all die. "Really, really." Said the Rod and grabbed tight hold of him and he was ready to Kill Jaden Yuki For Good. It was going to be the one good thing that happened today and Marik intended to celebrate it for years to come. "Okay, that makes me feel so much better." Jaden breathed a sigh of relief but when he actually stepped on the bridge he was not feeling it anymore at all. Heaven is a lie. Hell is a lie. There is no punishment for the damned. "Just keep moving and don't look down." Marik said and shoved him more and more over the rickety bridge. If he just pushed him a little more to the left he'd fall in and his flesh and bone would melt away. He'd never be forced to hear another shitty rendition of a song again, happiness was so close but yet so far.

"Okay, don't look down. Don't look down. Don't look down. Keep on moving. Don't look down." Jaden mumbled under his breath and Rod's words gave him a little reassurance. Just a little though because fucking shit that Jaden Yuki had fucked up and one of the boards fell right away. Jaden did just what Marik told him not to do. He looked down. Right before his little eyes the board that was only just under his feet moments before melted into a pile of goop, it looked a bit like Marik's cooking. "MARIK! I'M LOOKING DOWN!" Jaden Yuki shrieked and started panicing and spazzing out and spinning in a circle. "OH GOD! I CAN'T DO THIS! JUST LET ME OFF, PLEASE!" Jaden might have peed his pants but who really knows for sure.

"But you're already halfway!" Marik pointed out, trying to distract him so that he could push him over without having to deal with any struggling. The end was near. "But I know that half is safe!" Jaden screamed back, pointing to That Half and trying his hardest not to cry in front of the Rod Guy because holy shit he had dealt with enough embarrassment throughout this journey anyway. "Okay, fine I don't have time for this. You go back." Marik shouted in rage, rats his plan had been foiled. But he figured that there would be more opportunities later, it was only a matter of time.

He put another step forward on the bridge and it's really a wonder that the thing didn't crumble right underneath him because everything else in the world was at the moment. Even the Gods feared him. "Marik, no! Wait!" Jaden cried out as he witnessed the destruction with his own two eyes. "Just, Donkey, wait- let's have a dance now shall we?" Rod Guy argued as Jaden kept screaming and screaming until Roddy lost his temper and used all of his rod strength to sway the bridge up up like a swing. When he was just a lad, in addition to climbing mountains he also was rather fond of the numbing release that only a swing set could bring him. "Don't do that!" Jaden screamed more.

It was hard for the Rod Man to supress his snicker. If he couldn't kill Jaden then making him cry out from fear was better than nothing. He made do with what little he had. "Oh, I'm sorry. Do what?" Marik's eyes were glowing red and his grip on the thin rope tightened. "Oh, this?" Marik hopped and bounced and slung them all over the place. This was the root of all Jaden Yuki's trauma, he was going to have nightmares about this for decades. "Yes, that!" Jaden cried, tears falling down his face. He was sniffing and screaming and Marik had already gotten used to Jaden Yuki acting and looking like a toddler but wow could he even be more immature? What a baby.

"Yes? Yes, do it." Marik said, ignoring Jaden shaking his head frantically and screaming for help. "Okay!" He shouted and continued being an emotionally abusive sack of shit. Bullying is uncool, don't be like Roddy, kids. "No, Marik! No! Stop it!" Jaden Yuki's screams were getting more and more incoherent but Marik knew what he was saying. The more upset he got the better Marik felt inside. "You said do it! I'm doin it!" Marik tried to reason but there was no justification for his actions.

"I'm donna die. I'm gonna die. Marik, I'm gonna die." Jaden Yuki mumbled his last mumble but then oh! He stopped flying through the air and his feet touched something more solid than the rotten wooden boards. The Castle had been reached but at what price? Well, I have an answer for you! The price is 100$ an hour once a week, every week for Jaden Yuki. Therapy was expensive. "That'll do, donkey. That'll do." Marik evilled and then stepped onto the not-so-brimstone himself. What a jolly good time they had together!

"...Cool." Jaden said because he was instantly over it. The therapy had done wonders. "So where is this fire breathing pain in the neck anyway?" he yodeled, trotting back to Rod Guy's side. "Inside, waiting for us to rescue her!" Rod Guy laughed and laughed at his own joke but once more received nothing but silence. Even God wasn't smiling. "I was talking about the dragon, Marik." Jaden said super seriously and that was that. Marik knew for certain now that he really was the mindslave all along.

But anyway, soon the two fellas were inside the castle walls itself. The place was super spooky and it looked like it hadn't been cleaned in weeks, maybe years! Rod Bod was disgusted to say the least. He always kept his swamp in tip top condition. He would have to exchange some cleaning tips with the princess or something. "Are you afraid?" Jaden asked, clearly afraid. "No." said Rod Bod, who only fears God.

"But-" "Shh!" Roddy wouldn't let him finish. He had enough of the fucking bullshit and just wanted to get this god damn quest over with. "Oh good, me neither." Jaden said and looked over and gasped. There it was, the skeleton of the forlorn Yugi's Grandpa who had tried in vain to rescue the princess. Just look what trying gets you in life. That's why it's always best to submit.

"'Cause there's nothing wrong with being afraid! Fear's a sensible response to an unfamiliar situation. Unfamiliar dangerous situation I must add." Jaden rambled and rambled and it just would not stop. Roddy turned around and raised his rod threateningly but it was too dark to see. "With a dragon that breathes fire and eats knights and breathes fire, it sure doesn't mean you're a coward if you're a little scared!" Marik raised his rod even more to the night. "I sure as heck ain't no coward. I know that." Jaden finished but it was too late.

This was too much for his small heart to handle! "Donkey, two things, okay?" Marik started and held up two fingers. Jaden Yuki looked up at him expectantly. "Shut... up." Marik said, offering no advice or comfort to his trembling 'friend'. Jaden should have seen it coming, the only thing he ever gets from Marik is ridicule. He lowered his head solemnly.

"Now go over there and see if you can find any stairs." Marik commanded his (mind)slave, the one good thats come out of Jaden's being here is that now he can do all the work for him! Haha, Roddy is a genius! He highfived himself. "Stairs? I thought we was lookin for the princess." Jaden cocked his head to the side like a confused dog, which he isn't, and he isn't a donkey either. Just a really confused guy.

Marik thiefed Yugi's Grandpa's helmet right off of his deceased head and dusted it off. "The princess will be up the stairs in the highest room of the tallest tower." Rod said and put it on. Whenever he changes his hat, his profession is also altered. Now Roddy is a rad bad knight and on the prowl for dragon flesh. "What makes you think she'll be there?" Jaden's head was still cocked to the side and if he wasn't careful it would get stuck that way. "I read it in a book once." Marik shrugged and walked away. Jaden breathed a sigh of relief, maybe finally he'd start to feel less shitty now that he doesn't have Marik around to put him down.

"Cool. You handle the dragon. I'll handle the stairs." Jaden said and now he too is on the hunt. "I'll find those stairs. I'll whip their butt too. Those stairs won't know which way they're goin" he said and with that he was truly out of there.

Cut to a few minutes later and Jaden was still wandering around aimlessly, lost and confused as usual. He had gotten to the point where he was talking to himself but again that wasn't too out of the ordinary. "I'm gonna take drastic steps. Kick it to the curb. Don't mess with me. I've mastered the stairs. I wish I had a step right here. I'd step all over it!" As Jaden kept talking and talking he did not realize the horrible decision he was making. He had wandered into a forbidden realm. This would be the last mistake. Someone was approaching from behind him.

But cut back to Rod Guy who was looking up at the huge tower, which was without a doubt the tallest room in the tallest tower. He patted himself on the back for another job well done. "Well, at least we know where the princess is. But where's the..." he was cut off by a loud scream in the night. "DRAGON!" Jaden yowled in fear as the one and only Jim Cook charged at him with a loud roar. Just as he started shooting fireballs through his mouth hole Rod Guy swept in yodeling while flying on a vine kind of like in the jungle. Jim was outraged to say the least and tried to get his humongous hands on the cute little Jaden but to no avail. It was a good thing Rod Guy was there, Jaden would have been a goner for sure! "Donkey, look out!" Roddy screeched and dropped Jaden and then attacked Jim with his own bare hands. "Got ya!"

Jim rolled the rod in his eye, and look, he's doing his best ok because Jim Cook does not have two eyes to roll! I promise that if he could, he would. After the rolling he used one of his large and powerful legs to kick the Rod God away and into the air. See ya, wouldn't wanna be ya, Roddy. What Jim Cook had not planned on was Roddy crashing into the highest room of the tallest tower! Oh well, he had bigger fish to fry. The fish being that extremely tiny and adorable Jaden Yuki trembling in fear right now. Alright, Jaden isn't technically a fish. Or a dog. Or a donkey. He's just as confused as we are, honestly.

In that very tallest room of the tallest tower resides Princess Bakura. The room is super bland though and Marik realized while lying down on the cold hard brimstone that all princesses must have zero decorating skills. How embarrassing. But it wasn't just embarrassing for Princess Bakura because the loud rod like gurgle had awoken him from his sleep and he witnessed his humiliating encounter with Jim Cook. Don't mess with Australians, they will defeat you without guilt.

In fact, right now Jim Cook is Ready For His Meal. Jaden Yuki looked up at the giant cowboy with fear in his eyes and started to back away as much as he could with his trembling legs. He was really starting to miss the bridge right now. It's highly likely that Jaden would be traumatized for life, on the off chance that he lived anyway. Jaden screamed and Jim Cook stomped onto the ground with one long cowboy leg and boom! Pow! The bridge started falling away. In fact, ALL of the bridge started falling away. Jaden put his tiny hands together and started to pray to his savior to let him into the big pearly gates but oh! Every part of the bridge had fallen EXCEPT the itty bitty teeny tiny circle he was screaming on. Thank God, I mean, goodness. Don't use the lords name in vain when you're about to meet him face to face.

"No! Oh, no. No!" Jaden Yuki couldn't even beg for his life, his mind was racing and the only word that his lips could form right now was 'no'. Jim Cook roared and flashed his pristine white cowboy teeth. He must floss at minimum twice a day. Or maybe his parents were dentists (cowboy dentists).

"Oh, what large teeth you have-" Jaden stammered, trying to bring up his smooth moves that he normally puts on for the ladies. If you ever need a good pick up line, tell a sexy that she's got some large teeth, it always works. Trust me on this one. Jim Cook however was not The Ladies, and he growled threateningly. "I mean white, sparkling teeth." Jaden quickly corrected. "I know you probably hear this all the time from your food, but you must bleach, cause that is one dazzling smile you got there." And it was true, Jim cook's cowboy dentist parents would be sure proud to hear that their fine work was being complimented. Jim was going to HAVE to give them a ring later.

"Do I detect a hint of minty freshness? And you know what else? You're-" Jaden paused and then noticed it. An obvious rosy blush had colored Jim Cook's cheeks. "Youre a gay dragon! Oh, sure! I mean, of course, you're a gay dragon!"

Jim Cook gave another humongous smile, one of the biggest you ever did see. "I mean you're just reeking of gay beauty!" Jaden continued nervously, trying his best to flee the homo. Jim Cook started to bat his eyelashes and it was clear to everyone involved that he thought of Jaden as more than a cowboy partner. "What's the matter with you you got something in your eye?" Jaden questioned as Jim Cook sat back light the candles for their beautiful candle lit dinner that they were having right here right now. Jaden finally understood.

"Ohh. Oh. Oh. Man I'd really like to stay but I'm uh-" That Jaden Yuki had no time to finish his uncomfortable plea because if you didn't know it Jim Cook was a smoker, and he used his cigarette smoke to blow a smoke in the shape of heart right in Jaden's face. You know what they say, never trust a cowboy you know. Jaden wheezed and coughed and cried as the horrible stuff filled his lungs. "I'm an asthmatic" Jaden lied. "And I don't know if it would work it if you're gonna blow smoke rings. MARIK!" he screamed it at the end, a desperate plea but it was too late. The Gay had got him.

Jim Cook picked Jaden up with his HUGE cowboy hands and carried him all the way to his lair. "NOOO MARIK! MARIK! MARIK!" Jaden cried. But they were completely in vain because now Rod Guy was distracted with...other things. There the Rod Man was, picking himself off the cold floor with a rod like mwagh. Princess Bakura watched the whole thing unfold before his own two eyes. He had been waiting years and years and years for The Rod and soon he would have it in his possession. Roddy was about to turn around so he quickly straightened out his beautiful princess dress to make sure he was looking his best.

Princess Bakura quickly snatched the bouquet of roses off the table beside him. He kind of wanted to stick it in his mouth because he was so hungry but he resisted his urges and held it inbetween his hands instead. Rod man waddled to the one furniture in the room, a really frilly bed with with an even frillier canopy draped over it. It was out of place among the brimstone. He peeled back the canopy and the princess was a sight to behold for sure. He sincerely was beautiful, it wasn't just a title he had been given. Roddy doesn't think he's ever seen someone as gorgeous as that in his entire Rod Man life. The princess kind of looked like the dead broad, Britney Spears, that was on his table back at his swamp but even prettier somehow. Marik didn't think a day would come where someone was superior to Britney Spears.

Princess Bakura puckered out his lips as far as they could go, hoping they would stretch out all the way to the Rod Man's. Roddy sniffled the air. Did he smell strawberry lip gloss? Whatever, despite the delicious aroma and gorgeous princess awaiting a kiss, he had a job to do. Marik shook that Princess and he shook him good, and if you've ever been shaken by a Rod Man, you know that they are not gentle in the slightest.

"Oh! Oh!" The princess screamed, this was not what he was expecting AT ALL. His day was ruined. "Wake up!" Marik shouted loudly into his ear, just in case. "What?" Bakura asked, he kind of wanted to cry but he held it in. His big day had been fucking ruined. "Are you Princess Bakura?" The Rod questioned The Princess, it was kind of a stupid question because who else would be in this tower? "I am, awaiting a knight so bold as to rescue me." He said, and it was a big mistake coming clean about his identity. More Rod-Manhandling was sure to come. "Oh, that's nice. Now let's go!" Roddy said and grabbed hold of the princess and they were off and jumping down the stairs two at a time.

"But wait, Sir Knight. This be-ith our first meeting. Should it not be a wonderful, romantic moment?" Said the princess, still holding back tears. He had dreamed about this day all his life and it was shaping and all he was getting from this Rod Man was disappointment.

"Yeah sorry lady, there's no time." Marik said with a little roll and started to barrel down the hallways but the soft touch of mindslave flesh on his own stopped him. Roddy widened. "Hey, wait! Where are you doing? You should sweep me off my feet out yonder window and down a rope onto your valiant steed!" Princess Bakura said so much it made Marik's rod spin. The princess refused to give up, he would have his fairytale ending if it was the last thing he did. But unfortunately, as you know, Rod Guy is a fucking asshole and just said "You've had a lot of time to plan this, haven't you?"

Princess Bakura smiled with a princess like "Mm-hmm!" But then the moment was gone and Rod Bod without warning BURST through his door and went barreling down the halls. It took the princess a bit to catch up because of Marik's massive legs and, well, the princess had not left his bed in many many years. He was surprised he still knew how to use them. "But we have to savor this moment!" Bakura insisted, still not ready to submit to the lack of rod he was receiving on this day. He was so, so, hungry.

"You could recite an epic poem for me!" Roddy gurgled to show he wasn't listening but the princess continued. "A ballad? A sonnet! A limerick? Or something!" Holy fucking shit, nothing could make Princess Bakura shut the fuck up. Marik did another gurgle and this time the princess just looked confused and lost and his mouth hole closed. He wanted something in the hole though. "I don't think so." Rod said and continued trotting down the brimstone. Bakura screamed. "Can I at least know the name of my champion?" he asked after half the kingdom of Far, Far Away had without a doubt lost their hearing. Already the two had something in common.

"Uh, I'm Marik also known by many as that Rod Guy. You've probably heard of me." Marik, also known as that Rod Guy, said matter of factly. What the fuck? Bakura had NOT ONCE heard of this strange man before. He didn't even have the privilege of being able to, princess Bakura had been locked up in a tower for the greater half of his life. "Sir Marik." Bakura cleared his throat and reached out behind him and took out a hankerchief. His hand looked suspisciously like it was going up his asshole. Ew, Marik was going to pretend he did not see that. "I pray that you take this favor as a token of my gratitude." said Princess Bakura, and when Marik did not snatch it up Bakura wiggled his hand. "Thanks..." Marik sighed and reluctantly took it.

From somewhere down below there was a loud roar from Jim Cook. Bakura's eyes got even bigger from surprise. It seems impossible, but I promise you he did it. "You didn't slay the dragon!?" Bakura shrilly screamed again, there goes the other half of the kingdom. His skills were impressive. "It's on my to-do list." Marik lied, Rod Men don't have use for such things. "Now come on!" He took Princess Bakura's tiny hand into his massive one and dragged him down the stairs. Pain.

"But this isn't right! You were meant to charge in, sword drawn, banner flying! That's what all the other knights did!" Bakura said a lot as he held back tears from the pain in his little hand. Everything about this roddy guy was powerful and he didn't like it one bit! "Yeah, right before they burst into flame!" Marik pointed out as they ran past the decaying corpse of the forlorn Yugi's Grandpa. It still looked like he was smiling and it sent a shiver straight through his rod.

"That's not the point." the princess shrieked, he hated HATED not being listened to. He had a beautiful voice and it deserved to be heard all across the land. Suddenly Roddy stopped moving and BOOM! The beautiful Princess Bakura crashed into his huge back. The impact was so great it felt like crashing into a brick wall and that's basically what it was anyway. Abs of steel you know how it goes. "Wait. Where are you going, the exit's over there!" Princess Bakura cried and pointed desperately to the exit over there. The Rod Man was trying to flee. He didn't know what it was like to be locked away for a majority of his life unable to see the outside world.

"Well I have to save my ass." Rod Guy reasoned and pointed at his ass. It didn't look like it needed saving but the princess was not one to judge. Instead he just screamed again. It wasn't the first time the Rod Man would make him scream and let me tell you it would not be the last. "What kind of knight are you?!" he asked and crossed his slender twiggy hands. "One of a kind." Roddy said sexily and then he was gone.

Jim Cook was all over that Jaden Yuki. While our hero, Marik Ishtar, dashingly saved Princess Bakura, here was Jaden being flirted with by resident gay dragon, Jim Cook. Curse his sexy charms, Jim was so into him it was unbelievable. "Slow down." Jaden said, and tried to back away but Jim Cook just kept coming onto him. "Slow down, baby, please." Jim Cook could have died right then and there at being called 'baby' by that Jaden Yuki. His face felt hotter than the fire he can spit out of his mouth on command!

"I believe it's healthy to get to know someone over a lond period of time. Call me old-fashioned-" Jaden Yuki laughed nervously and a door opened and closed quietly behind him. Rod Man was coming to save his ass. Which was Jaden, by the way, and Jaden was not an ass, or a fish, or a dog, or a donkey. Everything was so confusing for Jaden right now in more ways than one!

"I don't want to rush into a physical relationship." Jaden said when Jim Cook leaned down to give Jaden a kiss. Jim Cook settled for giving him just a small one on the cheek, he couldn't resist. Jaden cleared his throat uncomfortably. "I'm not emotionally ready for a comitment of, uh, this- magnitude really is the word I'm looking for. Magnitude-" Jaden gasped! Jim Cook was giving him a big cowboy hug and holding him very close to his hunky chest. "Hey, that is unwanted physical contact. Hey, what are you doing? Okay, okay. Let's just back up a little and take this one step at a time." Jaden physically backed up to get his point across but Jim Cook followed his every move. There was no escape.

"We really should get to know each other as friends or pen pals. I'm on the road a lot, but I just love recieving cards- I'd really love to stay but-" Jim frowned and looked sadly to the dinner table he had set up just for the two of them. Jaden was feeling the guilt set in. "Don't do that! That's my tail!" Jaden gasped in surprise! Jim Cook was lifting him up and do you remember from earlier? Jaden Yuki is afraid of heights and Jim Cook happens to be very tall! Some cowboys had no manners.

"That's my personal tail. You're gonna tear it off. I don't give permission-" Jim Cook just kept touching up on his nice and fine tail. Was he even listening? Probably not, that gay cowboy was currently getting lost in Jaden Yuki's eyes. There wasn't room for much else in his hat but that. "What are you gonna do with that? Hey now." Jim Cook was leaning in for a kiss for the second time. Jim Cook, being the guard for this here castle, had never kissed anybody before. Or even wanted to kiss anybody before. He doesn't get out much. "No way. No! No. No, no! No. nO, NO, NO. NO! OH!" Jaden screamed but here comes Roddy barreling towards him to the rescue! He was on a chandelier and booming and crashing all around the room. He narrowly missed crashing straight into Jaden Yuki himself though, which would have killed him on the spot.

Marik kept swinging on that chandelier, yodeling like some like of mindslave (which he was not, do not get him wrong) and then aimed for Jim Cook. But drats, he missed! But Roddy was not one to get up so despite Jaden's incessant screaming he locked aimed and FIRED! BAM! THE CHANDELIER IS ON THE COWBOY'S HEAD! And just in time too, that Jim Cook was just about to lay a big smooch onto that Jaden Yuki and instead kissed Marik's huge butt. Uh oh. That's probably the worst thing to happen to someone and Jim Cook yowled in rage because not only was he trapped by the chandelier but he had just lost his first kiss to the ass of a Rod Guy! Ewww!

But now there is no time to lose and Roddy and Jaden took off riding at the speed of light. It was definitely a lot like the matrix. "MYWAAAAAGH" Rod cried out because he was getting super into the moment and grabbed Jaden in one hand and the beautiful Princess Bakura in the other. "Hi princess!" Jaden greeted kindly and waved a little too despite being chased by a gay cowboy. Bakura screamed. "It talks!" he shouted. This was going to be a very very long day. He kinda wanted to be locked up again. "Yeah, it's getting him to shut up that's the trick!" Marik roared and pushed the jumbo boosters on his legs to really get the job done. His biology just kept getting weirder and weirder as he zoomed out of the way of Jim Cook's wrath. But wait, there it was on the horizon! A slide! Rod God really loved those guys and jumped on it right away, but it wasn't a slide, he had been double crossed once again. It was made of pure brimstone and as they slid down uncomfortably they wont over a crack that hit Rod right in his Rod. He screamed.

With a sploooosh and a lot more sliding and screaming the brimstone was over and done with, thankfully. Roddy stumbled as he tried to sit up and started to give his rod a massage. Bakura drooled at the sight and grabby handed for that magnificent bulge. Marik shook his head at him though, his Rod might never recover enough from this trauma be able to do the Sexual Activities ever again. Every Rod Man has their weaknesses.

Well enough of that, the gay cowboy was still hot on their trail! Time to go! He picked up his new crew again and ran for the exit and threw Jaden Yuki to the floor. Marik gently placed Bakura down though. He had a soft spot for princesses. "Okay, you two." He said in a very commanding voice and Jaden and Bakura stood up to listen to his words and heed his warnings. "Head for the exit. I'll take care of the dragon." He unsheathed his rod and walked onwards to really get things done. There are a bunch of chains going over each other and Roddy rodded an idea right out of his brain. Maybe they were connected to the chendelier Jim Cook had on him? Roddy pickled up a sword from the ground and threw it on them, and yep, they are definitely connected. Phew!

"RUN" Rod Man screamed and it echoed not only all over the castle but the entire kingdom of Far, Far Away. If the citizens weren't deaf they would have heard it and raised their rods in confusion. They were deaf though and wouldn't be hearing anything ever again. It sure sucks being them.

Anyway, they all took off running, they without a doubt listened to the Rod Guy's words and heeded his warnings. They ran and ran and ran with Jim Cook never giving up. He loved that Jaden Yuki way too much for his own good. Bye, Jim. Soon those guys were out of the castle and with the help of Marik they rodded and rodded all the way to the bridge, hanging on for dear life as Jim's fireballs burned it down! Bakura's screams burned Marik's ears though, probably worse than the fireballs ever could.

It seemed like there really was no hope, but then a miracle from Anubus. Jim Cook's chundelier was just the right amount of length to keep him contained the castle while Jaden and friends climbed up the bridge to their escape. A single tear slid down Jim's face. The gay had been escaped. Everything seemed to be back to normal as the rod gang were out of sight of the dragon and slid down the volcano looking hill to safety. "You did it! You rescued me!" Bakura squealed with glee (he was the first one down because Roddy was a gentleman) once he reached the bottom of the brimstone. "You're amazing! You're wonderful, you're.." The Princess stopped dead in his tracks as he saw the Rod Man himself roll down the hill and land right on top of Jaden Yuki with a loud "MWAAAAAAAAAAGH" Bakura was very frightened. "...A little unorthodox, I admit." he said as Marik rodded himself off of Jaden so that he didn't die. That was a close one, though.

"But thy deed is great, and thy heart is pure. I am eternally in your debt." The Princess said a lot and did a little twirl and dance to show his gratitude. Any knight would kill to see his beautiful body work that magic if you know what I mean. Jaden cleared his throat. "And where would a brave knight be without his noble steed?" Bakura screeched, the Jaden had not been forgotten.

"I hope you heard that." Jaden said and got on his tip toes to give Marik's arm a nudge. Marik had his finger jammed up his roddy ear and digging for ear wax. Of fucking course, he had not been listening. "She called me a noble steed! She thinks I'm a steed!" Jaden happily rambled to himself. It was the first truly happy ramble of his life because for Jaden, compliments are rare. "The battle is won. You may now remove your helmet, good Sir Knight." The princess said, directing his attention back to roddier things once more. Jaden was content with what little he had. "Uh, no." Marik said and started to rod away but Bakura cut him off mid-rod.

"Why not?" Bakura huffed and puffed and put his hands on his sexy hips. "I have helmet hair." Marik said and it was not entirely a lie. The odds of that being true were entirely in his favor. Actually, Marik almost always has helmet hair. It's so messy.

"Please. I would'st look upon the face of my rescuer." said the Princess and started grabbing up for it but Marik was way too tall for him to even come close to reaching. "No, no, you wouldn't-'st." Marik stumbled on his words and felt the self loathing coming on. When you're a Rod Man that happens a lot. "But how will you kiss me?" Bakura asked and batted his long and pretty eyelashes up at Marik. Marik gulped, this was NOT good. The Princess turned around to show off his best ass-et if you know what I mean and he shook it a little too. His sexy mounds were perfect and it was getting harder! FUCK, OUCH! His Rod was still injured, great.

"WHAT?" Roddy asked, getting a little flustered and trying to cover the rod which now was hurting a whole lot. "That wasn't in the job description!" he told Jaden Yuki, demanding a comforting of some kind. "Maybe it's a perk." Jaden said happily, he was still a little caught off guard from being complimented for the first time in years. That little Jaden was on cloud nine to say the least, while Marik wasn't on a cloud at all! It felt like he had finally reached Hell, where he belonged.

"No, it's destiny!" Bakura squeaked, noticing the conversation the rod was having with Jaden and not liking it one bit. He would not be denied his fate! "Oh, you must know how it goes! A princess locked in a tower and beset by a dragon is rescued by a brave knight." he paused his great story telling skills to strike a pose and look at the Rod Man with lust inside of his eyes. He had never been so ready in his life.

"And then they share...true love's first kiss." he finished and sighed dreamily. Roddy looked like hew as trying to run. He didn't know the slightest thing about love! "Hmm? With Marik? You think-wait. Wait. You think Marik is your true love?" Jaden looked like he was about to fall over from shock. If the Rod Guy got love and he didn't then he was sure that there was no God. It was clear to him now why Rod Man feared him. "Well, yes." The Princess said, he didn't see the problem. Had they seen the rod?

That Jaden Yuki and the Rod Man both toppled over to the brimstone laughing and started rolling around. This was the epitome of comedy, nothing would be funnier than what was happening right here right now. "YOU THINK MARIK IS YOUR TRUE LOVE!" Jaden Yuki managed to say inbetween his cackles. He slammed his fist on brimstone, this was just too good. "What is so funny?" Bakura asked, growing more confused by the second? What was happening? No one was giving any explanation and princess Bakura's tantrum was enevitable if things continued on at this rate.

"Let's just say I'm not your type, okay?" Marik said, and got up off of the brimstone to dust himself off. What a hoot! "Of course, you are! You're my rescuer." Bakura was trying his best to reason with him! He couldn't take his eyes off of the rod which was still being covered by Marik's large muscular hand. Bakura's drool started to trickle down his chin. "Now- Now remove your helmet!" He demanded and stomped his foot on the ground. It was going to happen whether or not Roddy wanted it to or not. It was just how the story went! Plus, their rods were rumbling for more. "Look. I really don't think this is a good idea." Marik said, sweating nervously under his helmet. It was getting too hot to handle in more ways than one. To make matters worse, Jaden Yuki was still rolling around on the brimstone, and the roaring laughter he was providing was not setting the mood. Marik kind of hoped he'd roll off the cliff.

"Just take off the helmet." Princess Bakura said super seriously, he was done fooling around. "I'm not going to." Marik said and put his hands up high to the sky and wiggled to show resistance. This was the only way he knew how to. "Take it off!" Bakura said but louder this time. His eyebrows were in a down shape to let Roddy know he was serious. He took a step closer so that his small thing was touching the big rod through the pant points.

"No!" Marik screamed. "NOW!" Bakura screamed it so loud and you could definitely hear crying in the distance from a child who lost it's hearing. They were the last survivors. "Okay! As you command...Your highness." Marik raised his rod in defense and admitted defeat. With a very very loud sigh he removed his helmet and looked at the princess dead in the eye. Now it was out there, there was no going back after getting involved with a rod guy. Bakura looked like he was about to cry.

"You- You're a...Rod Man." he whispered to the night (it wasn't night right now but still) that little princess was shocked. He had not seen this coming from miles away! "Oh, you were expecting Prince Charming." The Rod said bitterly and turned away, shielding his rod because he decided that the princess didn't deserve it at that moment for his rude reaction. Roddy sweared these people had no manners. "Well, yes actually." Bakura said because he once again did not see the problem. "Oh no this is all wrong! You're not supposed to be a Rod Guy!" He felt like he was going to cry again! How would he get the rod now?

"Princess, I was sent to rescue you by Lord Cyrus Truesdale, okay? He is the one who wants to marry you." Roddy said, deciding it best to put things all out in the open. Much like his Rod was right now. It was good to be free. "Then why didn't he come rescue me?" Bakura spoke without once taking his eyes off of the very prominent rod between them. He was a little upset before but now he's totally over it and ready for rod once more.

"Good question. You should ask him that when we get there." Marik said and rolled the rods in his eyes. He was completely finished with this conversation but the beautiful Princess just would not SHUT THE FUCK UP. "But I have to be rescued by my true love, not by some Rod Man and his- his pet." Bakura rolled right back at him, if being nice and asking for the rod wouldn't work he was going to try a new plan. Playing hard to get would without a doubt win him a Rod in a Hole!

Jaden Yuki felt tears forming in his eyes. He shouldn't be surprised that the first compliment he had gotten in years had been a lie but he was. And it hurt. "Well, so much for noble steed." Jaden said, looking to the ground to hide his tears. Where was he going to get the money for all this therapy? "You're not making my job any easier." Marik ignored Jaden's pain and as per usual only gave a shit about himself. He was a selfish, selfish man who desired only swamp. "I'm sorry, but your job is Not My Problem" Bakura turned around, he couldn't even bring himself to look at the Rod anymore. It was so close but so far and his heart and body ached that he couldn't have it.

"You can tell this 'Lord Cyrus Truesdale' that if he wants to rescue me properly, I'll be waiting for him right here." Bakura sat down on brimstone and crossed his arms. He put on his most powerful pout. Uh oh, Marik was narrowing more and more by the second. "Hey!" Marik said, his eyebrows getting low. "I'm no one's messenger boy, all right?" He rodded his way towards the Princess and growled. "I'm a delivery boy."

"You wouldn't dare" Bakura whispered to him but it was too late. Without warning he was HAULED up to the Rod Man's shoulders, and Roddy was so big and tall that it took a solid 30 seconds just for Bakura to reach his destination. "PUT ME DOWN!" he screamed, nothing could be more painful than the pain he felt right here, right now. The Rod itself had disrespected him and this would soon be the last mistake. "You comin' Donkey?" Marik ignored the princess cries and asked his ass instead. "I'm right behind ya!" Jaden replied, once again the therapy had worked it's magic. Jaden knew his place. But Princess Bakura sure as heck didn't. "Put me down, or you will suffer the consequences! This is not dignified! Put me down! AHH!" he screamed and kicked and cried but his efforts did not even put a dent in the Rod Man's stature! Bullets did nothing so kicks from a pathetic princess would do even less than nothing he was that powerful. Agony.

Hours passed though and soon Princess Bakura had calmed down from his tantrum. Like Jaden Yuki he too knew his place as a mindslave. "Okay, so here's a serious question. Say there's this homo that digs you, right, but you don't really like him that way. How do you let him down real easy so that his feelings aren't hurt, but you don't get burnt to a crisp and eaten?" Jaden asked and asked because for some reason he couldn't get that Jim Cook out of his mind. Not to worry though because as you all know, Princess Bakura is the relationship expert and knows all about that kinda stuff. Jaden Yuki is in good hands. "You just tell him he's not your true love." Bakura said all wisely and Jaden leaned in close to hear him from all the way up there. "Everyone knows what happens when you find your- AHHHHHHHHH" Bakura's great advice turned into a horrible scream at the end as he was dropped down down down to the ground. It felt like an hour had passed when he finally landed and his small pant point ached. He was ready the whole time and he was still so hungry.

"Hey!" Princess Bakura cupped his hands to his mouth and shouted up to Marik. "The sooner we get to DuLoc the better." He crossed his arms tight to his chest and frowned. Once again, he felt like crying. The amount of times that had happened today was uncountable. "You're gonna love it there, Princess." Jaden Yuki trotted beside the beautiful Bakura, trying his best to be of comfort. He knows exactly what it feels like to be mistreated by the powerful Rod Man and let me tell you it does not feel good. "It's beautiful!" He added, and Bakura perked right up at the word 'beautiful'. It reminded him of himself.

"And what of my groom-to-be? Lord Cyrus?" Bakura sniffed and turned to Jaden with hopeful eyes. He wanted to know every detail before he got there, I mean, what if he wasn't roddy? Bakura shivered at the thought. "What's he like?" This was a loaded question and Jaden pondered a moment before responding. Rod Man being the piece of shit that he was decided to interrupt and get in his much more important piece. "Let me put it this way, Princess. Men of Cyrus's stature are in short supply." Marik said and erupted into a roar of laughter. Jaden quickly joined him and reached upfor a high-five. It was only a high-five for Jaden though, it was more like a low-five for Roddy. What was so funny? Bakura did not like this one bit!

"I don't know. There are those who think little of him!" Jaden howled in laughter at his own joke and was rewarded with yet another high five. That team was unstoppable, but Bakura still didn't understand. "Stop it. Stop it both of you. You're just jealous you can never measure up to a great ruler like Lord Syrus." The Princess huffed and lifted his nose High To The Sky. Once again, he really had no idea what was going on but all he knew was a life of two things. Resistance and Rod. And if Lord Cyrus had a rod then he KNEW he would be satisfied. So much drool came from his mouth hole that if he didn't stop soon they were all going to drown.

"Yeah, well, maybe you're right, Princess." Roddy said all grossed out and rodded away from the spit. "But I'll let you do the 'measuring' when you see him tomorrow." Something changed within his own rod as the words left his mouth but it was probably just lack of stimulation. He hadn't gotten much Alone time with the rod ever since he went on this stupid quest for his swamp. "Tomorrow?" Bakura gasped and looked at the sky. The sky looked like pee pee, the sun was about to set. "It will take that long? Shouldn't we stop to make camp?" The Princess was desperate for answers, if he didn't get some shut eye and some FOOD he didn't know what would happen. The hunger.

"No, that'll take longer." Roddy said, and started to roll. He knew best. "We can keep going." He was speaking for everyone, completely uncaring that Jaden Yuki and Bakura were probably about to pass out from heat stroke. Marik seemed to get more self-centered by the second. Believe it or not, there is more to life than swamp. "But..." The Princess bit down hard on his lip. He needed to think fast but all that was on his mind was rod! "There's robbers in the woods!" He said, one of those robbers was himself actually. Being a thief king isn't something you just stop being because you're locked away in a tower for a few years. "Whoa!" Jaden Yuki screamed and stopped in his tracks. "Time out, Marik! Camp is starting to sound good." He had some incredibly valuable one of a kind trading cards on him and if there was even a CHANCE of those getting stolen they had to stop! There was just no way around it.

"Hey, come on." Marik sighed a big roddy sigh, he was surrounded by not only literal children but also some fucking pussies to boot. "I'm scarier than anything we're going to see in this forest." He said, and he did make a very good point. He was a huge terrifying monster made of muscle and was sure to scare off anything trying to hurt the little guys with him. Bakura however was as stubborn as a donkey, which Jaden is not. "I need to find somewhere to camp NOW!" He demanded and stamped his feet into the earth, also like a donkey does. Maybe Princess Bakura was the donkey all along. His loud screaming echoed and birds flew right out of the trees and into the sky, the one place where they were safe from the princesses reach. Jaden Yuki and Marik were not so lucky, when they tried to rod away like the birds, Bakura stopped them.

Just a few roddy minutes later, in a twist of fate Marik and Jaden had become Princess Bakura's mindslaves and were forced against their will to find camp. Rod Bod found a rock. He was very proud. "Hey! Over here!" he called and waved so everyone would see his rock. There was a cave in the rock, which wasn't why he had called them over but Bakura and Jaden didn't understand. "Marik, we can do better than that. I don't think this is fit for a princess." Jaden said all hesitant. He and the princess had become best buds really fast and he only wanted what was best for that Bakura. When you're Jaden Yuki friendship is elusive and he wanted to hang on to the little he could get. "No, no it's perfect. It just needs a few homey touches!" Bakura said quickly and went to get some Wood.

The thought that he might somehow some way get some food after all of this kept him going and his stomach rumbled so loudly. "Homey touches? Like what?" Marik asked with a slight narrow. Then Bakura used all of his might to tear Wood from a nearby Redwood tree. It was the best he could do with the little strength he possessed. "Um. A door?" The Princess rolled the rods in his eyes (they were always there. Rods were all he could see). "Well gentlemen, I bid thee good night!" Bakura got inside of the hole, which felt really wrong because that's where Marik belonged. "You want me to read you a bed time story? I will." Jaden offered to his new bff. "I SAID GOONIGHT!" Bakura screamed from inside and Jaden gasped. Not again.

Marik rodded it up and looked Jaden Yuki dead in the face and then back to the cool Rock he had found. This rock wouldn't fail him now. He motioned to the rock and was ready to use its great powers to trap princess Bakura inside of the cave, where he would soon meet his doom. You can't escape starvation. You can't escape dehydration. You can't escape suffocation. Death will come for you no matter where you are in the world, it's only a matter of time. "Marik, what are you doing?" Jaden gasped and looked up to the Rod wide eyed. Marik laughed, treating both death and Jaden's fear of it as a joke. "I just- you know-" Marik started to say, but Jaden was already visibly upset by Marik's blatant insensitivity. "Oh come on. I was just kidding." Marik said, it was all Jaden's fault for being offended and he had no intention of apologizing. The Rod could do no wrong.

Later that evening it was just a man and his Mindslave hanging out with the family. Theres also a campfire and Jaden was rumbling for marshmallows. He hadn't eaten in days. "And, uh, that one, that's Throwback, the only Rod Man to ever spit over three wheat fields." Marik said, pointing up to the sky to where that Throwback's home was. As I'm sure you're aware, Marik is an expert astrologist. "Right. Yeah." Jaden said and squinted at Throwback. The stars didn't look very roddy to him, but what would a donkey (Jaden isn't one) know about astronomy? Not much. "Hey, can you tell my future from these stars?" Jaden asked, remembering the evil Satorius who used tarot cards and stuff to tell the future. That guy had been really messed up and evil. "The stars don't tell the future, Donkey." Marik said and Jaden breathed a sigh of relief. "They tell stories. Look, there's Bloodnut the Flatulent. You can guess what he's famous for." Marik pointed to Bloodnut the Flatulent. He and the Rod Man definitely had some things in common.

"Aight I know you're making this up." Jaden said. He denied the existence of Bloodnut the Flatulent almost as much as Marik denied the existence of God. Maybe more. "No, look. There he is" Rod Stick pointed to where he was. "And there's the group of hunters running from his stench." he finished with a matter of fact-ish mwagh. He had studied the stars for many many years and knew all about the stories they told, trust me guys. "That ain't nothing but a bunch of little dots" Jaden Yuki huffed. Jaden was ignorant. "You know, Donkey, maybe sometimes things are more than they appear. Hmm?" Rod Bod said and glared rods at Jaden, waiting for a response but he received none.

Jaden tilted his head to the side like a confused Donkey (he isn't though don't worry). "Forget it." Roddy groaned and looked back at Throwback, his most treasured Mindslave. Jaden sighed and sighed. "Hey Marik, what are we gonna do when we get our swamp anyway?" he asked and layed beside the rod. Marik had not felt the tender touch of another human being for years and he did not intend to start now. He mwaghd softly and wiggled away. "Our swamp?" he asked meanly and laughed out loud, the ground rumbling beneath him at his might. "Ya know, when we're done rescuing the princess." Jaden said more and Marik laughed more too. It was a never ending cycle for the clueless Jaden Yuki. "'WE'? Donkey, there's no 'we', there's no 'our'. There's just ME and my swamp. And the first thing I'm gonna do is build a ten-foot wall around my land." Marik finished and rolled literally.

"You cut me deep, Marik." Jaden said somberly. All the light had left from his eyes. "You cut me real deep just now." He shimmied over to where Marik had rolled to so he would be forced to see the emotional damage he had caused. The Rod Man watched carefully but said nothing. "You know what I think?" Jaden Yuki asked, and Marik certainly did not want to know in the slightest but it's not like he had a choice in the matter. The question was not rhetorical. "I think this whole wall thing is just a way to keep somebody out." Jaden finished and a frown creeped its way onto his normally smiley face. The only other emotion that appeared on the regular was fear. "No, do ya think?" Marik asked, continuing to mock him despite the serious turn their conversation had taken. He showed zero concern for Jaden's feelings, wow.

"Are you hidin something?" Jaden rolled closer, trying his best to ignore the stab to his heart that Marik had inflicted just now. "Never mind, Donkey." The Rod Man looked away from Jaden and back to the stars above and found solace in Throwback's presence. He was like family to Marik. When everyone else abandoned him, Throwback was always there to pick up the roddy pieces. "Oh, this is another one of those onion things, isn't it?" Jaden cringed when he remembered the foul Rod Man stench that wafted from Marik's onion. It was unforgettable.

"No, this is one of those drop it and leave it alone things!" Marik said snippily and rolled the other way. Jaden followed the roll. "Why are you blocking?" he asked with his face super close to the Rod's. "I'm not blocking." Roddy said defensively and rolled the opposite direction. Every day he rolled from his problems and now it was finally coming to a stop. That FUCKING Jaden Yuki. "Oh, yes you are." Jaden said. "Donkey, I'm warning you." Marik stopped rolling and stood up to his full height, towering way above Jaden in order to intimidate him properly. But it was completely useless, this entire journey to get their swamp back had pretty much desensitized Jaden to the horror that was Rod Guy.

"Who are you trying to keep out?" he kept going and finally Marik just let it all out with a deafening howl. "EVERYONE! OKAY?" he screamed and Jaden gasped. His mouth was a perfect 'o' and everything. But that Jaden could not keep quiet for long it just was not in his nature. "Ohh now we're getting somewhere!" said Jaden Yuki who was very proud that he had emotionally damaged the Rod Man in some way. Karma is a fucking bitch, Rod Guy. Princess Bakura awoke from his dream about rod and waddled over to the door to eavesdrop on their conversation. Jaden and Marik were oblivious to the presence because it was the sneakiest and quietest that princess had been his whole life, probably. "Oh, for the love of Pete!" Marik cacawed and flapped his arms. He rolled to the edge of cliff they were watching the stars under, ready to just end it all right then and there. "What's your problem? What you got against the world anyway?" Jaden asked and danced over there. He is always with you.

"Look, I'm not the one with the problem, okay?" Marik sighed, and looked down bitterly at his hands. "It's the world that seems to have a problem with me." Jaden sat down beside him and put a comforting hand on Marik's shoulder. Marik shook it off. "People take one look at me and go "Aah! Help! Run! A big, stupid, ugly Rod Man!" They judge me before they even know me." Marik's posture slumped, he could only endure so many years filled with mockery and cruel jabs without coming out of it defeated. Jaden Yuki's eyes widened with understanding, the way Marik treated others made a lot more sense now. "That's why I'm better off alone." The Rod man finished, and Jaden scooted closer to him. "You know what? When we met, I didn't think you was just a big, stupid, ugly Rod Man." Jaden said, and it was true. Jaden Yuki might be loud and obnoxious but he had a heart made of pure gold. But not literally because if that were the case he would be dead and not talking here with Marik right now.

"Yeah, I know." Marik cracked Jaden a smile and gave him a noogie, making the moment a little less heavy. "So, uh, are there any donkeys up there?" Jaden asked even though he it not a donkey. "Well," Marik said and rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "There's um, Gabby, the Small and Annoying." Gabby was sounding a whole lot like Jaden Yuki despite his human-ness. It might be the one thing that he had in common with donkeys. "Okay, okay, I see it now. The big shiny one, right there." Jaden pointed a small finger up into the night sky. "That one there?" There was a soft sound of a door closing behind them. Goodnight, Princess Bakura. "That's the moon." Marik said, but his words lacked any bite to them. They had made a lot of progress on this night. "Oh, okay." Jaden looked up the moon with big unblinking eyes. The world was a beautiful place.

But not everything can be as beautiful as the world. For example, right at that moment Lord Syrus was having the night of his life Alone In His Bed if you know what I mean. There was a soft piano player in the background, playing a beautiful piano piece like he was meant to, but very uncomfortable with the sight before him. Lord Cyrus was completely BUTT nakey and forcing Yugi's Grandpa against his will to show him pictures of Princess Bakura again and again. Tears were streaming down Yugi's Grandpa's face. When would it end.

"Mirror, mirror on the wall. Show her to me. Show me the princess." Cyrus moaned and went to town on his little thing. Yugi's Grandpa sighed and rewinded the tape that was just a slideshow of Princess Bakura and Syrus met his release with a harsh cry. "Ah. Perfect..." he said after he came and then, a little flusteredely moved his blankie up higher to hide his pant point. Soon Princess Bakura would be in his possession and all would be according to plan. But enough of that! Soon morning had fallen and Princess Bakura himself was up and at em', ready to enjoy the beautiful sunshiney day. He danced out of the hole and immediately took a walk where he found this little bird guy just chilling on a branch. The bird kind of reminded him of The Rod and it made him so happy he just wanted to sing because music is his life. "Ahhhhh ahhhh ah ah ah ahhhhhhhhh" he sung and sung so beautifully to the little bluebird. He was a fantastic singer.

The bird started to sing with him and they harmonized perfectly. By singing, what I really mean is that those two small animals were squacking as loudly as they could. It kind of sounded like two dying cats having a drunken night out on the town. Bakura kept going higher and higher until the bird exploded into smithereens, his squacking had proven to be much more powerful. The Princess looked down at the baby eggs that the mama had left behind with her death. They were orphans now and it was time to get his munch on. He walked all the way back to camp with the orphan eggs in hand and fried them up as soon as he could. Marik woke up to the delicious smell of dead baby bird, mmm. It was already a wonderful start to his day!

That Jaden Yuki was still snoozing away however, and it kind of sounded like he was having a wet dream. But about who? Certainly not Jim Cook, haha. "Mmm, yeah, you know I like it like that." Jaden mumbled and his drool was dripping everywhere. Marik wanted to rod away but instead stared at him dumbfounded. "Come on, baby. I said I like it." Jaden Yuki said and enough was enough. Marik started to roll. "Donkey, wake up." Marik shook him just as roughly as he had shaken Princess Bakura that one time. Them being friends now didn't mean he'd get any special treatment. "Huh? What?" Jaden blearily rubbed at his eyes, his little thing instantly deflating once he saw the Rod Man.

"Wake up." Marik commanded, his patience was wavering. A Rod Man waits for no one, they just don't have the capacity to handle it. Jaden Yuki had no sense of urgency though. "What?" Jaden stretched out his small body and yawned and then he smelled it, the FOOD. "Good morning. Hm, how do you like your eggs?" Princess Bakura asked sweetly, he would give Jaden Yuki the eggs in any way he desired them. They had a shared sense of hunger and understood each other immensely in that way. Jaden's stomach made noises that sounded a lot like Marik gurgling.

"Oh, good MORNING, Princess!" Jaden whooped and hollered, he loved the eggs. The Princess placed the eggs in front of Jaden and he just went all out. He devoured them like some sort of animal. But not a donkey, though. "What's all this about?" Marik asked questioningly, stroking his rod in confusion. "You know, we kinda got off to a bad start yesterday. I wanted to make it up to you." Bakura said super nicely and handed Marik his egg. Now keep in mind that a single egg is not nearly enough to keep a Rod Guy's hunger satiated, but there was nothing he could do about that and to be honest he desired the goods. He gurgled hungrily and Bakura looked uncomfortable but continued. "I mean, after all...you did rescue me." He put another egg on Rod Bod's plate for good measure. It still wasn't enough. But even so Marik said "Uh, thanks." and something went into his rod. Not a physical being but it was something. Something beyong your wildest dreams.

"Well, eat up. We've got a big day ahead of us!" Bakura said with happy feelings and did a little clap and dance before turning away. Marik and Jaden gave each other a roddy glance without words. Anyways, soon the gang was walking through the forest after their eggs were done. 'Uh oh.' Marik thought when he felt something rise inside of him but it was too late. He opened his mouth hole high to the heavens and gave the loudest, most disgusting burp anybody had ever seen or heard of in their entire lives. Around them the flowers and plants began to wilt instantly it was just too powerful. Soon there would be no left, no greenery to photosynthesize the world would collapse around them. Oblivion is inevitable. "MARIK!" Jaden screamed in horror as he saw the destruction right in front of him. "What? It's a compliment! Better out than in I always say!" Roddy laughed, not ashamed of his work. Literally nothing could stop him and he was getting stronger by the day. "Well, it's no way to act in front of a princess!" Jaden hissed, tears spilling down his cheeks. God, why? Why? Why?

Then it happened, Bakura's mouth stretched out as far as it could possibly go across his face. Then, he burped. It was just a little burp, but it was still a burp nonetheless. No life wasted away in it's wake, actually, Bakura's small belch renewed the flowers that Marik had destroyed! If they could talk, they would thank their new lord Princess Bakura for sure. But yeah, a princess just BURPED. His social status might be high but he had no dignity. He didn't even lift out his pinky when he drank tea! If he drank tea. Did he drink tea? Somewhere in the world, Princess Aster Pheonix is out there and very afraid. Please, drink tea, but not too much of it because you have to be sure to leave some available for the one and only Aster himself. It's delicious.

"Thanks." Bakura said, and danced ahead. Marik was widened, this Princess sure was something else. "He's as nasty as you are." Jaden Yuki said, feeling bile rising into his mouth. He couldn't stand people lacking in sophistication. Marik ignored Jaden's rude comment and smoothly rodded his way towards Bakura. When he reached his side he gave a hearty Rod Man chuckle. "You know, you're not exactly what I expected." Marik said, giving Bakura The Look. Bakura did an up and down eyebrow motion thing and returned The Look. "Well, maybe you shouldn't judge people before you get to know them." He said and smugly danced away while trying to sing (it was squacky). Marik watched him make his exit in amazement, no one had ever out rodded him before. Then, SHIT! FUCKING SHIT! Out comes Marshall Mathers from a vine swinging like Tarzan and thiefed away Princess Bakura! Instead of doing the traditional Tarzan cry he was rapping softly under his breath.

"La liberte! Hey!" Eminem yodeled as his captured Princess and he rode that vine until they landed on a tree branch. "PRINCESS!" Marik cried in despair, how could he have let this happen? He should have known that Princess Bakura was desired by many. "What are you DOING?" Bakura screamed at the rapper, repulsed and disgusted. He didn't like the way this guy looked. "Be still, mon cherie, for I am your savior! And I am rescuing you from this..." Eminem paused his rapping to kiss Princess Bakura all the way up from his small hand all the way up to his small arm. There was Marshal Mathers slobber all over him now and that mindslave Princess just wanted to cry again. "Rod Man!" Eminem finished with a cocky grin. He was already thinking up a song about this in his head and got out a pen and paper to start writing down the lyrics.

"Hey, that's my princess! Go find your own!" Rod Guy screamed in horror as he watched the act unfold before him. The world's only white rapper in history had stolen the princess and it made Marik see rods. He was getting a little dizzy. Eminem snorted, not giving a FUCK about the well being of others as per usual. "Please, monster! Can't you see I'm a little busy here?" he said the words but he didn't actually said them, he rapped them of course. And that was it. Bakura had had ENOUGH. "Listen, pal! I don't know who you think you are!" he said sqwuakily and pointed at him all grossed out. "Oh, of course! Oh, how rude. Please let me introduce myself. Oh merry men!" Eminem yodeled it again at the end and Marik widened in horror. He knew what was coming, he had experienced it once before, many years ago. Eminen's Merry Men.

Out burts Emimem's Merry Men from the bushes and one of them is playing an accordion. Marik feels suddenly uneasy and he gulped the lump in his throat down. How long had the Merry Men been watching? "Ta, dah, dah, dah, whoo!" Eminem's Merry Men rapped and started to dance all around Marik and his crew. "I steal from the rich and give to the needy!" Eminem began to rap as well, joining his Merry Men in their plight. Marik dragged his hand down his face in despair. "He takes a wee percentage." Said The Merry Men, popping out behind Eminem. "But I'm not greedy!" Said Eminem, lying through his teeth. You and I both know just what Eminem and his Merry Men had done to the rap industry by selfishly infiltrating it to get the cash dollars. "I rescue pretty damsels, man, I'm good!" He continued his rap, coming up with sick rhymes right on the spot. His power was great and his Merry Men were many in number.

"What a guy, Monsieur Hood." The Merry Men sang and sang providing the most first-rate background vocals this world has ever seen. Don't let your guard down, though. Those Merry Men are ruthless despite their groovy dancing. Marik had learned that first hand, long ago. "Break it down!" Eminem said and this was the part Marik had dreaded the most. It always happens in the same way and Marik couldn't bear to watch. He squinted his eyes shut tight and covered his muscular ears with his even more muscular hands. Eminem dropped the mic.

"I like an honest fight with a saucy little maid." Eminem screamed the lyrics, no mic, no worry. No respect. "What he's basically saying is he likes to get-" Marik turned away from the trainwreck. "Paid!" Eminem finished and Roddy sighed a huge breath of relief. Wow, that was a close one. "So when a Rod Guy in the bush grabs a lady by the tush, that's bad." Eminem started dancing something awful and let's just say he's only a rapper and not a dancer for a reason. Seeing as Roddy was an excellent dancer himself it made him a little sick to see Eminem's pitiful attempts. But the sick beats never stopped. "That's bad" The Merry Men chanted behind him and then they all started snapping in unison. It was like they were in some sort of music video! For a rap song!

"When a beauty's with a beast it makes me awful mad!" Eminem rapped, being super offensive and prejudiced. Marik rolled though because he was fucking used to it. "He's mad, he's really really mad." The Merry Man chanted some more. "I'll take my blade and ram it through your heart, keep your eyes on me, boys, cause I'm about to staaaaaAAAART" Marshal Mathers got louder at the end and the beat and rhythm was just lost. Bakura screamed like a really feminine and bird like Tarzan and swung from the same vine that captured him before and knocked that Eminem unconscious. Bye, Eminem.

"Man, that was annoying!" Bakura said and blowed the hair out of his eyes with a huff. Marik's mouth was wide open and his jaw was figuratively speaking, on the floor. Only figuratively though, it would be impossible considering his height. Roddy's a giant. "Oh, you little-" The Merry Men are seeking vengeance for their Lord, Marshall Mathers and take out their bows and arrows and shoot at Princess Bakura! Pew! Pew! Pew! Bakura isn't a fool and he ducked quickly out of the way, thank goodness! Marik felt relief wash over him, he didn't know what he'd do if he lost his most treasured mindslave- wait, what is he thinking? Those thoughts are out of the question! Bakura is NOT his most treasured mindslave! No! No! No!

Oh fucking SHIT here comes the arrow barreling down the path straight for Jaden Yuki. Marik opened his mouth to scream but Jaden Yuki jumped into his arms and out of harms way before he had the chance to. The arrow keeps on going through and it bounced off of a tree too! What the fuck was that tree made of? It isn't right. "HIIIIIIII-YAAAA!" Bakura screamed and is ready to fucking destroy every last one of the Merry Men. He had no qualms with putting an end to an entire subspecies of humans. Eminem's Merry Men were about meet their maker in hell, Satan. Marik clapped his hands together and smiled when Bakura karate chopped one of the Merry Men and kick pow boomed them back to where they came from (Hell).

After it was all dead and gone the beautiful princess Bakura flipped his hair and danced back over to Rod Guy, who was staring at him with rods in his eyes. "Uh, shall we?" The Princess said all casual and batted his long long eyelashes up at the rod and then walked away. "Hold the phone." Marik squawked and dropped Jaden Yuki (he was carrying him) onto the cold hard ground, ignoring the scream that echoed throughout the woods. He rodded and and rodded until he was right next to the princess. "Oh woah, woah woah! Hold on now, where did that come from?" he screeched and waved his arms about. Sometimes he got like this when he was really worked up, its best not to question the biology of Rod Men.

"What?" Bakura asked innocently and put a hand on his hip. Rod's rod reacted instantly but he had to ignore it. "That! Back there that was amazing! Where did you learn that?" Roddy said sexily and Princess Bakura smiled so much because his technique was working. With each and every day the rod was getting closer to him. His hunger would be quenched. "Well..." he started and twirled a finger through his beautiful locks. Rod gurgled. "When one lives alone, one has to learn these things in case there's a..." But then the princess saw it. He pointed and screamed. "THERE'S AN ARROW IN YOUR BUTT!" He screamed again as he saw Rod Bod widen in surprise and turn around to look at his behind. "What? Oh would you look at that?" he said, admiring the goods.

It was peculiar that any type of weapon was able to penetrate his thick muscular skin but Marik would let this one slide. Maybe he was weakening? Or maybe it was The Princess who was breaking down his barriers. Love is the most powerful thing in the world. No matter what it was, Marik was ready to get rid of the problem once and for all. He reached his massive hand to his ass and yanked at the arrow but OUCH! His tender swollen ass (not Jaden Yuki, he isn't an ass) had a tight hold on him. "Oh, no." Bakura mumbled, shaking his head. "This is all my fault. I'm so sorry." He walked closer to Marik to get a better look at his tender swollen ass and it was not a pretty sight. There was way too much muscle and not enough bubble butt. Bakura giggled, his ass on the other hand was as beautiful as the rest of him. He liked that, as usual, he was the superior specimen.

BOOM! POW! Out comes that Jaden Yuki. When Marik had thrown him to the ground he had gotten a little knocked out but don't worry he's back, awake, and on his way. "Why? What's wrong?" He asked super quizzically, one eyebrow was raised up and everything to really add to the confused Jaden effect. "Marik's hurt." The Princess tried to inform him sadly but he was still smiling thinking about his own ass. Bakura loves himself more than anyone else ever could. "Marik's hurt." Jaden repeated, trying his best to take it all in. He started to pace around the bodies of the Merry Men. "Marik's hurt? Oh, no, Marik's gonna die!" He started running around in a circle over and over but then he tripped on a Merry Man's corpse and fell head first into the dirt. Jaden was taking this worst of all.

"Donkey, I'm okay." Marik said, and wiggled in front of Jaden so he could see his words were true. Hot tears started to spill down Jaden Yuki's cheeks (but which ones). "You can't do this to me, Marik!" He screamed and got up off the ground to walk towards the one, the only, the dying? Marik Ishtar. Some Merry Men blood was on him but he quickly shook it off.

"I'm too young for you to die! Keep your legs elevated! Turn your head and cough! Does anyone know the Heimlich?" Jaden was screaming and it would not stop no matter how hard he tried. He feared death more than anyone in the world and the fact that his dear friend the Real Marik Ishtar also known by many as that Rod Guy would succumb to it was too much for him to handle. He was a mindslave on the edge. Thankfully for him the ever wise Princess Bakura had a grip not only on the situation but on his own butt as well, he loved that thing so much.

"Donkey! Calm down. If you want to help Marik, run into the woods and find me a blue flower with red thorns." he told that Jaden Yuki looking super seriously. He knew all about what to do in this exact situation from all the time he spent in the Far, Far Away med school. Jaden Yuki should be eternally grateful to him, what would anyone do without Princess Bakura? Marik himself didn't know for sure. Things were changing.

"Blue flower, red thorns. Okay, I'm on it. Blue flower, red thorns." Jaden said it and started backing away slowly but was walking backwards and kept his eyes glued on Marik's tender swollen ass. The Rod Man felt a bit uncomfortable over under the stare and mwagh'd helplessly. "Don't die, Marik! If you see a long tunnel, stay away from the light!" he yodeled but still wasn't out of sight. It was as if he was undressing the Rod Guy with his eyes. "Donkey!" Marik and Bakura screamed at the same time. Sometimes Jaden Yuki needed to accept that he was an uncomfortable man (read my lips, man, not donkey) and that death is really just a part of life. Rod Man hoped and prayed that for Jaden Yuki it would come sooner than later with each passing day spent with him.

"What are the flowers for?" Marik said sexily and half-slid and half-rodded his way towards princess Bakura. He was making his eyebrows go up and down to really get it done. Bakura looked at him incredulously. "For getting rid of Donkey." He said, and Marik was really feeling the embarassment set in. OF COURSE they were for getting rid of Donkey (Jaden is not). "Ah." Marik rodded and scratched the back of his head. He couldn't believe he had made a fool out of himself in front of the princess. Die. Bakura did a pirouette closer to Marik. "Now you hold still, and I'll yank this thing out." He reached out his little hand and gave the arrow a weak tug. Marik lifted his head to the heavens and screamed. You don't know true pain til you have your tender swollen ass touched by a princess.

"Ow! Hey! Easy with the yankin!" Marik shouted loudly into the princesses ear. Rodding away was the best option at this point but it just wouldn't work! Try as he might, the princess was always one step ahead of him. Bakura was quick and nimble on his tiny feet (he is wearing womens shoes because the sizes are smaller) and kept on dancing and dancing. Don't run from death, embrace it. "I'm sorry, but it has to come out." Bakura huffed and rolled, he was getting tired of these games. If Marik wasn't extra careful, a tantrum would be swiftly on its way. Thats always what happens when you try to deny Bakura of what he wants and the Rod had already gotten used to it. "No, it's tender." And swollen, and his ass.

"Now, hold on!" Bakura pouted and reached for the ass again with the little hand but Marik kept rodding. "Don't move!" he screamed. The Rod Guy was not making this any easier and he was kind of wearing the princess out. All he wanted was some food and maybe a nap but of fucking course nothing was going the way he wanted! "Look, time out." Marik said and, realizing that rodding was useless, started to roll.

"Would you-" Bakura started but was cut off as Marik's HUGE muscular hand covered his mouth. It wasn't just his mouth it was his entire face that's how big the hand was. If he didn't move it soon Bakura would surely suffocate. Thankfully for him Roddy seemed to realize his power for the first time and took the hand away. "Okay." said Bakura, trying his very best to keep his cool. He took off his shoes and danced over to him again and this time Marik stayed still. A Rod Man always knows when to stop. "What do you propose we do?" The Princess tried to whisper the words in his ear but it was too high up. Rod Bod smirked.

Back with Jaden Yuki he was running, BARRELING down the woods, trying to find the special flower. Struggling, more like it. It was hard to see with tears streaming down and blurring your vision. Death is inevitable. Death is inevitable. Death is inevitable. "Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. This would be so much easier if I wasn't color blind! Blue flower, red thorns..." Jaden talked to himself out loud, getting a little unhinged.

From far off in the distance, Jaden hears it. It was the shrillest roddy scream he had ever heard in his eighteen years of living, and it would have deafened him instantly too if not for his weird immunity. The shriek almost sounded like "OW!" but only almost. Mostly it was a squack. "Hold on, Marik! I'm comin'!" Jaden cried as loud as he could into the forest, hoping desperately that his good pal Rod Man would hear it and be comforted knowing he was barreling down the steet and coming straight for him. He ducked down quickly and ripped a flower off of a bush with his huge powerful (and obnoxious) mouth. It tasted revolting and Jaden really really really wanted to spit it out onto the floor but Marik NEEDED this flower. And he needed it now. Jaden Yuki began to barrel.

"Ow, not good!" Marik said, he had no idea that Jaden was barreling and on his way. If he had known he would have attempted an escape, but he didn't, so he was sitting put. Princess Bakura was still coming for him he just wouldn't give up! Rod Man was tired. "Okay. Okay." Bakura huffed and rubbed his hands together. "I can clearly see the head." He grabbed hold of the hilt and tugged and tugged in a way similar to how he touches his little thing. Marik gurgled. "It's just about-" Bakura did the biggest pull yet and Marik mwagh'd loudly in pain. Marik convulsed and rolled and rolled and rolled and there he was right then and there with Princess Bakura stradling him. His rod was reacting.

"Ahem." Jaden Yuki said, announcing his presence to the man and his mindslave. He was tapping his toe and had an eyebrow raised. Marik rodded away from Bakura and the princess fell to the ground with a moan. "We were just, uh-" Marik stammered, but he couldn't hide from Jaden Yuki. He knew just what was going on here, the horizontal tango was something Jaden was very familiar with. Jaden was a very seductive little man and had a lot of sex all the time if you didn't know.

"Look, if you wanted to be alone, all you had to do is ask. Okay?" Jaden said all sexily and did a little eyebrow wiggle too. "Oh come on, that's the last thing on my mind!" Rod Guy lied and Jaden's eyebrow movements increased. Shit, everything was getting so so so much harder. "The princess here was just-MWAAAAAGH" Roddy's bad excuse was interuppted with a guttaral scream that echoed all across the land as the arrow was YANKED right out of his tender swollen ass. "...Ow." the Rod Man whispered as Princess Bakura showed him the blood stained arrow with a laugh and a dance. That Princess Bakura had no idea how to act around boys, he was just following his heart which was proving to be a very bad idea for the both of them.

Both pant points were out there in the open but no one was saying anything for some reason. Except that is Jaden Yuk. "Hey, what is that? Is that blood?" he laughed nervously before it all went black. Bye, Jaden Yuki. Roddy looked at Jaden and then at the princess and just let it all out with a huge laugh. He hauled the pathetic flesh over his huge shoulders and they continued on their journey with the mindslave by his side. From up there in the heavens, Joey Wheeler came down to play another song for their journey.

"My beloved mindslave and me

We go everywhere together

Wearing a raincoat that has four sleeves

Gets us through all kinds of weather

She will always be the only thing

That comes between me and the awful sting

That comes from living in a world that's so damn mean" Joey sang and sang into that microphone as the Rod Man not only helped the Princess Bakura cross a river with a huge fucking red wood tree, but showed his affections by blowing up a frog into a balloon. His lungs were massive and filled with helium, just like all Rod Men were. Joey was immensely disturbed from up in heaven and ended the song quickly.

If Joey had seen the events, had God? Was he watching? Was he ashamed? Probably, even though Rod Man had renounced his faith it didn't make the Lord any less real. God is always watching. God is always watching. God is always watching. And so is Syrus Truesdale from up in his huge castle in DuLoc which is growing closer by the second! Right now, the gang is at a windmill and Bakura took out some bincolars from his prada purse and put them up to his eyes. He's kind of stupid though and put them on backwards but do not worry! The Rod Man is here to help. With a nimble flick the binoclars were readjusted and in the correct position on the princesses face.

"There it is, princess." Roddy said, he can see the kingdom too even though he didn't have binoculars. His eyes were one of the strongest things in the universe, second only to love. "Your future awaits you." The Rod man grumbled that last part bitterly. "That's DuLoc?" Bakura questioned with a happy gasp. The castle was gigantic, and to Bakura size was the most important thing in his life. He smiled, the bigger the better they always say. "Yeah, I know." Jaden said, admiring the view. Size matters to him too, if you've got a small castle then you won't ever be able to please a woman. Or a man. Jaden Yuki is not a homo, though. "You know, Marik thinks Lord Syrus's compensating for something which I think means he has a really-" Marik stopped Jaden Yuki from completing his sentence by tackling him to the ground. There was no way in hell he was going to let that piece of fucking shit ruin Bakura's night like that. If he knew about the Lord's small pe he wouldn't want to go through with the marraige! The princess only cares about a rod if its size is 7 inches or above.

"Um- I- uh, I guess we better move on." Roddy sighed, feelings of jelaousy unwillingly surging through his Rod as he trudged onwards. He could feel the princess staring at the back of his head though, similiar to how the Lord was. He could be anywhere at any time. "Sure..." Bakura said slowly but then he rodded up an idea! "But Marik? I'm- I'm worried about Donkey!" he said but not as slowly and pointed to Jaden, the Donkey. Soon his plan to get two rods for the price of one would fall into effect. "What are you talking about? I'm fine." Jaden said and put his hands up defensively. He knew his place by now and was backin away slowly, kind of like how Marik would often rod away but the action was a bit different.

"That's what they all say. And then the next thing you know, you're on your back." Bakura said and stared deep into Jaden Yuki's eyes. They were wide and unblinking and Bakura didn't really like how they made him feel. Unsafe. Unclean. "Dead." The Princess finished because Jaden didn't seem to get it. Jaden screamed. His worst fear was rapidly approaching once again. Marik widened smugly. "You know, he's right. You look awful. Do you want to sit down?" he asked, pretending to care about the pathetic mindslave before him. What a load of fucking shit that was! He honestly didn't know what the princess was getting at but he had a lot of roddy like trust for him. But why? "Uh, you know, I'll make you some tea." Bakura said and grabbed his tea from his purse. Jaden was fearing death more and more, he could feel it in every corner of his body. "I didn't wanna say nothing, but I got this twitch in my neck, and when I turn it like this- OW!" he turned his neck and SNAP it cracked almost right in half. It was a sight to see before and Jaden screamed loudly.

"See?" Jaden added, and both Marik and Bakura cringed. "Who's hungry?" Marik asked, trying his best to not look Jaden Yuki in the eye. His neck was still twisted horribly to the side and if he wasn't extra careful, it would get stuck that way. "I'll find us some dinner." Marik had already begun leaving before anyone had the chance to say anything. He roddled as fast as he could out of there. Normally, he can handle grotesque things much better than that considering his murderous reputation, but there was just something especially disgusting about it when it was Jaden Yuki. Shit, now the princess was alone with nasty Jaden! "I'll get the firewood." He said, and ran off in the opposite direction the Rod Man had. In truth, Bakura was not going to get some firewood. He'd probably just go off into the outskirts of the forest and jack his meat since he was really feeling it after what had happened with Marik earlier.

"Hey, where you goin'?" Jaden called out to them, thinking that for a second they'd care enough to come back and help him fix his neck. They didn't. "Oh man, I can't feel my toes." Jaden looked down to the best of his abilities (his neck is fractured) and then howled at the moon. "I don't have any toes! I think I need a hug." He sat down by himself in the dirt and squeezed his arms around his knees. Jaden was so lonely and sad that even a hug from Gay Dragon Jim Cook would have been okay with him. Anyways, enough of that shit. Marik is a capable young Rod Man and has proven himself a little different from those gorillas! He had created fire, much to Bakura's surprise. Now he was more like a cave man.

"Mmm." Bakura made a noise of contenment and chowed down. His second favorite thing in the whole world was food (the first is rod by the way). "This is good. This is really good. What is this?" Bakura said, speaking with his mouth full and showing his unchewed gross food off to Marik. Eww! "Uh, weed rat. Rotisserie style." Marik said, trying to look anywhere but at Bakura's open mouth. Bakura dug his teeth into the Weed Rat and ripped it limb from limb like an animal. He had zero manners.

"No kidding!" Bakura said all screechy and the food bits got all over Marik's cheek. He mwagh'd weakly but didn't protest. "Well, this is delicious" The Princess continued and really went to town on the Rat. "Well, they're also great in stew. Now, I don't mean to brag, but I make a mean Weed Rat Stew." Rod Bod said as quickly as possible, trying everything in his power to make The Princess stop chewing. Would his vast Weed Rat knowledge do the job? He could only hope. The Princess swallowed just like he always did and the looked off to the distance to see DuLoc and sighed longingly. "I guess I'll be dining a little differently tomorrow night." Marik gurgled with need but didn't say anything about it. Shit, he had to say something though!

"...Maybe you could come visit me in the swamp sometime. I'll cook all kinds of stuff for you. Swamp toad soup, fish eye tartare, you name it!" Roddy informed him with a rod like hmph. His cooking had been praised by chefs all across the land, you had to be very special for the Rod Man himself to want to share his food with you. And very special that Princess was. "I'd like that." Princess Bakura smiled and looked deep into the Rod's eyes. They were really getting it done and staring at each other and Marik felt something rise within him. What was it? Hope? Destiny? It was unlike anything that Rod had felt ever. The Rod was reacting strongly and it was out in the open once more. "Um...Princess?" Rod God asked slowly, a hand reaching down to his pant point. "Yes, Marik?" Bakura asked and batted his long lashes up at him and holy fucking shit the rod was feeling it so much, he couldn't hold back another gurgle. "I, um. I was wondering. Are you...?" he stared deep into The Princess Eyes.

Bubbles erupted out of Marik's hole. Gurgling just couldn't properly showcase just how roddy he felt. "...Are you gonna eat that?" He said with a sigh, knowing it for certain now that he was going to die alone. Bakura was about to FUCKING SCREAM, he could not believe this bullshit! He was just about to get the rod, that moment was what dreams were made of. The time was right! How could this have happened!? He peeled off his Weed Rat anyways and tossed it at Marik's huge skull and crossed his arms. Marik slurped it up without shame.

"Man, isn't this romantic?" Jaden Yuki chuckled, coming out of literally nowhere. "Just look at that sunset!" Things went from bad to worse in a matter of seconds. Bakura's little heart was pounding right out of his chest, maybe it was for the best that Marik had denied the rod to him just then. If things had gone any further... "Sunset? Oh no!" The princess jumped up and straightened his dress out with his hands. "I mean, it's late. I-it's very late." He was stammering and moving around even more than Jaden Yuki was! Everything was in ruin. "What?" Marik said sadly but also confused. Did the princess want to be away from him that badly? Shit, he had fucked up big time with this one.

"Wait a minute. I see what's going on here." Jaden waddled to Bakura wisely and nodded his head. Marik rolled the rods in his eyes, no matter what he said it would going to be stupid. "You're afraid of the dark, aren't you?" He said, gracing everybody with his vast knowledge of the human mind. In college, he was a psychology major. Bakura jumped up and down excitedly. "Yes! Yes, that's it. I'm terrified. You know, I'd better go inside." He said and wiped the beading sweat off his forehead. Phew, that was a close call! "Don't feel bad, princess. I used to be afraid of the dark, too, until-" Jaden started, but then paused and his eyes widened in realization. "Hey, no, wait. I'm still afraid of the dark!" And the sun was going down at a rapid pace, the darkness would soon engulf him. The only thing out there that Jaden feared more than the dark was death. Death. Death. And you will die someday, it's the only thing you can't run from.

"Goodnight." Princess Bakura said, ignoring Jaden's fearing and looking right into Roddy's eyes. "Goodnight." the Rod Man sighed and stared back before The Princess closed the door. Rod rolled. "Ohhh now I really see what's going on here!" Jaden ooooh'd, instantly over his episode. Rod Man gossip was far more interesting for him. Rod Bod narrowed. "Oh what are you talking about?" he asked and tried to rod away from Jaden but the stupid fucking idiot was not about to let this one slide. He knew what was up, he could see it with his own eyes. "I don't even wanna hear it. Look, I'm an animal, and I got instincts. And I know you two was diggind on each other. I could feel it." Jaden said all wisely and reached up to nudge his elbow against the thick Rod Muscle. He also did the eyebrow thing again because he knew how uncomfortable it made Marik and it definitely had its effect that time. Once again the bubbles returned.

"You're crazy. I'm just bringing him back to Syrus!" Marik insisted, rod's spinning in his eyes. Jaden laughed loudly at the sheer idea of it, he was getting a little unhinged. He desired the eggs once more. "Oh, come on Marik. Wake up and smell the pheromones! Just go on and tell him how you feel." That Jaden Yuki said, once again using his psychology degree to the best of his abilities. The human mind was a fascinating thing but youknow what was more fascinating? Love. Rod Stick screamed. Why? Fuck, I don't know.

"I- There's nothing to tell! Besides, even if I did tell him that- well, you know. And I'm not saying I do! Because I don't!" Jaden backed away slowly as Roddy widened and widened as he spoke and looked at him with fear. That seemed to bring Rod back to his senses. "...She's a princess. And I'm..." he left the sentence hanging in the air, as high up as his rod which he hadn't bothered putting back away. "A Rod Guy?" Jaden said bitterly. Ouch, that fucking stung. "Yeah. A Rod Guy." Marik yodeled but quietly and sadly and pushed Jaden out of the way and onto the brimstone covering the ground. "Hey, where are you going?" Jaden screamed after him. Blood was getting everywhere. Death was upon them. "To get...more firewood." Rod Job lied with a rod like sigh and then he was gone into the night. He took out his onion and stared at it long and hard and then back to the stars, silently begging Anubus for answers.

Boom! Pow! Jaden Yuki is now inside of the windmill. This place is darker than any nightmare he's ever had, not even his broken mind could conjure up a place so spooky. He gulped and took his shaking hands off of the door. It closed behind him with a loud thud. "Princess?" That Jaden Yuki called out softly, praying to whatever God there was that no creature would pop out at him. "Princess Bakura? Princess, where are you?" There was no response. A chill creeped its way up Jaden Yuki's spine, it felt like he was being watched, and being watched he certainly was. The very princess he was currently on the hunt for was watching him carefully from the shadows.

"Princess?" Jaden's voice was shaking almost as much as every limb he owned. "It's very spooky in here. I ain't playing no games." Except, he was. Not right at this moment but the majority of his time was spent playing a game. It's called duel monsters by the way, just in case you haven't hard of it. Get the monie. Buy the cards. Play the game.

CRASH! HERE HE COMES! Bakura is falling down from the sky and flying right for Jaden! FUCKING SHIT! He should have gone easy on the weed rats. Nothing could have ever prepared Jaden for the sight before him, the princess wasn't even recognizable. In fact, Jaden Yuki had no idea it was the princess! But we do. To him, it looked like a small white fluffy bunny was resting on the windmill's floorboards. His third fear also happened to be cute little buns and he screamed in terror. "Oh, no!" The bunny said and hopped and hopped and hopped all the way to Jaden Yuki. "No, HELP!" Jaden Yuki screamed but the rabbit put a small paw over his mouth. It was extremely tiny though and Jaden's mouth was HUGE so it didn't do much good. The screaming continued. "Shh!" The little bun said, growing frustrated. In this form, Bakura had very sensitive ears and they were hurting so bad right now. Be kind around animals and use your quietest voice. They'll appreciate it.

"Marik! Marik! Marik!" Jaden whooped and hollered in horrible horible fear. It felt like he was going to cry and vomit and maybe even pee a little all at the same time. "No, it's okay. It's okay!" The bun bun tried to reassure him but it was not working. Jaden's screaming was hurting him so bad. "What did you do with the princess?" Jaden cried and Bakura huffed. This stupid fucking donkey didn't even listen to him! His whiskers twitched and he almost bit him with his little toothsies. "Donkey, I'm the princess!" he said. Jaden couldn't take it and tossed his cookies right then and there. He didn't wanna believe it but it was true. This rabbit, his worst enemy, had eaten the princess Bakura. "It's me, in this body!" Bakura kept trying but Jaden kept puking. Ewww.

"Oh my God you ate the Princess! Can you hear me?!" he yowled at the Bunny Stomach. "Donkey!" Death was approaching rapidly. "Listen, keep breathing, I'll get you out of there! Marik! Marik! Marik!" The screaming was never ending and finally Bakura could take no more and seized Jaden's face with his itty bitty paws. "This is me." he said in a soft voice which sounded super weird coming from him. The carolers drew back from up in the sky as Jaden widened with realization. "Princess? What happened to you? You're uh. Uh, different." Jaden didn't know how to find the words to say how gross bunnies were in his eyes. He didn't want to discriminate but you know how it goes. "I'm ugly, okay?" Bakura screeched and hopped off of him and into the night. Jaden followed him by the sound of his paw steps.

"Well, yeah!" Jaden agreed, he didn't want to say it at first but it was fine now that he knew that Bakura acknowledged reality. The truth can hurt. "Was it something you ate? 'Cause I told Marik those rats was a bad idea." Jaden nodded knowingly to himself, why hadn't they listened? This whole icky bunny situation could have been easily avoided! "You are what you eat, I said. Now-" Bakura cut him off with a loud stomp (hop) of his little rabit legs. "No. I- I've been this way as long as I can remember." Bakura said all sadly, it sure was hard being anything but positively gorgeous at all times. "What do you mean?" Jaden cocked his head to the side and with a sickening snap, his neck fractured again. He had to be more careful.

"Look, I ain't never seen you like this before." Jaden said, and unfortunately Bakura couldn't say the same. He had seen Jaden in this disgusting state only mere hours ago! He sighed heavily. "It only happens when the sun goes down." He murmured and hopped his way on over to a barrel. Bakura did not barrel over to the barrel, though if he had human legs he would have. "By night one way, by day another. This shall be the norm... until you find true love's first kiss... and then take love's true form." Bakura said and lifted his muzzle up to the heavens and bunny howled. Have you ever seen a rabbit howling at the moon? Jaden has. "Ah, that's beautiful. I didn't know you wrote poetry." Jaden said, and hesitantly put a hand on Bakura's back and ran it through his fur. He didn't want to pet him but comforting his friend was important so he sucked it up. "It's a spell." Bakura said and shut his eyes tight. He was so fucking upset, a lot of bad memories were resurfacing for that little bun.

"When I was a little girl, a witch cast a spell on me. Every night I become this. This horrible ugly beast!" Bakura howled more with tears streaming down his fur and matting it down. Jaden made a grossed out expression but thought he had said enough. "I was placed in a tower to await the day my true love would rescue me. That's why I have to marry Lord Syrus tomorrow before the sun sets and he sees me like this." Bakura said and said and said and after he said it all he began to cry even harder. He hid his face in shame in his paws and made little bunny hiccups. Jaden groaned. Why was it his job to do the pet setting?

"All right all right calm down. Look, it's not that bad, you aren't that ugly." Bakura stopped crying and looked at him. Jaden laughed. "Well, I ain't gonna lie. You are ugly." Bakura screamed in anguish and the tears returned. Shit, Jaden had a major in psychology, not vetenarian stuff! "But you only look like this at night. Marik's ugly 24/7." he said hopefully. And what he spoke was the truth as well. The life of a Rod Man was a long and treacherous one and you just had to deal with looking like a fucking monster all the time.

"But Donkey, I'm a princess. And this isn't the way a princess is meant to look!" Bunny Bakura sniffled and weeped. Fucking shit, Jaden needed to think fast! "...Princess, how 'bout you don't marry Syrus?" he suggested because it was the best he could do, really. God was watching and he was ashamed. "I have to. Only my true love's kiss can break the spell." he whispered into the night but as a bunny. Jaden kept on trying even though he sucked at this. "But you know, um. You're kind of a rabbit. And...Marik, well, you got a lot in common." Jaden literally pulled that one out of his ass. But it seemed to get Bakura's attention and he looked at him through the tears. "Marik?"

Just outside that very Rod Men is stomping towards the windmill, the earth under his feet rumbling with every booming step. He's too powerful. "Princess, I- Uh, how's it going, first of all?" Marik said to himself, laughing nervously. His slowly decaying psyche was obvious. "Um, good for me too." He answered even though nothing had been said. Rod Man is going bananas! "I'm okay. I saw this flower and thought of you because it's pretty and-" Marik looked down at the flower in question, a beautiful red rose.

It reminded him a lot of Bakura, not just because it was pretty, but because of the thorns. The rose was beautiful to look at but with a dangerous stem that prickles at his fingers when he touches it. But much like a rose, Bakura is dangerous but beautiful. He cannot help but continue to touch his with his big hands carressing his little Mindslave body despite getting hurt. It's because Bakura really is a Mindslave rose, his beauty is stronger than the pain he feels.

"Well, I don't really like it." Marik lied to himself, he loved roses. "But I thought you might like it 'cause you're pretty. But I like you anyway. I'd- uh, uh" Marik sighed and rodded his head into his hands. "I'm in trouble. Okay, here we go." He reached for the door handle but then stopped when he heard voices.

"I can't just marry whoever I want. Take a good look at me, Donkey. I mean, really, who can ever love a beast so hideous and ugly?" A shrill high pitched voice shouted and he knew who it was instantly. No one but Bakura could sound that adorable and mean. This was the first time Marik did not want to hear what he had to say. Remember, words can hurt.

"Princess and ugly don't go together. That's why I can't stay here with Marik." Rod Man took a step back from the door in shock, his eyebrows furrowing. This was worse than his swamp being taken, worse than those dasterdly Merry Men, and maybe even worse than the arrow being removed from his tender swollen ass. "My only chance to live happily ever after is to marry my true love." Marik sighed, he could only hold back the tears for so long. He tossed the rose to the ground and, like always, ran away from his problems.

"Don't you see Donkey? That's just how it has to be. It's the only way to break the spell!" Bakura continued saying from inside the windmill, unaware of the complete anguish and destruction he just caused. Outside Roddy was having a rod tantrum completly unbenowst to his bunny ears. And Jaden too. "You at least gotta tell Marik the truth." Jaden said, glaring rods, a little trick he learned from Marik himself. "No!" Bakura screamed. "You can't breathe a word, no one must ever know!" Jaden rolled and rolled so much. He was getting so sick of this bunny guy.

"What's the point of being able to talk if you gotta keep secrets?" he asked super seriously. Shit, Jaden truly asked the real questions. God smiled upon him. "Promise you won't tell. Promise!" Bakura pleaded and held up his bunny paw to ask for a pinky promise but god damn it he doesn't have a pinky anymore! Jaden: 1 Bakura: 0. "Alright, alright. I won't tell him. But you should." he said and then he was gone, crashing through the door and leaving Bakura to really think about his choices. He stared at his paws in despair, hopeless.

"I just know before all this is over I'm gonna need a whole lot of serious therapy. Look at my eye twitchin'." Jaden rambled from outside to no one in particular, proving his point even more. Someone help him please. Bakura opened the door (somehow) and when he did he saw a beautiful rose sitting on the pavement. He gasped, he loved those guys! He picked it up between his little teeth and hopped back inside to munch on the goods.

The next morning came and the sun had fallen. Bakura was TEARING and RIPPING each petal from the rose with his bare paws. It was the only way. "I tell him...I tell him not." He squeaked. The petals were in abundance at his feet. "I tell him, I tell him not...I TELL HIM!" He did a little bun clap and barreled out the door.

"Marik!" Bakura screeched, hopping to where he hoped the Rod Man was. He honestly had no idea where he was at, but he followed his heart. "Marik, there's something I want-" FWOOSH! The sun is up and so is his rod. Light enveloped the little bunny Bakura and out popped a human in his place. Fuck, the ground is rumbling. Rod Man must be close by. Just so you guys know, if the ground is ever shaking then that means a Rod is on the loose. Run as fast and as far as you can. Bakura however did not take that piece of advice into consideration and hopped (walked, he has human legs now) to the Rod Man instead of away from him! What a fool.

"Marik. Are you alright?" He said, stopping in his tracks when he saw Marik's sour expression. His eyebrows were as low as they could possibly go. "Perfect!" He lied, his voice sarcasming. "Never been better." Marik smiled. "I- I don't-" Bakura stammered, not quite grasping that the Rod Man was covering up his pain with fake smiles. Later, Marik would cover up his pain in a much different way. Alchohol. "There's something I have to tell you." He said, confidently stepping even closer to the Rod. Don't try that at home, kids. Rod Men are dangerous.

"You don't have to tell me anything, princess. I heard enough last night." Marik announced through clenched teeth. The power. "You heard what I said?" Bakura was confused, surprised, and a little bit pissed off that his private conversation with Jaden Yuki had been eavesdropped on. The fucking nerve of some people. I guess it's true what they say, Rod Men have no manners. "Every word." Marik said, not at all ashamed that he had impolitely spied on a princess. He could be beheadded for that in some countries, one of those being Far, far away.

"...I thought you'd understand" Bakura said, his little heart breaking into pieces but he didn't know why. "Oh I understand!" Marik howled in rage, the Rod was becoming loose. "Like you said, 'who could love a hideous, ugly beast'?!" Bakura gasped and moved his hand from his pe to his small mouth to cover up the shock. "But I thought that wouldn't matter to you" he whispered, his eyes looking so wide and glisteny in the flourescent lighting of the sun. "YEAH, WELL IT DOES." Marik screamed, lifted his arms and started wiggling high to the sky. Just another roddy defense mechanism. Bakura's heart had broked. He stared up at the Rod bitterly with tears threatning to stream down his cheeks but before he could they heard trumpet fanfare.

"Ah, right on time. Princess, I've brought you a little something." Roddy said after he stopped his uncomfortable wiggle and pointed at the approaching guys. There he was, Lord Syrus himself riding a hose and looking as stupid and gross as always. Bakura's frown grew even deeper at the sight of him. He wasn't roddy at all. "What'd I miss? What'd I miss?" Jaden asked, waking up and trotting over to the scene of the crime. As usual he was ignored. "Princess...Bakura..." Cyrus moaned, his thingy already out and everything. Bakura screamed. "As promised. Now hand it over." Marik growled deep in his rod and held out his long long hand. It stretched all the way up to the horse that's how long it was. Cyrus rolled his stuff.

"Very well, Rod Guy. The deed to your swamp, cleared out as agreed. Take it and go. Before I change my mind." Rod took The Deed To His Swamp and rodded away sadly. "Forgive me, princess, for startling you" Cyrus said, talking about Bakura's scream from earlier. Little did he know it was not at all from being startled. "But you startled me. For I have never seen such a radiant beauty before" he said all lusty.

His eyebrows got low and then went high again and wiggled a little bit too. The Lord was going all out with his seduction moves. "I'm Lord Cyrus." He looked sensually into Bakura's eyes as he spoke and Bakura was growing more and more uncomfortable with every word. "Lord Cyrus? Oh, no, no." Bakura put his head in his hands, this guy could NOT be his true love. His rod was far too small!

Cyrus gave his tiny fingers a snap and Bakura was surprised he didn't break any bones. He looked very fragile. "Forgive me, my lord, for I was just saying a short-" Bakura started, but then one of Cyrus's guards (Jeff?) lifted their boss high to the sky and then set him down in front of the princess with a soft plop. He's the tiniest man Bakura's ever seen in his entire life, in more ways than one. "...Farewell." Bakura finished his sentence begrudgingly. "Oh, that is so sweet. You don't have to waste good manners on the Rod Man." Cyrus evilled, laughing to himself. "It's not like it has feelings." Bakura looked to the ground, the image of the rod's impression through Marik's pants still fresh in his mind. "No, you're right. It doesn't."

Jaden Yuki is looking on in shock, unable to believe his human (not donkey) ears! He is always watching. What the fuck is wrong with these people? Not only did Marik eavesdrop on the princess but now Jaden too? Its fucking illegal, idiots. "Princess Bakura, beautiful, fair, flawless Bakura." Cyrus dropped down to one knee and Bakura knew what was coming. "I ask your hand in marriage. Will you be the perfect bride for the perfect groom?" He asked, digging his hands into his pants searching for the ring box. When his fingers brushed against his little thing, he moaned, and started to touch it more. Bakura rolled. "Lord Cyrus, I accept. Nothing would make-" Bakura said, fighting against the bile rising quickly into his mouth.

"Excellent! I'll start the plans, for tomorrow we wed!" Cyrus called out in ecstasy and got his stuff all over the ground. Bakura watched the whole thing unfold and kinda couldn't believe what he had just seen. He rubbed the rods from his eyes but nothing got better. "No!" Princess Bakura said quickly reaching a hand out and Marik rodded around in shock. Could it be? "...I mean, uh. Why wait? Let's get married today. Before the sun sets." Bakura finished sadly, making a quick eye contact with the Rod before Roddy huffed and rolled away. Literally. "Ooh, anxious, are you?" Cyrus murmured sexily. "You're right. The sooner the better. There's so much to do! There's the careter, the cake, the band, the guest list. Captain, round up some guests!" He instructed the Jeff in question through the haze of euphoria and a big guy lifted Bakura up easy peezy lemon squeezy onto The Horse.

Bakura screamed again but it was weak. He felt weak. His heart, his being, his body, even his own rod. "Fare-thee well, Rod Guy" he still called out to Marik as they rode off into the sun. A single angry tear slid down Marik's cheek before Jaden rushed over in a panic. He was feeling the approaching warning of death surround him. "Marik, what are you doing? You're letting him get away!" he screamed, pretty much losing it. It was about time, too. This trip really fucked him up. "YEAH, SO WHAT?!" Marik got all up in his face and screamed back. Jaden got up on his tip toes to try and be as close to him as possible to really get the message apart. "Marik, there's something about him you don't know. Look, I talk to him last night, he's-" Jaden started talking as always but this time Rod Bod didn't even let him finish he had truly had enough. "I know you talked to him last night! You're great pals, arent you?! Now if you two are such good friends, why don't you follow him home!" Rod yelled and yelled and raised his rod up high to the sky. He hadn't done that in a while. Jaden's beautiful eyes widened. "Marik...I wanna go with you..." he whispered to the night, tears rolling down his cheeks.

"I told you didn't I? You're not coming home with me! I live alone! My swamp! Me! Nobody else! Understand? Nobody! Especially useless, PATHETIC TALKING DONKEYS!" Rod God lifted his head and screamed to the heavens. Jaden fell to his knees. "...But I thought..." he started but it didn't work. "YEAH, WELL. YOU THOUGHT WRONG!" Marik ended it and threw his rod onto the brimstone and rodded away at 100mph. Jaden stared after him, hearing music from above begin to play softly. There it was. Everything was in shambles and death was inevitable. Pretty much nothing had changed. "...Marik."

Joey Wheeler's fingers thumped on the piano keys and he began to sing the song he had written for his own one true love, Rex Raptor. He knew what it felt to not be able to hold and be with the light of your life. "Well I heard there was a secret chord

that David played and it pleased the Lord

But you don't really care for music, do you?

Well it goes like this:

The fourth, the fifth,

The minor fall and the major lift

The baffled king composing Hallelujah

Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah...

Your faith was strong but you needed proof

You saw her bathing on the roof

Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you

She tied you to her kitchen chair

She broke your throne and she cut your hair

And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah

Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah...

Baby I've been here before

I've seen this room and I've walked this floor (you know)

I used to live alone before I knew you

And I've seen your flag on the marble arch

and love is not a victory march

It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah...

there was a time when you let me know

What's really going on below

But now you never show that to me, do you?

But remember when I moved in you

And the holy dove was moving too

And every breath we drew was Hallelujah

Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah...

Maybe there's a God above

But all I've ever learned from love

Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew you

And it's not a cry that you hear at night

It's not somebody who's seen the light

It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah...

Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah

Hallelujah, hallelujah" Joey Wheeler sang, and sang as Marik went back to swamp. Lots of stuff happened during that song even though it was like four minutes tops. Bakura got fitted for his wedding dress, he needed an extra small because of how slender he was. With that Jaden Yuki, he was homeless and crying and well, he ran into good ol' Jim Cook. Jaden needed a hug and Jim was happy to deliver.

Marik ate his 100% all vegetarion meal by himself in silence. So did Bakura, minus the vegetarian part. He loved meat in every way a person could if you catch my drift. From outside Marik's swamp he hears it. The sound of a rat. Okay, not a rat, but Jaden Yuki. And Jaden Yuki was not a donkey, or a dog, or a fish, or a rat, he's just Jaden.

Marik slammed open his door ready to unleash hell's fury on that little guy. "Donkey?" Marik asked, tapping (stomping) his foot. Jaden Yuki would not even look his way. "What are you doing?" Marik asked even though he could see easily what it was. Jaden Yuki was carrying around sticks and rocks to create a line across swamp. "I would think, of all people, you would recognize a wall when you see one." Jaden hissed at the Rod, finally he he had grown a backbone. The wall itself was pathetic, but well, it got the point across alright?

"Well, yeah." Marik said, scratching his huge muscular head with his huge muscular hand. "But the wall's supposed to go around my swamp, not through it." Jaden was absolutely fucking livid. "It is around your half. See, that's your half." He pointed back in the direction of Marik's swamp house. "And this is my half." Jaden placed another rock firmly on the ground. "Oh! Your half." Marik said, deciding to humor this pathetic mindslave. "HmMm." The gurgling had begun, that's when you know a Rod Man really means business.

"Yes, my half! I helped rescue the princess, I did half the work, I get half the booty. Now hand me that big ol' rock. The one that looks like your head." Jaden said with his usually big ol eyes narrowed so much up at the Rod Man. That was the final mistake. Rod Man screamed and took the rock and threw it at Jaden's head. "Back off!" Rod shouted. Soon the brain damage would commence, it was only a matter of time now. Or so he thought, but instead the rock just bounced right off his head. He had grown too strong. "No, you back off!" Jaden screamed right back and (tried) to get all up in his face.

"This is my swamp!" Marik yodeled and pointed to swamp. "Our swamp!" Jaden said it back. By now tensions were higher and thicker than Marik's rod. And let me tell you that is defintely a something. Rod bubbled and grabbed the stick that Jaden had inbetween his mouth like some sort of animal, which he was not. "Let go, Donkey!" Roddy just would not give in."You let go." Jaden said sexily but angrily. "STUBBORN JACKASS!" Screamed Rod. Jaden gaspen, he really had not seen that one coming from a mile away. "Smelly Rod Man!" he retorted and the bubbles bloomed more. "FINE!" Marik dropped stick and went to his bathroom. "Hey, hey come back here I'm not through with you yet!" Jaden evilled and chased after him to the smelly bathroom place.

"Well I'm through with you" Roddy shouted but it was muffled since he had rodded away already. Why wouldn't Jaden just fucking stop? It didn't make any sense and Rod Man hated it. "Uh-huh." Jaden said condescendingly and with a hand on his hip. He knew best. "You know, with you it's always, "me, me, me!" Well, guess what! Now it's my turn! So, you just shut up and pay attention!" Jaden Yuki was sure going all out for this one! The temper tantrum he was throwing right here right now was one that could even rival Princess Bakura's. He had learned well. "You are mean to me. You insult me and you don't appreciate anything that I do! You're always pushing me around or pushing me away." These here things were all absolute facts coming to you straight from Jaden Yuki. Rod Men are emotionally abusive, manipulative, sacks of shit for the most part. Marik was only half listening to this unfortunately and chances are would not learn to grow and better himself as a person.

"Oh, yeah?" Marik rolled. "Well, if I treated you so bad, how come you came back?" Jaden rolled right back at him. "Because that's what friends do! They forgive each other!" After all that had happened between them Jaden was making a huge mistake offering forgiveness. If you're ever in a similar situatin, please don't follow in his footsteps. He is not a role model. I'm serious, please, if you find yourself in an abusive situation with a toxic person who puts you down, get out of there as soon as possible. I am rooting for you.

"Oh, yeah. You're right Donkey. I forgive you...for STABBING ME IN THE BACK!" The Rod Man screamed and shut the door of bathroom. Jaden found himself rolling and rolling at how immature the Rod was being. "Ohhh! You're so wrapped up in layers, onion boy, you're afraid of your own feelings!" He put his face up to the bathroom door and said it so he was sure Rod would hear it and hear it he did. He rodded deeper into the reeceses of the bathroom. "Go away!" he cried, tears leaking from his rod. Jaden would not go away though. He had now made it his goal to make Roddy feel as FUCKING SHITTY as Rod Stick always made him feel. Once again, Karma is a fucking bitch Rod Guy. "There you are, doing it again just like you did to Bakura. All he ever did was like you. Maybe even love you!" Jaden said, speaking words of wisdom, let it be. He understooded the Princess Bakura's feelings more than anyone on planet earth, probably. Remember that psychology degree, kids. This isn't your every day donkey.

"Love me?" Roddy laughed cruelly at the thought. "He said I was ugly! A hideous creature! I heard the two of you talking." He roddled sadly, tears brimming at just the memory of the night which was actually last night. And shit, now Jaden understood. This was all one big misunderstanding! He lifted his head high up the heavens, thinking...maybe there was a God after all. "He wasn't talking about you. He was talking about, uh...someone else." That Jaden Yuki Said.

Marik opened the door and peeked his huge muscular head out to look in Jaden's eyes. Instantly he was convinced. He tried his best to come out of the bathroom peacefully but his body was too large and powerful and he was stuck in there! Shit! Rodding out of tight spaces (and into them) is Marik's specialty though so he was out in a jiffy. "He wasn't talking about me?" Marik said quietly, feeling a little ashamed at his roddy behavior now. He had made a complete fool out of himself. "Well, then who was he talking about?" He asked, Marik wanted answers and he wanted them right the fuck now. "Uh-uh" Jaden shook his head and stamped his foot firmly in the dirt, standing his ground. "No way. I ain't saying anything. You don't wanna listen to me. Right? Right?" Jaden blabbered on and on and Marik looked at him dumbfounded at his stupidity. "Donkey!" He screamed, and BOOM! POW! More deafs. "No!" Jaden screamed right back at him. No deafs this time.

"Okay, look." Marik started, deciding quickly to take a less rod like approach. "I'm sorry, alright?" He sighed heavily, it isn't easy for a Rod Man to apologize to anyone. It took a lot of the rod out of him. "I'm sorry. I guess I am just a big, stupid, ugly Rod Man." Jaden nodded approvingly. "Can you forgive me?" Marik asked, looking down at him without rod but with remorse. On his face it looked a lot more like constipation though. Jaden smiled at the sight, god, it was about fucking time! "Hey, that's what friends are for, right?" He said, letting him off the hook too easily. Don't ever do this. "Right. Friends?" Marik said, holding out a huge muscular hand. Jaden spit on his own small and not muscular hand (not hoof, he is human) and shook it with the Rod's. "Friends." Jaden confirmed, and there was no going back. The deal was sealed.

"So, um. What did Bakura say about me?" Marik asked a little sheepishly, rubbing the back of his huge bulgy neck. Jaden beamed up at him. "What are you asking me for, why don't you just go ask her?" said Jaden casually and Marik sqwuaked in shock because of SHIT he had nearly forgotten! The Dasterdly Cyrus was going to steal from him his mindslave! His most valuable and treasued mindslave! It took losing him to realize how much he meant. Don't be like Roddy, kids. You won't be as lucky. "The wedding! We'll never make it in time!" he groaned in agony, falling to his knees with an earth shattering force that made the ground rumble. But then Jaden had the fucking nerve to start laughing of all things! "Hahaha! Never fear! For where there's a will, there's a way- and I have a way." That Yuki said and lifted his head to the heavens and whistled. Suddenly BOOM! CRACKL! OUT COMES JIM COOK FROM THE SKY! How did he get there? How is he flying? We don't know for sure, we thought he was just a guy. But anyway, Jim flew down low enough for them to climb on his back.

"DONKEY?" Marik asked shocked. He thought Jaden wasn't gay. "I guess it's just my animal magnetism." Jaden laughed and winked at Jim. Jim blushed so much and Rod gurgled uncomfortably. "Oh come here you." Rod God said anyway and gave Jaden a really really hard noogie. Ouch, that's sure to leave a scar. "Alright alright. Don't get all slobbery, no one likes a kiss ass. Alright, hop on and hold on tight! I haven't had a chance to install the seat belts yet." Jaden icked and at the end Marik widened. No seatbelts? And here he thought Jaden feared death. More than half of teenage deaths result in car crashes. Remember that.

Whoosh! Somehow (we don't have the answers) Jim Cook started levitating off the ground and flew as fast as he could to the evil king's castle! Also, Jim Cook knew where this was. Don't ask questions. But uh oh, inside of that castle there is BIG TROUBLE! Everybody is there, even the guards (Jeff?) for the wedding of Princess Bakura and Lord Cyrus. Shit, shit, shit, Roddy better hurry up! "People of DuLoc." The priest began, directing his long christianly arms to the crowd. "We gather here today to bear witness to the union..." Time is running out for both Marik AND Princess Bakura. The sky is pee pee yellow and Bakura sees it too. "... of our new king..." This bullshit priest is talking so slowly! Princess Bakura tapped his foot impatiently. Did this guy even finish catholic school? "Excuse me." Bakura interrupted rudely, putting an end to the evil. "Could we just skip ahead to the "I do's"?" He asked sweetly and batted his long beautiful eyelashes up at priest. The guy was won over instantly.

Cyrus laughed and did a hand wave to priest so he knew it was ok, not noticing that it was uneeded. What an idiot. "Go on." He said and So It Begins. Shit, but not everyone is having such a fun wedding time. Some guards (Jeff?) are just hanging out with the family but BOOM! CRASH! Jim Cook has reached his destination. All of the guards (Jeff?) got intimidated by his height and hat size and skedaddled in an instant. Bye, Jeff (Guards?). Jaden turned to his cowboy. "Go ahead, HAVE SOME FUN." He winked, they would be HAVING SOME FUN later if you catch my drift. Jaden is ready. "If we need you, I'll whistle. How about that?" Jim Cook nodded his big head so the little guy knew he had understood and took off stomping in the direction of the guards. He Was Going To Have Some Fun Right Now. And also later, when the time was right.

"Marik, wait wait! Wait a minute! You wanna do this right, don't you?" Jaden asked, barreling over to the Roddy guy himself. The rod was at the door to the church already, his huge muscular hand brushing The Wood. He did that often alone if you know what I mean. "What are you talking about?" he roddled for the second time that day glaring rods at him. "There's a line you gotta wait for. The preacher's gonna say, 'Speak now or forever hold your peace.' That's when you say 'I object!'" Jaden informed the Rod Guy wisely, doing a little dance in place. Rod Job didn't take into consideration how Jaden felt as always and just turned around to feel the Wood again and open the door.

"I don't have time for this!" he shouted, hand moving faster. Jaden yodeled and pinned him to the door (somehow, once again we don't have answers for how that is humanly possible). "Hey, wait. What are you doing? Listen to me! Look, you love this woman don't you?" Jaden asked seriously. True love is not a force to be reckoned with. "Yes." said Rod Guy without a second thought. "You wanna hold her?" Jaden whispered sexily. "Yes." Rod replied and ohhh shit the rod was reacting. "Pleaaase her?" Jaden whispered more sexily. "YES" Roddy shouted, the pant point size was overwhelming him. It was getting harder and HARDER. "Then you gotta gotta try a little tenderness!" Jaden started singing just like the master of pop James Brown himself. The pant point drooped. "The chicks love that romantic crap!" Jaden smiled.

Jaden, of course, knows all about The Ladies. Or The Chicks, same thing. "All right, cut it out!" Marik gave in, rolling his rods. You just can't say no to Jaden Yuki. Submit. "When does this guy say the line?" He asked, asking the one and only Jaden Yuk for his advice. Jaden smiled smugly. "We gotta check it out." He said and, look, Marik is a very powerful and extremely tall man (he is at least 8 meters) but the windows to the church were even higher than the tip top of his huge muscular head! They had a solution though but it wasn't going to be easy for Jaden who was afraid of heights. "And so, by the power vested in me..." The preist said and out pops Jaden Yuki being slung into the air by Marik's huge muscular arms and hands. This was a risky but it was the only way. A sacrifice?

"What do you see?" Mark called up to Jaden, He Needed The Answers. "The whole town's in there." Jaden said, fearing death. One wrong move and he'd fall to the ground and die instantly. Would it hurt or would it be painless? Jaden wasn't sure. "I now pronounce you husband and wife..." Preist said in a jewish way. Uh oh! "They're at the altar." Jaden informed Roddy, fucking shit, this was not good! "King and Queen..." Preist continued, he was just not letting it go. Thats unhealthy. "Mother fletcher!" Jaden screamed, stopping himself from using another curse. Swearing is a sin. "He already said it!" Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Time! Is! Running! Out! "Oh, for the love of Pete!" Roddy screamed too and rodded his way through the door. Another mistake had been made though, he didn't catch Jaden Yuki who fell to the ground with a crash. The fall had been over 8 meters... rest in peace? Like all Rod Men, Marik is not a good friend. "I OBJECT!" Rod Man whooped and hollered and it echoed all over the church! Took you long enough, Roddy. Bakura saw his bulge and his eyes bugged out, drool instantly dripping from his mouth. He was so thirsty.

"Marik?" Bakura whispered with his eyes glued to the rod as everyone in that church screamed in horror at the approaching Rod Man. Nothing in the Bible could have prepared them for this. "Oh, now what does he want?" Syrus huffed and rage. He was never going to get any with this fucking asshole interuppting his holy wedding. Marik was having none of that and was slowly rolling through the halls, laughing nervously. "Hi, everyone. Having a good time are ya? I love DuLoc first of all. Very clean." He lied and lied (in a church to boot! That Rod Man was filled to the brim with sins. This was not what Anubus died for.)

"What are you doing here?" Bakura whispered to him, actually him and not his rod for the first time, wow. That's how you know he meant buisness. "Really, it's rude enough being alive when no one wants you. But showing up uninvited to a wedding..." Syrus evilled but Marik did not listen to his words or heed his warnings. "Bakura, I need to talk to you." he said also super seriously, gazing into the eyes of his mindslave. Bakura narrowed his stuff. First the rod abondanded him and now he thought he could just crawl right back to him? The thought made him wanna cry again. "Oh, now you wanna talk? It's a little late for that, so if you'll excuse me-" Bakura said being difficult and leaned down, ready to ruin his life forever by kissing the Lord Cyrus but Marik screamed and grabbed the mindslave flesh. "But you can't marry him!" he yodeled desperately, trying everything in his power to show the princess How He Feels. But unfortunately, as you know, Bakura is not very good at a lot of things. Figuring really basic stuff out included. "And why not?" he screamed.

Marik sweated nervously, searching deep in his rod for the words to say. "Because- Because he's just marrying you so he can be king." He said, but it was not the whole truth. Lord Cyrus also desired poontang. "Outrageous! Bakura, don't listen to him." Syrus said, ready to throw a fit if things didn't start going his way. His lips were still puckered out for a mindslave kiss, but how could that happen if Bakura is not his mindslave? Exactly, it wouldn't. "He's not your true love." Marik said, looking deeply into the princesses eyes, hoping desperately that he would understand. "And what do you know about true love?" Bakura screeched, of course, not understanding. None of Marik's wishes ever come true.

"Well, I- uh- I mean-" Marik stammered, unable to look anywhere but at his feet. Public speaking has never been his forte. "Oh, this is precious." King Cyrus clapped his hands together but in a very evil way. "The Rod Man has fallen in love with the princess! Oh good lord!" He laughed, clutching his sides as he cackled. Shit. A guard (was it Jeff? They all look the same.) held up a cue card that read 'Laugh' and of course the carolers obeyed without question like the mindslaves they were. "A rod man and a princess!" Syrus screamed from the floor, still laughing. He was getting a real kick out of this and rightfully so. "Marik, is this true?" Bakura asked quietly, and Marik could not rod away from this one.

He opened his mouth to speak but the evil guy cut him off evilly. "Who cares? It's preposterous! Bakura my love, we are but a kiss away from our happily ever after. Now kiss me!" Syrus screamed, getting a little unhinged and puckered his lips out even more, hoping they would travel all the way up to Bakura's own. But instead the princess made a grossed out look and shimmied away. He looked at the sky, still yellow like pee pee and he knew it was time. "By night one way, by day another." he whispered to the night and then looked back the the Rod Guy who was staring at him with rods in his eyes and heart as well. "I wanted to show you before." Marik nodded understandingly and waited for the surprise. Bakura lifted his arms High To The Sky as light eneveloped him and a bunch of glittery smoke shit filled the room.

Joey Wheeler had brought his chorus members to sing a song from up in heaven and the carolers drew back as they witnessed the scene before him. Roddy got a little choked up at the princess changed and changed and then the smoke faded away to reveal...The Bunny. The audience gasped and Cyrus screamed. Bakura hopped a little closer to the Rod Guy but only a little and smiled sheepishly. Or would you say bunnily now? Rod widened. "Well, uh. That explains a lot." he admitted, but still the rod reacted positively. Bakura noticed the bulge and smiled.

"Ugh! It's disgusting!" Cyrus wailed out of his mouth hole, his tiny baby hands turning into fists. "Guards! Guards! I order you to get that out of my sight now! Get them! Get them both!" He demanded, and the guards rushed in, conforming to his will as per usual. The guards, inlcuding Jeff, were, to put it in the simplest of terms, mindslaves. But yeah, here comes the guards and they're here to ruin everything. Police brutality isn't right. They put their hands all over the little white bunny Bakura and man(bunny?)handled him, prying him away from Marik. They should know better than to get inebetween a man and his mindslave. Oh boy, now they're in for a real treat.

"No, no!" Marik screamed, trying his best to rod away and failing. How could this have happened? His rod was weakened from The Power Of Love, the most powerful thing in the universe. "Marik!" The little bunny screamed back from the guard's hands. They petted him but Bakura bit their fingers. "This hocus-pocus alters nothing." Cyrus evilled, his mouth twisting into a demented smile. "This marraige is binding, and that makes me king! See? See?" He outstreched his puny little hand which showed The Ring and then plopped a crown onto his weirdly shaped head. The fit wasn't good and it slowly slid down. "No, let go of me! Marik!" Bakura bunnied, his hind legs kicking and scratching but the guards just wouldn't let up. Their training had proven useful. "No!" Marik screamed and screamed and screamed, why couldn't he rod? He wanted to rod! He needed to rod! THERE IS NO GOD.

"Don't just stand there, you morons!" Cyrus told the Gaurds (Jeff?) as they just stood their like morons while the other Gaurds were manhandling the beasts. "Get out of my way! Bakura! Aaaargh!" Marik screamed and cried but the rod wasn't working still! "I'll make you regret the day we met! I'll see you drawn and quartered! You'll beg for death to save you!" Cyrus would just Not Stop. He wasn't even talking to anyone anymore he was truly losing it. People like him would never be able to understand True Love and the power it has over people. "No, Marik!" Bakura squeaked, his little whiskers were shaking in fear just as much as the rest of his frail little body and fur. "And as for you, my wife!" Cyrus screamed and got out the littlest sword he had from evil kingdom storage until he found one that was just as small as the Bunny Bakura. It was the only way.

"BAKURA!" Marik saw the knife and screeched, tears leaking out of every hole in his entire body. Cyrus ignored him as per usual and held the tiny knife to the tiny bunny throat. "I'll have you locked back in that tower for the rest of your days! I'm king!" he evilled the most evil you ever did see and Bakura kicked his hind legs in an attempt to get away but it just wouldn't happen. But luckily for the both of them a Rod Guy is always on his toes. Literally. It helps his self esteem a little bit. But then he also used his free hand that wasn't trying to rod away to whistle. The end was near now. "I will have order! I will have perfection! I will have-" Cyrus would never finish the end of that sentence.

CRASH! BOOM! CLAP! Jim cook had slammed straight (what Jim isn't) through the ceiling and landed directly on top of the little man. Rest in peace, Syrus Truesdale. When a cowboy is that big what do you expect, honestly? His puny body didn't stand a chance. Jaden Yuki popped his head out from behind Jim. He survived somehow, thank goodness! "All right. Nobody move. I got a dragon here, and I'm not afraid to use it." Jaden Yuki said, pleased with he and his new cowboy boyfriend's arrival. Jim Cook puffed out his chest and roared. "I'm a donkey on the edge!" He screamed, sounding more unhinged than Marik had ever heard him before. His mind was crumbling. Therapy. Therapy. Therapy.

Jim looked down and noticed the flattened body of Cyrus underneath his big cowboy feet. He took off his hat in mourning and stepped off of it. At least the crown was okay. "Celebrity marriages." Jaden shook his head, smiling. "They never last do they?" The crowd went wild. As always, Jaden is a huge hit with The Ladies. And The Guys too, that Jaden Yuki is way too sexy.

"Go ahead, Marik." Jaden said, nudging Marik's side. Being the little guy he was, it was as far as he could reach. "Uh, Bakur?" Marik asked, feeling a little embarrassed. "Yes, Marik?" Bakura said, shaking out his bunny fur. "I- I love you." Marik admitted, rubbing the back of his head with his huge muscular hand. Bakura hopped closer. "Really?" he questioned, unable to believe that this was reality. A rod like Marik's was way too good to be true. "Really, really." Marik said and began the slow descent to the floor to pick up the bunny. Bakura smiled the best he could with a bunny face and it looked a lot like ':3'. "I love you too." He said, his paws grabbing for the rod. Gimme gimme gimme! Marik puckered out his muscular lips and leaned in to kiss the little bunny. Nice going, Rod Guy.

And there it was, their first mindslave kiss. Thelonius took one of his cards out and wrote 'Awww' on the back and flashed it to the audience so that they knew how to react accordingly, just like Marik's rod. The crowed Awwww'd so much as Bakura was lifted up high to the sky out of the mindslave kiss and into the pee pee sky. He hovered there for a little bit as the carolers from heaven whispered the spell into the ears of everyone in the church. "Until you find true love's first kiss and take true loves true form." the carolers from heaven said and said as more smoke and glitter from earlier entered the room. "Take love's true form" Bakura's bunny eyes went wide and light filled them as if he himself was about to go up to the pearly gates, and the transformation was complete. "Take true love's true form" the last angel whispered and then flew back to heaven, where it belonged. The spell consumed Bakura for a bit more and then it was gone and he fell back to the ground with a scream. Some things never change.

"Bakura?" Marik worriedly ran over to him and knealt down. "Bakura. Are you all right?" he roddled quietly and reached for his mindslave flesh. Bakura wasn't a bunny anymore, he was back to his good ol' Princess self. Don't ask questions. "Well, yes." he said and looked at himself in the mirror. "But...I don't understand. I'm supposed to be beautiful."

Marik widened but looked down at him softly. "But you are beautiful." He said, cupping the princesses now human again face in his huge muscular hand. Jaden Yuki chuckled, a happy tear tricking down his cheek. "I was hoping this would be a happy ending." He said, death had not consumed him. Yet.

Marik gave Bakura another sloppy mindslave kiss, unable to help himself. The mood was right, y'know? Plus, he was a human now and not a small fuzzy animal which made things a lot easier. His rod was feeling positive about it too. Follow your rod, or like, your heart or whatever. Same thing. In fact, Rod Man followed his heart/rod all the way to the wedding aisle. Which Princess Bakura was currently walking (SPRINTING, BARRELING DOWN) down and then they mindslave kissed! Roses fell. Joey Wheeler wiped a tear from his eye, he always got emotional at weddings. "KICK IT JOEY!" Marik said, and Joey kicked it now more than ever before. The band started playing a beautiful song to fit the occasion. It was a moment to remember for sure.

"I thought love was

Only true in fairy tales

Meant for someone else

But not for me

Love was out to get to me

That's the way it seems

Disappointment haunted

All my dreams

And then I saw her face

Now I'm a believer

Not a trace

Of doubt in my mind

I'm in love

I'm a believer

I couldn't leave her

If I tried

I thought love was

More or less a given thing

But the more I gave the less

I got, oh yeah

What's the use in trying

All you get is pain

When I wanted sunshine

I got rain

And then I saw her face

Now I'm a believer

Not a trace

Of doubt in my mind

I'm in love

I'm a believer

I couldn't leave her

If I tried

What's the use in trying

All you get is pain

When I wanted sunshine

I got rain

And then I saw her face

Now I'm a believer

Not a trace

Of doubt in my mind

I'm in love

I'm a believer

I couldn't leave her

If I tried

Then I saw her face

Now I'm a believer

Not a trace

Of doubt in my mind

Now I'm a believer

Yeah, yeah, yeah

I'm a believer

I'm a believer" Joey sang into the microphone while the rest of the hit band Smash Mouth played the instruments. When the song was over everyone cheered and clapped and Marik could really relate to the lyrics. Joey always knew just what to say, it was as if he could look straight into his heart. Bakura fell asleep and his whole body slumped into Marik's huge thick muscular shoulder and his drool got all over it. Yugi Mutou made a flower crown bouquet and put it on and that little king of games looked adorable to say the least. Joey Wheeler leader of Smash Mouth bowed. "Encore, encore! Mindslave, this is the best wedding ever!" Marik exclaimed happily and Joey repeated it once more. "I thought love was

Only true in fairy tales

Meant for someone else

But not for me

Love was out to get to me

That's the way it seems

Disappointment haunted

All my dreams

And then I saw her face

Now I'm a believer

Not a trace

Of doubt in my mind

I'm in love

I'm a believer

I couldn't leave her

If I tried

I thought love was

More or less a given thing

But the more I gave the less

I got, oh yeah

What's the use in trying

All you get is pain

When I wanted sunshine

I got rain

And then I saw her face

Now I'm a believer

Not a trace

Of doubt in my mind

I'm in love

I'm a believer

I couldn't leave her

If I tried

What's the use in trying

All you get is pain

When I wanted sunshine

I got rain

And then I saw her face

Now I'm a believer

Not a trace

Of doubt in my mind

I'm in love

I'm a believer

I couldn't leave her

If I tried

Then I saw her face

Now I'm a believer

Not a trace

Of doubt in my mind

Now I'm a believer

Yeah, yeah, yeah

I'm a believer

I'm a believer" He finally finished for the second time. "God bless us." Aster Pheonix said, slowly closing the bible. "Everyone."