Lex

Lex Luthor smirked. He had Superman floored by the brick of Kryptonite in front of him while Lois Lane was about to be cut in two by a giant saw blade as it cut the log she was tied to. "I admit this is almost too cliché to believe," the bald headed genius admitted with a laugh, "But I figured that you'd be looking for a more complex trap and I could use that distraction to catch you in a simple one."

"You have got to be kidding me," Lois groaned as her eyes darted around the sawmill for some means of salvation as the blade slowly crept towards her.

"And just to make things even worse," Lex said with a grin as he pulled out a remote.

"You're going to make us watch reality TV?" Lois said struggling against the ropes.

Lex grinned and waited.

"You'll never get away with this Luthor," Superman gasped out. "Murderers like you always get caught in the end."

"Thank you for being so predictable," Lex said. He pushed a button on his remote and a pair of glass coffins filled with white fog rose from the floor. "For there to be a murder there would have to be a couple of people missing, wouldn't there?"

The coffins opened and the mist slowly rolled away unveiling two familiar looking people… if they were a bit younger anyway.

"Did you give her larger breasts than me?" Lois demanded.

"Strange, they should have been fully mature by now," Lex said. "Oh well, no matter I'll make some androids to take your place while I find a way to accelerate their aging."

The teenage Superman sat up. "I'll skip the premature aging if it's all the same to you."

"I created you," Lex said coldly.

"And don't think I'm not grateful," the clone said, "but despite your best efforts the brainwashing failed."

"Good thing I always include a self-destruct then, isn't it?" Lex growled.

The clone looked at the small remote Lex pulled out. "Is that a one of a kind ninety nine key sequence generator loosely based on Bell's theorem to ensure only you can determine the tiny neural bomb and kill me?"

"Why yes, yes it is," Lex agreed with a smirk.

"And with that destroyed you'd have no way to control me, yes?"

Lex attempted to push the button but found his hand empty.

"Super speed," the teenage superman reminded him as he crushed what was in his hands to dust.

"Do you mind saving my older self?" the female clone asked as she stretched attracting his attention.

"What is in it for me?" he teased.

"I'm sure we can think of something," she purred.

The teen was suddenly next to Lois snapping the ropes that held her tied to the log.

"I own you!" Lex raged.

"Now you get to save him," he told her.

Lois rushed over to Superman and there was a thud as Lex fell down with his shoe laces tied together, while she tossed the brick into the water and it tumbled out of sight carried away with the cut logs.

"The good guys win again," the male clone said pulling the female clone onto his lap. "And I believe you mentioned a reward?"

"Damn straight I did," she purred before cleaning his tonsils. "I see only one problem."

"Yeah?" he asked with a dreamy smile.

"Where are we going to find a Kryptonite condom?"

"Oh great, Luthor turned my clone into a tramp!" Lois groaned as she helped Superman to his feet.

"Oh great, my original self is a judgmental bitch," the female clone mock groaned while rolling her eyes. "We were literally made for each other, Lois."

Superman took a couple of deep breaths seemingly recovered. "I'll take Lex to the proper authorities, you two wait here." Superman and Lex vanished.

"You better not be as pushy as he is," the female clone said.

"I'm not," he swore, "scouts' honor!"

"You were never a scout," she snickered.

"Mr. Pushy was," he replied.

"Ok, how about this, you promise not to be as pushy as he was and I promise not to be as big a bitch as she is."

"Deal!" he said and they shook on it.

Superman had already returned by then. "What are we supposed to do with teenage twins of ourselves?"

"And what makes you think you have any right to dictate anything to us?" the female clone demanded.

"You were created using our DNA," Lois Lane pointed out.

"That is the reason parents have a say in their children's lives, but they lose all legal standing once their children are old enough to manage their own affairs," the female clone pointed out.

"Damn, but I find intelligent women sexy," Superman's clone said.

"I don't believe either of you are eighteen," Superman said.

"I don't believe we ever claimed we were," his clone replied. "We claimed we were mature enough to handle our own affairs, which is another matter entirely."

"You have no more moral authority over us than you have legal authority," the female clone said. "The only reason we haven't left already is because we didn't want there to be any misunderstandings."

"For a couple of clones you sure don't sound like us," Lois said shaking her head. "I'd have said something about slavery."

The clones laughed.

"We aren't exact clones," he admitted. "For instance some recessive genes were removed and though the method of cloning did involve genetic memory induction we were also implanted with as much knowledge as possible."

"Plus we don't have any of the mental issues you two have," she pointed out.

"Mental issues?" Superman asked.

"You have abandonment issues for being adopted and feel alienated at times because you are in fact an alien," Superman's clone told him.

"Well I don't have any issues," Lois said.

The clones burst out laughing.

The female clone wiped tears of laughter from her eyes. "You were only two missed plays in school from ending up a stripper and do you really want me to talk about your Electra complex and risk prone behavior?"

Lois turned white.

"Seriously, we're like the younger, more well-adjusted twins of you two," the female clone said.

"Then would you mind coming up to the Watch Tower so we can run some tests and make sure you're both stable," Superman asked.

"You mean put us where you have the people and tools to lock us away if we don't obey you?" the male clone asked.

"That's a bit paranoid," Superman countered.

"We know a lot of secret identities so I can easily see Batman arranging something just to be safe, like a partial mind wipe by the Manhunter or Zatanna," he replied.

"I think we'll skip it, thanks anyway," the female clone said with a grin.

Typing by: The Last Primarch

AN: The way they have clones behave never made sense to me.