Every Who down in Whoville liked Christmas a lot... but the Rod Man, who lived just north of Whoville, did NOT! The Rod Man hated Christmas! The Whole Christmas season! Now please don't ask why. No one quite knows the Marley was dead to begin with. The Rod Man's business partner is long gone and has been for quite some time now, seven years to be exact. Maybe more. To be honest, Marik didn't really give a rod.

"Bah, humbug" Rod Man said and okay, Marik is NO mindslave (or jew for that matter) but he was not such a big fan of this Christmas business. It's dark and cold and it makes his rod slither.

Knockity knock knock on the door and out pops Chris Evans. "Would you like to have a family Christmas Dinner with me at the Evans Mansion, Marik?" Chris Evans asked him kindly and adjusted his bowtie that had little jesus babies on it. Praise him. "MWAGH" Marik squacked and raised his rod in defence at the very mention of that dasterdly holiday.

But ring a ling ding here come the stupid fucking donator people. Thirsty as always. Marik opened the door and there she was, Kim Kardashian herself, and Courtney too! "Money please, we need it for the poor" Kim cried, her makeup was getting everywhere. Marik narrowed. "BAH HUMBAG" Marik squacked it again and slammed the door right in there faces.

"Uncle Marik, please" Chris Evans begged, putting his hands together in prayer to thank his Lord. "I love Christmas, I love everything that it's done for me, and I say God Bless It!" he smiled big, and the very God he spoke of was smiling upon him so brightly right now! He loved loved loved Chris Evans. Rod Man on the other hand...well maybe if he had a little more Christmas spirit he would approve of him. It could have been that his head wasn't screwed on just right, or maybe that his shoes were too tight. But we think the most likely reason of all was that the size of his fa foo fores fa hoo dores "Get out of here Chris Evans, or I will do it by force" Marik humphed and rodded back to his desk. Chris Evans sighed, knowing there was nothing left to do and walked (not rodded) out of the door and back to his humble.

Marik got back to work counting his dollars one by one in an instant. He loved money more than anything on this world and you should too. Love and friendship is meaningless if you don't have a ferrari to share it with.

Anyways, Rod Guy took a one hundred dollar bill and looked at it with hungry eyes and oh boy did his rod ever react positively. But uh oh, Joey Wheeler, one of the most valuable mindslaves at his disposal, coughed uncomfortably from the doorway. Much like God, he is always watching and saw everything.

"So, Marik... I was thinking that maybe I could get tomorrow off? I've worked real hard for you all year and-" Joey said but the Rod Man was having none of that."BAH HUMBUG" He squacked and cut his mindslave off rudely. It was all about the monie. "Please, it's Christmas" Joey Wheeler croaked. And it was not entirely true because it was actually Christmas Eve. What a fucking idiot. The lights dimmed suddenly and there was a microphone in Joey's hands. Steve Harwell, Paul De Lisle, Michael Klooster and the rest of Smash Mouth were now in his office. "

Do you believe everything that you read

Everything that you see on the set

You look around at your sleepy little town

And think that this is as good as it gets

Well what you're lookin' at is heaven-sent

[CHORUS]

Every day is a getaway when all of it goes unsaid

I got a holiday a paid holiday

I got a holiday in my head

And what you want, what you really need

Are two different things wouldn't you say

The line is thin between fun and sin

And we're all clockin' in for the day

And our only care is what to wear

[CHORUS]

Every day is a getaway when all of it goes unsaid

I got a holiday a paid holiday

I got a holiday in my head

[BRIDGE]

I got a job but I've got a problem

'Cause I eat too much and I can't afford to solve it

When I'm savin' up for that cruise to the Caymans

And I'm hittin' the snooze so I can keep on dreamin'

[INSTRUMENTAL]

I'm just tryin' to realize

I'm just dyin' to open my eyes

I'm just lookin' for paradise in my living room

[CHORUS]

Every day is a getaway when all of it goes unsaid

I got a holiday a paid holiday

I got a holiday in my head

I've got a holiday a paid holiday

I got a holiday in my head

I've got a holiday a paid holiday

I've got a holiday in my head" Joey Wheeler, head chief of Smash Mouth sang desperately with all he had. Jesus loved him. "Whatever, I don't care. Take your pathetic Christmas off, mindslave." The Rod Man had been convinced. He was already regretting his words though because Joey and his band all danced over and gave him a big group hug. Marik was narrowing by the second.

"What a poor excuse for picking a man's pocket every 25th of December!" Marik rumbled after the mindslaves had dispersed, leaving him alone again just like every other year. But now that Joey was gone he could get some peace and quiet around here and continue Stroking The Money. Hours upon hours passed, and soon night had fallen for the Rod Guy. It was time for that greedy guy to rod himself to bed. And that's exactly what he did! Up and up and up the stairs he went, barreling all the way. Oh what fun it is to ride in a one horse open sleigh

Just as he lit the Candle that he read his Rod books by every night it blew out though! Cold wind starting blowing every where and Rod Job didn't like it one bit. "Who is there? Spirits? Mwagh?!" he screeched, holding his rod high in defense. "Rod Man" he heard moaning in a really stupid voice but it was one that he knew all too well. He gasped. "Don't fucking tell me this is who I think it is" he groaned. A huge ugly ghost ghosted before him, it wasn't a friend of an inventor...but that Odion guy! He wasn't doing his best, he was covered in chains.

"Greed and selfishness is all I have known throughout my life. I made my chains link by link, yard by yard. I girded it on my own free will." Odion moaned like the spooky ghost he was and shook the chains around a little to make a point. Marik rolled. "Okaaaaay... sooooo...?" Marik humbugged boredly. He didn't give a shit about ghosts, only monie.

"Master Marik, if you don't do your best the same will happen to you. I love you brother, please. Do your best. Always do your best." "HUMBAG" Marik screeched. "You will be visited by three other ghosts, Master Marik. Maybe they can help you. Do your best. Do your best. Do your best" He said some more and then disappeared into the night. Bye, Odion.

"What the fucking shit was that all about" Marik asked to nobody. He hated Christmas. Anyway he decided to forget about that and just settled down to read his rod books. A few more hours rodded past and soon it was time to hit the hay. But then more cold air went through his window and the candle went out again. "Who turned out the lights mindslave?" He looked every which way to see who could have done this and then out of the corner of his eye, he is seeing it! A bright light, a little ghost ghosting her way through his window.

"Oh no are you a jew?" Rod Bod asked carefully but then his worried were squashed when the spirit shook her head. When she did her boobs bounced all over the place and she was by far the most sexilicious angle in all the land. Not to Roddy though, he didn't think so for some reason. "I am the Angle of Christmas Past, Marik" she moaned but in a sexy way not in the pain way. "BAH HUMBUG" said Roddy. Ishizu rolled. "I am here to take you to your boyhood and youth, Rod Man. Come" she said (she was used to saying that last part if you know what I mean) and then the Rod guy was flying. Don't ask questions.

Marik lifted his arms out like how Kate Winslet did with Leonardo Dicaprio in hit Movie Titanic directed and written by Adam Sandler. His favorite. And then they landed and what Marik saw was a sight to behold for sure. "Welcome home, Marik" Ishizu said, licking her lips. She dropped her halo to the ground and then bent down to pick it up, displaying her sexy rear end for the whole tomb to see. Marik was not seeing it though. All he was seeing was the tombs and his young cub self living in them. Good times for Roddy!

"Merry Christmas! Destroy the jews" Young cub Marik said and danced around the rodcave. The canvern walls were decorated to the brim with Christmas lights and other such hambag. Don't ask how they were plugged in. It was a Christmas miracle. Big sister Ishizu walked in but she was not as big as usual but her large and powerful breasts still bounced in the moonlight sexily. She had milk and cookies which were halfeaten. "Wow! Santa Clause ate the cookies we left out for him!" Marik said in amazement. That was not the only thing Santa Clause had eaten.

"Wow, look how happy I was..." Marik said solemnly, looking back as his young self ran around the tomb with glee. "But you were also alone, Marik. All you had was me and your brother, Odion." "Yeah but he was adopted so." said Roddy. Ishizu humphed her approval. "I love Christmas everybody! Fa hoo dores Fa Foo Hores" sang little cub Marik and older Marik felt tears bubbling. How times had changed.

"Come, there is still much to show you" Ishizu moaned biting her lip and they floated up out of the tomb and to Japan. "Do you recognize this place, Marik?" asked Ishizu as they landed outside a building, and Marik's tears were gone and he gasped! "Of course I know this place, it's my first job, Mr. Fezziwigs Rod Shop!" He never forgave and he never forgot. "And right now is the Christmas party, come inside." Ishizu was used to the last part and they came. Inside the building! Jingle bells! Everyone was dancing and drinking, even the slightly older Rod Guy and his adopted brother Odion before he died. "I love Christmas!" slightly older Rod Guy said as he engulfed 10 whoel tequil. "Marik, I have someone I'd like to introduce you to." said Rod Job's boss Mr. Fezziwig. Marik's rod stopped in place.

"Hello, it's me!" Mr. Fezziwig's little friend said. Marik hardened. "Hi. Hello. How's it going? Hey. I'm Marik Ishtar, also known by many as "That Rod Guy". You've probably heard of me." Slightly older Marik said with his pant point sticking out as far as it could go. He had never been this pointy before in his entire life. The little friend (but not Marik's little friend if you know what I mean) loved what he saw and clapped his tiny hands together with glee. "I love it! Yay!" He said.

"...And you are?" Marik asked. "I am Bakura. I love rod." Mr. Fezziwig's little friend, also known by many as "Bakura" said. Marik had not heard of him before but he wish he had. "Okay- ehm. Wow. What a great party. Haha. Sprouting." The Rod man said and Bakura got up on his very tippy toes to whisper into the slightly older Rod Guy's ear. "Give me that Rod" he said for the first time but it certainly wouldn't be the last.

"Oh...my mindslave. The first night we met." Marik said sadly as the two slightly older figures made their way to Mr. Fezziwig's guest room and slammed the door. From outside the guests could hear the screams. "And much more" he added afterwards. Nice one, Roddy. "You two loved eachother very much, what happened Rod Man? Why is there no little friend in sight now?" Ishizu asked. The tears were bubbling again.

"I..I don't know! Leave me alone I want to go home! HUMBAG!" he screamed but the angle wasn't about to budge. When Ishizu wants something she goes for it all the way. Striving. "I think I do. I'm going to show you, Rod Man." Marik widended right there on the spot. "No, spirit please don't show me that night!" he pleaded but it was too late. Poof! The two were poofed to slightly more older Rod Man and his new fiance as well, the Fezziwig's little friend. "I love money!" Rod Man moaned and stroked the bills. "Rod?" Bakura asked, making grabby hands.

"No, not right now. Fuuuuck oooooff" Slightly more older Rod Man said with a roll. Bakura huffed and puffed. "NOW!" He said and reached out farther but Marik swatted his hand away with his wad of cash. "What do you love more, Marik? Money or me!?" The Fezziwig's little friend demanded, he wanted answers and he wanted them right the fuck now. He looked at the giant pile of cash he coveted and then to Bakura and back to the monie. "Ehhmmm... ooooohhh..." Slightly more older Marik responded, his rod bubbling. "You better hurry up and make a choice" Bakura said from the doorway with his hot barbie pink suitcases already packed. He lifted one slender and beautiful leg in slowmotion, ready to make his exit if he had to.

"Baaabe, come on. Don't do this." Marik said and then Bakura hopped out the door and out of his life forever. Adam Sandler put a hand on his shoulder. "Marik, I'm going to let you in on a little secret... you were the jew all along." He said and maybe, just maybe, it was true.

Present day Marik was choking. Last Christmas, he gave him his heart... and now he was gone. "HUMBUG" He screamed and dropped to the floor and started to choke harder.

The choking continued and continued until finally someone appeared behind him and performed the heimlich maneuver. "Holy shit, thanks! Ehhm..." Roddy gasped and turned around to see his savior and it was none other than the ghost of the fabled inventor of birth control Gregory Goodwin Pincus! "Merry Christmas, Rod Guy. I have much to show you. " Gregory outstretched his hand and Roddy did it without second thought. "Whatever you say, mindslave. Hambag." Then they were floating up into the sky. It's Christmas morning now!

"This is Christmas Morning, Marik." said Greggy. Everyone was singing and dancing, and the carolers drew back. It was so beautyful. God was sitting in his kingdom watching the whole thing, smiling with glee at the holiday celebrating his birth. Praise. "Wow, this is great! Thanks Pinc!" Roddy said and gave him an ol' slap on the back but it ghosted right through him. "Shall we go see what your nephew is up to?" Greg said and led them to the place. "Yeah I love Chris Evans!" Marik rodded a smile his way and ghosted to Chris Evan's house where he and his christianly family were all seated together and talking about family and kindness but most of all, love.

"It's the most wonderful time of the year.

With the kids jingle belling,

And everyone telling you,

"Be of good cheer,"

It's the most wonderful time of the year.

There'll be parties for hosting,

Marshmallows for toasting and

Caroling out in the snow.

There'll be scary ghost stories and

Tales of the glories of Christmases

Long, long ago.

It's the most wonderful time of the year.

There'll be much mistletoeing

And hearts will be glowing,

When loved ones are near.

It's the most wonderful time of the year" Chris Evans and his family all sang and sang together in harmony. "Without Marik." He added at the end and Marik gasped loud. "You heard him right, Marik." Gregory Goodwin Pincus said solmenly. Marik had been betrayed again. "I can't believe this... Chris Evans is happier without me?" Marik asked and Pinc nodded. "That is correct, old chap. No one wants to spend Christmas with a greedy monster." The inventist said wisely. Marik was choking on the inside but didn't let it show. "And that's not all." Gregory said more and then took him by the hand to fly somewhere Marik had never been before. The Wheeler Household.

Joey was just chowing down, chowing down, chowing down with his family, but barely. Their meal was meager. Poverty was getting worse by the second. Rex Wheeler-Raptor, Joey's beauty wife, was there to distribute what little they had. Serenity Wheeler, Daddy Wheeler, Mommy Wheeler, and Little Yug (the King of Games) were all given little plates with one slice of turkey and a poptart on them. There was no egg nog. "Aww, man." Marik said guiltily and scratched the back of his head. Little Yug was the runt of the litter and had recieved the brunt of the poverty.

"I'm so hungry" Joey cried, tears streaming endlessly. "I am too but you need to look on the bright side of every situation! Bless us all!" Little Yug said and walked around on his little cane. The little guy was very ill. "What a remarkable child" Marik said staring right at him. "That king of games doesn't have much time left unless the future changes." Gregory said and put a ghostly hand on Marik's shoulder. "You mean he could...die?" Marik gulped the rods in his throat.

"Speaking of running out of time, that's exactly what has happened to us." Gregory Goodwin Pincus said. And when they faded, and looked happier yet in the bright sprinklings of the Angle's torch at parting, Marik had his eye upon them, and especially on Little Yug, until the last. Anyway, now Rod Job is back in his room and fearing God now more than ever. Burrowing. "Wait, what the fuck? What Angle is gonna visit me now? Please, Gregory. I'm scared." Marik was on his knees begging, and even kissed Greggy's feet a little too to show his respect and how he changed. Gregory ghosted away, bye. I saw mama kissing Santa Clause.

Staring down from his cave with a sour, Roddy frown, at the warm lighted windows below in their town. For he knew every Who down in Whoville beneath was busy now, hanging a Marshall Mathers dropped a sick beat. "Bmm pshh bmmm bmmm pshh" He said into his hand. The real Slim Shady had stood up. "...Eminem!? You're the last angle!?" Marik widened in surprise. They had history.

"Yeah, man. Time to go visit your future and shit." He said (not rapped). And whoosh! Off they went into the future. Marik was shaking in suspense when they landed, ready to get his hoverboard on. But there weren't any hoverboards. What there were instead were lots of happy smiling townsfolk. "What a great day it's been now that he's dead!" Kim Kardashian said with her perfect smile. "I agree one hundred and ten percent" Kourtney Kardashian agreed. She was smiling too but it was a little less perfect. "Who died?" Marik asked but Eminem ignored him and kept dancing forward.

"We'd like to thank Jesus for taking that gross guy away from us. He was so bad and no one likes him. Amen" a priest said walking down the street. "What" Marik said. "Who died?" he asked again. "Bum pss tss ham pshh tsss pssssh" said Eminem. And it was true. It started to rain and nobody it seemed was trying their best in this Whoville. "Its Dark" Roddy rodded. In fact he kept rodding and rodding until he was at the Town Graveyard. He gasped. "Angle, why have you taken me here?" Eminem danced more and gestured to a figure and Marik recognized it as none other than lead singer of Smash Mouth Joey Wheeler! Why the heck was he looking so glum though? "Angle...what is happening..." Rod Bod whispered. He didn't want to believe what he thought it was. It was just too cruel for God to do. "Rest in Peace King of Games" Joey cried and put Little Yug's walking stick down by his grave. "I'll never forget you." Roddy was really sobbing now. "What the fuck Marshall?! Why would you show me something like this! Not Little Yug, he was my best friend!"

Eminem shrugged rapperly. "God is cruel. I'm sure you can relate?" Eminem said and took out a cigarette to light. "HUMBAG" Marik screamed in despair and collapsed to the graveyard ground. Icky! His hands and knees were right in freshly dug soil, it was super unsanitary. Someone was buried underneath him. His gaze went from the soil and to the gravestone above him. It read, "ROD GUY."

No RIP, no poem, no one crying for him. Just his name. Eminem took a long drag from his cig and helped him up from the dirt that Rex had started to eat.

"Please, Angle I can change! I can change and I also already have! I will love one and all, even the Jews, and sponge the writing from this stone!" Marik screamed it more. Everything went dark. Then when he opened his eyes he was back in his rodcave. Roddy gasped. "I'm home! The rodcave!" He barreled to the window and screamed down from below, "WHAT DAY IS IT TODAY?!" The citizens trembled in fear. "It's Christmas morning, Rod Man" Kim Kardashian called back up.

"It's Christmas morning...I haven't missed it! The angles did it all in one night, Kim!" Marik screeched in happiness. "Can I have money now though?" she asked. Marik responded by getting every single monie he owned (well almost) and throwing it down at Kim. "Tis the season to be jolly and joyoooous" Rod Job sang it and sang it.

He continued to dance and sing all the way to the Wheeler Household and rodded himself right on inside. It was a tight squeeze because of how tiny and pathetic their house was but not everyone is as blessed as Roddy and friends. "And monie for you as well, mindslave. Take it from me, poverty isn't easy." He said to Joey who was just trying to live his life. "I can't believe it! How generous you are, Rod Man" Joey said to Marik but once a Rod Man, always a Rod Man as they say.

"Maybe Christmas" Roddy thought. "Doesn't come from a store. Maybe Christmas... perhaps... means a little bit more!" And what happened then? Well in Whoville they say, that the Rod Man's small heart grew three sizes that day! And the minute his heart didn't feel quite so tight, he whizzed with his load through the bright morning light and he brought back the monie! And the food for the feast! And he, HE HIMSELF! The Rod Man carved the roast beast.

"God Bless Us," Lil Yug said, slowly closing the bible. "Everyone."