Later that evening when the inmates had all retired to their individual cells, Jervis Tetch was putting the finishing touches on his painting when he heard a soft knocking on his door.
"Come in," he said.
Harley entered, looking around furtively to make sure no one could see her. She shut the cell door and then let out a sigh of relief. "Evening, Jervis!" she said, beaming. "And thanks again for doing this for me. Mr. J is just gonna love it!"
"Well, surely that depends a little on my skill as a painter," said Tetch, smiling. "Um…would you like to be standing or seated…"
"Lying down," said Harley firmly, heading over to the bed and climbing on top of it.
"Oh…very well," said Tetch. "A little unorthodox for portraiture, but I don't mind a little occasional eccentricity. We are in a lunatic asylum, after all."
Harley was wearing a coat, and Tetch was about to ask if she wanted to be painted wearing that or her outfit underneath it, when Harley pulled the coat open and off, revealing her naked body.
Tetch just gaped at her as Harley continued to babble. "Should I maybe have a pillow or a hand placed discreetly over my…y'know, or do you think it's sexier to be a little exposed? And how's the light? Is it hitting my curves right? Should I reposition myself somehow?"
"Harley, what…are you doing?" gasped Tetch.
"Me? I'm modeling," she replied, frowning. "For the erotic portrait of me you're supposed to be painting, for me and Mr. J's anniversary."
"Erotic…portrait?" repeated Tetch, slowly.
"Yeah. Why? I did tell you it was an erotic portrait, didn't I?" she asked.
"Erm…no…you didn't," he stammered.
"Oh," she said, her face falling. "Guess I just assumed you'd know. Oh well," she said, shrugging. "You ain't uncomfortable with it, are you? Being gay and all."
"I'm…not gay," he stammered. "But I am…madly in love with another woman, which I suppose is the same thing. It will assure my disinterest," he sighed, picking up his pen.
"I want it to look kinda like the one in Titanic," continued Harley. "Y'know, 'Jack, I want you to draw me like one of your French girls'."
"I don't know what that is," he replied.
"You've never seen Titanic?!" demanded Harley, sitting up suddenly. Then she shrugged, lying back down again. "Actually, you ain't missing much. The girl says to the guy that she'll never let him go, right before she lets him go and his frozen corpse sinks into the ocean. I mean, talk about making and breaking a promise! If it'd been me and Mr. J, I would have dragged his frozen corpse around with me wherever I went! Course if it had been me and Mr. J, we probably both coulda fit on that door because neither of us is that fat…"
"That's most interesting, Harley, but perhaps it would be better for you to move or speak as little as possible," interrupted Tetch. "For my concentration."
Harley shrugged, settling herself back down and putting one arm above her head and one arm next to her face. Tetch had only been sketching for a few minutes when his cell door opened again and Jonathan Crane entered.
"Good evening, Jervis, I wonder if I might borrow…" he began, but he stopped speaking suddenly as he noticed Harley naked and sprawled over Tetch's bed. His jaw dropped as he just stared at her, completely speechless.
"Hi, Johnny!" she called, waving cheerfully at him. "Don't mind me! In fact, if you could pretend you didn't know anything about me being here, that'd be great. It's very hush hush, y'know," she said, putting a finger to her lips.
Crane couldn't respond, steadying himself against the door frame, literally unable to take his eyes off Harley. "Wh…wha…what's going on?" he gasped. "This is a dream, isn't it?"
"No, this is Harley's idea of an anniversary surprise for the Joker," retorted Tetch, showing him the outline he'd sketched. "She wants me to paint an erotic portrait of her."
"Do you think this is erotic enough, Johnny?" asked Harley, in genuine concern. "Maybe I should try a different position…"
"Excuse me, I have to go," gasped Crane, rushing from the cell suddenly.
Harley shrugged, settling herself back down. A knock suddenly came on the door. "Aw, what now?" she demanded, sitting up. "Geez, it's like I got some kinda alarm that tells people when I'm naked, and that's when they decide to come bother me!"
Tetch went to open the door. "Hi Jervis," said Poison Ivy. "Is Harley here? I saw her heading this way."
"Oh yeah, c'mon in, Red!" called Harley.
Tetch held the door open and Ivy entered the room. Her expression on seeing Harley naked was similar to Crane's, but she recovered herself much quicker. "Harley, what are you doing?" she asked. "I know I've encouraged you to dump the clown, but cheating on him with Jervis is just not the best way to go about it."
Harley laughed. "Aw no, Red, it ain't what you think!" she giggled. "Actually, I kinda thought Jervis was gay until tonight."
"No, he's in love with that kid, everyone knows that," retorted Ivy.
"Alice is twenty six," growled Tetch.
"Jervis is drawing an erotic portrait of me for me and Mr. J's anniversary," continued Harley. "It's gonna be a sexy surprise for him, and then afterwards he can get to know the model," she giggled.
Ivy rolled her eyes. "I think he'd rather have an erotic portrait of Batman," she retorted.
"I'm not doing that," snapped Tetch. "I don't really know how I was roped into doing this."
"Anyway, Harley, I'm glad you're comfortable posing naked for things," continued Ivy. "I got a call earlier today from the head of Playman magazine who wants the Gotham City Sirens to do a nude spread for it. I've just got off the phone with Selina, and she's up for it. I just wanted to be sure you were in too."
Harley's face fell. "Gee…you mean pose naked for something that gets printed in a magazine?" she asked, slowly. "That thousands of people are gonna see?" She frowned. "I dunno, Red. I'm comfortable with this because only Mr. J is gonna see it. But to be spread all over everywhere, and seen by millions of strange eyes…"
She shuddered. "Nah, I don't wanna do that, Red."
"Oh, c'mon, Harley, don't be a baby," snapped Ivy. "I'll make sure the photoshoot is tastefully done. There's nothing wrong with nudity – in fact, it's very empowering for a woman to show that she's completely comfortable in her own body."
"But that don't mean I have to let everyone get a look at my body, does it?" asked Harley, slowly. "I mean, I'm comfortable enough that I don't need to show myself off…"
"It's not showing yourself off," retorted Ivy. "It's asserting your womanhood, and empowering the female body. You're only ashamed of your naked form because men have told you to be. You have to grow up, Harley, and assert yourself."
"Well…I know Mr. J ain't gonna like it," said Harley, firmly. "And I wouldn't wanna upset him…"
"You can't let that disgusting excuse for a man control you, mentally or physically!" snapped Ivy. "He can't tell you what you can and can't do with your own body!"
"No, but I don't think he'd like the thought of lots of others guys looking at me naked," said Harley. "As it is, he's kinda the only guy who's seen me naked, aside from Jervis, and Johnny, who just left," she said, nodding at the door. "Naked me is a special part of me only the man I love is allowed to see. If every guy on the planet got to see it, it wouldn't be special anymore. And I wouldn't wanna hurt him or make him angry…"
"Harley, I'm telling Playman you said yes," interrupted Ivy. "And we'll discuss this later. I'm sure when you think about it, you'll realize you're just being silly. There's no reason to be ashamed of the naked human body. It's a beautiful thing, and it deserves to be exposed in all its glory."
"Well, not everyone's," said Harley. "There are a lotta people I wouldn't wanna see naked. Killer Croc, Eddie Nygma, Robin…"
"You're not any of those people," interrupted Ivy. "You're Harley Quinn, and there are people out there who are prepared to pay you a lotta money to pose naked."
"But isn't that basically prostitution?" asked Harley.
"No. It's empowerment," snapped Ivy, striding from the cell.
Harley sighed, "Whatever you say, Red. Mr. J is not gonna be happy about this," she muttered, settling down again.