Phytophora diseases can be very, very, very damaging to a garden. They attack at the root, taking life. Completely uncaring of who or what they destroy. It's murder. It's murder. IT'S MURDER.
The best way to control a phytopthora disease is before it starts.
And that's exactly what Marik is going to do.
"Do you smell that Gregory?" Marik, also known by many as that Rod Guy, took a long roddy sniff of the air, large muscular nostrils flaring. "Rod Guy old chap I don't exactly know how to break this to you delicately but erm I have no bloody idea where we're going or why" Gregory Goodwin Pincus said wisely, stroking his moustache in that knowing old guy way that Marik hates. He's got a big problem with grandpas and everything that they stand for. Sorry if you're reading this gramps but no one cares.
Ok, back to business. "Don't you remember, Gregory? Don't you remember what happened to Faith?" Gregory unfortunately did and he nodded. Not rodded. These are very similar words but do not be fooled.
"Whoever did this...this will be their last mistake." Marik roddled into the night and Gregory could do nothing but watch from the sidelines, knowing full well what was going to happen. The Rod Man always got what he wanted. Rod Job didn't have anything else to say which meant it was time to get straight to buisness. With all the force in his humongous body he lifted his POWERFUL nose to the sky. Silence. Then, in the distance, he is smelling it! The smell was indescribable. Actually, it was. It was definitely the scent of a flower murderer if Roddy had ever seen one.
"Come, Gregory. Time to take care of the problem." Marik said quietly and grabbed his stuff. "Is this a good idea, Marik? You're talking about a human being, old chap. One with feelings, a heart, a soul-" "I DON'T FUCKING CARE, PINCUS. THEY NEED TO REPENT FOR WHAT THEY DID AND THIS IS THE ONLY WAY TO DO IT. NOW YOU'RE EITHER WITH ME OR YOU'RE AGAINST ME, AND YOU BETTER CHOOSE ONE." Marik screamed at Gregory Goodwin Pincus, becoming a little unhinged. Gregory trembled.
"I-I..." Greg Pinc lowered his head in shame, his ghost top hat falling to the ground and revealing his suave slicked back hairdo. This grandpa has class. "I'm... with you." Marik slapped his ghostly back somehow and rodded a smile his way. "I knew you'd come around, Pinc." His smile got even roddier and roddier and he whispered some more into the night. "Some people... some people are undeserving of their feelings, their hearts, their souls. A person like him, whoever he is, is one of those people." Gregory Goodwin Pincus nodded in spite of himself. He had to play it cool but he couldn't stop the beads of sweat from dripping down his pale ghost face. I don't know how it's happening but don't ask questions please.
"If you take away a person's feelings- take away their hearts, their souls... you lose something of yourself too, Marik, and it's something that you're never going to be able to get back." Rod Guy laughed and stroked his rod menacingly. "Gregory, I've already lost it." And it was true not only for Marik but also for...
Marik gasped at the figure in front of him, unable to believe the rods in his eyes. Andrew Jackson, U.S president from 1829 – 1837, glided evilly out of the shadows. In his right hand was a camellia flower, bright and pink and filled with life. In his left hand was an AK-47 pointing right at her petals. "PLEASE! DON'T DO THIS ANDREW JACKON!" Marik screamed. He had been betrayed again.
Andrew Jackson, founder of our very own Democratic Party as well as his support for individual libert, looked at the Rod Man, then at the beautiful camellia flower, then back to the Rod Man. There really was no telling what he was thinking.
"HUEEUHEEHEHUHE WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU CAN TELL ME WHAT TO DO ROD MAN?! I'VE KILLED HUNDREDS UPON THOUSANDS OF FLOWERS AND I'LL KEEP DOING WHAT I'M DOING" Andrew Jackson evilled in his nasty voice. Westward Expansion destroyed the lives of many. Flowers included.
"You...did what...?" Marik whispered, horrified. He also dropped down to his knees, that's how bad this news shook his world. "More than you can even imagine in your puny little insect mind, you maggort." Andy said and Rod Job almost puked right then and there. "AND NOW THAT I HAVE AN AUDIENCE I'M GOING TO KILL HIS CAMELLIA FLOWER RIGHT BEFORE YOUR VERY EYES" Andrew was using his other voice again and going completely a wall. "Betrayed" Marik croaked and reached his hand out weakly.
"But first..." Andrew Jackson slithered forward and licked his lips, slamming the heel of his presidently boot down hard on Marik's outstretched hand. There was a loud, sickening snap. The 7th US president clapped his own hands together merrily at the sound. "AND YOU- DON'T THINK I DIDN'T SEE YOU THERE GREGORY GOODWIN PINCUS! HOW HAVE YOU BEEN? I'VE BEEN DOING PRETTY-" He dug his heel down harder. "GREAT!" Gregory Goodwin Pincus, creator of birth control, quivered in fear under the gaze of the all powerful president Andrew Jackson. They had history.
"Pincus... please..." Marik mwagh'd in pain. That very Pincus who he spoke to turned around so he didn't have to see Marik's face when he said: "I'm sorry, Marik." and poof! He was back in heaven where God was more ashamed than he had ever been of that birth control guy. There's a reason why his name isn't in any history books, unlike the famed Andrew Jackson. Rod Guy could not believe this. The betrayals kept coming and coming. For the love of God (sorry) don't trust the elderly.
Andrew Jackson loomed over Roddy, facial features contorting in a way that made his wrinkles look especially ugly in the moonlight. "Your only friend abandoned you and left you for dead alone in the woods. How sad." Andrew said and tears started bubbling from Marik's holes. "AWW, ARE YOU GOING TO CRY? AHAHAAAAAAHAHAAAAA!" And Marik did cry. Not for himself, though. But for all the flowers he couldn't save. For all the flowers he should have saved. For the flowers of the past, the present, and more than anything...
For Petals.
PETALS.
Marik rodded. HE RODDED. HE RODDED. HE RODDED. THE AK-47 IS IN HIS HANDS.
"Petals will die. Faith will die. All flowers die eventually." Andrew Jackson evilled. "I was just speeding up the process."
The Rod Man's finger didn't hestiate on the trigger.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
"Fucking shit Gregory, where'd you go?" Marik called to the wind. Glad that's all over. "I'm here" Greggy answered and beamed beside the Rod Man. "There you are! Come, Gregory Goodwin Pincus. It's time to continue on to Lake Destiny!" That Rod Stick sqwaked with glee and flapped his arms a little too. "If you say so" Gregory sighed and watched as Marik rodded his way back into the motorhome.
"Hey Petals! Meet your new friend, Faith. She's part of the family, now." Marik said to Petals tenderly, placing the beautiful daisy next to her and strapping her in to assure maximum safety on the seat where Greogy was supposed to sit. "Marik." Gregory said. "What? Did you say something Pincus? Come on, sit down it's time to go!" Rod Man put the pedal to the medal and was really on his way now. "Do you know how much longer until Lake Destiny? I kind of need to use the lavatory." Gregory Goodwin Pincus asked softly as Marik buried his huge muscular head into the map. He is still driving. "We should be there in no time. Just a couple hundred more miles, this good ol' map says."
Pincus sighed again but with double the power. Petals' petals drifted gently in the wind. "Hey" Marik snapped his head in Gregory's direction. "Be fucking careful with Petals." If he didn't, the consequences would be dear and Gregory GoodWin Pincus knew it too.
"How many miles though, exactly, erm, was it?" Gregory began, it was all the fucking time with this guy. Always asking questions. Too many questions. "I told you already, Greg. You have to be patient, soon Lake Destiny will arrive and she will be beautiful." Marik said but the motorhome had other plans.
Slowly but surely, it came to a startling halt right in the middle of the highway. They had run completely out of gasoline and in this economy it wasn't going to be easy to get some more. The gasoline prices are still rising and they get higher every day.
Marik didn't pay this any mind though and put the pedal (his foot) to the medal (the pedal) a bunch more times. "Marik, it's no use. Stop this foolishness." Gregory gave the news to him as gently as he could. "MWAGH" Marik shouted and balled his fists into rods and pounded them on his chest. "MWAAAAAAAGH!" He said again but longer this time. The Rod Man was stranded in the middle of nowhere. His flowers weren't safe here.
"Marik, I'm so sorry. But we should be alright, we could sleep her for the night and then in the morning go look for gasoline." Pinc said and put a hand on the Rod Man's huge shoulder. But Marik just shook shook shook shook it off.
"Well, you know what this means." Rod said as if he hadn't heard him and Gregory opened his mouth to speak. There was no use for Greggy though. "Lake Destiny, here we are!" Marik spread his arms wide as he felt the rods of God's warmth smile upon him. They had made it at last.
"Marik, this isn't-" "Alright it's time to set up camp! Oh boy I can't wait, we're finally here!" Marik was absolutely trembling with anticipation. He was sweating so much it was coming from every hole, even his rod. "Marik. Get a towel or something. Please." Gregory's voice was a only a whisper. "We can't use towels in the wilderness, all we have is leaves now. Come on and get your sleeping bag, I'll go get some wood for the fire. Night has fallen." Marik Ishtar, also known by many as the Outdoors Man rodded his way out of the motor home in search of Wood. He had done this many times before, don't worry.
"And make sure Petals stays out of trouble!" He called back to Gregory Goodwin Pincus, searching desperately for his sleeping bag. But anyway, night had indeed fallen and it was making a little bit hard for the Rod Man to see! He had to rely on his huge and powerful ears, and what did those ears hear? A branch being stepped on, right behind him. Someone was near.
Marik immediately assumed a karate stance, powerful and muscular hands and legs at the ready to Take Them Down. He didn't want a repeat of the Andrew Jackson scandal. "Oh, hey" Chris Evans said.
"CHRIS!" Marik chirped like a bird and flung himself over to that actor man himself. "Okay" Chris Evans adjusted his flannel shirt that he was looking so great in and dropped his axe to the forest floor to envelop Marik in only the biggest of hugs. He did not know him. "Thank you so much, Chris Evans. You always know just where to be when I need you." The Rod Man told him. Chris Evans was a large and powerful lumberjack with an axe for woodcutting beyond your wildest dreams. The wood was not for Marik.
"You're welcome. Is everything alright? You and your friends can come back with me to my cottage if you need a rest for the night." The sun shone brightly down on the crew as they stomped their way through the forest, careful not to step on any flowers though. Chris Evans and Marik both loved and appreciated all life. "Erm" Gregory Goodwin Pincus pinkled, looking up from his newspaper a little when he saw Marik stumble out of the woods without wood... but with Chris Evans.
"Hey Pinc, could you do me a solid and grab Petals and Faith? Chris Evans is letting us stay in his cottage in the woods. What a cool guy, am I right?" Marik rambled to Gregory as he picked up every single piece of camping gear in the motorhome all at once in his huge powerful arms and began carrying them out. "What about camping, Marik?" Gregory sounded doubtful, as if he didn't trust not only the Rod Man's abilities...but Chris Evans himself.
Marik rolled his stuff. "I know a double crosser when I see one, Gregory, and Chris Evans is NOT like that. We'll be fine! Now grab Petals and Faith and meet me in the cottage. Pick up the pace, Mindslave." Marik roddled and did a little mwagh too as he waddled back to the cottage with Chris Evans by his side, smiling from ear to ear. "Okay" Gregory Goodwin Pincus said, knowing deep in his heart that nothing could be done. God was not going to like this, not one bit. He sees all, don't forget that.
Pinc gathered up Marik's beloved flowers just like the mindslave he was and ghosted over to the cottage. He couldn't miss it. Chris Evans opened the door and smiled warmly at the esteemed inventor. "Gregory Goodwin Pincus! Glad you could make it." Chris Evans said and patted the ghost on the back. Don't. Ask. Questions.
Gregory was just going to waltz right in the place but Marik was watching him from Chris Evans' flower couch and shaking his head threateningly. The inventor looked down and saw a Welcome Mat. He remembered his manners (please always do this) and wiped his shoes on it and only then did Marik nod his approval, finally allowing his ghostly self entrance into the most beautiful little cottage that the two pals had ever seen in their lifetimes. It wasn't as beautiful as Chris Evans though. That probably isn't even possible.
"Don't be shy, everyone. You can make yourselves at home! Supper will be ready shortly. I hope you're a fan of chicken nuggets and macaroni and cheese." Chris Evans said, beaming down like the sun. It was such a beautiful night. Marik and the flowers smiled back at him but Gregory was still being moody and did not.
Chris plopped some firewood into his fireplace and then disappeared into the kitchen. "Stop being so rude to our host! He's a nice man and you really need to come off it, Pinc" Marik whispered loudly but not loud enough for Chris Evans to hear because he was singing a lil tune while he cooked nuggets.
"Don't you dare tell me to 'come off it' Marik, I just find it a little hard to accept this weird young fellow in the woods inviting us to his farfetched little cottage and making us chicken nuggets and macaroni!" Gregory whispered back and did an uncomfortable little shift. HE had a right to be paranoid, he had seen some bad things in his days as a scientist. The things he and Andrew Jackson did together...
"It's macaroni and CHEESE mindslave, and he's just being a nice guy!" Marik argued. "Well...Well what happens if you just happen to get double crossed again, Marik?" Gregory was glaring rods at the Rod Man himself, and Marik narrowed in defense. "Why would that happen?" he whispered. "Because it always happens! And every time you fall for it like a little baffoon!" Gregory wished he could have taken those words back the second they left his mouth but it was too late. Marik gasped and a single tear slid down his cheek. "Marik...Marik, I didn't-" "Supper is ready, boys!" Chris Evans called from the kitchen, clad in a nice little apron to match his lumberjack uniform. "Thank you, Chris Evans." Marik replied coldly, glaring at Greggy. "Fuck off, Pincus." He whispered to the night and turned around.
And just as Chris Evans had promised, there were chicken nuggets and there were macaroni (and cheese as well). He would not tell a lie. That's a sin. Everyone took a seat at his wooden table, even Petals the rose and Faith the daisy. But the friends could not get their feast on just yet.
"It is time to say grace." Chris Evans announced and spread his muscle arms wide so everyone could hold hands. He was a very spiritual man. Gregory pretended to gag but another Rod Man kick was all it took to get him to man up and hold hands with Chris. "God is great, God is good. Let us thank Him for our food. Amen." Chris Evans chanted christianly. "That was so nice, Chris. He'd never be ashamed of you." The Rod Man complimented, shooting a nasty look at Gregory when he said it. That was a low blow.
Gregory Goodwin Pincus kicked Marik from under the table. Another low blow. "You have a very lovely home. I can never thank you enough for taking us in like you have. I mean, wow, you could have turned the other cheek and walked away, leaving me stranded in the forest all alone like SOME PEOPLE but you didn't. And what an amazing cook you are as well." Marik complimented more. That last bit he wasn't for sure on because he hadn't dug in to either of the dishes just yet but Marik assumed it to be true. Chris Evans was an angel sent from above and so his home cooked meals were blessed with a heavenly touch.
Marik began piling his plate high with Chris Evan's world famous macaroni and cheese. He wished and wished that he could eat his chicken nuggets, but don't forget that the Rod Man is a vegetarian! Chris Evans noticed this and chimed brightly "Don't worry, Marik. Those are all vegan chicken nuggets! You can dig into those as well." The Rod Man widened in both surprise and gratitude as well. "Holy shit, Chris! You think about everything, that's so nice and thoughtful of you! What a true friend, always putting yourself before others." Marik roddled and looked again at Gregory Goodwin Pincus before grabbing many many nuggets and putting them on his plate. Yum.
"It's no problem at all. Gregory, do you like the food?" Chris asked kindly, turning to the grumpy old inventor ghost. "Hmph." Gregory hmph'd. "Oh don't mind him, Chris. Pinc is in a mood today. He doesn't understand the meaning of kindness or family." Marik mumbled the words at the end and filled his mouth to the brim with vegan chicken nuggets and macaroni and cheese. They ate their meal in silence, Chris Evans sweating a little nervously at the tension between the buddies.
"Marik, could you pass the salt?" Greg asked, realizing he needed salt. "Get it yourself, Pinc. Why don't you tell Chris that what he does isn't up to your standards and make him feel like shit? You're good at that." Marik mwagh'd with a glare. Oh shit, things were NOT looking good! God had never been more ashamed in his entire existence.
Gregory Goodwin Pincus puffed out his chest and scooted his chair as far away from the Rod Man as he could, the chairs legs scraping on Chris Evans' polished wooden floor. "Hey" Marik said and got out of his chair to march right on over to Dr. Pincus. "Don't fucking fuck up Chris Evans floor, alright? Now you've crossed the line."
Pinc sneered up at him. "So what if I did? He could just take a few of his billions out of his massive bank account and fix it right up, old chap. Not all of us are blessed with that type of privilege. There are children living in poverty, didn't you know?" Marik mwagh'd sadly at the mention of poverty. He knew it well.
"Gregory Goodwin Pincus, don't worry, I donate my many monie to charity as often as I can. Please, my friends... don't fight. It isn't what God would want. Don't you realize that you're tearing this family apart?" Chris Evans cut in but kindly. No one here was really related to each other in any way but Chris Evans is just that nice. Even Petals, who is a flower, really was like family to him.
"Amen to that" Marik said and rolled rods. "Oh my GOD" Gregory Goodwin Pincus said and everyone gasped loud. "You..." Chris Evans began, his heart breaking in two. He couldn't bring himself to finish what he started because of just how broken it was and so Marik finished it for him. "Took the lord's name in vain."