There was big trouble in Domino City.
The Rod Man didn't know when it truly began, but he knew immediately when he woke up that fateful Sunday morning and went outside to patrol his garden that something was seriously, seriously wrong. He knew it before he saw the moving truck and the bright red SOLD sign painted on the house next door. You see, everything about Marik was powerful. This includes his nostrils.
He narrowed at the smell and raised his rod in defense. There was a pest problem in town but on Rod Guy's watch... there wouldn't be for long. "No bueno." Marik said, narrowing even further as he stretched out his long and muscular neck to analyze the problem. He could see them clearly, sitting there and sleeping while no work got done. Not even a single box had been moved into their new house. A few of them were on the unmown grass that they were sleeping on but only a few. The rest were still in the fucking truck. What a surprise.
"It couldn't be...they wouldn't let something like this happen, right?" Marik roddled to the wind, seeing the figures move about but not close enough to get a good look at 'em. Maybe this was a mistake. Maybe his nostrils weren't as powerful as he once thought.
"Hhh'oh boy." Rod Job sighed and went back to his garden, trying to distract himself from the overwhelming stench. "What do you think, Petals? Should I go inspect the house?" he asked Petals. "...Yeah, yeah I know what you mean. But it's hard you know?" he said to Petals. "Yes I KNOW sometimes sacrifices have to be made!" he screamed to Petals. "Alright. Alright Alright I'm going." The Rod Man had been convinced. This must have all been in his head. He ducked onto his hindlegs and crawled under the fence connecting their two houses and slithered until he reached the door. Knock. Knock. Knock. There was silence for a few seconds until the door slowly opened. "Hola, cómo estás" the woman said.
Marik backed away slowly. "Ohhhh no... ohhh noooo... no, no, no..." He whispered in disbelief. For the first time in his whole life, Petals had been wrong. This was a betrayal of the likes he's never seen and the Rod Man has seen MANY, many betrayals.
"Estoy perdido. ¿Dónde está el baño?" the woman said some more. She was speaking in some kind of demon tongue. Maybe she was affiliated with the Domino City Fire Department. "WHO SENT YOU!?" Roddy demanded, squacking and flapping his arms around to keep the stranger at bay. He was about ten feet away from her after his slowmo backwards exit but he was still so, so scared. "Sí." The woman said. Marik puked right then and there. He didn't know how much more of this he could take.
"¿Por què?" She said. Rod guy really did think things couldn't get any worse than that- he was so innocent- but the nightmare was only just beginning. Slowly the others began to rise up from the lawn. He was surrounded. "MWAGH" Marik rodled out pitifully in fear but it was too late. His rod was shaking. "Hola, me llamo Conseula. Se trata de Pedro, mi marido." Conseula said, stroking a taco.
"YOU BETTER...YOU BETTER STAY AWAY FROM ME IF YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOOD FOR YA" Marik swiped his shaking rod infront of him. He was now 15 feet away from her. But it didn't stop there. "Hola amigo! Soy Lupita!" A mini one shrieked, popping out of the shadows. "Hola amigo! Soy Pablo!" And another one, with shorter hair than the other. Their hands were sticky and covered in refried beans. "Ohhh my God there's MORE OF THEM?" The Rod Man tried to puke again but the contents of his stomach were already emptied and all that resulted was a dry heave that sent shivers down his rod. He was choking.
"ROSE? ROSE WHERE ARE YOU?" He started screaming, not knowing where to go but knowing he couldn't stay here. The scent of burritos and quesidallas was blinding all of his senses and it was hard to breathe. "Adiós!" Conseula called after him, waving her hand with the rest of the clan behind her.
He rodded and rodded as fast as his legs could carry him back into the safety of the Rod Man (also known by few as the Ishtar) household. In the distance, you could hear children crying out softly for food. They were so hungry but Marik couldn't waste any more time. "ROSE?" He croaked, but there was no other sounds to be heard other than the screams of his dying babies. "SHIT" The rods in his eyes widened and whipped around at speeds that shouldn't be possible and he was soon dashing back swift and nimble to the warzone that he had only just narrowly escaped from: Sanchez central. He gulped. Roddy really didn't want to do this but he was left with no other option. A rod man's gotta do what a rod man's gotta do. He shut his eyes tightly and pinched the bridge of his nose in preparation and then slowly but surely rodded his way inside.
The smell of tequil was heavy in the air, just as powerful and alluring as he remembered it last. Desire. Temptation. Lust. It was so powerful that even his muscular fingers couldn't keep it at bay. Saliva was dripping, dripping, dripping. He opened his eyes and what he saw brought him to his knees in pain and dry heaving until even his stomach acid was splattered on the lone sombrero in the doorway. His mindslave rose was right there wedged inbetween Carlos and Heysus at the Sanchez dinner table. A taco was in his mouth.
His mindslave rose had betrayed him.
"Rose, Rose, pssst!" Roddy crawled with the last of his strength until he was right next to Bakura whispering in his little ears. "What is it Marik you're buggin me" Bakura said and Marik squawked and shhhhhhh'd him. "Shh they'll hear you" He whispered loudly. Heysus was right next to him. "They hear you right now they aren't deaf." Bakura rolled but not in the roddy way. "I'm here to rescue you, come on if you start ignoring them they'll go away." Marik whispered and gestured for the open window. Freedom was so close.
"Why? Conseula gave me tacos and I love it!" Bakura kept chowing down on the taco and Marik felt tears bubbling. His Mindslave Rose was getting poisoned right now as they spoke. "Please, babe, it's not safe in here they are gonna notice me and then we are both going to die if you will just listen-" "Hola!" Heysus poked The Rod Man's humongous muscular shoulder and smiled at him. "¿Quieres un taco demasiado?" Fucking shit! HE HAD BEEN SPOTTED! "ROSE GET IN THE CAR" Marik tugged Bakura up roughly with enough force to throw the bunny boy into the air but he didn't- he would never hurt a flower. The taco dropped on the floor. Bakura screamed.
"Uh oh" said Fernando. He adjusted his sombrero so it was no longer blocking his beady little eyes. The other Sanchez's all followed suit. "¿De verdad has hecho ahora" They all said in unison. "BABE PLEASE" Marik begged, Bakura's ear piercingly loud skreeching was not unusual but it was still really hurting the Rod Man's ears. Do not worry about him though because he has ear plugs on his person at all times and he swiftly took them out and inserted them into The Holes. Marik is really good at that if you know what I mean.
Anyways, Bakura was still screaming. "OK I'M SERIOUS WE HAVE TO GO NOW" He took ahold of his Mindslave Rose's hand but his rose just swatted it away. "GET OUT GET AWAY FROM ME AND OUT OF MY LIFE FOREVER I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU" That very rose screamed it and screamed it. Marik stepped back horrified and brought his huge muscular hands to his face in shock. "It was just a taco, babe" He whispered. "I'm gonna kill you if I ever see your face again" Bakura said. He had sat back down at the dinner table with the Sanchez's.
It was all clear to him now. You have to fight Sanchez with Sanchez. "I'll take you to Taco Bell." It hurt Marik to say it but a sacrifice had to be made for the sake of his marriage. Bakura clapped his hands together. "Ok. Come on, Sanchez's! We're having Tacos at Taco Bell and it's on Marik!" He said while still clapping. The crowed went wild.
The Rod Man did not know how he got into this situation but there he was, driving a bus load of Sanchezs to the nearest Taco Bell. "Un elefante se balanceaba,
sobre la tela de una araña.
Como veía que resistía,
fue a llamar a otro elefante.
Dos elefantes se balanceaban,
Sobre la tela de una araña.
Como veían que resistía,
fueron a llamar otro elefante." The Sanchez's started singing together and even Bakura, Marik's very own Mindslave Rose began clapping along. He was clearly loving it. Tears were bubbling and streaming down Roddy's face as he drove and could hardly see the road in front of him. If Bakura weren't in the car, he would have just let fate take the wheel.
Soon they were at the Taco Bell and the group barreled out of the bus, filling the place. "Rose, we're gonna be doing the buddy system. I want you to stay close and hold my hand. Do you understand?" Rod Job looked next to him to take the rose's little hands but he was gone, swept away by the Sanchez's. "ROSE? DAMN IT!" Roddy lifted his head to the heavens and screamed. This was going to be a very long day.
"Hello, it's Azteca. Can I take your order please." said the Taco Bell employee, looking their best as always. "Quiero un taco." said Lupita. "Quiero un taco." said Pedro. "Quiero un taco." said Consuela. "Oh my God." Marik whispered as he watched the horror unfold. They all ordered the same thing.
At this moment, Marik was all alone. Completely, one hundred fucking percent, without a mindslave rose to lean on for support. He was forced to witness the Sanchez's, one after the other in a conga line, pray for taco. After they all finished, Marik thought the worst of the storm was over but he was wrong. So wrong. His rose was now at the front desk staring death in the face.
"Hello, it's Azteca. Can I take your oder please?" Azteca repeated. Marik was on the edge. Sweat was dripping, dripping, dripping. "Quiero un taco." said Bakura. "SQUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK" shouted the Rod Man. He let go.
Despair consumed the rod in his heart and along with the sweat, a single tear dripped down his snout. A toilet door slammed open at the sound of Roddy's dying wails. Another Sanchez stepped out. "Soy Paco" Paco said. He was the manager of this here place and it was his domain. "IT NEVER STOPS" Marik screamed and dropped to the floor on his knees and began to convulse. "Here is your oder please" Azteca said. She handed the many tacos over to Bakura and the Sanchez's on five large platters. Soon, there would be nothing left.
"Me encanta comer tacos" Bakura said,munching on his delicious brand new taco that was fresh out of the oven. "Yo también" Paco said. He took out a megaphone. "LIMPIEZA EN EL PASILLO TRES" Paco shouted into it... but what they really needed...was an ambulance. Marik was dying.
The ambulance was on it's way, barreling down the road at 100 mph. "It's the 911 we're here to help you" The ambulance said and picked the convulsing Rod up and put him on a stretcher. "¿Está de acuerdo?" Pablo asked and the guy and the ambulance shook his head. "We will do everything we can" And then they were gone, on their way to the hospital. "My rose, betrayed. Betrayed betrayed CHOKE" Roddy gurgled in ambulance while the people took his pulse. He was having a stroke. "Hang in there Rod Guy we're almost there" And it was true. Soon they were at the hospital place. And all Bakura and the Sanchez's could do was wait.
Night had fallen. The operation was a complete success and Marik squawked slightly at the IV attatched to his arm. He didn't feel safe anymore. "Doctor" he rasped. There was nobody in the room. "I don't know what to do."
But that was a lie. He did know, he knew it since he first sniffed the air and got a whiff of Sanchez flesh that morning. There was no more hope- not for him, not for Rod City, not for his mindslave rose. It was too late for all of them. Marik opened his bleary eyes. "Doctor" he said a little louder. "NURSE" No one answered. Marik began the rolling process and pain shot straight into his rod but he knew he had to keep going.
Meanwhile a sexy bootilicious nurse stepped into Marik's hospital room. "Hello it's your nurse speaking. I am here and ready to help" She dropped her porcelain plate onto the floor and her double D cup breasts shook with fear. The hospital bed was empty. "SOMEONE CALL 911" she screamed. A Rod Man was on the loose.
"I would like to purchase these" Marik said to the cashier at the Walmart. "Are you sure you want to buy 72 canisters of Bleach?" Fred said. Marik nodded. "Well alright" and they commenced the ritual. When it was completed, Marik immediately unscrewed the top lid thing on the first Bleach he could get his paws on.
"Bye" Marik said and began to guzzle, Bleach dripping into his huge gaping Rod Man mouth. "SIR YOU CAN'T DO THAT HERE" Miranda screamed. She was the head honcho in the Walmart and no one could disobey her commands. Marik turned to look at her. Her breasts were at least a nice 32C and they looked so good in the fluorescent lighting of the Wal Mart. "No one can stop me now." Roddy said and it was true.
He unscrewed the toppity off of the second Bleach bottle. The feast was only just beginning.