Alright who squealed?

There are caves and caverns below Sunnydale and in the hills near it for that matter. Of course you'd have to be insane or a demon to go into them. I'm not a demon… at least I hope not, but that would explain the type of girls I attract… I can probably blame the old Harris luck. So why am I currently running into the aforementioned caverns?

"Don't wear yourself out running boy!" a vamp yelled. "I want you to have some fight left in you so you can squeal for me!"

There are quite a few fates worse than death and generally you can identify them by the fact that it's something bad happening to you immediately followed by death. It's like insult to injury. So not only do I have a vampire after me, but I have a vampire 'after' me, if you get my drift and he thinks the movie Deliverance was a wholesome family film. Can a motorhome be considered an actual home and prevent vampires from entering without permission? IF I survive this I'm going to find out, because convertibles sure as hell don't.

I stumble over a stalag…mite or tite? I stumble over a pointy rock and almost twist my ankle, which convinces me to concentrate on running and less on thinking. My mind can't help but come up with some pretty graphic scenes based on what the vamp chasing me is yelling (and why the hell does he have the breath to yell when vamps have no breath?) and I start yelling myself…yell scream, same difference except for the lack of meaningful information.

Of course, running through caverns in darkness is a pretty bad idea; the fact that I haven't fallen into an underground ravine or ran into a wall is pure luck on my part.

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

Batgirl raised an eyebrow as she saw Robin in his latest attempt at a more adult version of his costume. It was an exact duplicate of Batman's trademark look, but in Robin's traditional colors, green bottom, red top and yellow cape and accents.

"So how do I look?" Robin said proudly, as he passed under one of the spotlights that lit up the Batcave.

"You look…" Batgirl trailed off trying to think of something diplomatic to say about the color blind batman in front of her, but came up with nothing.

Batman adopted his famous stoneface impersonation and was currently wishing for something to come up so he wouldn't have to answer when the sound of a scream reached their ears and rapidly increased in volume until a dark haired young man sprinted into the cave and ran right into Batman.

"Gay vampire!" he yelled in Batman's face before Batman calmly popped a spray can off his belt and sent him to dreamland.

Batman and Batgirl looked over at Robin.

"Fine, I'll stick with the classics," Robin muttered before stomping off.

"Computer, alpha level scan, find out who he is and how he got in here. Lock down all entrances and exits until further notice," Batman ordered as he knelt down and frisked the unconscious young man.

Three hours later…

"Prints aren't on file anywhere and I can't find any biometric scan matches in any database either," Batgirl announced.

"His ID is fake, but the quality is top of the line," Batman said shaking his head. "Nothing in his wallet is real, even the money is as fake as the name of the city he came from."

"How much longer is Alex going to be out for?" Robin asked, once more dressed in his traditional outfit.

"Considering his height weight and general level of fitness…" Batman began only to be interrupted by the young man sitting up and yelling, "But I don't want to squeal like a pig!"

Batman flicked his wrist and a dart appeared in the screaming man's neck, knocking him out. "He should have been out for another forty five minutes."

"Well nothing he was carrying on him has given us any meaningful information so we'll have to get the answers from him if we want to find out who he is and how he got in here," Batgirl said.

"Leave that to me," Batman said with a smirk.

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

Batgirl and Robin hid in the shadows, well out of sight of the man who was dangling by one leg off the side of the thirty story building, easily held up by Batman. Batman looked at his watch and waited. "He's much more resistant to drugs than he should be," he said just loud enough for the other two to hear him. "I suspect he's been on a strict dosage regimen, similar to my own to enhance his ability to burn through them."

"Wha-ha?" Xander muttered as he slowly awoke, disoriented.

"Who are you?" Batman demanded, giving him a small shake. He was completely unprepared for 'Alex' to kick his wrist with his free foot, knocking the hand he was holding him up by loose and allowing him to drop half a foot before the rope tied around him stopped him from falling.

"Death before Deliverance and gay vampires!" Xander swore.

"Dude, I changed back to my normal outfit," Robin swore.

"Dick?" Xander asked as he blinked and looked at where he was.

"How'd…" Robin looked at him in shock.

"Barbra, Bruce," Xander added thoughtfully as he hung upside down. "Either I have run into a stalag-thingy and knocked myself stupid…or I'm not in Sunnydale anymore."

"How do you know our identities?!" Batman demanded.

"Wow!" Xander said staring wide eyed at Robin. "That's one hell of a fantasy about Barbara."

"I didn't!" Robin defended himself.

"A meta," Batman growled.

"Yeah," Xander rolled his eyes. "Like you aren't using magic to keep up."

"What?!" Batman asked, wondering what the meta was talking about.

"Your physical stats are Olympic level or better and yet you don't have to spend every second training to keep them there."

"Everything I do is calculated to keep me on that edge," Batman growled, "Diet, exercise, meditation."

"Your totem is the bat," Xander said with a grin feeling a bit loopy. "Like an American Indian warrior you found and enhanced your totem, which is why and how you manage to maintain your physical health. The Bat makes you work for it, but once you have it, it helps you keep that edge. Gotta love totems." He never thought that bit of comic lore would actually come in handy. Xander started looking a little green and Robin quickly turned him towards the alley before he puked up everything in his stomach.

"Good distance," Robin said.

"Thanks," Xander replied sickly. "I think some went up my nose. Mind cutting me down?"

"You going to claim I'm fantasizing about Batgirl again?"

"Well one of us is having a fantasy involving her every twelve seconds…ok that's probably me."

'How do you know all this if you aren't' a telepath?" Batman asked while considering what Xander had said while Robin cut him down.

"Alternative reality," Xander muttered trying to climb to his feet, but having little success.

Typing by: Last Primarch!

AN: I was experimenting with first person a bit, but meh.