Reasons why NOT to join the Fellowship of the ring

by Elleth of Hidden Lore

Have you ever wanted to join the Fellowship of the Ring? Do you have a thirst for adventure, magic and glorious battles? Well, think again. Do you really think being in the Fellowship is that easy? Would you survive months without a bed, bathrooms, toilet paper, and internet? No, of course not. Join Alexandra as she goes though the adventure she never wanted to have. T for language

16. Reason 16

Well here is one reason I totally think is enough for me not to ever join the Fellowship. Enjoy!

16- I hate the fact that you always end up covered in orc's blood

The very thought of it makes me shudder. My first fight was in Moria with the orcs and the Cave troll. Like I said before, I was forced to learn to defend myself, and I did managed to learn a few things from Aragorn who took pity on me when he saw how desperate I was. He got me the lightest sword he could find and taught me the basics. Now, going back to orc's blood, I was in Moria waiting for the orcs to enter the tomb. I was shaking like gelatin under an earthquake as I waited for the first orc to approach me. When it did, I actually managed to kill it before it could even lift it's sword at me. I think the terror I was feeling made me move my arms with superhuman speed. I was really proud of myself for my first victory, until I looked down at myself. My whole body was plastered with dark, oozy, smelly blood. The disgust I was feeling at that moment took my mind off the battle until I heard Aragorn shouting something at me about an orc behind me. I turned and swung my sword at the same time so I ended up slicing the orc, but his blood splattered all over me. I don't get it! I look around me and all of the others may be a bit stained with blood, but I am soaked in the disgusting black liquid! After that an orc grabbed me by the skirt, remember that one? And he dragged me around all the filthy corpses, so he literally mopped the blood soaked floors with me. After that none of the member would come within five meters from me. I was 95% covered in stinky, black blood. Do you know how hard it is to wash orc's blood off? And don't even get me started on getting rid of the stench! I had to scrub my clothes against the rocks so hard that I ended up getting blisters on my fingers. Only after I spent two hours killing myself trying to get the stains off did Aragorn tell me that he had a tonic to get the stains and smell off quickly. Needless to say, I gave Aragorn the silent treatment for two days. I know it was not his fault, but wasn't obvious that the girl from another World had no knowledge of these things?!

Ah, well… I've got nothing…