Plants take in carbon dioxide, also known by many as CO 2, through little holes located in their little leaves.
All life matters. Be loyal. Water your flowers carefully. BE LOYAL.
Tears were rolling (but not in the roddy way) down Chris Evans' perfectly chiselled cheeks. The angel couldn't even bring himself to wipe them away... it never gets any easier watching someone reject the lord's will.
Rod Guy widened and got up lickity split to put his huge muscular body inbetween Chris Evans and Gregory Goodwin Pincus. There was no way he was going to even let the inventor of birth contorl have the privilege of looking at Chris Evans after the sin he had just pulled. "Good heavens! There is foolishness all around" Gregory Goodwin Pincus said in disbelief. He just wouldn't stop.
"Chris Evans, if it makes you feel any better, Pinc over there died back in 1967 and God already decided to let him into heaven for some reason." Marik said but Chris Evans rolled even harder than before. "YOU SINNED! GOD WELCOMED YOU INTO HIS DOMAIN AND YOU BETRAYED HIM!" Chris Evans wailed. Gregory's ghostly eyes were rolling just as hard under his wrinkles.
"Jesus christ you guys, I-" Gregory started, but his sentence was interupted by the sound of Marik's rod dropping to the floor in shock. "That's one sin too many, Pinc. Get out." Marik whispered. It could hardly be heard over Chris Evans' cries. "What? Don't be ridiculous, it's freezing out the-" "GET. OUT." Marik picked up his rod and pointed it at Gregory threatningly. Pinc stared him down with a cold look in his ghost face. "What are you going to do? Stab me?" Pincus held his hands up in defense and looked like he was about to start levitating out but Chris Evans put a hand on his shoulder.
"Look, Greg, I-" "It's Gregory Goodwin Pincus. Don't be so quick to assume we're on a first name basis, ol' chap." Greg's eyes narrowed and Chris Evans sighed. "Right...Gregory Goodwin Pincus. I've had this thought ever since you walked into my cottage in the woods. And what you said just now reminded me of what I needed to ask." Chris Evans said kindly and Gregory huffed air in his face. "Do you ever feel like you're...missing something? You feel almost incomplete, scared. Unsure." Chris Evans said it. "Shit Pinc that does sound like you." Marik said uncalled for. A Rod Man just can't fucking keep to himself. "Go on." Gregory said and Chris Evans smiled. "I think your problem is that you need to find yourself...through Christ. And I can help you."
Gregory went soft. "I'm listening, Chris Evans." The inventor said and was sounding less like a grumpy old man by the second! The effects of Jesus were already showing. "And so is God. He is always listening." Chris Evans said with a big smile. "So... Chris Evans... tell me what I have to do." He commanded but then quickly realized that wasn't very Christianly of him. "Please." Gregory added, correcting his demonic fireman rudeness at once. He loves dogs.
"Well first things first, it's time to pay a visit to church so you can get baptized." Chris Evans said and took the inventor of birth control by the hand and lead him outside to his humble Volkswagen. Chris Evans, being the gentleman that he is, opened the car door for Gregory. Chivalry is alive and kicking and will be for as long as Chris Evans shall live.
Marik narrowed at the chivalry and rodded into what was SUPPOSED to be Gregory's seat. "What a beautiful Volkswagen you have. Jesus Chris up in heaven above is smiling down upon it, I assure you." Roddy gurgled. Chris Evans forgot about his bratty behavior immediately. "Thank you, Marik" Chris Evans said. Gregory sighed deeply and reluctantly took a seat in the back. Once everyone else was situated and comfortable, Chris Evans got into driving position. "Toot toot!" Chris Evans said and honked his little horn and flicked his fuzzy dice. It was time to find Jesus.
"Anyone know any fun songs to sing on the road?" Chris Evans chimed out after an uncomfortable silence. Roddy sat there eating potato chips and getting crumbs on Chris Evans' christiananly car seat but the holy man did not mind it one bit. "Mwagh? What? You say something Chris?" he asked with his mouth full and food flying out his mouth hole at several miles per hour. "Marik" Gregory said in disgust.
"I know one that's fun for the whole gang! Over the river and through the woods to Grandmother's House We Go" That Chris Evans man started to sing and holy shit he was heavenly not just in personality but in voice as well. Angel. Marik clapped his sticky hands together the entire car ride to the church and Greg just wanted to end it all.
"Alright boys we're here! Gregory Goodwin Pincus, let's go get you baptized!" Chris threw (not rodded) a smile his way and climbed out of his seat, walking into the church. Rod Job rodded after him swift and nimble and barreled his way through the doors of the church instead of opening them. "Holy fucking shit is that Matthew Mcconaughey?" Rod gasped. And it was true.
On his knees with his hands clasped tightly together, the one and only Matthew Mcconaughey was praying at the alter for our heavenly father's forgiveness. He was far away but Marik could hear distant chanting. No one else was in the church. "Don't mind Matthew Mcconaughey" Chris Evans said and skipped on over to the water bowl to dunk on the godless heathen. Convert before it's too late. The fiery infernos will burn.
They couldn't get it done without the priest though! Out steps Charlie Sheen. This is his church. "It is time to begin the trial" Charlie Sheen said it and turned to Pincus. He knew he was the only one not baptized here. The stink of impurity was on him. "Lets do this, Charlie Sheen." Pincus said but he had no idea what kind of hell he was about to go through. It not easy. "Do you swear to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth?" Charlie Sheen asked. He was all business today. "I swear by Almighty God that I will tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth." Gregory Goodwin Pincus said it back. It was time.
"Then let us begin. The bucket, please." Charlie Sheen gestured for a church minion to bring him the huge Bucket used for the baptizing of unholy and impure souls like Gregory Goodwin Pincus himself. " When a man strikes his male or female slave with a rod so hard that the slave dies under his hand, he shall be punished. If, however, the slave survives for a day or two, he is not to be punished, since the slave is his own property. (Exodus 21:20-21 NAB)" Charlie Sheen began reading from the Bible to start the process.
Church minions grabbed Gregory from behind so that he couldn't escape. "Amen" Rod Guy said with a little mwagh as he watched by Chris Evans' side. "Here we go!" Chris Evans smiled big and then before they knew it Greggy was tossed into the bucket, helpless and dripping. Dripping. Charlie Sheen put his hands together in a prayer. "God is great, God is good, let us thank him for our food. Amen." It was complete. "Alright help him out" Charlie said and the minions did what they were told and got that inventor ghost out of there. He wasn't breathing.
"Mmg" Marik mwaghed out slightly but Pincus would not move. "Pinc, it's not funny. Stop with the funny stuff, no one's laughing but you." Marik said but Gregory Goodwin Pincus wasn't laughing either. It's hard to make any noise at all when you're dead.
"Marik, I think Gregory is in trouble" Chris Evans whispered. "AMBULANCE" Roddy crockled and slammed his muscles on the glass keeping the fire hydrant contained. The ambulance was now on it's way. "ROD GUY HIS PULSE IS WEAKENING! THINK FAST" Charlie Sheen screamed. The fire hydrant was in his paws. "FORGIVE ME FATHER FOR I HAVE SINNED" Marik squacked before unleashing the fire hydrant's spray onto Pincus. "He's stabilized" Charlie reported.
"Gregory? How do you feel?" Chris Evans asked carefully as Grego coughed up the holy water that filled his lungs. "I...I feel...Cured. Like a new man. Praise Jesus" Gregory made the cross with his hands and ghosted over to Matthew Mcconaughey and knealt down beside him and prayed. "Now you are truly a man of our Lord and Savior" Charlie Sheen closed his Bible and patted himself on the back on a job well done.
A marble statue depicting Jesus Christ's crucifiction looked down on upon his new son, eyes welcoming him into a new life- free of sin, free of Hell, but not free of God's careful observation. He is always watching you.