Twilight tried her best to hide her fear. If she were to display it, a creature as intelligent as the one she now faced would no doubt perceive that she was hiding something, and Poppy certainly had the power to extort such information from her if she were to know of its existence. She would have described the uncanny vulnerability she now had as feeling naked if she wore clothes regularly, but she did not, so there was no useful idiom to describe her situation without Alucard. She could attempt to use the Residual Magical Genesis Field to break the Limit, as she had before, but it required very specific conditions and a great deal of focus. She probably could do it, if she put her mind to it, but then she would be removing the possibility of one of her more-powerful allies using it, which might provide a much greater tactical advantage. So Twilight resolved to continue to hide her fear, breaking the uneasy silence with small talk.
"Say, the moon's out," she mumbled. Poppy did not turn around to look.
"I know. Unusual, but not improbable, even for this time of day."
Around them, the sounds of battle raged as the warriors of Team Mockingjay clashed with the Night Terrors. Holly had asserted that they should start with "direct counters", which she so eloquently explained as "GO FIGHT THE GUYS THAT DO PRETTY MUCH WHAT YOU DO," before leaving her alone, taking off to tackle the absolutely ravishing Morrigan. Twilight reviewed that last thought, and wondered if something was amiss about it.
"Really pretty," she sighed. "The moon, that is. The moon."
"It is a rather reflective celestial body, but nothing I would describe as pretty," groaned Poppy.
"Heh-heh, um, yeah. So, what exactly did you do with Alucard?"
"Your vampire pet? I sent him to his own personal hell."
"And… will he be back?"
"Eventually, one way or another." Poppy then crossed the street, finding an empty spot on a porch on which to plant herself. With her left hand, she patted the bit of porch immediately next to her. "Come, mortal. If you wish to talk, we will talk."
The unicorn was faced with an unusual predicament. On one hand, she could refuse to do as Poppy said, and probably would anger the Great Old One. And it was true that she would much rather talk. On the other hand, this could be some part of an elaborate trap. She decided to put some trust in Poppy- which sounded a lot worse in her head- and took the seat.
"So, his own personal hell?"
Alucard was obviously not aware that he was being sent to his own personal hell, but when he arrived, he came to that conclusion himself. The tiled floors, the high stained-glass windows, and row after row of musty pews.
This, he noted, is a church.
And it was a rather impressive one as well- it was not the sort of slim-walled country church he would have expected out of such an arena. It instead had all the trappings of an old-world cathedral- vast marble pillars, an altar in the center of the transept, an apse stretching out behind it. It was nearly nice enough for him to appreciate. He surveyed it one last time, turned around, and headed for the door. Upon reaching it, a glowing rune-etched field shimmered into being, blanketing not just the door, but the entire wall. Alucard poked his finger against it, and it resisted, sending a small wave of pain back through his body.
Hmph. So someone wants me stuck here. Not surprising. Here's hoping that the priest curses by accident during the sermon. That'd be a hoot.
He groaned and turned back, slinking back into one of the pews and kicking his boots up against the row ahead of him. He could at least be comfortable whilst annoyed. He tilted his hat down over his eyes and prepared to wait the torture out with a nap, until the organ started playing.
Are you kidding me?
It must have been a fairly recent addition, as it was massively loud, and not ancient or feeble enough to have come with the facility. The pipes rattled in their boxes, disturbing their cherub-shaped gildings as they roared out the forebodingly predictable notes of Bach's Toccata and Fugue in D Minor, which Alucard had gotten very tired of long ago.
"OVERDONE!" he shouted, peeking out from under his hat. In a well-lit corner alcove lined with stop knobs and keys, a distant figure turned to look back at him, and then returned to their controls. They quickly dropped out the dark echoes of Toccata and Fugue and transitioned into something simpler, lighter, and more melodic.
"Frank Sinatra? Now that's better. Not something you hear on a pipe organ every Tuesday."
"Of course not," lilted back a sultry female voice from the organ console. "But it's a special occasion."
"Because I'm here, right?"
"I suppose," replied the organist, still tapping away at the keys.
Alucard removed his boots from the pew and planted them on the floor, forcing himself to get up and mosey down the aisle towards his company. He noticed that she seemed to be wearing a dark habit.
"Funny, nuns are one of the few things I like about church."
"I thought you might say something like that."
"So, you're going to tell me about the walls, right?"
"They're to hold you in. I thought you would figure that out."
"Well, certainly, I assumed so. But I mean, what am I supposed to while I'm in them?"
"You could pray. Or head over to the confessional, if your sins are weighing a little heavy on your heart. Perhaps I could play some accompaniment for a responsive psalm, if that's up your alley."
"And what if I'd rather not?"
"Then you'll have to deal with me," she answered, playing the last few notes of her song before standing up and pushing her bench aside. She was a lot taller than Alucard had anticipated, and her habit was much more ill-fitting. She was most definitely not a real nun at all, but he gave her some credit that she had been so convincing at a distance, even for his eagle-like vision. Or perhaps he had just wanted her to be a nun. Yes, he decided it was the latter.
"Careful, you don't want to make me actually enjoy church," he warned with a toothy grin.
She turned around and met his smile with her own. "Oh, I think I do."
With one hand, she grabbed ahold of her habit and pulled away, tearing the plain garment off of her body. Underneath was a skin-tight black suit, covered in intricate gold lacing and decorative belts. The suit did a fine job of accentuating her odd figure, which was obscenely lanky and well-curved, which coupled with the tall beehive on her head and silky protrusions from the back of her gloves, created a most unusual silhouette.
"You're right. For the first time in ages, I believe I am going to enjoy church," said the vampire greedily.
"I did my research," explained the woman. "Nobody's ever been able to beat you in single combat. So I'm here to break that record."
"I'll give you points right away for theatrics. A church, a cheap nun costume, why, you're one step away from a very compelling adult film!"
"I try my best," she scoffed, kicking the bench she had sat on into the air. Four large, purple, double-barreled handguns fell from underneath the seat, two of which were rapidly snatched out of the air by her hands. The other two were collected by her feet- more specifically, her high heels- by her dropping to her back and spinning her legs in a feat that required a great deal of acrobatic precision.
"Now what was that?"
"Devil Arms Scarborough Fair," she explained. "Crafted from the black heart of a demon who sold enchanted wares to unsuspecting humans for the low price of their mortal souls."
"A giant oversized Derringer," muttered Alucard as he admired both the weapons and their owner.
"Chambered in .55 Umbra Express, with bottomless Limbo magazines."
"Where have you been all of my life?!"
"Spare me the flattery, dearie," she smiled, "and get to the shooting."
"But I'd really hate to ruin a face as nice as yours. I'll let you go first."
"Your funeral."
She raised the hand-held half of Scarborough Fair and clamped down on the triggers, all four barrels ejecting a river of weaponized damned souls. Alucard rolled back toward the pews, choosing one to duck into and sprint down. Staying close to the organ console didn't give him much room to maneuver, and he was beginning to think he would need it. Nobody in their right mind would actually try and trap themselves in the same room as him, and this woman did seem to be exactly his breed of crazy. The pew behind him began to disintegrate into well-lacquered splinters as glowing bullets met their mark, exploding with a faint scream of a doomed soul.
That is downright amazing, he thought.
He reached the end of the pew and leapt into the comparatively open space of the center aisle, turning and drawing his own weapons.
"All right, darling, this one's got your name on it," he sneered, lining her up in the sights of the larger of his two pistols. With a solid kick, the weapon lobbed a silver bullet directly into the woman's chest. Despite how attached he'd grown to her, he still eagerly awaited the ripping of the organs, the splatter of blood- so he was quite disappointed when they did not occur. Instead he became aware of a slight purple tint across his vision, notable even behind his sunglasses. The bullet itself seemed to have slowed down considerably, enough that the woman could simply step out of its way, and pluck it from the air. She examined it closely, then tossed it aside. Alucard attempted to blink, just to check that he really had seen what he thought he did, but his eyelid did not comply as fast as it normally did. Quickly, he pieced together what was occurring.
She's like that bumflap Dio… she can control time. Maybe not stop it, but at least slow it down.
This revelation did not do much to improve Alucard's situation, as he was still stuck in a slightly purple version of the church, with the woman sauntering towards him.
"Funny," she said, a slight echo in her voice. "I didn't see Bayonetta anywhere on it."
The purple field retracted back into the woman who called herself Bayonetta, and Alucard's limbs once again moved at their proper speeds.
"Ooh, that's nice. Awful dangerous for a stage name."
"If anyone were to waltz onstage with me, they would definitely break a leg."
"I would just stand here and stare at you if you weren't trying to kill me, you know."
"But that'd be rather boring on my end," she chuckled, driving her toes under his chin and sending him flying into a pillar across the aisle.
"You're right, I wouldn't want to bore you," he grunted, before falling from the pillar and crashing through a pew on his way to the floor. He picked himself up off of his knees, grinning like an idiot. This was going to be too much fun. Bayonetta sprinted towards him, jamming her right arm forward in an attempt to place the barrels of her weapon against his face. The vampire tilted his head away, using his left arm to knock her attack away. She followed with a swipe from her left weapon, which he also deflected, forcing her to cartwheel a few paces backwards, fold one of her long legs down, and aim the pistol attached to her heel back towards him. He rolled to the right in time to dodge another burst from her magic weapons. It was his turn to go on the offense. Alucard charged back towards her, as Bayonetta performed a backflip to return to her feet. He aimed his pistols slightly to both her left and right, forming a deadly trap- if she tried to dodge, she would end up moving into a bullet's path. Confident that this plan would deal at least a little damage, he pulled both of his triggers, only to be slightly dismayed when the woman stood completely still, evading the shots with no effort.
"Clever girl," he mused.
Bayonetta pushed her glasses up with the barrels of her left-hand pistol. "We Umbra Witches aren't just clever, we're downright crafty."
She drew her right arm back, and a wispy pentacle of energy formed in the air behind her elbow. A second occult symbol encircled her feet and filled with purple light, as her suit began to unwind into dark, thin strands which dove into the glowing disc below. The strands reappeared in the floating pentacle weaving into one another as they began to take on a huge, sinister shape. They condensed into oversized fingers, which curled into a spike-studded fist.
"That's your hair, isn't it?" asked Alucard.
"Mmm hmm."
"That is majorly-" Alucard was interrupted by the constructed fist exploding forward, driving its spiked knuckles into his gut and flinging him into the stained-glass windows. Though the ornate green, yellow, and blue depiction of the Immaculate Conception gave way, Alucard did not pass through, on account of the runed field appearing to halt his exit.
"-kinky," he gasped, falling to the church's floor yet again. Raw daylight streamed into the cathedral, bouncing off of shattered glass to play across the ceiling in a rainbow of colors. While Alucard did not think much of it, he noticed that it was having an unusual effect on his opponent. Namely, Bayonetta was now glowing.
"Oh," she said, looking down at herself. "That's odd."
"Please don't tell me you're going to explode," groaned the vampire.
She shook her head. "No, no, this isn't anything like that. It just usually only happens when the moon's out."
"Wait, are you a werewolf? Because I really hate werewolves."
"Under a full moon, an Umbra Witch gains the ability to defy gravity," explained Bayonetta. "And I'm certain that's what's going on. I just find it a little odd, because I didn't see the moon out earlier."
She took a few steps forward, letting her weapons hang at her sides as she looked out the broken window.
"Odd. So the moon is out, after all." Her confusion quickly melted into confidence. "All right then, dearie. See if you can keep up!"
She launched herself towards a pillar across the center aisle, one Alucard was fairly certain he had already been thrown into. As she approached, Bayonetta's body realigned, her feet swinging to meet the vertical as if it was horizontal. She stood, sideways, and looked up, or out, at him.
"A powerful ability, for a witch," he laughed, "but nothing to a god!"
Alucard stepped backwards to the pillar nearest him, turned, and sprinted up it.
Bayonetta raised an eyebrow. "Now why didn't you just do that earlier?"
"Because I'd be a little further away from that gorgeous face of yours."